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Light streams in from the window, though a shadow casts over Ben every few seconds as people walk past on the pavement outside, blocking him from the sun. He’s sitting in the corner, acting as though that somehow makes him completely invisible from the people surrounding him. He’s trying to hide from the world, but mainly from his mother, who seems to have spent the past couple of months of Ben’s life constantly asking him when he’s going to find a boyfriend. In hindsight, hiding from his mum in a cafe she owns and works in is probably less than ideal, especially considering she’s currently standing behind the counter at the top of the room, quite obviously watching her son. Ben’s phone is in his hand, though nothing terribly exciting is happening, he’s just scrolling through Facebook and trying to not roll his eyes at what people that he seems to somewhat recognise from his school are doing now in their apparent adult life. He sneakily looks up for a second, catching a glimpse of what’s happening in the real world, but regrets that decision the second that he sees his mum bunching up a towel in her hands before throwing it onto the counter and walking over to him. She sits down at the table in the corner, sitting directly opposite from him.
“Yes mother?” Ben sarcastically inquires with a sigh before she even has a chance to speak, putting his phone down with half a clatter on the table. He doesn’t care about it to check if the screen is anymore cracked than it was previously. “Come to ask if I’ve got a boyfriend since the last time you asked?”
Kathy tuts. “No.” She says. “I actually want to ask if you’ve sorted out Lexi’s new school shoes, because I’m going shopping tomorrow and I can get some for her if you haven’t.”
Ben chuckles, because he knows for a fact that’s a lie. He knows his mum too well, he can see it in her eyes that she’s only just thought of that. It’s a good one, he’ll give her that. He shakes his head and tries to hide the smile on his face. “She’s fine. I got them last week.” He confirms. She’s barely been back at school for a few months and she already needs new shoes, with scuffs all over her old ones and her left shoe with a hole in, allowing her tiny toes to poke out of the front whenever she walks. He’s got no idea what she’s doing to make them fall apart just months after wearing them for the first time, but she’s a kid, and she’s his kid - so he allows it.
There’s a pause for a moment where they both look at each other and the anticipation gets the better of Kathy - she just can’t help herself. “And?” Kathy drawls out, a sweet and innocent smile spreading onto her face.
Ben rolls his eyes. “And what?”
Kathy reaches out and holds onto Ben’s hand. It’s a motherly touch that he’ll always love and cherish, no matter how old he gets. He’ll never be embarrassed about it. “Is there anyone special in your life yet?” She quizzes.
“What, since the last time you asked not even a week ago?” Ben laughs, and then his phone buzzes on the table. He lifts it up to look at the screen and a smile creeps onto his face, and an idea creeps into his mind, an evil idea, but fun all the same. “Yeah.” He falsely admits, without even a second thought.
“Really?” Kathy squeals, and she’s so loud that people sitting in the cafe drinking their morning coffee turn to look at them quizzically. “Tell me everything! What’s his name? Do I know him? Have I met him? When did this happen?”
Oh shit. What does he say now?
“It’s Callum.” Not that. Definitely do not say that.
“Callum?” Kathy asks, joy and light in her voice. It’s almost as if she’s been waiting to hear that for so long now, which is a scary thought. “Callum Highway, Callum? When did that happen?”
Ben shakes his head. He’s in this far too deep now. Fuck. “A few weeks ago. I need to go, I’m needed at work.” He tries to get his words out in a rush as he stands up, pocketing his phone. “Mum, if you see him, don’t mention this. He doesn’t want anyone to know yet.” It’s the best lie he can think of on the spot, whilst his brain swirls with thoughts and feelings of regrets and guilt, but mainly, he can’t stop thinking about how he’s going to get out of this one.
Why would he tell his mum that he’s dating his best friend?
He leaves the cafe and makes a mental note that he’s got a lot of explaining to do to Callum when he sees him next.
Except - Ben’s not the next person to see Callum.
Kathy is.
It’s lunch time, when Callum walks right on past the cafe. He’s got his head in the clouds as per usual and Kathy rolls her eyes endearingly, because even after all these years Callum hasn’t changed in the slightest. A few seconds pass, and then Callum reappears with a fond smile on his face as he walks through the door, his cheeks flushing a baby pink.
“The usual, darling?” Kathy asks, and to be honest, she’s beaming.
“Please.” Callum smiles. “Have you seen Ben anywhere, Kathy? I’ve just been over to the car lot but it’s shut up. He’s not answering his phone either.”
