Archive of Our Own

Seokjin stared at the toaster in hatred. Why do they even have this toaster? He could probably build a much better one that didn't burn his son's breakfast to ashes. He hit the side of it trying to entice the remaining remnants of little Kookie's toast to pop up out of the slot. 

"Goddamn it!"

"Language."

Seokjin rolled his eyes as his husband came strolling in after an early morning run and glared at him. "The toaster isn't working. It's burning Jungkook’s toast. He's going to have ashes for breakfast, how nice."

Namjoon laughed at him and wondered over to the toaster. "Hmm…" he unplugged it and then plugged it back in. The toast came popping out. Seokjin made a face. Usually, things break when Namjoon touches them. This is just perfect example to prove that there is something very wrong with this toaster.

Namjoon chuckled at his expression and pulled him into a kiss. "Good morning, darling." 

"Hi, handsome. Finish your morning marathon?"

Namjoon's chest rumbled. "Yes, and guess what?" he whispered, smiling down at Seokjin. "I have a surprise for you."

Seokjin instantly brightened. He loves surprises. "Oh? What is it? Tell me, I'm ready!"

Namjoon chuckled again, drawing Seokjin in for another kiss. "We're going to dinner. You. Me. Tonight. 7 o'clock. Be ready."

Seokjin was ecstatic. It’s been so long since they've gone out for something other than work or family obligations. "Okay! I'll have Jungkook ready by 5, so then—"

"No," Namjoon stopped him, grabbing his hands and holding them his chest, leaning down to press their foreheads together. "Kookie won't be coming tonight. It's just us."

Seokjin frowned. "But—"

"We need some alone time. A date night with just the two of us."

"But then who's going to look after him? Hoseok's out of town, Yoongi's got some late meetings, but I could ask my mom if she could—"

"Taehyung and Jimin will take care of him."

Seokjin gave him an incredulous look. "Really? The two of them?" he deadpanned. "You're kidding."

"Nope. They'll be fine. Jungkook loves them and we need date night." Namjoon gazed at him softly. "Come on, sweetheart, everything will be fine."

"I—I don't know..."

"Come on, Jinnie. Please, for me?" Namjoon said grinning widely.

Seokjin sighed, then smiled hesitantly. "Okay, we'll go. But we have to call every once in a while, to check on them. No exceptions." he warned, pointing a finger at his husband.

"Wonderful!" Namjoon said, picking Seokjin up and spinning him around. "We can call as many times as you like." He set Seokjin back on his feet and kissed him soundly, before hugging him tightly. "I'm so excited, we haven't had a night to ourselves in ages."

"I can't believe this," Seokjin mumbled into his husband's chest. "I'm going to allow those two hooligans to take care of our child."

Namjoon only laughed at him and stole another kiss. "Speaking of our child, he needs to be getting up now."

"Yes, let's get him up so he can eat his ashes."

They joined laughter filled the kitchen.

**

Seokjin fixed his hair nervously. He’s almost ready for their date, dressed in a soft pink silk dress shirt, sleek black trousers, and shiny black dress shoes. He stared at himself in the mirror. He looks hot. But then again, when does he not? 

"Bababa. Pfft!"

Seokjin laughed at his son who had drool leaking down his face as he gave him a gummy smile from where he was seated on the dresser watching him. He scooped Jungkook up and blew raspberries on his chubby cheek, glowing at the squealing laughter his baby let out. Seokjin then frowned slightly, holding his son closer, almost clutching him to his chest.

His sweet, adorable, innocent, little son who was going to be left with two of the biggest idiots on the planet. He can't believe he let Namjoon talk him into this. Speaking of Namjoon...

"Papa!" Jungkook crooned happily, squirming in Seokjin's arms as Namjoon walked through the door. 

"Hi, baby," His husband kissed the toddler on the head before grasping the little boy under the arms and swinging him around like and airplane. Seokjin smiled, marveling at Jungkook's giggles and how happy his son was. His smile fell. His son better be happy when they get home tonight or dumb and dumber are seriously going to regret ever being born. 

He was pulled from his thoughts as a muscular arm wrapped around his waist and Namjoon kissed him softly. When they pulled back, the big man smiled down at him. "You look great."

Seokjin preened. "Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself."

