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He didn’t really want to be here.
Every corner of the house was covered with drunk classmates, plastic cups, and bags of junk food. The bass thrummed throughout the foundations of the place and rattled Song Lan’s bones. As Xiao Xingchen led him past a cheerleader giving another girl a questionable haircut, Song Lan was sure that he caught a whiff of cheap weed, too.
A burst of laughter came from a group of teens sprawled out on the couch and just the thought of coming into physical contact with any of the furniture in the house made his stomach lurch.
He didn’t go to parties. He hadn’t planned to go to this one either.
But as Xiao Xingchen guided him by the hand into the kitchen, handing him a concerningly neon-colored drink before tugging him away to greet some friend or another, Song Lan couldn’t bring himself to be that mad about it.
Xiao Xingchen’s fingers were cold. It made Song Lan want to offer him his jacket. It made him worry that the other boy would be able to tell just how badly his own hands were sweating.
If he was honest, Song Lan was still reeling from the way his best friend had looked laying on his bed a few hours before.
Xiao Xingchen had ditched his shoes at the front door, dropped his heavy backpack when he walked into Song Lan’s room, and plopped down onto the bed as if he belonged there, texting the host of the party they were at now. The image of it wouldn’t leave Song Lan’s head no matter how many times he tried to blink it away.
This boy had crashed into his life their Sophomore year, and he had somehow cemented himself as a permanent fixture in Song Lan’s routine. He couldn’t imagine sitting in class without watching how the light reflected off Xiao Xingchen’s hair. He couldn’t see himself studying without hearing Xiao Xingchen’s nonsensical humming next to him. He couldn’t think about any other person kneeling on his old duvet and offering to braid his hair for a sudden party invitation.
Fingers gently brushing over the neat plaiting, Song Lan was struck with the sudden dread of their upcoming graduation.
The thought of not having Xiao Xingchen there with him every day…
Song Lan lifted the cup to his lips and let about half of it slide down his throat before he tried to focus on the conversation that he was probably supposed to be taking part in, Xiao Xingchen’s chilly hand helping to ground him.
How could he pay attention, though, when Xiao Xingchen smiled like that, with a brightness that burned strong enough to hurt? Song Lan wished that smile was directed at him all the time.
Without it, he felt lost, his life a maze of shadowed corners.
“—play, Zichen!” Xiao Xingchen’s sudden attention took Song Lan by surprise. “What do you think?”
Blinded, Song Lan simply nodded.
“Great!” the other boy grinned, pulling him into the living room.
A group of kids had formed a loose circle. An empty bottle sat in the center of them. Nie Huaisang was tipsily trying to explain the rules of the game without falling over.
Xiao Xingchen knelt down and gently dragged Song Lan to sit next to him.
Song Lan hoped his face wasn’t burning. He had never played Spin the Bottle before and, certainly, never played a version that combined it with Seven Minutes in Heaven.
He quickly glanced around the circle to take in the other players as they all settled in. Half listening to Nie Huaisang’s voice, Song Lan started thinking about what each of his classmates might do while blindfolded in a closet.
Wei Wuxian would probably just talk the whole time. Lan Wangji would most likely stand in silence which suited Song Lan just fine. Wen Ning definitely would stutter and fidget until time was up. Nie Huaisang wouldn’t be too bad, but he would surely be disappointed with Song Lan’s inexperienced lips. There was Mian Mian from math class and Jin Zixuan from social studies and Wen Ning’s sister… Song Lan made his way around the group until his eyes landed on Xue Yang.
He could immediately feel his blood boil.
Xue Yang must have noticed him glaring, because he flicked his eyes over and had the audacity to wink at him. Song Lan curled his fingers into a fist.
The bastard had gotten Song Lan suspended for a week for a prank he hadn’t pulled. The smug-faced asshole had framed him and somehow completely gotten away with it. And now, here he was sitting across the way with laughter dancing in his dark eyes and the tightest ripped skinny jeans Song Lan had ever seen.
Xiao Xingchen leaned over close to Song Lan’s ear to whisper, “Sorry, I didn’t know he was going to be here.”
Song Lan hummed noncommittally, his mind suddenly hyper-focused on the smell of the other boy’s floral shampoo. He wanted to bury his face into Xiao Xingchen’s hair and breathe him in. Their pinky fingers brushed. Song Lan longed to lace their hands together. He wanted to tie the two of them to each other with flesh and bone.