The coffee machine produces steam as Kathy waits for it to finish pouring. “He texted me about an hour ago, saying he’s had to drive over to pick up that car he was looking at the other day. Apparently the other person looking at it fell through, so they asked Ben to go and collect it today. Did you want him for something?” She hands Callum’s hot chocolate over to him, a fine layer of cream swirling over the top of the paper cup to finish it off with an eccentric flourish.
Callum hands over the money and picks up the sandwich left on the side for him, made to order. “Just wanted to see if he wanted to have lunch with me.” He explains and it’s completely innocent - it’s just two friends having lunch like they usually would - but Kathy thinks she knows more.
Kathy coos slightly at just how soft that is, but remembers Ben’s words to her. He doesn’t want people to know yet.
Someone from the market walks into the cafe and rubs their hands together, looking for the warmth that the cafe provides and Callum moves closer to the door, ready to leave and get back to his job. The smile on his face never once threatens to leave and Kathy opens her mouth to speak whilst Callum takes a sip of his hot chocolate that’s starting to scald his hands.
“Do you want to come over for dinner this evening?” Kathy asks. “That’s if you and Ben don’t already have plans.”
It’s not unusual for Kathy to cook for Callum, considering it’s what she did for most of his teenage life and now into his twenties. He’s often there, a second home away from home for him. But what is unusual, is that she doesn’t usually ask Callum to come around - it’s mostly just assumed that he would be there, walking through the front door with Ben. Some things never really change, or at least, they haven’t where Ben and Callum are concerned.
“I...don’t think we have anything planned?” He says, although it comes out more like a question. He narrows his eyes slightly, unsure. “I’ll be there.”
Kathy smiles, content with that, and she’s fairly confident that Callum doesn’t know that she knows.
It’s later on in the day when Callum and Ben finally bump into each other. The sky is grey, a miserable and relentless cloud hanging over the Square, threatening to rumble and burst into torrential rain at any given point. The sorrowful colour palette is a far cry from what it was like earlier in the day, though the coldness has been in the air throughout, even though the sun played a part in disguising it for a while. But now it’s there, a blistering chill with no way of being hidden.
Ben’s just getting out of a car that Callum doesn’t seem to recognise as his, when he crosses the road over to Ben, hands firmly in his pockets to protect himself from the cold that surrounds him. His working day is over with, and so is Ben’s, considering nobody will show up to the car lot at this time of the day.
“New car?” Callum shouts over, a bright smile on his face clashing aggressively with the weather.
A giddy nod comes from Ben, looking back at the car full of pride and then back to Callum. The door is still open, and he’s got one arm on the top of it, showing off. “Fancy coming for a spin?” Ben asks, dangling the keys on his index finger, trying to entice Callum. “Got it for the car lot, but I might end up just keeping it myself.”
Callum chuckles, because that’s Ben all over. He changes his cars more than most people would, just because he has connections to collectors and dealers, and would usually buy them for the car lot, though there’s quite a few that never make it that far once he decides to keep them. “Go on then.” Callum agrees, and gets into the passenger seat without question. He waits for Ben to get in and then he speaks again. “Oh, and before I forget, we need to be back in time for dinner.”
Ben turns to face Callum and he’s already raising an eyebrow, questioning. “Why?” Ben teasingly asks. “Got a hot date?”
Callum rolls his eyes. “I do actually.” He says, and there’s a sinking feeling in Ben’s heart for a moment at his words though he tries to not show it in his face. “With you, apparently. And your mum.”
There’s a pause for a moment as Ben tries to understand what Callum has just said. “You what?” Ben laughs. “Have you had a bang on the head or something?”
“Your mum, she’s acting weird.” Callum starts to explain. “I went to the cafe at lunch and she started asking if me and you had any plans for tonight, and that we should go and have dinner with her.”
Ben’s eyes go comically wide as he’s hit with the sudden realisation of what’s going on. A groan grumbles out of him and he puts his head in his hands instantly, rubbing over his face harshly, acting as though doing that is going to solve his problems, hoping and praying that when he finally looks up, all of this will have never happened.
“What?” Callum asks, and a laugh bubbles out of him, even though he’s full of confusion, and even more so at Ben’s reaction, if that’s at all possible. “What’s going on?”
Ben shakes his head in complete and utter disbelief, rolling his eyes slightly. “Mum’s been asking me for weeks if I’ve met someone yet. I don’t even know why she’s doing it, but it’s so annoying, having her constantly asking me.” He starts to explain. “So I told her today that I have. I told her I met someone.” He doesn’t look at Callum’s face, but if he did, he would have seen his smile fall instantly as his blood runs cold.
“And have you?” Callum asks, and every part of him is screaming at himself, asking why he asked that, because he just really does not want to know - at all.