And he doesn’t. Namjoon has on dark, navy blue trousers, a light blue button down top, and sleek brown dress shoes.  

"What are you frowning for?" his husband asked, caressing his cheek.

Seokjin gave him a dumbfounded look, batting his hand way. "You know exactly why I'm frowning."

Namjoon smiled at him gently. "Everything is going to be just fine, honey,” he gave the child his in arms a little jiggle. "Isn't that right, Kookie?"

"Yes!"

Seokjin sighed as Namjoon flipped Jungkook upside down and carried him out the door. "Come on, sweetheart," he called over his shoulder. "The guys are here and we don't want to be late!"

Seokjin raised his gaze to the ceiling and brought his hands together like he was praying and shook them at the ceiling. "Please, gods, stars, Brad Pitt, anyone that’s out there, please let everything be okay. Please don't let those nitwits corrupt my child."

"Jin!"

"Coming!" He breathed out another deep sigh before heading out to the living room where Thing 1 and Thing 2 were waiting. 

Namjoon had already placed Jungkook in Jimin's arms and was kissing him goodbye. He grinned brightly when he saw Seokjin emerge from the bedroom and pulled him over to join them. 

Seokjin nodded once at Jimin who just gave him a charming smile that made all the girls swoon. That smile doesn't work on him. "Park Jimin."

"Hiya, Jin hyung, how are you doing this fine evening?"

"Don't drop my son, Park."

Jimin laughed at him and dipped Jungkook backwards in his arms making the toddler squeal in delight. Seokjin scowled at him when he straightened back up, drawing another laugh out of the shorter male. "Nothing's going happen, hyung, Taetae and I are going to take great care of him."

Seokjin grunted unhappily at him before turning to say goodbye to Jungkook.

He smiled sweetly at his little boy and gave him a big kiss. "Daddy loves you, Bun Bun. You be a good boy, okay?"

Jungkook giggled and bounced in Jimin's arms. "Yes, Daddy!"

Seokjin beamed at him before darkening his expression into something sinister as he turned to Taehyung. "I swear to all the gods, Kim Taehyung, if anything happens, you and Park are dead."

Taehyung just smiled gaily at him. " Well, hello to you too." He laughed at his own joke as Seokjin's expression turned murderous. "Relax, hyung, we're going to have a great time. Aren't we, Kookie?"

They turned to look at Jungkook who was now dangling upside down from of Jimin's neck. Seokjin's eyes widened and opened his mouth to tell Namjoon that they aren’t going anywhere when his husband quickly swooped in and returned Jungkook to a much safer position in Jimin's arms.

The tall man smiled dazzlingly at Seokjin as he put a hand on his back and led the sputtering man out the front door before their plans could be canceled and called back to the others. "Okay, you guys, have fun! Bye, Kookie, we love you!"

The door closed behind them and it all felt wrong.

Seokjin stopped in his tracks and stared at his husband who looked back innocently. "If anything happens, it's your fault."

Namjoon chuckled and grabbed his hand leading him to the car. "Of course, darling. Whatever you say. Now, let's go enjoy our date."

**

Seokjin fidgeted restlessly at their table. He feels so bad because Namjoon brought him to his favorite Italian restaurant to have a romantic evening with his husband and all Seokjin can think about is Jungkook. But they’ve finished their dinner for the most part and it isn’t like they aren't actually having a good time, because they are. They’ve been laughing and gazing into each other’s eyes lovingly, so it was going great. Seokjin is just a little distracted, that’s all.

Namjoon has definitely caught on because he reached over the table and grasped one of Seokjin's hands on his own. He rubbed his thumb over Seokjin's knuckle and smiled at him knowingly. "Hey, you think it's about time we check in?"

"Yes!" 

Seokjin looked down and smiled sheepishly at his outburst, but he could have cried for joy. He nodded hurriedly at Namjoon who motioned him off with a grin.

"Go ahead. I'll pay and meet you outside. Then we can take a stroll in the park."

"A stroll in the park, huh? Can I walk with my arm hooked in yours? That would be very gentlemanly of you."

That drew a laugh out of his husband. "Go check on our child, you menace."

Seokjin smirked as he excused himself from the table and fished out his phone on the way outside. He had put Park Jimin on speed dial just for this special occasion, so that short stack better pick up quick. 

