Chapter Text
Teenage Bounty Hunters - Season Two, Episode 1
FADE IN:
EXT. TRAILER PARK SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF ATLANTA -- NIGHT
We start where we left off in a seedy trailer park that reeks of mismanagement and crime. The camera pans down from up above with the final lines of season one echoing through voice over. Blue and red lights of the quickly approaching police cars light the perimeter. Sirens get gradually louder. The shot closes in on The Wesley's, Dana, Levi, and Bowser, all in a circle, their attention is directed at DANA.
DANA
You’re my daughter.
The camera snaps to STERLING, who has gotten visibly paler with each labored breath coming quicker than the last. Her eyes are wide and glassy. She is speechless and looks to BLAIR for help.
BLAIR
What the fuck?
Dana steps towards Sterling, only for her and Blair to take one step back together.
DANA
I know the timing ain’t perfect. But look at you, Muffin!
BLAIR
(Almost inaudibly) Muffin?
DANA (CONT.)
You are somthin’ special. And maybe I don’t have nothing to do with your manners, but I sure am proud to call you mine. You let me know when you're ready to lear-
DEBBIE
Stop talking! Right now, you hear? You don’t get speak to her, and you Goddamn well know it. She was never yours.
Debbie lifts the shot gun higher and points it at Dana like she means it. The police have finally arrived.
POLICE OFFICER
Ma'am, please lower the weapon.
Debbie glares at Dana, but slowly lowers the weapon to the ground. ANDERSON moves to his wife's side.
ANDERSON
Officer, this is the woman we called in about. She kidnapped our daughter.
Anderson gestures towards Sterling and Blair for them to join him and Debbie by the Police Officer. Neither girl moves. Sterling pries her hand from Blair's and walks towards the trailer.
CUT TO:
EXT. LEVI'S TRAILER, -- NIGHT
Sterling cries softly as she walks over to an overturned refrigerator and sits down. She looks at her shoes and starts to laugh.
BLAIR
Hey.
STERLING
I’m never going to get these clean.
Sterling gestures to her shoes.
BLAIR
(incredulously)
What?
STERLING
My slippers.
BLAIR
Are you serious? Sterl, wha-
STERLING
It's just, this is not, this was not how I thought tonight would go. You know? These aren’t the shoes you wear to get kidnapped in. I'm wearing pajamas.
BLAIR
That might be the understatement of the millennia.
STERLING
(laughing)
Sure is.
Blair moves to sit down next to Sterling on the fridge. They sit as close together as possible. Blair taps her hand on the metal.
BLAIR
I hid in this thing when Bowser was shooting at that loser with the new hole in his thigh.
STERLING
I kicked down a door inside with my hands tied trying to get to you guys. Just like you taught me.
BLAIR
Damn, you are the braver Twi-
Sterling looks Blair in the eyes. Tears are threatening to fall down her face. Blair wraps her arm tightly around Sterling’s. Sterling grips Blair's hand and leans her head on her shoulder. Her eyes are tightly shut, though the tears push through anyway.
BLAIR
No, no! You are. You are the braver twin. We are sisters, Sterl. Like the totally co-dependent, TMI, get old together and die on the same day kind of sisters.
STERLING
(laughing)
I know. It just...
BLAIR
No. Just nothing. I don't know exactly what happened over there.
Blair gestures over to where Debbie and Anderson are now talking with Bowser next to the family pick up.
BLAIR
It honestly seems like something we'll be unpacking in therapy for like a long, long, long time. But you and me? Sisters for sure.
STERLING
Yeah, of course. You're so right.
Sterling appears to be perking up a bit, but is still clearly emotional. Blair and her embrace and break apart, then hug again. Both are teary eyed but smiling.
STERLING
Hey, you don't think that Levi is like, my Father? Do you?
BLAIR
(confused)
Levi? Like the jeans?
STERLING
The loser with the new hole in his thigh.
BLAIR
Oh, god no! Did you see how poorly he shot? No way your dead eye accuracy came from that creep.
STERLING
God, I hope you're right. (Pause)
I cannot believe this day is real. I didn't know so many things could logistically get this screwed up in less than 24 hours.
BLAIR
It appears that the universe may have expanded just enough to specifically screw us over more than otherwise possible. I can't believe Mom has a secret identical twin, who seems super shady by the way.
STERLING
Oh, you have no idea.
BLAIR
I think we got reverse Parent Trapped? Like if you flipped the whole movie on it's head?
STERLING
(Considering the statement)
Oh. Oh, that's dark.
They both laugh. Sterling stops first.
STERLING
What's worse is that this revelation isn't even the only terrible thing that has happened to me today.