The cheering of the group around him brought Song Lan back to reality. The bottle had been spun and Xue Yang hoisted himself up to his feet with a grin.
“Don’t leave me waiting too long,” he threw over his shoulder before snatching the blindfold Nie Huaisang tossed to him. Xue Yang sauntered over a bit to the closet, threw open the door, and slammed it behind him.
Song Lan hated him.
“Well, who’s going to go in after him?” Wei Wuxian asked, waggling his eyebrows. He bent over to give the bottle a spin with a quick flick of his wrist.
Around and around it went. It wobbled a bit as it slowed, and then stopped, to Song Lan’s horror, cap pointing at him.
Xiao Xingchen squeezed his hand tightly. Song Lan felt dizzy as the other members of the circle glanced at each other, wondering what he would do.
“Alright,” he said quietly.
He would just talk to Xue Yang. He would find out what the asshole’s problem was and deal with it right then and there. So what if the confrontation happened in a closet at a party? Song Lan would finally give Xue Yang a piece of his mind.
And if he wanted a fight…
Song Lan got to his feet.
Scrambling after him, Xiao Xingchen clung to his fingers. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Zichen. We can just leave.”
“It’s fine. I’m just going to talk to him.”
Nie Huaisang whined, “That’s so not the point of the game! He’s not supposed to know who you are.”
Gently pulling his fingers away, Song Lan nodded at Xiao Xingchen and walked over to the closet door. He glanced back at the circle once before placing a hand on the doorknob.
Most of the group had started chatting as Mian Mian set the timer on her phone. Xiao Xingchen was looking at him, eyebrows knitted together.
Song Lan couldn’t stand that expression. He couldn’t stand the fact that he was the reason for it either. And so, he pushed open the closet door and stepped inside.
It was dark inside the closet, and Song Lan stood still as he waited for his eyes to adjust.
Slowly, the form of Xue Yang came into view. The blindfold was wrapped around his head, covering his eyes. His lips were still twisted into an infuriating smile that made Song Lan want to hit him.
He could do it. The bastard wouldn’t even be able to see it coming.
Song Lan curled his fingers into his palm and took a step forward.
“Well, don’t be shy now, sweetheart,” Xue Yang crooned. “The clock’s ticking.”
Song Lan grabbed hold of Xue Yang’s shirt and pressed up into the other boy’s space, pushing him through thick jackets and wire hangers until Xue Yang’s back hit the wall. The other boy’s flinch gave Song Lan an immediate sense of satisfaction.
“Fuck, shouldn’t you buy a guy dinner first before roughing him up?” Xue Yang laughed.
Hands twisted in thinning fabric, Song Lan sucked in a breath. Somehow, this kid rolled with every punch. He never seemed to get flustered or intimidated by anyone.
It infuriated him.
Song Lan had thought about this moment of reckoning for a long time. He had gone over what he would say if he caught Xue Yang alone after school one day. He had spoken about it in depth with Xiao Xingchen on his roof while they looked up at the stars and he learned exactly what falling in love felt like.
And here he was, no one around to interfere and not even Xiao Xingchen nearby to possibly judge him, but instead of beating the daylights out of the piece of shit, Song Lan was staring at him, shaking.
Xue Yang clicked his tongue and said, “If you’re not going to do something fun, get out and send someone more exciting in. I’m bored.”
Song Lan’s eyes were drawn to Xue Yang’s lips.
The boy’s mouth was always occupied. He never walked around the school without a lollipop or cigarette hanging from between his teeth.
But here in the dark closet of some classmate Song Lan couldn’t remember the name of, Xue Yang’s lips looked teasing, inviting.
They were already so close. Song Lan could feel their breath mingling in the space between their faces.
He thought back on the earlier moment in his bedroom. After Xiao Xingchen had finished his braid and when he had leaned forward, eyes fluttering closed, and Song Lan had panicked and turned away, stuttering out some random question to pretend he hadn’t seen a thing. Xiao Xingchen was such a good friend that he had let it go without even a slight dip in his smile.
Song Lan had wanted to kiss him.
He wanted to kiss him now.
But instead, he was in a closet with Xue Yang of all people and Song Lan hated him. Looking at his stupid face made him want to commit violence and, when Xue Yang opened his mouth, presumably to make another complaint, Song Lan pressed their mouths together.
He had no idea what he was doing. He had never imagined kissing anyone before Xiao Xingchen had come into his life and, even then, he couldn’t quite form the images in his mind to consider what it would possibly look like.
