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“You and I… Aren’t a good match anymore.”
What was he doing? He should turn around right now and apologize to Langa. He knows he should, but he can't will himself to actually do it. The rain is drenching through his clothes and hair but Reki can't find it in himself to care. He continues to walk away. Continues to walk away from Langa.
But God, he wants nothing more than to turn around and tell Langa that he was just joking this whole time, and I'm sorry Langa, I’ve just had a lot on my mind, and I didn’t mean to yell, and Langa let’s meet up tomorrow before school.
But he can’t—he can’t and he doesn’t know why.
“Reki…” He can hear Langa quietly pleading, and his heart beats against his chest painfully. He hears the rushed steps of Langa coming closer, and then there's a hand on his wrist, pulling harshly so Reki has no choice but to stop in his tracks. “I don’t understand Reki. You’re the one who said that skating should be fun—and I had fun skating against Adam,” Langa loosens his grip as Reki slightly turns around to face him, eyes still staring at the ground, “I know I made a promise, but skating against that great of a skater is fun for me.” Langa felt so confused, because Reki was the one who said skating should be fun, so why is skating Adam causing such a rift between them?
Reki lightly scoffs under his breath. “Even though I got injured skating against him, you still want to race?” He looks up to meet Langa’s eyes. They were glossed over and he had a confused and pained expression on his face. “You’re being reckless. Don’t you realize that you could get hurt too? If I hit my head the wrong way I could've died.” Reki can feel his voice cracking slightly.
But he didn't die. Langa knew it was dangerous before, and Reki challenged Adam anyway. Now Langa knows Adam’s strategy and can race him without getting hurt. Langa takes a step forward. “But—”
“Even if you are a skateboarding genius like everyone keeps saying, why won’t you understand where I’m coming from? No one acknowledges me and my efforts; they know me as ‘Snow’s friend who we shouldn't concern ourselves over.’ I went up against Adam too, but no one acknowledged me.” He struggles
“I don’t think of you like that Reki.” Langa interrupts. “You’re the one who taught me to skate, you’re someone amazing in my eyes.” He means every word, Reki was his best friend, the one who got him into skating, the one who got him out of his rut since he took a break from snowboarding.
“Come on, Langa.” Just a while ago, Langa had soared, and Reki had fallen—fallen hard. Langa doesn’t know what it’s like to hear that you’re boring with your passion, that you're unforgettable.
“If that were true then why can’t you understand. You and Cherry, Joe, Miya, even shadow are getting so much better, I feel like I’m being left behind..” Reki clenches his free hand at his soaked hair, pulling it until it burns. “And no matter how much I practice I can’t seem to catch up. I can’t reach you. I just feel...”
Worthless
“That’s not true Reki, I’m sure the others don't feel like they’re on a higher level—”
Reki harshly rips his hand out of Langa’s grasp. “Go race Adam if you want to so bad—just don’t expect me at your side if you get hurt.” He mumbled as he took a few steps backward, before turning around and sprinting away before Langa could stop him again.
He can hear the harsh thud of Langa’s skateboard dropping to the ground. “Reki!” Langa yells. And then again, “Reki, please!” Langa’s voice sounds hurt, but Reki doesn’t look back, he doesn’t slow down. Somehow, along the way their roles are reversed. Langa the one in control and Reki the one trying to grab the reins. Langa, the one who helps Reki up, who hits the ground, tumbling and writhing. Langa, who soars, and Reki who stretches a hand towards him, yet never reaches.
He can feel hot, fat tears rolling down his face and mixing with the rain as he sprints back to his house. He knows that he was acting a bit childish, but didn’t Langa see what happened during his own race with Adam? Just thinking about how Adam pushed his head down just barely above the gravel had his breathing turn erratic.
This whole time Reki was holding his emotions in. He couldn’t let other people know that he was scared—that he was terrified. He was terrified since he came out of the hospital. Sure, he didn't have any serious injuries, but the fear still remained. Knowing that Adam could have killed him if he wanted to was… It was scary, it was so scary but Reki couldn’t tell anyone that. He didn’t want to be the only one afraid, the only one who didn't want to race against Adam again.
When Reki steps inside his house, he, at first, doesn't hear his mom and sister’s worried protests that he's getting the floor wet until a warm towel is drying his hair. Reki keeps his head down, trying his hardest to hide the fresh tear tracks that were surely there. He can’t show that he’s been crying.