BLAIR
Yeah, me too. But it is the worst.
STERLING
The worst!
Both sisters hug.
CUT TO:
INT. WILLINGHAM CLASSROOM -- NIGHT
The classroom is filled with sleeping bags and numerous students in pajamas chatting quietly with each other. APRIL STEVENS sits on her sleeping bag with her back resting up against the wall. She is looking at her phone at a text thread between her and Sterling. LUKE CRESWELL walks towards her with two packaged popsicles and sits down on the sleeping bag next to her.
LUKE
Hey! I thought you might want some dessert to follow up that 'za.
APRIL
(bewildered )
ZA?
LUKE
Pizza. Remember?
APRIL
Oh, right. Thanks.
April takes one of the popsicles from Luke and begins to open the wrapper. They are the double kind with two sticks, with the popsicles frozen together.
APRIL
I never understood why people considered these conjoined sugar ice pops a treat.
LUKE
Yeah, they are pretty terrible. But...
APRIL/LUKE
Sterling loves the Banana ones.
LUKE
(nodding while laughing)
Yeah! She always said they reminded her of Blair, too. Twin Pops, you know? She must have picked them for tonight.
APRIL
She did.
April looks back down at her phone, absentmindedly licking her popsicle.
LUKE
What flavor is yours?
APRIL
Um, red? I can't really tell to be honest.
LUKE
It's probably cherry. Or strawberry. Oh, maybe raspberry! Somekinda-berry.
APRIL
(losing interest)
Definitely one of those.
LUKE
So hey, I wanted to like, thank you. For being so nice to me. You have a lot of really great insight. Like Yoda! And, uh, I really appreciate you talking to me about Sterling.
APRIL
Sure, Luke.
LUKE
I'm just so glad you weren't like completely right, for once.
APRIL
Hmm? What do you mean?
LUKE
About Sterling. You said she'd left my galaxy, or whatever. But she hasn't moved on. She kissed me. We kissed.
APRIL
(suddenly very interested)
I'm sorry? What? When?
LUKE
Like a half hour ago. She was outside and looked like, really really sad. So I went to see if she was alright. And she was crying but she said she missed me, and then we kissed. It was so great.
April turns pale and leans forward. She looks mostly confused, but tears brim her eyes.
APRIL
You kissed Sterling?
LUKE
(smiling)
Totally. Then her mom picked her up like, really suddenly. I texted her to tell her I would miss her all night, but she hasn't responded. I'm sure she will, though.
Luke finishes off his popsicle with one large bite and starts to stand.
LUKE
(mouth full)
I'm going to get another one. You want?
April looks at her untouched popsicle melting red goo like blood down her her hand.
APRIL
No, thanks.
Luke nods and starts to walk away.
APRIL
Hey, Luke!
LUKE
Yeah?
APRIL
I'm really happy for you.
LUKE
(smiling big)
Thanks!
CUT TO:
INT. THE WESLEY PICK UP TRUCK -- NIGHT
The car is silent as it moves fast down an unknown highway. Anderson is driving with both hands on the wheel, eyes oscillating between scanning the road and his wife to his right. Debbie is teary eyed with her hand on her forehead. Blair and Sterling sit in the back seat. Blair looks impatient.
BLAIR
Well, are we going to just sit here and act like characters in The Artist, or can we get some answers?
ANDERSON
The Artist?
STERLING
It's a silent movie.
ANDERSON
Oh. Obscure reference, Blair.
BLAIR
It won best picture in 2012.
ANDERSON
You were eight in 2012.
BLAIR
That's not the point!
Debbie turns around in her seat to face her daughters. Her face is blotchy from crying.
DEBBIE
(exasperated)
There's so much, girls. So much we want you to know. I don't even know how to begin.
BLAIR
How about starting with telling us what the hell your doppelganger meant by calling herself Sterling's mother?
STERLING
I don't want to talk about that.
BLAIR
Wait, what? You don't want to know what the hell is going on?
STERLING
Not right now, no.
Sterling sends a pleading look to her sister.
BLAIR
Well, okay, fine. But we can't just sit here in spooky silence and pretend that our honest, god fearing parents didn't just lie to us for our whole lives. Literally our whole lives.
DEBBIE
Blair, honey. We can explain.
BLAIR
That's literally what I'm asking you to do!
STERLING
Can we please just not? Not tonight?
DEBBIE
Sure, honey. Whatever you want.
ANDERSON
In the morning, maybe?
STERLING
Sure.
BLAIR
Wow. Okay. Fine. Then I want waffles. With fresh fruit and homemade whipped cream.