Xue Yang’s lips were a little rough. One of the boy’s hands cupped the curve of Song Lan’s jaw and guided him to tilt his head.
The kiss became easy then, and with Xue Yang leading, their lips slid together effortlessly.
Song Lan was surprised that he liked it. Having another person pressed up against him and having his tongue, something no one else had ever touched before, stroked inside someone else’s mouth was thrilling.
One hand still bunched in Xue Yang’s shirt, Song Lan raised the other on pure instinct to bury it in Xue Yang’s hair. The other boy gave a small gasp when Song Lan tugged on it a bit which encouraged him to tug harder.
Xue Yang pulled away, panting.
“Fuck, dude.”
His own chest still heaving, Song Lan dove back in again. Less tentative this time, he kissed deeply, wanting to taste, claim, overwhelm. It felt good to be able to shut Xue Yang up for once.
A leg fitted over Song Lan’s hip as Xue Yang’s hands got more adventurous. Fingers slid through his hair, stroked down his neck, and squeezed at his ass. It was as if Xue Yang thought he’d be able to guess who Song Lan was just by mapping out what he could of his body.
He felt feverish.
A knock on the closet door startled him and Song Lan hazily came up from licking the roof of Xue Yang’s mouth.
Xue Yang huffed out a laugh before pulling the blindfold up off his head.
For a brief moment, cold fear flooded through Song Lan’s system, but Xue Yang kept his eyes closed as he held out the strip of cloth.
Song Lan reached out to take it with a shaky hand. As he did, Xue Yang caught hold of his wrist.
“Hey,” he said, tone soft like Song Lan was some sort of easily frightened animal. “That wasn’t half bad.”
With a grin and a bit of fumbling, Xue Yang exited the closet. The light half blinded Song Lan when the door opened and then quickly shut.
Song Lan looked down at the blindfold crumpled in his hands and wondered at himself. He couldn’t even blame the cup of watered-down alcohol as the reason he had given his first kiss to Xue Yang, a guy who literally tried to get him expelled.
He hated him, right?
A quieter knock came from the closet door and without thinking, Song Lan quickly tied the blindfold around his head. Plunged into darkness, he could feel his face heat.
No one entered the closet and anxiety started to well up in his gut. His heart pounded and Song Lan made a move towards the door, wanting to escape. But the sound of the door opening and closing froze him in place.
It was quiet. The other person made no sound. All he could hear was his own pulse.
Song Lan couldn’t make out anything from behind the cloth covering his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something when a finger caught his bottom lip.
It brushed along the curve of his mouth and all the blood in his body rushed to Song Lan’s face.
He had no idea what he looked like. He wondered if his lips were swollen. They were so sensitive that he imagined they were red and puffy. His hair…
Song Lan reached up to check if his braid was intact and was relieved to find it unharmed, even if the loose bits felt significantly wilder than before.
The finger dipped into his mouth a little and Song Lan instinctively gripped the other person’s forearm. He didn’t know if he wanted to fling the hand away from him or close his lips around the digit to suck on it.
He hardly recognized himself.
The owner of the hand pulled the finger away and replaced it with their lips.
It was a soft, gentle kiss. Nothing like the one he shared with Xue Yang. And warmth spread from Song Lan’s fingertips to his toes.
Now that he had discovered the joys of kissing, he wanted to learn how to do it well. He wanted to leave this closet, sweep Xiao Xingchen off his feet, and give him a kiss that would express just how much the boy meant to him.
Song Lan wanted to tell his best friend “don’t leave”, “let me follow you wherever you go”, and “I’ve loved you since the moment you first smiled at me” with nothing but his lips. He had never been good at talking about his feelings, but he could certainly be a man of action.
To this stranger, Song Lan slid his hands around their hips, pulling them in tight against him. He tilted his head like Xue Yang had shown him and deepened the kiss.
Practice.
This was all practice.
Song Lan would make his first kiss with Xiao Xingchen perfect.
Teeth playfully bit into his bottom lip and Song Lan gasped. His hands clumsily explored up the person’s back and found their way into the other’s hair.
It was long and silky, just like Xiao Xingchen’s, and Song Lan wove his hand into it. His lips tingled as the two kissed and kissed.
Hands slid up under his shirt, mapping out his collarbones, his pectorals, and then circling his nipples. Song Lan’s soft moan was swallowed by a foreign mouth and heat built deep in his belly.
