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"h-hajime... i don't think i wanna... go"
"huh?"
hajime turned around to look at the timid girl and searched for her eyes that were hidden away by her bangs and eyeliner. he liked the eyeliner on her. ever since they had started hanging out more and she got a little more of an idea for personal aesthetics, mikan changed up her style a little. she looked cute, he thought. not in a romantic way, hajime was bisexual, but never saw mikan as anything that could imply romance, she was more like a little sister.
"is it because there's gonna be a lot of people?"
he then asked after mikan hadn't said another word to his initial 'response' if you could call it that.
slowly, mikan nodded and it let her earrings make a soft jingle sound. hajime walked a few steps closer to her and softly fixed a piece of hair that was sticking out from the rest. he had to admit he had never been really good at handling mikan's anxiety, but he was always trying his best. for example, he knew mikan was very fragile when showing emotions like these, even if it had gotten a lot better than when they first met in middle school.
"hey.. it's just gonna be like half of our class, okay? i can assure you they all like you, probably even fuyuhiko.. if he shows up that is. you're a sweet girl, mikan. and if it gets too much we can always leave, i promise i won't leave your side, okay? i'll be with you. like a strong bodyguard!"
to make the remark funny, hajime put both his arms up, flexing muscles that weren't there and it let mikan giggle into her hand.
proudly, because he loosened up her worries a little, hajime grinned to himself.
mikan stared at a marble that was rolling around on the ground due to the slight shakiness of the bus. she concentrated on every turn it made and something in her questioned how it had gotten there in the first place. it helped her ease her anxiety a little, surprisingly, hajime was the one to make the very good suggestion of concentrating on minor things in the surroundings like leaves on a tree or a soda can on the ground, whenever she felt her heartbeat increase uncomfortably just by being in a public place. she had to admit it worked fairly well, the only downside was that she could currently not really find the left over energy to listen to hajime blabber about kazuichi and what he had texted him late in the night.
"you could just make a move on him..."
"huh?"
that was the second time he had said that today and the fact that she noticed that made mikan's lips curl into a soft smile.
"you know he likes you... right?"
"but he's always saying he's not into guys! in like every sentence!"
"..."
"... okay i get it, but i can't just- you know!"
"...?"
"fine! fine i'll talk to him about it, but if he's being super straight again then i'm never talking to him again, okay?"
"h-hajime..."
"or maybe just for the next five minutes-"
hajime blushed a little at how he was basically talking himself in and out of denial on a loop.
"i'll talk to him if you talk to ibuki."
"... ibuki?"
"don't act all clueless"
"you think i'm.. a-acting?"
"no! no, i just mean.. you know right?"
"... know what?"
"about like... ibuki's massive crush on you?"
mikan's face went from confused to surprised and finally to flustered.
"you're not.. serious are you?"
"you're telling me you didn't know?"
hajime got a little louder, but immediately stopped himself, knowing it made mikan uncomfortable and instead continued.
"because like.. i think everyone knows, right? if //i// know, that has to mean something at least... like how she always immediately wants to partner up with you in school? and she literally moved her seat next to yours... you know she had to ask fuyuhiko out of all people to switch? those are some guts... are you telling me you have never even spend a thought on the fact that maybe, she likes you?"
mikan's head seemed to be exploding with information.
"likes me...?"
"likes you!"
"... well she's nice...."
"you really think so? i thought she might be too loud for you.. always very energetic"
"she's cute... and smells nice.. and all."
"sounds like a crush to me"
"w-what i-..."
"are you sure tho? i really didn't think she'd be... well, your type, you know?"
"do you not like mioda..?"
"what? no! no, that's not what i meant... i just figured she might not be what you search for in a person, not in a mean way! i really like her, she's nice"
"so you like like her?"
"i like kazu-"
"..."
hajime turned beat red and mikan smiled.
"we need to get off on the next stop"
she noted and hajime nodded slowly.
why did this always happen to him?
"hey!"
"hello, mioda!"
"hey..."
ibuki smiled at the both of them, before stepping aside to let them in. hajime let go of mikan's hand he had previously been holding, to calm her down a little.
mikan felt as though mioda's gaze was a little too focused on that, but her eyes quickly shot up into her own and she had to look away to avoid her cheeks glowing red.
