Chapter Text
It started late at night. One moment Akaashi was staring at the math problem in front of him, tapping his pencil compulsively on his desk, and the next his rib cage was collapsing in on itself. He couldn’t breathe. His hands were trembling as he clutched at his chest struggling to breathe in and out.
He’d had attacks before, but this one was different. It was so much worse. The dizziness hit hard and fast. He laid his head on the cold wood of his desk as his body shook and he gasped for air.
His mother was working the night shift at the cafe tonight and his older sister had moved out almost a year ago for college. But he couldn’t do this alone and his mind locked on to one person he knew would drop everything to help him.
He reached for his phone at the edge of his desk and with shaking fingers opened his contacts.
The phone rang three times before he answered.
“AKAaaaaSSsHhIiiii!” the voice on the other end said excitedly. “Hey, hey. What’re you up to? It’s a little late for a trip to the café. If you want though I’m actually pretty hungry, you know all these muscles need fuel.”
Akaashi had a feeling Bokuto would have continued babbling for about another minute if he hadn’t managed to choke out a short breathless, “Bokuto-san.” He was surprised he’d even heard him it had been so quiet.
When Bokuto spoke again his voice was soft and laced with concern. It was probably the most serious Akaashi had ever heard him sound before. “Akaashi, hey, are you all right?”
Akaashi struggled to get the words out. “I...I...no. Please I…need...can you…” It was too hard and for a moment he considered just hanging up.
“Akaashi, do you need me to call you an ambulance?” Bokuto’s voice shook slightly, but he actually seemed fairly calm. It helped a little.
“No. No. I just…I need…please come over.”
He heard shuffling on the other end of the line before Bokuto answered. “I’m on my way. I have to hang up to drive. I’ll be there in three minutes. Just try to breathe for me okay Akaashi?”
Akaashi took a shaky breath. He managed a soft “okay”.
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” The call ended and Akaashi’s chest tightened even more. He squeezed his hands into fists and focused on his breathing, his forehead still resting on his desk. It wasn’t until he heard the familiar rumble of Bokuto’s motorcycle that he realized the door was locked and he would have to go down the stairs to let Bokuto in. And considering how lightheaded he felt that probably wasn’t the best idea. Tears started leaking out the sides of his eyes and he squeezed them shut.
Despite this, however, Akaashi heard the door to their small house swing open only moments later. Maybe his mother had forgotten to lock the door when she’d left earlier. For once, Akaashi silently thanked his mother for her forgetful nature.
The door to Akaashi’s room opened gently and then Bokuto was kneeling next to him.
“Hey Akaashi,” he said softly.
“Hey,” he managed to breathe out in response.
“Can I touch you Akaashi?”
Akaashi tried to say yes, but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. The attack was reaching its peak. Instead he managed to nod awkwardly, his head still resting on the desk.
Bokuto gently took Akaashi’s right hand. It took him a moment to realize that Bokuto was taking his pulse. He would have laughed if everything hadn’t hurt so bad. And to be fair, Bokuto didn’t know about Akaashi’s attacks. He probably had no idea what was wrong.
After this Bokuto gently maneuvered Akaashi so he was sitting up and he could feel his forehead, clearly checking for a fever. For a moment after this Bokuto appeared to be at a loss. He stood slowly and then pulled Akaashi close to him protectively. His arms were strong and firm, but he held Akaashi gently. He rubbed Akaashi’s back soothingly. Akaashi’s whole body trembled against Bokuto. His hands gripped the back of Bokuto’s shirt desperately.
“Please try to breathe with me Akaashi,” Bokuto whispered.
He grabbed Akaashi’s hand again and placed it on his own chest, still holding him close. Bokuto’s chest rose as he breathed in and then deflated as he breathed out. Slow and steady. Akaashi focused on this feeling, trying his best to match his breathing with Bokuto’s.