“No. Course I haven’t!” Ben says and he turns his body slightly to face Callum. There’s nothing he wants less than to meet someone else. But that goes unsaid, just as so many things have gone unsaid between them before. “I just told her that so she’d get off my back.”
Callum slowly nods. “Right.” He says slowly, elongating the letters as he sits there trying to piece everything together. “Hang on, where do I fit into this? Why’s your mum asking me to go to dinner with you?”
Ben smiles shyly. “Because she asked me who I was dating.” He says as if it’s that simple, that easy.
There’s a pause for a moment, a deafening silence in the car, until there’s a loud clatter from somewhere across the square that pulls Callum out of his thoughts. He suddenly manages to piece everything together and a laugh starts to fall from his mouth as he sits there in shock and he watches as Ben’s face turns crimson red. “And you said me?” Callum asks, chuckling away to himself.
“I might have, yeah.” Ben rolls his eyes and starts the car up, reversing out of his parking place and going onto the uneven road. He’s still bright red in the face, and he doesn’t even need to look to know that, he can feel it burning on his skin like a flickering flame. “It sounds ridiculous now that I think about it.”
Ben’s words are like a dagger straight through Callum’s heart and it hurts him, but he tries to not let it show. “Why?” He asks without even thinking. “I mean, why does it sound ridiculous?”
Ben shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road. “We’ve been friends since we were kids. If anything was going to happen between us, it would’ve probably happened long before now. I don’t know how she believes it, but she does.”
Callum looks out of the window, watching the people they drive past go about their daily life. Children are coming home from school, walking slowly in groups, chatting away to each other. It’s exactly how he and Ben used to be, before they had to grow up. Raindrops fall on the windscreen like tears and Ben wipes them away when they get too much.
“Are you up for it then?” Ben asks, breaking the somewhat comfortable silence that’s manifested between them.
Callum turns to face him. “Up for what?” He quizzes.
A smirk forms on Ben’s lips as he looks at Callum, his face light and bright and happy. It’s a sight that could get anyone to smile too. “Pretending to date me.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Callum chuckles. He watches as Ben nods and mouths ‘deadly’ to him. Callum sighs because he knows he’s not got a chance of getting out of this. “Do I get to eat your mum’s food?”
“Course.” Ben giggles, actually giggles.
“Well then.” Callum says, leaning his head back on the headrest as he faces Ben with a bright, beaming smile on his face. “It’ll be my honour to pretend to date you.”
So that’s it. They pretend to date.
The entire car journey is full of laughter and sharing memories, but mostly they come up with this elaborate story to tell Kathy, should she ask about their relationship - which is absolutely likely, considering how happy she is about this, apparently. They didn’t have long to get every aspect of the story as concrete as possible, only a few hours at most, but that didn’t stop them from fabricating the whole story from how they realised they liked each other, to their first date, to now, when they are nearing becoming official. It’s entirely ridiculous. Time ticks by and it’s getting closer and closer to the time they should be heading back and Ben’s driven around until he knew he would have to turn back, when the sun starts to fall down and street lights flicker into life, all bright and orange and fluorescent, lighting up the darkening evening.
By the time Ben pulls up outside his home, the rain is falling heavily now, splashing into the puddles on the floor and coming back up for only a few millimetres before falling again. The temperature has dropped even lower, dipping into the minuses and the sky beyond the fluorescent street lights is black, bar the moon that’s only just visible through the clouds.
“Remember the plan, yeah?” Ben asks as though it’s a well thought out criminal plan. He gets out of the car and slams the door shut behind him. Callum follows his actions, and stands out in the pouring rain too, feeling the rain threatening to flatten his hair with every second that passes of him just standing there.
“We realised we liked each other about a month ago, we’ve secretly been on a few dates since then but we aren’t officially together...yet.” Callum recites the story. “It’s hardly difficult to remember Ben, I think I’ve got this.”
Ben chuckles, shaking his head and walking closer to the door to the house, following behind Callum. “This is ridiculous.” He states.
Callum turns and faces Ben, painting a teasing shock on his face. “And who’s genius idea was this again? Because it certainly wasn’t mine.”
“Alright!” Ben rolls his eyes. “I’ve already said I owe you one.”
“You owe me a lot more than that, I reckon!” Callum laughs and walks in through the door, taking off his coat that’s full of raindrops sticking to the fibres.
Ben follows him closely, shutting the door behind him quickly, trying to not let the cold get in and infest the warmth of the house. They’re both already laughing away at the ridiculousness of the entire situation, because that’s exactly what this is - ridiculous! If anyone had told Callum earlier that day he would be pretending to date his best friend, he wouldn’t have believed them for one second.