"mikan, you came"
"of course i did! why.. do you want me to leave-"
"no! oh god, no, i'm glad you're here. can i give you a hug?"
at this point, hajime just kinda awkwardly stood in the hall, unsure if he should leave or not. he had promised not to leave tsumiki alone, but on the other hand he felt as if he was invading her privacy in a way. in the end, he decided on quietly taking a very long time to put his jacket into the wardrobe.
as soon as ibuki hugged her, mikan could smell her perfume and she smiled a little. she always smelled like that, it was kind of comforting. sour apples and a bit like hair spray, depended on the day.
she remembered that one time ibuki had overslept and went to school with sweatpants, a big hoodie and her hair in a bun. she had to admit it looked really good on her, the hair at least, but she liked it as it is too. it was just... ibuki. that made it perfect.
"you okay, buttercup?"
"y-yes.. sorry"
embarrassed, mikan pulled away again and hajime breathed out.
"well then let's get going!"
she opened the door and a light smell of alcohol lingered in the air, mixed with sweat and whatever else a party smells like.
immediately, kazuichi looked up from his phone and chiaki, who he had been explaining something to, took the opportunity to turn around and go somewhere else.
looking aside, mikan saw the faint blush on hinata's face as he walked up to him and she followed.
"hajime! dude, you took super long."
"yeah the bus was kind of late-"
"i missed you like a bunch, man! hi mikan"
"hello, souda"
"but otherwise the bus was fine yeah? because if not you could've totally called me and i could've fixed it!"
"i'm sure you could've..."
"dude! was that sarcastic?"
mikan smiled to herself once more before looking around to see who came.
chiaki has been sitting on a chair, her head onto her knees since she escaped souda's conversation, next to her was nagito who watched whatever she was playing on her switch.
fuyuhiko was staring at the alcohol and looked like he was deciding rather to actually drink whatever was in his glass or not.
her head turned further to the right, skipping hiyoko and therefore looking at peko who looked very interested in whatever sonia was talking about, probably something about serial killers.
right as she was about to inspect the next persons actions, ibuki's head popped up in from of her face.
a little startled, she stumbled back a little and hajime turned around in case she would've fallen.
but instead, mioda held her by her shoulders.
"sorry! i wasn't trying to jump scare you! you alright?"
mikan nodded at the others smiling face. mioda's smile was always so happy, it set butterflies into mikan's stomach. the good kind, obviously.
"it's alright, mioda..."
"okidoki! hey what do you think of my hair today!"
this was the perfect excuse to look at her a little longer. right from the beginning, she noticed ibuki's eye makeup was a little more flashy as usual... if that was possible at least. and both of her cheeks had a bit of glitter on them. her eyes looked fixated on mikan's face as well, which surprisingly, didn't make her uncomfortable. and even if she was beautiful, mikan could for the love of everything not find a difference in her hair.
"uhm..."
"just kidding! i just wanted you to look at me for a while hehe you fell for my trap"
"that.. wasn't much of a trap, i look at you a lot-"
"oh gosh give me a warning next time"
mioda blushed a little as mikan started to giggle.
"sorry"
"it's alright babycakes, i totally set this up"
now, mikan was the one blushing.
"you're not dating hajime, are you?"
"what-"
"i'm right here-"
"so are you guys dating?"
it was common for people to ask, in fact, fuyuhiko had asked mikan this a million of times for that one time they fell asleep in the nursing room together. she never understood why people were so obsessed with them 'admitting' they were dating and neither could hajime. to an extend, she thought it was a little cute, but other times it made her uncomfortable. that uncomfortable was usually teruteru's jokes.
"we're not, just friends."
"you're not?!"
kazuichi looked as if he'd just seen a ghost and hajime almost dropped his drink.
"did you think we were?"
"dude if i didn't think that i would've asked you out ages ago!"
"you could've just asked!"
hajime turned a little red and kazuichi put his beanie away for a second to go through his hair, before putting it on again.
"dude i totally didn't mean to blurt it out like that uhm.. haha.."