They sat like this for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was probably less than ten minutes. But the pain in Akaashi’s chest eventually subsided, his breathing evened out, and his body stopped trembling. He still felt a little bit dizzy, but mostly he just felt drained. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s steady form and buried his face in the fabric of his shirt. He let himself just rest in Bokuto’s arms for a few moments before slowly pulling away. He didn’t look Bokuto in the eye, though he could sense Bokuto’s eyes scrutinizing him with concern.
“Thank you Bokuto-san.” He hesitated and then added, “I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Bokuto cupped Akaashi’s face in his hands. He didn’t force him to look at him though, which Akaashi appreciated. Direct eye contact made him uncomfortable more often than not. “You have nothing to be sorry about Akaashi. I’m glad you called me. I’m glad I could be here with you.” Akaashi finally looked up at him and simply nodded.
Bokuto seemed satisfied with this. He gave Akaashi a relieved smile. Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?”
Akaashi nodded again. “I’m sure. It was a panic attack. It hurts and it can sometimes feel life threatening, but it’s not. I just need to rest.”
Bokuto considered his words for a moment. He probably had a thousand questions, but he refrained, which Akaashi was grateful for. “Okay, let’s get you to bed,” Bokuto said. He straightened up in front of Akaashi and offered him his hand. Akaashi took it and allowed Bokuto to pull him to his feet and lead him to his bed.
“I’m going to get you some water and something from the fridge. You need to hydrate and get some food in you before you sleep.”
Akaashi smiled at Bokuto. Bokuto’s face brightened at that. “Thank you, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto grinned at him. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Akaashi’s forehead. Akaashi was used to Bokuto’s touchy, affectionate nature, but this was a little bit different. His stomach fluttered and heat rushed into his cheeks.
“Any time Akaashi,” Bokuto said. Akaashi still wasn’t used to the soft way Bokuto was speaking to him, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t like this side of Bokuto.
Bokuto turned to leave.
“Wait…” Bokuto turned back to him, his eyes soft.
“Yeah?”
“Get yourself something too. Ya know...to fuel all your muscles.” Akaashi bit his lip.
Bokuto’s eyes widened before he burst out laughing. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were teasing me Akaashi.” He leaned against the door frame and smiled fondly at Akaashi.
Akaashi chuckled softly. “I would never tease my ace, Bokuto-san.”
Akaashi’s cheeks reddened again as he realized what he’d just said. He’d referred to Bokuto as his. Bokuto just smiled though and let out a soft chuckle.
“I know you wouldn’t.” They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Bokuto shuffled a little, looking at his feet. He actually looked a little nervous. That was new. “I’ll be back in just a few minutes,” he said softly. “Get some rest.”
When Bokuto left, Akaashi closed his eyes. He had a funny feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling though. It had been happening more and more often around Bokuto over the last few months. He was afraid of what it meant. He didn’t want to mess up their friendship. Bokuto meant a lot to him. He was afraid that if Bokuto knew how Akaashi really felt, he wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Even if there was a small part of him that still hoped that maybe Bokuto could feel the same.
Akaashi sighed and told himself not to think about the way Bokuto’s arms felt when he pulled him close or how Akaashi found himself smiling against his will when Bokuto complimented him. Akaashi made it a point to compliment Bokuto as often as possible when they played Volleyball. He knew Bokuto liked it and it helped keep his mood steady. But as much as Akaashi complimented Bokuto, Bokuto somehow managed to compliment Akaashi even more. It was sweet. Akaashi wasn’t really sure why Bokuto thought so highly of him, but Akaashi cherished the feeling he got when Bokuto told him a toss was perfect or said his smile was amazing or told him how smart he was. Akaashi’s eyes flew open as a terrible thought occurred to him. Would tonight taint Bokuto’s opinion of Akaashi?
Thankfully he didn’t have time to spiral into this thought though because Bokuto stepped quietly back into Akaashi’s room, closing the door behind him. He had two bowls of reheated Miso soup and two glasses of water on a tray.