He hit Jimin 's contact.

It rang.

And rang.

And rang.

And rang and rang and rang.

Seokjin was about to have a heart attack when the call was finally answered.

"Helloooo?"

"Park. Why did it take you so long to answer the phone?"

"Huh? I don't know what you mean, hyung, I answered as soon as my phone rang."

Seokjin was unimpressed. "Ah-huh. How are things—"

He was cut off as heard a loud crash in the background and Park said, "Oh shit!"

"What was that?"

"What?" Park asked hurriedly. "Oh nothing! Nothing. Just a movie we have on in the background."

Seokjin pursed his lips. "And what movie would that be?"

"Uh—Ponyo?"

"Ponyo? Really?"

"Yep, uh, actually, hyung, got to go! See you when you get home."

"Wait—"

Seokjin glared down at his phone. That tiny bastard actually hung up on him. He spun around wildly when he heard the door to the restaurant open and Namjoon walked out. Seokjin stalked up to him and shoved his phone in his husband's face.

"We're going home!"

"What? Why?"

"They're watching Ponyo!"

Namjoon laughed and tugged him into a hug. "Honey, Kook loves Ponyo."

"Yes, but they're not watching Ponyo! They're watching something else, or maybe," he abruptly pulled away from the hug. "Maybe they're not watching anything at all and that crashing sound I heard was glass breaking into a million little pieces all over the floor that Jungkook could cut his feet on!" 

Namjoon's chest rumbled in laughter as he hugged Seokjin close again. "Nothing like that has happened, darling."

"How do you know!?"

"Because if it had, they would have called."

"Well, I was just on the phone with the short one and—"

"See? Jimin would have said something then."

"— I heard a crashing noise and then he hung up on me."

Namjoon kissed his head as he pulled back and looked at him. "Everything is fine, my love, I promise. You're just a little paranoid since we don't have Kookie with us, but, baby, you have nothing to worry about." He cocked his head, smiling goofily as he offered his arm to Seokjin. "Now how about that gentlemanly stroll in the park?"

Seokjin sighed. He’s worried about Jungkook, but Namjoon is right and he doesn't want to ruin this rare date night with his husband. He leaned up on his tippy toes and kissed Namjoon thoroughly before taking his hand and dragging him towards the nearest park.

"Come on, Joonie, romance me."

**

Seokjin glanced around at the trees as he and Namjoon strolled arm-in-arm down the path running through the park. It was getting late and was already dark when they left for dinner, so not many people are there and the couple is able to enjoy themselves in peace.

Seokjin laughed as Namjoon swung their joined hands and then twirled around catching him in a hug. It has been a wonderful evening. Wonderful other than the growing pit of dread at the bottom of his stomach that his child is in danger as we speak, but nonetheless he’s still enjoying this night out with Namjoon.

They stopped to watch as a mother duck led her ducklings to a warm nest of twigs and leaves to rest for the night.  

Seokjin smiled wistfully. "Kookie loves ducks."

Namjoon hugged him from behind and rested his head on top of Seokjin's, swaying them slightly. "Think it's time to call and check in again?"

And gods how Seokjin loves this man.

He turned and smiled sheepishly at his husband. "I'm sorry, love, I don't mean to ruin our night. I know you planned it, but it's just that I worry and—"

Namjoon cut him off with a sweet kiss and smiled at him gently. "I know, sweetheart, I worry too. And you haven't ruined our evening, I've had a wonderful time." He kissed Seokjin's nose chuckling as the dark haired man scrunched up his face.

"I just wanted a night out to spend with you," he leaned in closer to whisper, breathing tickling Seokjin's ear. "And once we get back, put Jungkook to bed and wait until he's asleep, we can spend a little more time together in our bed." He blew in Seokjin's ear making him shiver.

Seokjin smirked up at him. "Anyone who thinks you're a boy scout is wrong. You're just a horny little teenager, Kim Namjoon."

Namjoon puffed out a laugh and kissed his head. "Only for you. Go ahead and call, babe, and let them know we'll be home soon. We'll finish our walk and then start back."

"Okay!" Seokjin dug around in his pocket and tugged out his phone, dialing Park's number in record speed. 

It rang.

And rang.

And rang and rang—

"Yello."

