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When she sees him, she almost walks away. Isn’t that horrible? The man she’s trusted with her life for what seems like an eternity-someone who held her together during some of her worst times-and she can hardly stand to look at him.
It’s not his fault. She knows that. The effects of the Amor de Infierno are irresistible. But she cannot shake the memories of him looking at her urgently, like she’s the love of his life, making confessions she cannot unhear.
He didn’t mean them. Of course not. That’s not how the potion works. She doesn’t fault Monroe for the way he was pining after Eve, and she certainly doesn’t believe that Hank is harboring a secret and heartbreaking affection for himself, but seeing Nick in the garden as she walks in? Just the two of them alone, after everything that happened? Everything in her rebels.
He’s obviously oblivious to her presence, staring at the flowers listlessly from a bench. Something’s wrong, and normally, she wouldn’t hesitate to rush to his side and check on him (just as he wouldn’t hesitate if the roles were reversed), but…
Anger curls in her veins. How dare Randy put a wedge in her family like that?
Using the anger to propel her forward, she marches up to Nick, slowing when he looks up at her in alarm. Right. I’m not actually charging onto a battlefield. Purposefully gentling her expression, she clears her throat. “You okay?”
He scoffs, raising a brow. “Are you?”
Point taken. “Getting there. You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Glancing away, he shakes his head. “It’s nothing.” He’s tense, arms wrapped tightly around himself, obviously as uncomfortable after the events of the day as her. “You should go check on Monroe.”
“I did,” she answers easily. “And now I’m checking on you.”
“I-” He falters. Swallows. Closes his eyes. “I hadn’t-” Whatever he’s trying to say seems stuck in his throat, and she gathers her courage, pushing past every hum of panic under her skin to rest her hand on his arm.
“Nick, it’s okay.”
He draws in a breath, and sounds a little steadier when he speaks. “The last time I told Juliette I loved her, she laughed in my face,” he admits, and her heart breaks for him all over. It’s not the first time, and she’s sure it won’t be the last, but that doesn’t make it any better.
“Oh, Nick…” She takes a seat beside him, and he automatically adjusts to make room for her.
“After that, I just… Didn’t say it.” Voice thick with shame, he adds, “It was a month after Kelly was born before I could-” His voice breaks, and he trails off, but she understands, and protectiveness wells up in her. Normally she would wrap him up in a hug at this point, but though her hands twitch by her sides, the thought is just a little too close after everything that happened.
Words fail her, however; empty reassurances won’t help. So she rests her arm against his, hoping the simple contact will be enough.
When he gets himself under control, he continues, “Today, though, I could just… Say it. For the first time since Juliette, I could just say the words without feeling like…”
“... Like everything’s about to come crashing down?” She asks, as gently as she can. When he nods, she sighs. “Look, Nick, the thing about magical solutions is, they aren’t real. We both know you didn’t mean the things you said to me.”
He shudders. “But I do, you know? Not like that,” he hurries to add, just as the first prickle of panic reaches the back of her mind, “but… You, Monroe, Wu, Hank… Even Eve. It’s different, but it’s still-I still do, and now I can’t even say that without-”
She blinks a few times, trying to parse her way through what he’s saying, but when it hits her, she can’t breathe. This made it worse, she realizes. The fear of saying those three little words was already there, but this just added fuel to the fire.
Enough. Forcing her way past every lingering bit of fear inside her, she wraps her arms around him, patiently waiting him out; at first, he tenses, but when she doesn’t let go, he slowly relaxes into the hug.
She knows what she needs to say, but that doesn’t make it easy. Not after the events of the day. But- “I love you, Nick,” she promises, because she knows he needs to hear it. “And so does Monroe. So does Wu… Hank… Eve... All of us. And you don’t have to say it, because you show us every day, but if you want to say it… It’s okay.”
A shudder runs through him, and she gives him a long moment to center himself before releasing him.
The smile he gives her is small, but sincere, and she takes a chance, pushing a little. “So, me, Monroe, Wu, Hank, and Eve, huh?” His cheeks heat, and he ducks his head, obviously sensing where this is going, but he doesn’t shut down, so she keeps going. “What about Adalind?”
“I… The way you mean? I’m not quite ready to go there yet.” But there’s something ridiculously soft in his voice, and she highly suspects he’ll be there soon, if he isn’t there already.
“Okay, well, either way, you should definitely go back in and see her, because she’s probably worried sick.”
A sparkle appears in his eyes, and he opens his mouth, a quip obviously on the tip of his tongue. In the next moment, though, he shakes his head, letting it fall to the ground. Maybe one day, they’ll be able to joke about what happened here.
For today, they’re back to normal. And that’s enough.