Debbie nods her head and gives one final glance to Sterling before turning back around. Blair pulls out her phone and starts to play Fruit Ninja with the volume on full blast.
STERLING
Oh. I need a new phone.
DEBBIE
Hmm? What honey?
STERLING
Your sist--um, Dana? She threw my phone out the window.
DEBBIE
(exasperated)
Of course she did. We'll get you a new one soon. I have a spare I can give you until then.
STERLING
Thanks.
CUT TO:
INT. WESLEY HOUSE, STERLING'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT
Sterling stands in her room in a waffle cotton robe, her wet hair is dripping water onto the carpet. She is looking intensely at her dirty slippers. Blair crosses the bathroom and enters the room.
BLAIR
Did the shower help wash off any of that awfulness?
STERLING
I feel a little less...less like I was taken against my will by my newly biological mother to a dirty trailer park for reasons wholly unknown to me. Only a little, though. I still feel awful.
BLAIR
We could have maybe found out why she took you there. You know, when Mom and Dad were sitting two feet away in complete and utter silence. For an hour.
STERLING
Blair. I can't handle anymore big reveals tonight.
BLAIR
Fair.
Sterling continues to look at her slippers on the floor.
BLAIR
But your new obsession with your Uggs is bordering on fanatical.
STERLING
I just can't believe I went from a literal pajama party at school to where I am now. Has anything not completely and utterly changed? I think I'm going to need to throw them out.
BLAIR
Uh, they were kind of fugly anyway.
STERLING
(shocked)
What!
BLAIR
They are literally called Uggs, Sterling. They are ugly.
Sterling looks a little deflated and picks up her shoes and walks them over to her trash bin. She looks Blair straight in the eye and ceremoniously drops them in.
BLAIR
HUZZAH! I completely forgot about the lock-in. Why did you want me to come get you, anyway? I thought you and April had a big debut planned?
Sterling moves to sit on her bed and crosses her legs, resting her head on her hands.
STERLING
She changed her mind.
BLAIR
Oh. I mean, that's okay, right? It's kind of a big deal. Especially, for April. If God is at our doorstep, he is, like fully living in the Steven's guest room. Can't you just keep it private for now? We both know you can keep this secret.
Blair gives Sterling a sly smile. Sterling is stunned.
STERLING
Wait, what? But she told me she wanted to sleep side by side! She was excited! She completely bailed on us.
BLAIR
And I'm sure she was! But she's allowed to change her mind. She didn't bail on you, Sterling. She just wasn't ready to be out yet. You can't blame her for that. We both know her Dad isn't exactly rocking a rainbow bumper sticker on the back of his F-150. He's scary as fuck, too.
STERLING
Language!
BLAIR
He is!
STERLING
I know. That's the other thing. He's out.
BLAIR
He's gay, too!?
STERLING
No! He's out of prison. His charges were dropped. He came home today.
BLAIR
What! No wonder she changed her mind, Sterling! Daddy dearest is a woman beater and a bigot.
STERLING
Oh. Oh shit. Why didn't I get it? And, oh gosh. Shit. I'm an idiot. She said he asked about us, too.
BLAIR
Shit. She still doesn't know we brought him in, right?
STERLING
No! First rule of bounty hunting?
BLAIR
Never talk about bounty hunting. UNLESS, the girl you're crushing on hard is directly effected by said hunting.
STERLING
That is not the rule!
BLAIR
It is the new rule. You need to tell her. She thinks he knows about you guys! She's probably panicking.
STERLING
She will full on punch me in the face fight club style if I tell her. I know I have to tell her. I just can't believe that I totally didn't get it. When she didn't want to come out at school I just made it all about me. I didn't even think that she may have been scared for her safety.
BLAIR
I mean, and I know that you may be feeling especially fragile right now, what with (Blair gestures at EVERYTHING). And I don't wanna pile it on, but...you really did fuck up. I hate April and even I can see she wasn't turning you down to hurt you. If anything she was trying to protect you.
STERLING
Yeah, I see that now! It's very clear to me how terrible I am. Ugh, no. Fuck.
BLAIR
What?
STERLING
I also kissed Luke.
BLAIR
What?!
STERLING
He was just there and was like this big manly shaped reminder of how simple my life was before (Sterling gestures widely at EVERYTHING) and - God, it is not my day.
BLAIR
Nope, it is NOT.
STERLING
I don't know how I'm going to fix this.
Blair climbs on the bed with Sterling and pulls her sister into a hug. Blair kisses the top of Sterling's head. Sterling crumples into her sister's embrace.
BLAIR
We will fix it, Sterl. Twin promise.