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Choi Seungcheol was an easy man. He didn’t need much. Besides his members.
You see he is the Leader of Seventeen. He carries a lot of responsibility by not only being the spokesperson to the public and to their company, but also to be the eldest of a group of 13 young men. They are all his brothers and he is the person they can lean on. But don’t think that he doesn’t have anyone to lean on, on the contrary. They are all his brothers, support works two ways.
So when he didn’t tell anyone about what he feels every weekend since he turned 18, he felt like he was lying to his members. But he couldn’t tell them. They wouldn’t understand.
You see Seungcheol, just like everyone in this world had a soulmate. His soulmate feature was touch. Everything his soulmate felt in touch, he felt too. When he turned 18 he didn’t feel anything yet. But it only took a few months until the touches began, which means his soulmate is just a little younger than him. He could feel it from that moment on.
When he entered Pledis and came to be the leader of the Band Seventeen, he loved everything about it from the very beginning. He didn’t tell anyone about the touches and he never would. He didn’t want anyone worrying about him. But at some point he noticed similarities in touch when watching Yoon Jeonghan, the oldest member after him. When one of the guys hugged him, or held his hand, Seungcheol felt that. He started to observe the younger by two months and quickly noticed that this could never be coincidence. Yet Jeonghan showed no signs of having noticed yet.
Seungcheol tried finding out if it was one sided. He purposely hit himself on the arm or pinched his side, when he was watching the younger. But nothing happened. He didn't react. After a time he gave up, maybe his bond was one sided. Maybe they weren't meant to be after all.
Yet Seungcheol felt hurt, from a young age you get told all about soulmates and the bonds there are. Touch being one of the most common and most obvious. So when he figured it was one sided, he was dissapointed. He didn't tell anyone, because he thought it wouldn't be necessary.
But when they had a few days off and the members went home to their families, to tell them everything about their new group and the training, Seungcheol noticed the touches again. They were uncomfortable und hurt and he didn’t even wanna think about what really was happening to Jeonghan.
One night it was so bad, he felt it in him. He didn't want to think what Jeonghan was possibly up to. He couldn't ask either, since the younger didn't know about the bond.
He kept to himself once more.
After those first days off, Seungcheol noticed Jeonghan hiding his body sometimes. He wouldn’t get changed in the lockers with everyone else, but would go to the bathroom to do so. This continued for about a year until they debuted. He didn’t say anything about the touches, because he didn’t want to believe that one of his members was treated that way. He pushed it away, not really knowing what he was supposed to do.
He didn't know much about Jeonghan. He wouldn't talk about his family and he wouldn't really tell anyone what he did on his days off. "Oh, I just enjoyed the time with my family, as always.", he would say everytime. How was Seungcheol supposed to tell him that he felt it all? How was he supposed to tell him this, now after having known for so long?
Seungcheol continued to push it away, growing more stressed about every touch. But when Jeonghan came home to the dorm after another week off, Seungcheol saw the state he was in and couldn’t take it anymore.
“Hey guys, I’m back!”, Jeonghan spoke up while letting his bags drop in the entrance. He toed his shoes off, listening to responses from some members. Seungcheol was sitting in his room, with the door sightly agar and answered too. But only their youngest member got up to actually hug Jeonghan. Seungcheol could hear Chan jumping up and running towards the door.
“Hey Hyung! I missed- OMG Hyung what happened to you? Wait I’m going to get you some ice.”, Chan said in shock.
As soon as Seungcheol heard that he jumped up and ran to the door, in fear of one of his members was hurt. When he reached the door he saw Chan leaving to the kitchen and Jeonghan trying to reach out to stop the other weakly. Seungcheol approached Jeonghan and couldn’t quite believe it. Jeonghan had a black eye and looked like he hasn’t slept all week long. Seungcheol didn’t know what to do so he closed his jaw that had just dropped and grabbed the weak member by the wrist and pulled him in to the next bathroom, ignoring the other members that had gathered in the living room. “Cheol what are you doing?”, Jeonghan asked while being pulled. "I should've known. I knew that was a harder hit this time. I should've done something.", he mumbled while pulling a very confused Jeonghan behind him.
He pushed Jeongahn in and closed the door behind them, locking it. He held onto the door, his back turned to Jeonghan, his head falling. He looked to the floor, trying to push the tears back.
“I’m so-so sorry Hannie. I should’ve said something. I- I could’ve saved- I should've known. I knew that hit was harder than normal. I am so sorry Hannie. I-“
“Hey hey, no. No. Cheollie look at me. This wasn’t anything. I, uhm, I wanted to get a book from a shelf but it fell down and then-“
“Oh please Hannie don’t lie to me. I know!”, Seungcheol almost screamed at him, turning around and pointing to his chest now crying. “I knew. All this time and I didn’t stop it. I just didn’t want to believe it.”, Seungcheol said, falling on his knees in front of Jeonghan.
“What do you mean you knew? Know what?”, Jeonghan asked, not sure how to feel.
“I knew. I felt it since we were 18. I’m sorry Hannie. I-“
Jeonghan finally realised what was happening. “You- we- I mean.”
There was silence, only Seungcheols few sniffs filling the room. Jeonghan was filled with a hundred emotions at the same time, but mostly anger and sadness. His anxiety hit. His head was running wild.
“We are soulmates. You knew. You felt everything and you are only telling me now?”, Jeonghan grew furious.
“Hannie I’m sorry. You have to understand. You didn’t show any signs. I didn't know how to-”
“BECAUSE I AM IN PAIN CHEOL! I NEVER FEEL! I TURNED IT OFF SO THE PAIN WOULD BE BEARABLE A LONG TIME AGO!”
"Hannie please-"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!", Jeonghan screamed at him. He was crying now to, his mind still racing. The realization hit him: "You're just like him. He calls me that too. Why didn't you say anthing? Did you ejoy it? Felling it all?"
“No! Please listen to me-“ Seungcheol all but sobbed.
“NO! I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! I- I- I’m leaving.”, Jeonghan yelled, storming past Seungcheol and out of the bathroom through all the members and into his room.
The bang of the closing door and the quiet lock was everything that was heard throughout the House. Chan, who just came back from the kitchen froze and everyone exchanged questioning and shocked looks. After a few seconds of being frozen Joshua was the first to unfreeze and storm into the bathroom to help a now sobbing Seungcheol.
He took him under the arms and pulled him to stand. “Okay, come here.”, he said and hugged Seungcheol tight. Seungcheol only grabbed onto Joshua and sobbed into his shoulder. He shuddered from crying and hurt. Joshua wanted to go to the living room, so the leader could explain what just happened: “Okay. Cheol? Can you walk with me? Come on, one foot after the other. You can do it.” He got Seungcheol to walk out of the bathroom backwards and let him sit down on the couch. Seungcheol let go of Joshua and sobbed into his hands. The other members were scattered around the room, all surrounding their leader. Joshua crouched down in front of Seungcheol and pulled his hands from his face.
“Cheol, can you tell us what happened? Why did Jeonghan run away?” Seungcheol couldn’t answer. Joshua turned around searching, he looked at Seungkwan and ordered him to get some tissues. Then he looked at Vernon, the only other member who understood his English. He locked eyes with Vernon and ordered him in English, to not stress the other members out even more: “Will you please check on Jeonghan? I think he might be just as hurt.” Vernon understood and ran to the others room. Meanwhile Seungkwan was back with tissues and handed them to Joshua. “Okay, you have to calm down.” He took some tissues and wiped the tears off Seungcheol’s face. He got up and sat next to Seungcheol, pulling the older between his legs and pushed him back first against his chest. “Shhh, Cheol you have to breathe. Breathe with me. Can you do that? In-“, he took a deep breath, “and out.”, he said breathing out. “Come on. Again.”, Seungcheol only concentrated on the chest behind him and the encouraging whispers in his ear. He tried breathing with Joshua, holding onto his hands for dear life. After a few breaths he finally calmed down and wasn’t hyperventilating anymore. He relaxed into Joshua’s light touch and leaned back slightly. Jun was the next person to move. He sat down in front of Seungcheol and Joshua: “Hyung. What happened?”, Jun asked carefully.
“Hannie. He-“, the leaders eyes filled with tears again and Jun reached out to wipe them away.
“Hey look at me. I’m the only one here. Focus on me.”, he cupped the others cheeks and looked him straight into the eyes.
“Hannie. He has a black eye. And I didn’t save him. I didn’t stop it. I knew what was happening to him and yet I didn’t do anything against it.”, Seungcheol finally let out.
“But how could you have known? This isn’t your fault.”, Jun reassured him.
“Yes it is!”, Seungcheol almost screamed, startling everyone.
“What do you-“
“You are soulmates, right? And you are connected through touch. So you could feel the abuse that Hyung was experiencing at home. Am I right?”, Minghao interrupted Jun.
Everyone turned to him and Seungcheol locked eyes with him.
"H-How did you-", Seungcheol asked with disbelieve in his eyes.
Minghao looked sad: "I noticed him hiding his body, something he didn't really do before. Besides, we tell each other everything yet we don't know anything about his family. I just figured. You are both over 18 and touch is the most common bond.
Seungcheol took a few seconds to take it in until he had to think about all the time he spent thinking about exactly that. He looked to the floor again and nodded: “He's right. We- I mean I- I feel it, but he. I never- he never reacted and- I was helpless and-", Seungcheol started sobbing again. Joshua shushed him gently.
After a few breaths he spoke up again: "Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t believe it was one of our members. I didn’t know how to tell him. I thought he didn’t feel it. I thought maybe it is one sided. I was so helpless.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”, Joshua asked.
“I didn’t want to stress anyone. Besides, if it really was onesided, why cause a stur?", Seungcheol answered.
“But you can lean on us, just like we can on you.”, Joshua said.
“I know. But I- I’m so sorry.”, Seungcheol started crying again.
“Hey hey, no. Shh. Calm down. It’s okay. We are not mad at you.”, Joshua reassured, pulling him back to his chest again.
“No why would we? I understand. I think we are more sad that you didn’t tell us.”, Mingyu piped up, looking around for agreement from the others.
“Yeah. We could've helped you. We are a family after all.", Chan spoke up with a sad smile. Making everyone smile a little.
"I agree. Now listen. I have a few questions for you. Okay?”, Jun asked.
Seungcheol nodded weakly.
“Do you love us?”
Seungcheol looked up shocked and looked around to worried faces: “Yes of course I do. You are all my members, my brothers. I love each and every one of you.”
“Good. Now do you trust us?” Seungcheol locked eyes with him and nodded.
“Okay. Do you love Jeonghan? And I don’t mean the brotherly love.”, Jun asked.
Seungcheol looked down in embarrassment but nodded. Jun smiled slightly at how cute Seungcheol looked: “Okay. Final question. Do you want to sit and cry or do you want to help him?”, Jun asked.
Seungcheol took a few seconds to look up and reply: “Of course I want to help him, but I don’t know how.”
“Well first of all, you are going to go talk to him and explain everything. I bet Vernon managed to calm him down by now.”, Joshua said, pushing the leader up.
"But what if he pushes me away? What if he hates me?"
"He won't hate you Hyung. You are soulmates after all. You were meant to be, remember.", Minghao said with a reassuring pat on th shoulder.
Seungcheol stood up and looked around: “Thank you.”, he said to everyone.
He left to Jeonghan’s room and knocked on the door. He heard some shuffling inside and Vernon opened the door: “Be careful hyung. His anxiety hit him.”, he warned and stepped out the room past Seungcheol back to the living room. Seungcheol nodded and entered the room carefully. He entered and closed the door, taking a deep breath.
“Hannie?”, Seungcheol asked out while he went further into the room.
He found a shivering lump on the bed.
“Hannie? Please look at me.”, Seungcheol said, standing at the end of the bed. Jeonghan took a deep breath and sat up, taking the covers off of him.
“Okay. I am ready. You can have me. You know what he did to me. Makes sense that you want to do the same.”, Hannie said defeated.
Seungcheol’s eyes widened in shock: “What?”
“You want me too. Right? That’s why you didn’t tell me. You wanted to know how far you could go.”, Jeonghan deadpanned.