Song Lan had just figured out that flicking his tongue against the other person’s made them groan when a knock came from the door.
Reluctantly, Song Lan extracted himself away from the stranger and fiddled with the blindfold’s tie. He cleared his throat before saying, “I’ll keep my eyes shut.”
Pulling the cloth over his head, he held it out palm-up for the other person. As promised, Song Lan kept his eyes tightly closed. He was sure that if he opened his eyes now, he would simply die of embarrassment. It was truly better like this.
“Here,” he offered.
Warm fingers plucked the blindfold out of his hand and Song Lan was left at a bit of a loss. He wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate to thank the other person or not. Xue Yang hadn’t thanked him after, but he had complimented him, sort of.
“You...” he stammered. “You’re a… a real good kisser.”
A hand slowly brushed across his cheek before Song Lan was led towards the door.
“Um, thank you?” Song Lan managed to get out before the door was opened for him and he was gently pushed out.
He blinked a few times until it didn’t seem so excruciatingly bright and Song Lan wandered back towards the circle.
He felt unsteady, knees wobbly. He felt like a completely different person.
When he returned to the circle, there were two spots open. Song Lan sat heavily into the closest one and did a quick once over around the group.
Wei Wuxian was clearly staring at him, eyebrows raised, until Lan Wangji distracted him. The rest of the group was engaged in a lively debate about which fast food had the best fries and paid Song Lan very little attention.
Wen Qing was gone and so was… Xiao Xingchen.
Song Lan’s cheeks heated.
The person who had kissed him… was definitely taller than Wen Qing.
He heard a laugh beside him and Song Lan turned to see Xue Yang lounging next to him, looking lazy and satisfied.
Song Lan suddenly realized how easy it was to figure out who made out with who in this version of the game. He wanted to fall into the floor beneath him for not realizing it sooner. Maybe that one cup of alcohol really had affected him more than he originally thought.
“Who knew you two weirdos had it in you?” Xue Yang said. His eyes danced with amusement as he licked his bottom lip just to see Song Lan’s eyes flick down to watch the motion.
“I thought you and Xingchen were just wannabe narcs, telling on me after I spiked the homecoming punch. But you’ve got some balls, Song Lan.”
“You almost got me kicked out of school,” Song Lan replied, anger quickly winning the battle against his embarrassment.
Xue Yang rolled his eyes, “It was just a little revenge for landing me in detention for a month.”
The boy looked down and picked at a stray thread coming out of a hole in one of his jean legs. Song Lan was pretty sure that particular hole hadn’t been there earlier that school year and briefly wondered what kind of life Xue Yang led after the final bell rang each day.
“So,” Xue Yang started, “does Xingchen not put out or something? Is that why you went so wild on me?”
Song Lan’s face burned as he looked away. He glanced in the direction of the closet and was reminded that he had just kissed, no, made out with Xiao Xingchen. And that Xiao Xingchen knew it was him. He felt like he was going to spontaneously combust.
“We,” he said, feeling dizzy. “We aren’t together.”
Xue Yang’s head whipped up to look at him. Slowly, he grinned.
“Who was the better kisser?”
Song Lan groaned and put his head in his hands.
“It’s not fair that you got to kiss us both,” Xue Yang continued. “When the timer’s up and Xingchen comes back out, it’s my turn.”
“Absolutely not!” Song Lan exclaimed, looking back up at the other boy.
“Did you or didn’t you learn some very valuable techniques when you were macking on me earlier? You owe me, Song Lan.”
Fury flared and Song Lan saw red. Xiao Xingchen was more than just a prize in a stupid contest. He was kind and thoughtful. He went barefoot whenever they had classes outside and always shared his snacks. He had slow-danced with Song Lan at homecoming and sang the wrong lyrics to the songs that played on the radio in Song Lan’s car.
He made high school more bearable.
Xue Yang looked at him for a moment before sighing heavily.
“Don’t have a hernia, I’m just joking.”
He leaned his head over onto Song Lan’s shoulder and in a serious tone said, “If you don’t make a move on him soon, though, I will.”
Song Lan opened his mouth to reply, but Xue Yang beat him to the punch, “Of course, I’d still be available if you need to practice some more. It doesn’t have to be just kissing, either.”
The flush returned to Song Lan’s face as Xue Yang winked at him with a laugh.
And then, Mian Mian’s seven-minute alarm went off.