The towel stops moving, and two warm hands settle on his shoulders. “Is everything alright?” No. Nothing is alright, he just ruined his friendship with his best friend, and his love for skateboarding is practically gone. How can anything be alright? Nothing is al—
“Yeah, everything’s fine mom.” He cringes at how his voice cracks at the end, but his mom doesn't push further.
“Alright, don’t forget to take a bath or you’ll catch a cold.”
Reki mutters some words of acknowledgment and drags himself to his room. He could care less about taking a bath, he just wants to lie down. Who cares if he gets a cold, that could be an excuse not to go to school tomorrow. He hates how petty he’s being, but seeing Langa and facing the music is the last thing that he wants to do right now.
He peels off his drenched clothes from his body and changes into some random dry clothes from his dresser. His hair is still slightly damp but he doesn’t care, he jumps into his unmade bed and lies on his stomach. Taking out his phone, he scrolls through his camera roll in the darkness of his room, looking through all the pictures of him and Langa. Reki doesn't feel petty enough to delete them, but it still hurts to see.
Muffled conversation seeps through Reki’s walls. Assuming it was just his family, he didn’t pay any mind until he heard the soft thumps of footsteps coming towards his room. Quickly sliding his phone under his pillow, Reki pulls his covers up to his chin and pretends to sleep. He hears the soft creaking of the door sliding open and he closes his eyes.
“Reki?” He can hear his mom softly call out his name. He holds his breath and hopes that she’ll leave. A soft sigh, and then his door is sliding closed. Reki keeps his eyes closed just in case, but he can hear his mom talking to someone.
“...Asleep, but I can wake him up if it’s important?”
“No that’s alright, I can talk with him in class tomorrow.”
Langa.
He came to see him. Langa came to his house to see him. Reki can’t move even if he wanted to. He holds his breath until his chest aches but he still doesn't dare breathe. He curls in on himself and brings his hands to his face, willing himself to just go to sleep. He can’t deal with the fact that Langa came to see him even after their fight—and whatever implications that may bring. Reki just wants to sleep. He wants to sleep and escape reality even for a little while.
~
Reki woke up feeling a little better about last night—still bad, but not horrible. Pulling his covers up further, he closed his eyes again, no intention of going to school. His mind wanders to Langa. He wonders if Langa is waiting for him at their usual spot. Maybe he got sick from the rain. Maybe he has no reason to wait for Reki and he goes to class on his own—
He hears a soft knock on his door. “Reki you’re going to be late.” His mom says.
Reki knows it's a long shot to say that he’s sick and can't go to school, but he hopes that his mom understands how much he doesn't want to face Langa. “Mom can I please stay home today?”
“Is something the matter?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it but I don't want to go just for today.” He pleaded.
A pause. “Alright you can stay home today. I won’t press but you’ll have to go tomorrow okay? I’ll call your teacher and let them know you won't be there today.” He calls out a ‘thank you mom’ and shoves his head back under his covers when she leaves. He digs for his phone from under his pillow where he left it last night. From his reflection of the black screen Reki can see the dark circles from under his eyes.
7 new message notifications.
6:30am
why is Langa alone? r u not with him
6:32am
he looks rlly sad did u guys get into a fight
6:40am
reki
6:41am
wake up
6:42am
r u guys fighting
6:43am
dont ignore me
Reki sighed, debating whether to text Miya back. He doesn't really want to explain what happened last night or tell him that he is—in fact, in a fight with Langa. He scrolls through his notifications and sees another text from Langa. Hesitating, Reki opened it.
7:03am
Are you running late?
Locking his phone, Reki rubs his eyes with his palms to rub away the sleep. He doesn't text anyone back, and he doesn’t get out of bed. What was he supposed to say? That he was avoiding him? That he doesn't want to see his face? That he wishes he would get angry and stop pretending like nothing is wrong? Probably. He didn't say anything.
He goes back to sleep.
~
Reki drifts in and out of sleep all day, only getting up to eat a snack at his mom’s request. More notifications ping on his phone throughout the day, but Reki figures that it must be Miya asking where he is and chooses to ignore them. He does, although, consider the fact that it could be Langa texting him. What would he be saying if he were the one texting him? Reki knows how he can be—a man of little words, but he conveys what he needs to say even with those few words.
Running his hand through his hair, Reki brings his phone to his face, checking the time while deliberately avoiding moving his gaze towards the message notifications just below.
5:29pm
Shiny golden light filters in through his curtains, blinding Reki at the angle he was lying down in. He had roughly shut them closed earlier in the day, rather sitting in the dark than feeling the time pass by. He rubs at his chest, trying to rub his aching away.