Seungcheol’s jaw dropped. He unfroze from his position and walked towards where Jeonghan was sitting.
“No. Hannie. No. I would never touch you or hurt you in that way. I promise you.”, Seungcheol said, he sat down next to him and looked him into his eyes. “Hannie you have to believe me. I would never hurt you or treat you the way he did.” Jeonghan’s eyes dropped to his hands in his lap.
“Promise?”, Jeonghan asked quietly.
“Promise.”, Seungcheol said, reaching out for Jeonghan’s hands. "Can I hold your hands?", he asked quietly.
Jeonhan nodded, suprised by the question.
Seungcheol took his hands and searched for his eyes. “I promise I would never touch you like that. I will never hurt you and I am so sorry. I promise I will protect you from now on. Okay? Please understand. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I didn’t want to believe that one of our members was treated that way. I didn’t know how to stop it. I was so helpless and Hannie I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I thought it was coincidence or everything was one sided. But even if it were one sided, it doesn't excuse what I did. I’m so sorry that I didn’t stop it and I promise I will save you and protect you from now on. I will not let you go back there and I will take care of you and protect you from everything and everyone and you know why?”, Seungcheol said now crying again and looking up into Jeonghan’s eyes.
“Because I love you Hannie. And not just the brotherly way that I love all the other members. I love you. I really love you. And I am so sorry.”, Seungcheol said now looking down again.
Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol he took a moment to realise what just happened. He reached out to cup Seungcheols face in search for his eyes. They locked eyes and Jeonghan searched for any lie on his eyes. But his look spoke more than thousand words. He was sorry. So very sorry and then it flashed in front of his eyes. A life with a protecting partner. A person to enjoy everything with. A person who will have enough patience for him to heal.
After a few moments he finally spoke up, making Seungcheol let out the breath he was holding. “Thank you.”, Jeonghan said. “That was the sweetest thing someone ever said to me.” They locked eyes and Seungcheol leaned into the others touch. He smiled through the tear strained face and admired how pretty Jeonghan looked even with all the remains of crying on his face. After a little bit of staring Jeonghan smiled too: “What is it?”, he giggled slightly.
“You are so pretty. I- I could. May- may I kiss you?”, Seungcheol asked almost whispering. Jeonghan was so happy that he asked that question. “Yeah.”, Jeonghan answered. Seungcheol leaned forward and pressed their lips together soflty. It was a short and light kiss. But the spark that went through them was strong. They parted and smiled at each other.
“Will you be my boyfriend?”, Jeonghan asked. Seungcheol’s smile widened as he nodded. Jeonghan smiled and kissed the other once more.
“Come here.”, he opened his arms and invited Seungcheol into a tight hug. Seungcheol complied and lied down next to him. Jeonghan cuddled close to Seungcheol, resting his head on the others chest and reaching a hand over it. He tangled their legs together but as soon as he lied down he noticed that Seungcheol wasn’t touching him: “What’s wrong?”
“Uhm- can. I mean. Is it okay if I hug you?”, Seungcheol asked carefully. Jeonghan laughed and nodded. Finally they tangled up in bed for a while, enjyoing the others company.
After a short time Jeonghan broke the silence. “It started when I was 10. My father was always very aggressive, but I didn’t know what he did to my mom until he started doing it to me when she was away for a work trip. He is so two sided. On one hand he supports me with being an idol and on the other hand he only wants my body. He knew I didn’t have the strength to speak up about it and he also knew I am too weak to protect myself. When I turned 18, I thought it might stop, due to me moving into the dorms, but no, he just continued on the weekends and it was even worse than before. If I’m being honest I didn’t think I had a soulmate, since I can feel his touches all the time. So when I felt what I assume was you touching yourself or someone else touching you, I just assumed it was him. I thought I was just doomed to be lonely and just a doll he could use.”
Seungcheol almost gasped: "You are not a doll. You are so much more than that."
After a moment of silence he finally asked: “What about your mother?”
“She is just as weak as me. Besides my father is her only source of income. When he leaves, she is on the streets.”, Jeonghan explained.
“Hannie I am so sorry that this happened to you.”, Seungcheol said, hugging him tighter, willing away tears.
