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That girl ran.
That girl jumped.
That girl lived.
On the surface, one would be hard-pressed to find anything out of the ordinary about Qiqi, the girl who helps out at Bubu Pharmacy. Nothing more than an innocent child, picking herbs and doing exercises, right?
Hu Tao knew that wasn’t the case. As the 77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, she was made aware of just about everything that had transpired in the long history of the well-respected organization. One such tale was one that most people in Liyue had forgotten or were never familiar with, the story of a young girl and an accident.
The first time she learned of the curious events surrounding Qiqi’s nature, Hu Tao could hardly believe it. Immortality? Resurrection? The defiance of death? No, no, no, surely that wasn’t the case. If it was true, then it went against everything that she had been taught, everything that had been drilled into her head from the moment she could speak. Death is unyielding. Death is unwavering. Death is unbreakable. And yet, every day, she would wake up and see that small girl, running off to live her life just as eagerly as the day before.
She wanted to know more. Of the countless people, the countless children, who had given up their lives to afterlife’s chaperone, why was Qiqi’s soul exempt? The question burned inside her, growing hotter and hotter every time she saw the girl out and about. She held no contempt for her of course, but when one’s core beliefs are shattered, curiosity is unavoidable.
Fortunately for her, she knew exactly who to talk to to learn more. Supposedly, the illuminated adepti were the ones responsible for breathing life back into the zombie girl, and one of their most well-respected members just so happened to be a close friend of hers.
“One almond tofu please!” she yelled with vigor, placing the mora on the counter in front of Verr Goldet, owner of Wangshu Inn.
“With pleasure,” she replied, relaying the order down to the kitchens below. “Are you here to speak with Xiao again? You two seem so close, I honestly don’t think you even need the almond tofu just to talk to him anymore.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve tried it before, and he’s way crankier when he isn’t eating. Your tofu must be magical!”
“Well, it’d be an insult to Yanxiao to deny that. In any case, enjoy!”
Scooping up the dish in her arms, Hu Tao zoomed away, racing up the stairs two steps at a time. Stepping out into the balcony, the night air felt light and still. No clouds were present, the stars twinkled like dancing flame, and the full moon shone down as if greeting her. Standing still, plate of almond tofu in hand, she felt solitude.
For a few seconds, at least.
“It’s you.” The familiar voice came from behind in a calm tone, just barely breaking the evening silence.
Turning around, she came face to face with Xiao, Liyue’s resident demon slayer. His arms were crossed, a blank and unreadable expression plastered on his face, amber eyes boring directly into her crimson. He showed up a bit closer than he usually did.
Clearing her throat in exaggerated preparation, she held her arms out to present her offering. “Oh great Conqueror of Demons, a gift for you!”
Two small steps he took, taking the dish out of her hands. Placing one piece into his mouth, his eyes left her and turned to the black sky.
“Thank you,” he muttered as he gulped it down.
“No problem,” she giggled. Wrapping her arms behind her back, she took a deep breath. “So uh, if you can consider the food payment, I do have a question for you.”
“Out with it,” he replied, taking another bite.
“You know Qiqi, right?”
Gulping down once more, he walked forward and placed the dish on a nearby table, turning to face her. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
She followed closely behind him. “Well, is it true that… it was the adepti that revived her?”
Xiao’s body tensed up, and the air felt just a small bit heavier. “Yes.”
“I just… wanted to know why?”
“You’re asking me why we decided to bring back a dying girl?” His eyes narrowed.
In essence, that’s actually what she was asking, but the question came out harsher than she meant it to be. “I mean, I’d like to know the circumstances that led up to it. What happened exactly?”
He sighed, turning away from her and leaning on the railing. “She was at the wrong place at the wrong time. The cave she was in collapsed, and that was that. Not exactly something that ordinary people can survive.”
“And you guys were nearby at the time and decided to help out?”
“Something like that.”
Her next question felt disrespectful just to think about. She thought hard about whether or not she should say it, but if she was asking questions anyway, she might as well ask them all.
“If the adepti can revive the dead, why don’t they do it with everyone?”
Turning around, his brow furrowed and a scowl appeared on his face. “Of all the people in the world, you’re the one to ask that question? You know full well the rules of death.”
“Exactly,” she shot back, fists clenched at her side, eagerly staring at him. “Why was Qiqi an exception? Why have you not made any other exceptions ever since?”
He lowered his head to the ground. “She was… a special case.”