He lets his phone fall off the side of his bed, landing softly with a thud on his floor next to his discarded comforter. Pulling his comforter from falling off his bed, Reki thrashes around until he finds a comfortable position facing the wall. He suddenly feels annoyed at how petty he’s being. In the back of his mind he's thinking that ‘it's just skateboarding’, and the rest of him is thinking that because it is skateboarding that it means so much. And this wasn’t like some fun street skateboarding, kickflips over manholes and doing tricks on ramps. This was racing. Racing and falling at high speeds. This is potential severe injuries. This was something that warranted the argument that had happened last night, and Reki knew it.
He wonders. He wonders what would have happened if he didn’t bring his emotions up. He wonders what would happen if he pretended everything was alright. Reki has run through every alternate possibility possible in his mind. What if he did this? What if he said that? What if he didn’t do this? What if he didn’t do that? Reki knows it’s not healthy—but he can't get these alternate realities out of his mind.
His door opens. The footsteps that follow are too heavy to be his mom or sisters.
A timid voice calls out. “Reki…”
Oh god.
Reki doesn’t dare move. He doesn't dare breathe if it means Langa thinks that he’s awake. He screws his eyes shut so hard that they start to hurt. He can feel the bed dip slightly next to him, and Reki is so glad that he’s hunched over facing the wall so that Langa can’t see his face.
There's more quiet shuffling before Reki feels Langa’s gaze burning into the back of his head. “Reki, you don’t have to say anything,” There's a small tug on Reki’s shirt, “But hear what I have to say.”
A pause. The room is so deadly silent that you can hear a pin drop. Reki tries to focus on the small mundae sounds that he can hear to distract himself. His mom cooking dinner, voices of high school kids walking home, his sisters running around the house, the sound of his shirt fabric rubbing between Langa’s fingers—
No, he tries to think of something else, anything else other than Langa’s knuckles gently brushing against his exposed bare skin.
Langa lets out a deep sigh, and Reki can feel the warm puff of air on his neck. How close was he sitting next to him? “I was sad that you didn’t come to school today. It wasn’t the same without you skateboarding next to me.”
Reki thinks about how Langa must've walked to class. His body hunched over like when he first met him and he didn't have any friends. Maybe Miya saw him and they walked in the same direction for a bit. Did Langa tell Miya what happened? He must have. That's probably why Reki’s phone has been busy all day. Miya was probably texting him and chewing him out for lashing out at Langa.
“I thought about what you said last night,” Langa said softly, almost scared to bring up what happened. “And I think that you’re right—but you’re wrong too.” Reki sucks in a shaky breath.
He’s wrong? How could he be wrong? Langa was the one who was going to break their promise, Langa was the one who kept improving, Langa was the one who left him behind—
“I would never leave you behind.”
Something breaks in Reki. His heart snaps right in two, right down the middle.
He twists his body until he’s facing Langa, who drops Reki’s shirt from his hands. He has a surprised expression on his face, but his usual sparkly teal eyes are now red and puffy, with dark circles under them. He’s sitting cross-crossed on his bed. “But you promised.” Reki blurted, cursing his voice for sounding so weak.
“I did promise, and I know now that I shouldn't have made that promise at all.” Reki’s eyes gloss over. “I knew at that point that Adam was a great skater, and that I wanted to skate against him at some point.”
Reki’s brows drew together. “Did you come here just to tell me that?” He asks, sitting up crossing his legs. “Why did you come here if you were just going to make me feel worse?”
Langa’s eyes widen slightly. “That wasn’t my intention.”
“But that’s what’s happening.” Reki says darkly. He knows Langa might not understand what’s wrong, but Reki can’t keep spelling it out for him.
Langa reaches to grip his shirt again, twisting it around his fingers and clenching it until the material is wrinkled and crushed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you more than I already have.” Reki sends a glare his way and Langa rushes to continue. “But I think that you’re wrong when you say you’re falling behind. You’re the one who taught me to skate and do all these amazing tricks, and you’re the one never gave up on me when I fell.”
“Isn’t it an old movie cliche for the main character to overtake the master?” Reki chuckles humorlessly.
“You called me reckless, but you challenged Adam too—”
“And that got me landed in the hospital. Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from when I tell you that skating against Adam is dangerous.” Reki grabs both of Langa’s hands, not forcefully but carefully, full of concern and emotion.
Langa brushes his thumbs across Reki’s hand, leaving his skin burning. “I want to understand. And I’m trying so hard to understand. