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“Temari!”
Was it too much to ask that her day off be peaceful? Temari let out a loud sigh, lowering her book and resigning herself to whatever drama Shikamaru had thought up. Maybe if she pretended she wasn’t home, he would go bother someone else.
“I know you’re home; don’t ignore me.”
Well, that didn’t work.
“What?” she shouted, shifting more comfortably on the bed. The day had started off so well – she had booted Shikadai out the house early so she could have some peace and quiet, had finished the bottle of champagne they had opened a few days ago over breakfast, had fluffed up the pillows on the bed and settled down to finally read the book Kankuro had sent her months ago. “It’s my day off, and shouldn’t you be at work?”
“You might remember,” Shikamaru entered the bedroom. “That Naruto’s away on a conference, so I don’t have to be in the office.”
“Well, go somewhere else,” Temari grumbled. “This is my day.”
“I’ll leave, if you’re that keen to get rid of me. But I need a favour first.”
He watched her expectantly.
She cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
He held up one finger. “I have a splinter.”
“How is that my problem?”
“Because I can’t get it out.” He held up a pair of tweezers in his other hand. “I’ve been trying.”
“Try harder.” She lifted her book again, trying to ignore him.
He didn’t leave. “It’ll take two seconds.”
“Then do it yourself.”
“It’s in my right hand,” Shikamaru explained. “And I’m not as adept at using tweezers with my left hand as I thought.”
“You are a highly trained Jounin shinobi,” Temari pointed out. “Are you telling me you can’t handle a pair of tweezers? Just because it’s in your left hand?”
“Don’t start with me; I’ve seen you try handle a toothbrush with your left hand.”
She flicked her gaze up to him, eyes narrowing dangerously.
Shikamaru ignored her glare. “Remember, the sprained wrist? The ‘Oops I miscalculated on a mission and nearly broke an arm’ incident? I remember it, because I – being the loving and devoted partner I am – helped you brush your hair every day. Seems only fair that you return the favour.”
“If you want to live to see your child graduate the Academy, you’ll shut up,” she growled.
He waved the tweezers. “I’ll leave you alone as soon as you help me.”
“Why do you always think bribery is the best way to get what you want?”
“Because it works.”
“How did you even get a splinter?”
“I am so glad you asked,” Shikamaru said smugly, coming to flop dramatically onto the bed beside her. His tone – unusually gloating – indicated that whatever the cause of his ailment was, it was somehow Temari’s fault.
She closed her book slowly, eying him as he pressed into her side, and resisted the urge to slap the smirk off his face.
“Being the aforementioned loving and devoted partner-“ he began.
“Soon to be divorced, if you don’t shut up about it.”
“- I was fixing the bookshelf that you asked me to fix-“
“Six months ago-”
“- because someone,” here he leant his head against hers, because Temari was a long-range attacker and the closer he got, the safer he felt, “Broke it. In half. Because,” he added, as Temari rolled her eyes, “Someone had injured their wrist and someone doesn’t read the instructions on their painkillers and someone thought it was a good idea to take them on an empty stomach and get completely stoned out of their mind-“
“Oh, shut up,” she growled, shrugging him off her shoulder. “Piss off, Shikamaru, I’m trying to have a nice day.”
“So was I, six months ago, when you broke the bookshelf trying not to fall over and crack your skull open.”
“It’s a stupid, flimsy bookshelf if it broke that easily-“
“Funnily enough, it wasn’t designed to have your full weight hanging off it-“
“Are you saying I’m fat?”
“I’m saying that bookshelf couldn’t have held Shikadai up when he was learning to walk, it certainly wasn’t going to hold you as well.”
Temari considered hitting him with her book. Maybe it would encourage him to leave her alone. She adjusted her grip on it.
Shikamaru, wisely, backed off a bit, shuffling a foot of space between them. “I’ll leave you alone after you help me, since this injury is your fault.”
“Injury? It’s a tiny scrap of wood. It’s not an injury.”
“Call it what you like, I still need help.” Shikamaru held the tweezers in front of her face. “Come on. I’ll leave the house and let you have it all to yourself.”
She snatched the tweezers from him. “You are so annoying.”
“I’m just worried about my finger getting infected from this potentially deadly splinter,” he shrugged.
“I’ll give you a lot more to worry about than a splinter,” Temari said warningly. She grabbed his hand, “Which finger?”
“Ow. You’re gonna break my wrist,” Shikamaru hissed, half sitting up to lessen the torque on his wrist. “Ow. Index finger. It’s the one with the splinter.”
“Don’t be a smartass.” Temari shot him a look, before shaking her head and inspecting his hand.
Sure enough, there was a little brown sliver of wood visible beneath the skin.
Temari prodded at it experimentally. “Huh. It’s pretty stuck in there,” she observed.
“I know. I wouldn’t have come for help if it wasn’t.” He waited patiently. “Try not to take all my skin off at the same time. I’d like to still have this finger at the end of the day.”
Temari lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. “It’s a pretty useful finger.”
She squinted at the splinter, before deftly positioning the tweezers and yanking it out, to a muted, “Ow,” from Shikamaru.
“Fine, it’s done,” she flung the tweezers casually across the room where one of them would probably stand on them and stab their foot in the middle of the night.
“I told you it’d only take two seconds,” Shikamaru flexed his fingers. “Why do you always have to make everything so troublesome?”
Pointedly, Temari picked up her book again and flipped it open. There was a short silence wherein Shikamaru weighed his options, before shifting closer.
“Still want me to leave?” he asked, nestling into her side.
“You can stay. If you’re quiet.” Temari absently wrapped one arm around him, eyes on her book.
Shikamaru closed his eyes, as always ready for a nap. He draped an arm across her stomach, letting out a deep breath and deflating happily.
Temari stroked her fingers idly through his hair as she read. Shikamaru was asleep in minutes, and she finally had a chance to read in peace.
It was several hours later that she heard the front door open, and she frowned. Shikadai wasn’t meant to be home. She had told him to stay away and leave her alone all day.
“My boys never listen,” she muttered, taking note of her place in the book.
Shikamaru snored lightly into her chest.
She heard Shikadai pad through the house, then there was a muted thump and a series of loud cursing.
“Language!” she yelled.
“Fuck! Who left a shelf on the floor! Stubbed my toe on it!”
Shikamaru shifted slightly. “. . . Is Shikadai home?”
“God, Dad!” Shikadai’s indignant yell resounded through the house. “Shelf!”
Temari sighed. There went the rest of her peaceful day. “Don’t you have somewhere else you could be?”
“Fine, fine, I’ll leave again,” Shikadai grumbled.
There were a few moments of silence, then Shikadai could be heard muttering again.
Shikamaru went back to sleep. Temari was about to open her book again and continue where she left off when Shikadai called again.
“Mom! I’ve got a splinter! Can you help me?”
She put her book down on the bed and shoved Shikamaru off her. He fell back without protest, and snuggled into the warm spot she left behind as she stood up and marched out of the room.
Apparently, peace and quiet was too much to ask.