He set the tray on the bedside table and settled into the bed next to Akaashi like they’d do when they were studying at Akaashi’s house or when they’d watch a movie on his laptop. The bed was really too small for the both of them, but neither of them minded the closeness. Akaashi pushed himself up so he could eat. All he really wanted to do was fall asleep, but Bokuto was right. He needed food and water.
They ate in silence - the comfortable kind where you knew you didn’t have to say anything and that you were safe in the other person’s company. When they were done Bokuto took the tray back to the kitchen. Akaashi sat in his bed and fiddled with his fingers. Bokuto wasn’t the type of person to judge someone for being sad or anxious or really anything, right? He had only known Bokuto for two years now, but in that time he’d become Akaashi’s best friend. He was the person Akaashi spent the most time with and he was always there when he needed him.
Akaashi looked up from his hands as Bokuto reappeared in the doorway. He was looking at his feet again. It was so strange. Oh no...maybe he had made Bokuto uncomfortable. He’d never seen him look so nervous before, not even before an important match. Akaashi’s breath caught in his throat. But when Bokuto looked up at him he had his trademark smile and his smiles were never anything but genuine. Akaashi smiled back at him.
“Is it okay if I spend the night here? I want to make sure you’re okay. I’ll go if you want, but...I’d like to stay.” Bokuto looked at Akaashi hopefully.
Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat. Bokuto’s genuine concern and kindness caught him a little bit off guard. “Of course Bokuto-san. You know you’re always welcome to stay the night. My mom doesn’t mind.”
Bokuto’s eyes lit up. “I know. Your mom is kind of the best.”
Akaashi chuckled. “Yea. Yea she kind of is.”
“All right, well, I’ll be on the couch if you need anything or if...if it happens again. Get some rest Akaashi.”
He turned to leave and Akaashi found he couldn’t let him. “Wait…” Bokuto turned back to him for the second time that night. Akaash hesitated. “Would you...I mean…” He took a deep breath. “Would you stay here? With me?”
Bokuto froze. It looked like his brain was attempting to load, but it was coming up empty. A long moment stretched between them and Akaashi started to silently curse himself. That was too weird. He opened his mouth to take it back, but Bokuto spoke first.
“Like in your bed?”
“Um...well,” Akaashi’s face was flaming. He considered trying to backpedal once more, but he found himself quietly saying, “Yeah,” instead. He looked down at his hands and started fiddling with his fingers again.
Bokuto crossed the room to him and gently grabbed his right hand in both of his, successfully stopping his fidgeting. Akaashi slowly looked back up at Bokuto.
“Of course Akaashi,” he said. His eyes were shining and he was grinning.
Akaashi let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto didn’t respond to this. He simply nodded. “Do you need to brush your teeth or use the bathroom before we go to sleep?”
Akaashi shook his head. “I just want to go to sleep. You can though.” As he said the words he found he didn’t want Bokuto to leave again. He knew logically that he’d only be gone for a maximum of five minutes, but right then it seemed like far too long to go without seeing him.
“That’s okay, just don’t tell my parents.”
Oh good.
Bokuto crossed the room and turned the light off. Akaashi wriggled down the bed so he was laying down again. Bokuto didn’t hesitate before crawling into bed next to him. They looked at each other, Bokuto sprawled on his back as much as he could in Akaashi’s small bed, Akaashi curled on his side. Bokuto smiled softly at him and scooched even closer. Akaashi didn’t think about it, he simply let himself be pulled in by Bokuto. He rested his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto rested his hand on Akaashi’s head, gently carding his fingers through his soft hair. They stayed that way for a minute, Akaashi breathing Bokuto in.
It was Bokuto that broke the silence. “Good night Akaashi,” he said quietly.
Akaashi smiled to himself. This felt so right. “Good night Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto placed a soft kiss on Akaashi’s forehead and this time he didn’t question it. He just nuzzled closer to him. They fell asleep like that, pressed against each other, safe and content.