Kathy’s in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches to the table, and it’s such a lovely and warm environment that Callum instantly feels this horrible guilt eating away at his stomach, the guilt of lying to someone he adores all too much for him. It’s not like they’ve never eaten together before as a group, because they have more times than anyone cares to remember. When they were kids they would run into the house together after school, they’d watch television together and then Kathy would make their dinner. When they were teenagers and experimenting with drinking for the first time they’d order takeaways in their hungover state, and eat it without even breathing, slouching on the sofa with grunts and saying they’re never touching spirits again. It would always be calm and easy and nothing impressive. It would be...not this. Not meals on tables, red wine in the middle and candle sticks flickering with fire at the wick. Not with Ben and Callum lying through their teeth.
Kathy welcomes them both giddily, hugging them tightly one by one and telling them to sit down with a beaming grin on her face. They both do as they’re told, Callum sitting down first and Ben following him soon after, their seats right next to each other. It’s comforting, but it’s not real.
They all fall into a perfect rhythm of talking about their day, like nothing is amiss and Ben’s telling the story of how he’d been called unexpectedly by a car dealer wanting to get rid of the car Ben had been looking at, so he had to drive there at short notice or he would miss out on it again.
“Where have you been all this time then? You should’ve been back hours ago.” Kathy asks, taking a sip of her wine.
Ben nods. “I did get back a while ago, but I bumped into Callum and we ended up going for a little drive before we came here.” It just sounds so easy, so simple. Callum wishes that it was just a drive, one without an ulterior motive.
Kathy smiles softly at the pair of them. “So when did all of this happen?” She asks, pointing her finger between both of them, waving it about to make her point. “Ben was constantly telling me that he hadn’t met someone!”
Callum looks at Ben for a second and there’s a shy smile that floats between them. There’s a blush that forms on his cheeks and he’s not even certain as to why, but he can’t stop his body from doing it. He knows it’s visible for both Ben and Kathy to see, he can feel his skin burning hot. “It’s not been long.” Callum speaks. “We realised we both liked each other a few weeks ago and we’ve been going on dates since then and seeing where it takes us.”
Ben nods along as though Callum’s not just reciting the story they thought of an hour or so ago. “We’re not official yet.” Ben continues. “But we’re getting there.”
Callum doesn’t know what takes over him, but he can’t help himself. He looks at Ben’s hand resting against the table, and before he can even properly think, he rests his hand on top of Ben’s, letting his fingers fall softly into the gaps of Ben’s. The younger man's breath hitches for a second, and Callum’s that close to him that he notices it and he’s just about to pull away when Ben turns his hand so that his palm is facing upwards and he traps Callum’s hand in his own. It shouldn’t feel so perfect, but it does. It’s warm and inviting and they can both feel a faint tingling sensation where skin touches skin. As cliché as it sounds, it feels like it was meant to be.
They’re both caught up in each other that neither of them notice that Kathy’s watching them with a warm smile on her face. “Well, it was about time.” She says, and they finally tear their eyes away from each other to look at her in confusion at her words. “We’ve all been waiting for you to get your acts together.”
Ben huffs out a laugh, a soft chuckle, because he doesn’t know what else to do. Callum’s hand is warm in his own, and there’s a tingle that’s making its way down his spine, all warm and fuzzy.
When their plates are empty and in the dishwasher and the bottle of red wine completely drained, Callum shrugs his coat on over his shoulders. It’s late now, and the rain seems to have stopped a while ago, though it looks like the puddles are there to stay, at least until the morning. Kathy pulls Callum into a hug, sopping wet coat be damned, and he kisses her cheek as a goodbye. “Thanks for having me.” He smiles.
Kathy bats him away with a roll of her eyes because, as sincere as Callum is, she’s known him since he went up to her knee, there’s no need for the formalities.
“I’ll walk you back.” Ben says and shrugs on his coat too. Callum nods and starts to walk down the hallway. Ben’s just about to follow when Kathy grabs his arm, stopping him from walking.
“You keep hold of that one Ben, I can see the love in his eyes.” She says sincerely and happily, as though she’s waited a long time for this to happen.
There’s a pang in Ben’s heart but he smiles tightly. “I’ll try my best.”
It’s bitterly cold outside. Darkness has fallen even more, and there’s barely any windows with the lights left on now. Streetlights illuminate the pavement as they walk slowly around to Callum’s house and their footsteps somehow start to fall in time with one another, both of them moving their left foot at the same time, and then the right. It’s peaceful. The only sound around is a bristle of leaves from the wind. They’re at one with nature. “Did you hear what mum just said to me?” Ben asks, disturbing the serenity that’s fallen around them.