Seokjin narrowed his eyes and said dully, "Kim Taehyung. Did you really just answer the phone saying 'yello'?"

"Yeah, that's what all the hip kids say. What's up, hyung?"

"You are not hip. Why are you answering Park’s phone?"

"Minnie’s helping Kookie brush his teeth."

"Hmm," Seokjin considered this and decided it seemed like a reasonable enough answer for him not to panic. "How's it going over there?"

"Oh fine, just fine."

"You guys do anything fun?'

"Oh yeah, we were watching Zootopia and—"

"Ponyo!" Seokjin heard Jimin yell in the background. "I told him we were watching Ponyo!"

"I mean Ponyo and—"

Seokjin cut him off, the pit of dread in his stomach rising. "So were you watching Zootopia or were you watching Ponyo?"

"We were watching Zootopia— no, I mean Ponyo!" 

There was a thud in the distance.

Seokjin pursed his lips and turned to Namjoon who had his eyebrows raised, listening to the conversation. "What the hell is going on, Taehyung?"

"Nothing, nothing! Everything is hunky dory, hyung. You and Joon hyung don’t need to worry about a thing."

Seokjin huffed. "We're just finishing up our walk and then we'll be on our way home, so we'll be there within the hour." He lowered his voice menacingly. "Make sure Jungkook is ready for bed when we get there, and I expect everything to be exactly the same as we left it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, hyung," Taehyung sounded distracted. "We've got it all under control."

"Sure you do. Well—"

A loud bang cut him off and then he heard. "Oh shit! Kook!"

Seokjin instantly filled with alarm. "What?! Jungkook what? What happened?"

"No, no, nothing! Everything's fine," Taehyung laughed nervously. "Don't worry, hyung, we've got this, but I've got to go now so we'll see you soon. Bye!"

"Kim Taehyung, I swear to high hell—"

Dial-tone.

Seokjin's eyes burned a hole into his phone. He turned sharply to Namjoon who looked just as confused as he did. 

"We're going home," Seokjin said drily. “Now.”

"Yep."

Namjoon grabbed his hand and they sped walked out of the park.

**

They were able to get out of the park and back home in ten minutes flat. Seokjin glared at the door as Namjoon inserted his key, willing there to be something wrong on the other side just so he could ring someone's neck. Namjoon pushed opened the door, and together they peered in. 

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

The house was clean and silent.

Seokjin flung the door open fully and stomped in. Where is—

"Hey!" Jimin and Taehyung came out from Jungkook's bedroom with Jungkook nestled safety in Taehyung's arms with his favorite stuffed bunny, big smiles on their faces. "How was your date, guys?"

"Daddy! Papa!" Jungkook shouted gleefully as soon as he saw his parents.

Namjoon chuckled from the doorway as Seokjin flung himself towards Jungkook making grabby hands at their son. "It was great. Thank you, guys, for doing this."

"Sure, no problem. Would be happy to do it again."

"Nope." Seokjin interjected, swinging Jungkook around and kissing his cheeks, making the toddler giggle wildly. "That won't be necessary. We'll make sure other arrangements have been made."

Jimin snorted. "What, you don't trust us?"

Seokjin stopped spinning, and clutched Jungkook close to his chest and he narrowed his eyes at the two idiots standing before him. "No."

"Aw, hyung," Taehyung said taking a step closer to muss Jungkook's hair. "We had everything under control. Look," he gestured around, smiling suspiciously, "Everything is clean, nothing is out of place, and Kook's is ready for bed."

Seokjin pursed his lips, taking all of this in. Alright, so everything did look fine and Kookie is in his pajamas and ready for bed, but he just can't shake the feeling that something is off and the two men aren't telling them something.

He "Hmmfed" at Taehyung and turned to Namjoon who had ambled over to say hello to Jungkook. The man smiled, taking their son in his arms and hugging him close as Seokjin grinned at the exchange between Papa and son.

When they parted, Namjoon kept a hold of the little one and bounced him. "Were you a good boy, baby? Did you have lots of fun?"

"Yes!"

Seokjin chuckled at his cuteness. "Yeah, can you tell Daddy what you did?"

"Yes! Look!"

Seokjin’s smile faded into a frown.

"Taehyung," he said blandly while staring at Jungkook. "Why is my two-year old giving me the finger?"

Taehyung stared at Jimin in horror.