“A special case? So if people lose their loved ones and turn to you asking to bring them back, you’d deny them because they aren’t ‘special cases’?”
In less than an instant, his face snapped back and his eyes pierced her with a glare. “Watch your tone, Hu Tao. We may be close, but the line you’re treading is paper-thin.”
The wind began to pick up, strong enough to start shaking the trees above the inn and launching leaves into the sky.
“I need an answer, Xiao.” Firm and resolute she remained, meeting his stare with her own.
The only sounds left were rustling branches and howling gusts. Small puffs of black mist started to seep out of the yaksha’s skin.
“You truly wish to know?”
“I do.”
The tension around them died down ever so slightly. Dejected, he looked up at the moon for a few moments, shutting his eyes before he answered.
“It’s because I killed her.”
She had no visible reaction, as if it took her time to process what she had just heard.
“What? I thought you said it was a cave-in?”
“A cave-in that happened because of me. She was caught in the crossfire of one of my battles,” he said, clenching his fists and straining hard to maintain a composed face.
Hu Tao didn’t know how to react or even feel, instead opting to remain still with her mouth agape.
A chuckle left Xiao’s lips as he looked off into the distance. “You know, it’s funny. Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of demons and gods I’ve slaughtered, never once sparing a second thought. Blood, karma, rage, fury. Every day, these things were what I knew, the things that made up my very existence, but none of it mattered. I took what I was given and went on to kill the next miserable fool. Not a single one of my enemies have ever been anything more to me than targets. Maybe they had feelings, maybe they had their own aspirations, but it was worthless to think about.”
Looking back at her, she noticed a lone tear make its way down his cheek as he shook his head.
“And yet… despite all that, I remember the demon I fought that day vividly. I can picture its face in an instant. I remember each and every single one of its attacks down to the slightest twitch of its limbs. I can reenact our entire fight blow for blow if I wanted to. But why? Because of guilt?! Because I’m mad at it?! Do I remember everything about it because I want to blame it for her death?!”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Well neither do I!” he roared, loud enough for everyone in the inn to hear. The howling winds returned, as if a storm was about to rip the building apart. She yelped and jumped back, for once realizing why Xiao was feared by so many.
Reigning in his emotions, he approached her with his arm outstretched in an attempt to calm the situation. As he stepped forward, she instinctively shuffled away, shrinking beneath his gaze.
“I’m sorry. It’s just… at least you know why I made an exception. People talk a lot about feeling guilt for their actions and trying to atone, so I suppose that’s why I did it.”
Recovering slightly from the fear, Hu Tao met his eyes with her own. “But is it right? I don’t claim to know how she feels, but is it truly best to let her continue on as a walking corpse? Her muscles are stiff and her memories are foggy. It’s all she can do to follow the same exact routine every day. Is that really a good way to live?”
He sighed. “Have you seen her? Running off to pick herbs, writing down notes in her little book, trying to make friends as best she can. Have you seen the look on her face?”
She pursed her lips in thought, thinking back to days when she’d catch glimpses of her returning from her trips, skipping back into the city with a bag of herbs clutched in her hands. “… Yes, I have.”
“It’s a look of happiness, Hu Tao. It’s the look of someone who’s relieved to be alive, of a child getting to experience joy. Maybe I’m just using that as an excuse to turn away from my guilt, trying to relieve myself of blame, but you can’t deny the look on her face. With everything that she’s been through, she’s just happy to be able to run, to be able to jump… to be able to live.”
“I see,” she muttered after a few moments of silence.
“Just… let her enjoy it, please.” He turned his head away from her. “If nothing else, do it for me. I can handle the pain and cries of wrathful gods, but guilt… it’s something else entirely.”
She looked up at him, calming herself and regaining her composure. She liked this side of him.
“Aw, Xiao, your soft side is showing,” she giggled, fully expecting him to retort back with a denial.
“Maybe. Maybe it is.” Stepping back to the nearby table, he picked up the almond tofu that had miraculously survived the rumbling of the inn.
“I wonder why,” he said as he placed the final piece into his mouth.
The following day, amidst the hustle and bustle of Liyue Harbor, one might be able to spot the Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor chasing around that herb-picking zombie girl who used to always play alone. When, how, and why those two had gotten along remains a mystery to most, but at least there’s just a bit more happiness in the city. Hu Tao still found it hard to go against what she believed so strongly for all her life, but the smile on Qiqi’s face was undeniable.
Perhaps the afterlife could wait, just a while longer.