Work Text:
Jimmy’s sorrow put things into perspective. She listened whole-heartedly. The love and affection she heard in his words filled her eyes with tears. The life he and Breena had had, their daughter and all the moments that would live close to Jimmy’s heart for the rest of his life. Sometimes life was truly unfair – this definitely being one of those times.
Jack had only met Breena a handful of times, but what she had seen was a remarkable woman, wife and mother. The perfect match for the oh so always optimistic and lively Jimmy Palmer. A feeling of sadness swept over her and Jack took a shallow breath and tried to hold her tears at bay. Unconsciously she swayed to one side brushing against something, or well someone, solid and warm. She almost gave in and leaned against him but halted the movement at the last moment. The conversation from earlier still fresh and confusing. She had thought that maybe, maybe.
“I just, I just love you so much."
Jimmy’s words echoed through the silent office. Smiling through the tears he slowly put the letter down. Kasie was the first one to advance, she tenderly placed a hand on his arm and then wrapped him in a long hug. The rest of the team followed, gathering around their colleague and friend. Soft murmurs, supporting glances and touches.
“Hey, Jack?” Gibbs lips close to her left ear made her twitch slightly.
She didn’t look at him. “Yeah?” Instead of an answer she felt his finger on her cheek, he wiped away a tear she hadn’t noticed had escaped.
“You’re crying”, he whispered. He was even closer now. His chest right behind her. His hand brushed hers and she knew that if she turned around, steely blue eyes would bore into hers.
“Well, uhuh, must be a damn good investigator drawing that conclusion”, she sniffed. It was true, she was crying. One tear had turned in to countless more. She cried over the life that was lost and the man standing there clutching his letter to his heart. She cried over the chances she wished she’d taken herself to get a chance at that kind of true, pure love. It could have been easier. If she wasn’t so scared, wasn’t so scarred.
As if Gibbs could read her mind, he placed a soothing hand on her shoulder, slowly sliding it down until he reached her hand. She was a little surprised when she felt callused fingers lace with her own. His mouth sill close to her ear. “Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect -” His grip on her hand tightened.
”We take what we get and are thankful it’s not worse than it is.” Even if the quote itself would not be considered funny, rather the opposite, a small smile crept on to her lips when she finished the sentence. ”Are you really quoting me Gone With the Wind right now?” She finally turned around to face the man standing behind her.
” Mhmm, after the Bible it’s among the favorite books in America” he shrugged. The look Gibbs gave her was serious, still there was a twinkle to the sadness.
She contemplated for a minute and then added “But If we do not take what we get, do not acknowledge what is given to us..” she trailed off, suddenly seeing a new meaning to the saying. “So by admitting and accepting what is given, things could get better?”. Jack shook her head, “making the worse not so bad?” There was certainly one thing she had tried to suppress for a while, something that probably would make her life different. Oh how she wished.
Gibbs shrugged a little and seemed to search some sort of answer by looking her straight in the eyes. “Should’ve have known, Jack” he snorted quietly, squeezing her hand.
“Should have known what?” Suddenly he let his eyes flicker away, looking anywhere but her. It made Jack a little nervous and she moved her free hand to tap his chest carefully, “Gibbs?”
“Nah, I ...you’re smart” finally he looked down at her again “turning things upside down, I like that.” With that one look Jack felt something shift, something that made it hard to breath.
“Gonna miss you, Jack”, he stated. He had thought about it all day. Thought about her leaving NCIS. The meaning behind his words still ran so much deeper because what she really was leaving was him. “You make even this” he gestured to Jimmy “something light, something beautiful. He sighed. “Just really gonna miss it.”
Jack held his gaze steady. “I don’t want you to miss me.” She quickly realized how the words came out when walls seemed to cloud Gibbs piercing blue eyes. His body instinctively turned away from her.
“I mean..” Well the moment wasn’t perfect; they were at a eulogy for Christ sake. But hey, this might be the one time she’d have the guts to say it. “I want you with me so you don’t have to miss me”, she took a deep breath and looked down. “Don’t you understand that I want you?”
The words were out before she could take them back. At Gibbs lack of verbal response she regretted it immediately. Eyes closing, she tried to back-track. A shaky; “at.. at the beach bar I mean ‘cause you, we’re-.” Jack knew he wouldn’t buy it. Who was she trying to fool?
It was suddenly awfully quiet. Gibbs steady breathing was the only noise filling the office. If someone asked her right now, yes, she’d very much like for the earth to open up and swallow her. Even the murmurs from the rest of the team had died down. Had they also heard her pathetically admit her feelings?
A few seconds passed until someone, finally, discreetly cleared their throat. “Ehm I know it’s not my place, not really”, Jimmy said. “I just know that Breena would have wanted us to keep smiling and to not be afraid to feel love and happiness even during this time”, he quickly continued and “sometimes you, or I mean people in general, or maybe just not people in general but it could be-“ Jimmy nervously rambled and definitely did not get to whatever point he was making.
“Palmer”, Gibbs low grumble made the other man take a deep breath.
“Just kiss her?” Jimmy said it so fast Jack almost missed it. She didn’t though. Neither did the rest of the team if Nick’s not-so-quiet “Yes, pleeease” was something to go by.
Then there was the deafening silence.
Slowly, oh so slowly, Jack opened one of her eyes. Not sure where to look, but certain to ease the tension, she decided Jimmy was the safest bet right now. Gibbs' breaths were steady right next to her, but he didn’t say a word and what was she really expecting. Sure he would miss her, he liked her. That didn’t mean he wanted her the way she wanted him.
“It’s really sweet of you to say that Jimmy”, she tried. Softly referring to the first part. “I just don’t think the, well kissing part, is going to happen”. Her cheeks now tinted in pink and feeling a bit embarrassed. She took a step backwards, sighed and smiled in the younger man’s direction.
A tug on her hand made her turn. “Ah but what if I really wanna do that?” Gibbs low whisper caught her off guard. "Just kiss you". This time he said it loud enough for the others to hear. Jack suddenly felt warm and nervous. Maybe she'd gone crazy from the all emotional stress lately, so now she was the one searching his face for answers. For once she found exactly what she was looking for. She’d always knew it’d be inevitable. Even when she had her doubts.
She stared at his lips, then his eyes. A shrug. “Then show me, Cowboy.”
She had the audacity to look absolutely breath-taking when she said it and if there wasn’t a eulogy and his entire team watching he definitely would have shown her. Instead, he softly put one hand in her hair, pulling her close to him. “Don’t you understand that I want you?” Repeating her words.
The kiss was soft and slow, accompanied by a careful high five somewhere in the background and a sad but also happy sniffle from Jimmy where he stood in a circle of the people he loved.
Jack smiled against Gibbs' lips and leaned out of the kiss. They both looked at the people behind them.
“We’ll figure it out, right?”, she murmured. Their fingers still laced, breathing even.
“All of us”, Gibbs agreed and caught a single tear on her cheek.