"so... wait but that means-"
"stop, i have to collect my thoughts for a sec alright?"
"al... right"
"so uhm.. bro- hajime uh... yeah.. do you like, in a non platonic way... wanna go like on a date or something? like not as bros? like.. totally as a dating thing?"
"uh... y-yeah we can.. do that"
"awesome... bro"
"maybe stop calling me bro"
"yeah.. sorry.."
it took a second for them to realise everyone had just kind of turned quiet and had listened to.. the basically almost confession.
immediately after that second, mikan couldn't help but start laughing.
she didn't laugh a lot, maybe a giggle every once in a while.
at this point, ibuki's heart was racing out of her chest, because fuck she looked really adorable. like super cute. and it got even worse when she had to stop covering her face with her hand for a second to wipe away a tear. if she could, ibuki would've taken a picture, but her common sense that somehow still existed in her told her that would be weird.
but apparently, she was capable of mind control, as a flash blinded her for a second. said flash was mahiru's camera and mahiru's face spoke more than a thousand words.
"well that just had to be commemorated alright?"
hajime was currently hiding his face in souda's jacket who was blushing pretty bad himself.
mikan was happy for them, very happy.
"i think it was about time."
"yeah.. me too."
mikan was now sitting next to ibuki in her couch, watching her best friend and kazuichi, her other friend of course, awkwardly slow dance.
and she wished she could've concentrated on that more, it's just that ibuki's hand was so awfully close to her own.
ibuki's hands were really pretty and she always wore black nail polish.
sometimes she was wearing a ring on them too, like right now.
it was silver and had a black kind of crystal in it, mikan thought it was really pretty. like her hands.
ibuki followed her gaze and blushed a little, internally debating if she should make a move right now or not. it's not that she didn't want to, she's been wanting to for quite some time now, she just didn't wanna make the other uncomfortable.
of course, it's not like mikan was a complete stranger to her. they obviously went to school together and have had small conversations in the past. one time she was even at her house, even if that was for homework, but it still counted.
mikan lived with hajime, part of the reason that people assumed they were a couple a lot.
"i... i like your ring"
"do you wanna try it on?"
ibuki almost hit herself in the face for that. it was a weird question, she should've just said thank you. mikan looked a little flustered, but to her surprise nodded.
"if you'd let me, maybe..."
ibuki took the ring off her own finger, before softly taking mikan's hand. this was a pretty great excuse to do that.
"almost like we're getting married"
she grinned and put the ring onto mikan, who was now blushing again.
softly, she looked at her hand for a while.
"i think it suits you... you should keep it"
"wha- no; ibuki you don't have to-"
"please, i want you to.. i think it looks cute on you. way better than on me anyways."
"now you're just lying"
mikan smiled again before placing her head onto the others shoulder. ibuki took that opportunity to put an arm around her.
"were you being serious when you asked if hajime and i were... you know..."
"well kinda, not really tho. i just needed to make sure that souda knew that too"
"right..."
that was a lie, actually, ibuki had been trying to find out rather hajime and her crush were actually dating or not for a while now. because sometimes they'd just be so.. couple-ish. they'd hold hands sometimes and share their homework with each other and.. well literally lived together, but on the other hand, if they really were dating it wouldn't make sense for mikan to be so okay with whatever hajime and kazuichi always had going on.
but now it just sounded like the question didn't mean anything, for mikan at least. maybe that was a little stupid, but it wasn't like ibuki really realised that.
at some point, they all sat together to talk and at another point mikan really needed a break so she had excused herself and followed ibuki's description of where the balcony was.
now she was just quietly staring at the moon, counting a few stars, the things you do when your anxiety takes over a little.
she should've known. this is why she didn't wanna go in the first place. yes, she liked her class and she knew he had to socialise every one in a while. what she didn't like was the tears that were now running down her face.
she didn't even really know why. maybe it was just the self doubts. because she really wanted ibuki to like her, but she also wanted to stay herself during that. and being honest, she just felt like there were better options. because sonia's smile was always just a little brighter than her own. and maybe ibuki liked soft voices like the one mahiru had, well, when she wasn't currently raising it. or maybe she was into people who were more kept together like peko was... and peko was really beautiful, so she wouldn't even be mad. she wouldn't be mad at anyone, really... that was the worst about it.