"Shit."

"Shit!" Jungkook yelled happily.

Seokjin and Namjoon both gasped and spun to glare at the two men who had been left with their son.

"No, Jungkook," Jimin uttered hastily, rushing forward. "We don't say that, remember?"

"Remember?" Namjoon questioned, handing Jungkook to Seokjin so he could stalk up to his friend and tower over him, looking down at him, eyes ablaze. "He said it before?"

"Uh—"

"No," Taehyung said quickly, eyes wide. "I mean, uh... I don't know where he heard that."

Seokjin grasped Jungkook close and stared daggers at the numskulls in front of him, "I heard you both say it over the phone. He heard it from the two of you." He looked at Namjoon. "I knew there was something going on that they weren't telling us."

Namjoon crossed his arms, his extreme face of disappointment falling into place. "How exactly did he learn that word?"

"And how did he learn the finger?!" Seokjin added.

"W-well, you see," Jimin laughed nervously, sliding a hand through his hair, refusing to make eye contact. "Tae and I were going to play poker while Kook watched a movie, but then," he motioned to Taehyung. "this one here knocked over the poker set and stuff went flying everywhere and I accidentally said she-i-t and Kook was standing right next to me,” he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

The two parents looked at them unimpressed. Namjoon narrowed his eyes. "So when exactly did he first say it?"

Taehyung winced. "Oh, well, that was when Jimin was helping Kook brush his teeth and Kook almost fell off of his stool."

Seokjin's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "He fell?!" He quickly checked his baby for injuries and Jungkook giggled at him while playing with his father's shirt and stuffing one of his bunny's legs in his mouth. 

"No, no!" Jimin shook his head. "I caught him, but then I fell—but he landed on me!" He hurried out as Seokjin opened his mouth to ream him. Jimin smiled timidly. "Jungkook thought it was funny."

Taehyung nodded. "It was funny, but then Kook said it. She-i-t. It was cute in his little baby voice."

Seokjin shot him a death glare.

Namjoon sighed deeply, gaze flicking between the two men. "That doesn't explain the middle finger."

"Oh. Right." Jimin scratched his head. "That's my fault. When Tae and I were playing poker, he was playing dirty and laughed at me when I lost so I gave him the finger." Jimin looked everywhere but the angry fathers. "Jungkook was watching and copied me, but I swear we tried to convince him not to do it again or say the bad words!"

Seokjin cocked his head at him. "Are you trying to make our child look like the bad guy?'

"No—"

"Then stop talking."

Seokjin sighed and set Jungkook down on the back of the couch as another question occurred to him. "So did he ever even watch a movie?"

Jimin sucked in his lips. "Uh—no. We were watching MMA fighting."

Namjoon gaped at his friend in disbelief. "We don't allow him to watch MMA fighting. He's two."

"That's why I told you guys we were watching Ponyo. Hey, for what it's worth, Kookie seemed pretty into the fighting—" his mouth snapped shut at the glowers he received. 

Namjoon sighed again and waved the men off. "Okay, it’s fine. You guys can go, we'll handle this."

"We're really sorry, hyung."

"Yeah, really sorry, Joonie hyung."

The tall man shot them a look. "Ah-huh."

Seokjin smiled down at Jungkook and rubbed his back. " Hey, Bun Bun? We don't say those words, baby, those are bad words, so don't say them again, okay, honey?"

Jungkook nodded wide-eyed and innocently at him. "Yes, Daddy."

"And don't do that thing with your fingers again, okay, sweetheart, for Daddy and Papa?"

"Yes, Daddy!"

Seokjin smiled and hugged his son close. "That's my good boy." His lips quirked upwards as the little boy let out a big yawn. He scooped Jungkook up and headed towards his room. "I think it's time for little bunnies to go to sleep."

Jungkook rubbed his eyes sleepily and leaned into his father's chest.

Then he dropped his stuffed bunny.

"Damn it."

Seokjin and Namjoon stopped dead in their tracks, bodies rigid, faces red.

Both Taehyung and Jimin froze, backs turned to the couple as they scrambled to get out the door.

"Kim Taehyung!"

"Park Jimin!"

Taehyung screeched. "Run for your life!"

Jungkook just shoved his fingers in his mouth and giggled happily.

Was it something he said?