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Words from his therapist echoed through his head on repeat. You hide your true feelings from others. She was right. But he was starting to think it was about more than that. Was he also hiding them from himself?
He shook the thought away, not now please, he needed to get some sleep.
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Time had passed since Buck last thought about what had kept him awake all those nights ago. Apart from his last therapy appointment of course. It helped but he wasn't sure if he was ready. He couldn't let his mind wander. And it didn't for a while, not about that anyway.
The surprise visit of his parents then the surprise secret they dropped, all his thoughts were on that. But it was all over now. He finally had a chance to let himself think. He wasn't sure if he was ready, but he had to stop ignoring it. He has to let himself think. Think about what if I do like guys, what if I like Eddie? Anytime he wasn't at work he was with Eddie and Chris. The more time they spent inside the more he noticed he was staring at his friend, how his heart raced when he got close, and so much more.
He just wanted to talk to someone else about this. His therapist was great but he needed someone who knew what he felt from experience.
Hen stood in the kitchen of the firehose just ending a call, probably from her wife. She was alone. It was now or never. "Can I ask you something?" Buck asked.
"How knew I was a lesbian?" At his shocked expression she laughed, "Usually what it is."
It was like a weight lifted off his shoulder. He had thought talking about it was what would help but just listening to her story. It cemented in his head what he was already starting to realize. He liked guys, at least Eddie. She probably guessed why but he hadn't had to tell her anything he wasn't comfortable with yet.
The conservation sparked with Hen sparked something in him. He was finally starting to accept his feelings and accept he was maybe bisexual. He knew what it was but never really thought about it. But now it was all he thought about. He researched a lot. As scared as he was he just ultimately felt happy. Buck understood himself so much more and things were just piecing together. All he wanted to do know was tell someone.
Buck took a deep breath as his eyes met his sister's. She sat in the quiet waiting for him to begin. He hoped she couldn't tell how nervous he was. It was now or never. "I'm bi."
She took his hand and could feel it shaking. "You know I love you no matter what, right?"
"I know." The two sat in a comfortable silence for a moment when Buck looked up and added, "I also like Eddie."
"Have you told him this?" She smiled. He shook his head. "You're the only one who knows."