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His breath hitches as Phupha stares intently into his eyes again.
A few inches of space is the only vessel that separates them, but Tian feels close to the other, as close he can ever be, and his head starts spinning in slow motion. There is an untold secret pooling in the chief's warm, comforting, black orbs. A myriad of twinkling stars and dashes of dust is shining from those crystal clear windows. A mysterious power is pulling him closer to the edge, and another step forward, Tian will free fall to the ground.
Tian does not understand where this blooming sensation in his chest comes from, the origin of hotness on his cheeks, but it feels too good to ignore. He wants to embrace them, secure them in a safe place for what seems forever. Nothing as pure and sincere as what he is feeling right now will come around again. He is unholy of this beautiful mess, but Tian wants to be the sole owner of Phupha's dizzying stares, silent touches, and small smiles.
The night air is cold, but the kerosene-lighted lamp is enough to warm the ambience. They sit next to each other, skin slightly touching, toes almost meeting, and Tian swears Phupha can hear his heart is thrumming in his chest as the chief continues to look deep into his eyes.
Tongue-tied, Tian will usually avert his gaze from meeting the latter. But tonight, something in him quivers; the desperation for an answer or any verification makes his skin prickle. The breeze kisses his skin harshly, leaving frost-like bites on his body. If Tian remains focused, he will realize the previously-narrow space between them no longer exists.
"Tian, are you cold?" Phupha asks with his honey-dripping voice. The chief retrieves the blanket dangling at their feet and wraps it around Tian's shivering body. All along, Phupha's eyes never leave him; it never did.
Phupha's fingers move like they are dancing; every gesture makes Tian think of all things that seem impossible a few weeks ago is becoming possible. With every flick and swirl of the hand, Tian watches them with awe, knowing how stupidly fast his heart is palpating right now.
Tian ignores them all.
He ignores the whispers in his ears, the doubts arising in his mind, and treasures the indescribable look Phupha gives him.
"Chief," Tian calls. His lips tingle afterwards, it itches and stings, but Tian does not want to give them up. He enjoys the thrill as Phupha's name escapes his sinful lips.
"Hm?" Phupha asks with a hum, a lift of an eyebrow, and those eyes travel from one eye to the other curiously.
There.
There it is.
No one has ever looked into his eyes like that, but Phupha did.
"Chief," he calls, pausing for a brief to recollect his scattering thoughts, "-why do you look at me that way?"
From his standpoint, Phupha looks a bit surprised, but soon the usual smirk decorates his handsome face. The teasing smirk turns into a soft smile; those eyes are fonder now, tenderer, oozing with liquid adoration as the unrevealed emotions resurface once again.
"How do I look at you?" Phupha asks, his tone is light and playful, and Tian loves it too much that his body shakes from over-excitement.
Tian ponders for a second, allowing the chief's eyes to stare into his soul. "There," he says, bile is stuck in his throat, and Phupha's eyes halt with a sudden break.
"-your eyes will look at mine, from one orb to the other as if you are searching for something," Tian answers with honesty, and those eyes remain still in surprise.
Maybe Tian has caught Phupha red-handed; the long-kept secret is now free for the whole world to know, but Tian is confused and mindless. Those sparkling eyes are not giving him an answer, but in fact, more puzzling questions arise.
Phupha's charming smile comes to light. The moonlight shines delicately on his face, and Tian witnesses the silver, glittery trails are highlighting every nook and cranny; all small details on Phupha's handsome face are bare for him to take.
"Do you know what I am looking for?" Phupha asks. Their fingers are touching now, becoming one, not just their pinkies, and God, Tian's whole body is on fire.
He shakes his head in denial; the voice inside of him disappears as Phupha chuckles breathily. The chief licks his lips nervously, and Tian sees it. He wished he did not, but he did, and it will haunt his dreams and wake for a long time.
Phupha taps his fingers ardently, "You do not have to know,"
"Chief!" He screams, feeling betrayed and beaten at the same time.
Tian lays his body on the mattress, and Phupha follows suit. The new mosquito net hides them from the outside world, and suddenly everything feels too intimate to Tian. In this net, there is only Tian and Phupha: a symbol of exclusion that saves them from those prying eyes. And right now, their souls are meeting, welcoming one another with a smile.
The air gets colder, but Phupha makes sure that the blanket covers every inch of his skin. His heart thrums again as Phupha's face is an inch away from his, with hints of mint and lemon infusing into one dynamic, harmonious, and calming scent that pulls all the right strings in his beating heart.
"Are you mad?" The chief asks.
"No. Why would I?" Tian looks away before he can fall deeper than he already did.
"You do not have to worry," Phupha pauses, their blankets shift slightly as rough fingers are touching with his soft ones. "I do not look at anyone else with these eyes."
That sentence, those words, make Tian turns his attention to Phupha's awaiting smile.
"Only with you,"
And it happens again.
Tian is spiralling; he closes his eyes, but when he opens them again, all he sees is Phupha's dark galaxies staring, engulfing him in a whirlwind of butterflies in the stomach, the tickle on his skin, and it makes him light-headed.
Phupha's laughter fills the silence, and Tian listens to them attentively, trying to remember all the notes in his chaotic mind. It sounds beautiful, pleasant, and reminds him of home.
"I am going to sleep now. Do not disturb me," Tian warns. He pulls the blanket and covers his face with his free hand. The other hand lays stagnant next to Phupha's, and he feels ardent touches are sprinkling all over his skin. It feels nice.
"Okay," Phupha answers.
The night is silent again.
A few heartbeats pass, and Tian dares to slip away from his blanket to catch a glimpse of Phupha. Surprisingly, Phupha is still awake, and those eyes are looking at him, unmoving.
This time around, Tian reciprocates.
He watches those eyes fluttering open and close with grace. He counts every eyelash on Phupha's eyes, looking at them as the chief smiles at him.
Those eyes are jumping, searching, unfolding, diving, from one eye to another. Tian wonders if Phupha is trying to find something, or is he trying to say something?
Tian has so many questions actively running in his mind, but tonight, he only wants to savour the gaze Phupha gives him.
Whatever Phupha is trying to find, Tian has already given the answers through his eyes too.
It is there.
Tian hopes that Phupha will notice them someday.