“No if anything I am sorry that you had to feel all of it. I mean all the punches and the touches. It must’ve been awful not to know what was happening.”, Jeonghan said.
“It’s okay. I have you now. And since I can protect you the only inappropriate touches I will feel are mine on you.- I mean”, Seungcheol’s eyes widened. “I mean- I’m sorry. I meant if that’s okay for you. I mean at some point you might- I mean maybe if you- I would never push you and you know that if you don’t-“ “Hey. It’s okay. I know that you won’t do anything without my permission now. It’s okay. Maybe at some point. But let’s take it all slow, okay?”, Jeonghan calmed him down, laughing slightly at the others panic.
“Okay.”, Seungcheol said, relaxing again. They cuddled close again until the heard a knock at the door.
Seungcheol sprung up: “Come in.”
“Hey guys, I just wanted to check on you. Besides, Mingyu made dinner.”, Joshua came in carefully.
“Ah we’re good. We’ll be out in a second okay?”, Seungcheol answered. Joshua nodded and left the room again.
“Hey, Cheollie?”, Jeonghan asked, the other turned around and hummed.
“You don’t have to protect me from the members, you know that right?”, Jeonghan said with a small laugh.
Seungcheol realised that he just jumped up into a protecting stance and laughed at his actions. Relaxing again he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment: “Ah oops. Yeah I’ll remember that. I guess it was instinct.”
Jeonghan laughed slightly: “It’s okay. Well come on. Let’s go for dinner.” Seungcheol nodded, getting up and reaching out to help Jeonghan.
“Uhm, Can we maybe not tell the others? I mean. You know what happened to me now. But I don’t know if the others should know.”, Jeonghan asked.
Seungcheol sat back down and cupped he others face: “Hannie. They figured out themselves. I hate to tell you, but they already know and if anything if you explain exactly what you just told me, they will understand.”, Seungcheol said reassuring.
Jeonghan swalloed but nodded and left to grab some dinner with his now boyfriend. They entered the living room, holding hands and smiling widely at everyone. The other members looked up and saw their smiles. Suddenly the couple was attacked with hugs from the other members and everyone stood still in the massive group hug.
“Come on! Let’s eat!”, Mingyu said. Everyone followed him to the massive table and started eating. “So? You wanna tell us what just happened?”, Jihoon spoke up first.
Seungcheol looked up and nodded: “I mean. I think Hannie should tell you.”, he turned to his boyfriend and grabbed his hand softly.
Jeonghan took a deep breath and started telling his story. The members reacted first with shock and anger, but also worry. Some asked questions and some were disappointed that Seungcheol didn’t act earlier. But in the end Jeonghan calmed everyone down by saying: “Listen. I know he made a mistake and I understand his point of view. By all means, I would’ve done the same thing. But it’s okay now. And even more important, I feel safe with him and with all of you. He won’t hurt me and I know that. I can just feel it. Besides.”, Jeonghan paused and turned his head to Seungcheol. “I love him.” Seungcheol broke into a giant smile and leaned in to kiss Jeonghan. Some of the members cooed at them and others made annoyed sounds. Everyone laughed it off and continued eating.
Seungcheol and Jeonghan talked to management and revealed to the fans that they are soulmates. No one really took it badly but more celebrated the couple. Ever since they started dating Seungcheol didn’t miss one opportunity to tell his lover that he will protect him. Jeonghan was also very proud to say that Seungcheol always asked. Even if it was only holding his hand or kissing him. But Jeonghan would never complain, because it was part of healing for the both of them. Concerning his father, Jeonghan did tell his mother what he had done and she left his father. She lived at the dorm shortly, everyone falling in love with her. Until she found a job and a flat near to the dorm to start a new life.
Jeonghan and Seungcheol continued to take it slow, Seungcheol understading whenever Jeonghan didn't want to be touched. He continued asking for consent, so much so that at some point he didn't even have to say a word anymore for Jeonghan to understand him. It took about a year and a half until they fully recovered. They did everything. They even went to couple therapy, just to fully recover and understand each other even better than they already did.
And after years of trauma, Jeonghan could finally say that he was happy. Fully happy.