she had fantasised about ibuki liking her so often and she had made up so many scenarios and sometimes, she even creeped herself out with how much she thought about ibuki in the first place.
and of course she had noticed everything ibuki did, but in her mind, that was probably just the way she talked to anyone.
ibuki was very outgoing, it wouldn't be weird for her to smile at other people the way she smiled at mikan.
the black ring was being rotated around her finger, reflecting the moonlight, whenever a right angle was hit. another tear left a dark little patch on her skirt and she swallowed.
it felt a little pathetic, sitting on your crushe's balcony, while they're downstairs talking to your friends.
mikan wished to care a little less, but she just couldn't help it.
she almost jumped right up, when the glass door was opened, but all she did was let out a short scream.
"ah! sorry, i'm sorry- are you.. hey come on"
ibuki sounded concerned and mikan immediately wiped away her tears. this was embarrassing.
"can i hug you?"
she just nodded without thinking and ibuki pulled her into a hug for the second time that day.
her hand softly ran through her hair and she kissed her head.
mikan just listened to her heartbeat, careful not to start sobbing right then and there.
"hajime and the others left... i told him if you wanted to go home i'd bring you instead, but.. you could uhm.. stay the night too, if you wanted..."
mikan slowly let go of her to look her in the eyes.
"sorry if that's weird! oh gosh, you don't have to of course, i can just walk you home it's just- you uh... you're- how do i say this... i think you're really... like really cute and.. uhm"
"did hajime tell you?"
"... huh?"
"did he?"
"tell me... what exactly?"
mikan looked away
"mikan, i just... i like you. a lot and-"
"but- you can't!"
"wha- why?"
"because- because... because, ibuki, you're like- you're like the sun, alright? and when i look at you or when probably anyone looks at you, for that matter i just- it's butterflies and it's happiness and it's warm and soft and i- ... i'm not the moon, okay? i'm just... i'm probably not even a star! and i know that and it's okay, but it means we can't... we won't work and you're just- you- you're lying to yourself-"
"stop! mikan, please..."
ibuki wanted to cry really bad and her head was racing for words to say right now. she felt like it could be one slip up and she'd lose, not even knowing if she could win this in the first place.
"you're like.. the entire galaxy. and i'm not lying! not to you or myself.. i really really really like you. you're cool. and i've.. i've always liked you! i was just.. i was scared i'd make you uncomfortable or anything so i tried gradually moving closer to you and taking small steps to build trust and all that, because i really did not wanna mess this up... you really matter to me. that's why i threw this entire... party thing... i just wanted an excuse to have you close to me... i don't want you to think such horrible things about yourself.. you are so beautiful in so many ways.. okay?"
"... i'm sorry-"
"it's alright you don't have to apologise.. it's okay. i get... what you're saying, at least a little just.. i do like you... a lot. a whole lot.
"y-you don't have to.. keep repeating it"
"so... you.. you do like me too, right?"
".. yes... of course i do..."
mikan's cheeks were probably as warm as an oven right now, but she was smiling too.
"is it... okay if i... kiss you?"
after a while, the other nodded and very gently, as soft as she could, ibuki kissed her.
and even if mikan had thought about moments like these for what felt like ages now, she could tell how real this was.
softly, her hands wandered off into ibuki's black hair while trying to somehow get even closer to her.
the kiss felt like a promise, in a weird way, like a confirmation of everything that had just left ibuki's mouth.
while pulling her a little closer by her hips, it had somehow just hit ibuki that mikan had been out here for quite a while and the fact that it was late fall and she was only wearing a t-shirt didn't make it better.
mikan looked almost hurt for a second, when the other broke the kiss, but ibuki was trying really hard to be quick and pull off her hoodie as fast as possible.
obviously, she was wearing a long sleeve shirt under it and proceeded to pull the hoodie over mikan's head.
"so that we can keep watching the starts without you freezing in place"
she blushed a little
"i'd rather kiss you than watch the stars right now."