Callum turns to face Ben and shakes his head. “No?” He says and it comes out like more of a question, leading Ben to anwer.
Ben smiles. ”She said she can see love in your eyes.” He teasingly says, chuckling away to himself. “I think she’s had one too many.”
Callum joins in on the laughter too, but it’s not wholeheartedly like Ben’s. There’s something weighing him down, and it shows on his face, his smile not reaching his eyes like it usually does. He lets out a shaky breath and notices their surroundings. It’s a path he takes most days, but they’re getting closer and closer to a spot that holds a lot of memories for him. Memories of him and Ben. For some reason, it makes him brave, and he speaks. “Well what would you say?” Callum asks before he’s really even thought about it, and when those words are out there in the universe, he starts to regret ever speaking, because there’s no turning back from this now.
There’s a pause between them, where they both stop walking, standing stationary in the middle of the street and there’s silence, before Ben speaks. “What?” Ben asks, furrowing his eyebrows because he’s confused, really confused.
Callum stands still, though he kicks at the ground with the tip of his shoe, anything to not look directly at Ben. He’s got his hands in his pockets, and it’s partly because of how cold it is, but it’s also his way of keeping himself physically closed up. Callum eventually looks up when the silence gets too much and there’s so much kindness in his eyes that Ben can almost understand what his mum was getting at. And then Callum speaks. “What would you say if I told you she’s right?”
There’s another pause and the tension is palpable as Callum watches Ben, waiting, pleading for an answer. Ben runs through the conversation over and over in his mind and then - oh - the realisation hits Ben like a ton of bricks and there’s a moment, just a millisecond he’s sure, where he struggles to breathe. He shrugs by way of a response, his heart thumping away in his chest. “I don’t know.” He admits, and then he thinks properly for a moment. “I guess, I’d like it?”
Callum nods and starts to walk again, keeping his hands firmly in his pockets. There’s a smile threatening to grow on his face and his heart is light, but he’s trying hard to not let his happiness show. He can hear his footsteps alone, and it’s like that for a few seconds before there’s a flurry of fast steps coming from behind him and without even looking, he knows Ben’s jogging to catch up with him.
“Why?” Ben asks when he eventually catches up with Callum.
Callum ignores him and just carries on walking. Just a few more steps now.
“Why, Cal?” Ben repeats.
Then it all happens so fast.
Callum spins on the balls of his feet to face Ben, and his hands shoot out of his coat pockets and he reaches towards Ben, grabbing hold of his arms and he pulls. The next thing Ben knows is that he’s pressed against a brick wall with Callum right in front of him and another brick wall is behind Callum. The gap is tiny. There’s barely space to move and then he realises where they are. Right in the middle of their childhood homes, two hundred steps to the left is Callum’s, and two hundred steps to the right is Ben’s. It was their spot, this little gap between two random houses. Theirs and theirs alone. There’s a brick down here somewhere with their names etched into it with a compass. Their noses brush against one another, the closeness just suddenly exacerbated and Ben’s heart is beating so loud that he’s petrified Callum can hear it.
“Fifteen years old.” Callum finally speaks.
Ben raises an eyebrow because he’s got no idea what Callum means by that.
“Fifteen years old.” Callum reiterates. “We both ended up here one night after school. We got the bus back to the Square together. I’d been waiting for you to get out of your dance class, but it finished earlier than the football class did, so we hid out right here so your dad didn’t find out you’d been doing dance. We saw him walk past, so I protected you. Fifteen years old, standing right here. It was spring and I’d started to get hayfever pretty badly. I always remember that. We were standing here, hiding and we kissed for the first time.” Callum takes a shaky breath. “You asked me, a few months ago, ‘have you ever been in love?’. Well I have Ben. Because I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you all those years ago, right here.”
The smile on Ben’s face is beaming and wide and his eyes are full with tears threatening to stain his cheeks. He leans up onto the tip of his toes and he grabs Callum’s face with shaky and freezing cold hands and launches into a kiss. It’s powerful and all encompassing and it causes tingles to run all the way through Callum’s body as his mind suddenly remembers to tell his body to move and then he’s just as into the kiss as Ben is. It’s everything and more.
Ben eventually pulls back when his feet start to ache a little bit and he needs to breathe. He strokes his thumb over Callum’s face. “It was like that then too.” He admits, running the pad of his thumb over Callum’s lips. “Always been too tall for your own good, you have.”
Callum grins cheekily and wraps his arms around Ben’s body, practically scooping him up into a hug and Ben just lets him. Callum leans down and they fall right back into a kiss, but this one is short and sweet. “I love you, you idiot.” He admits and Ben does an intake of breath at Callum’s words.
“I love you too.”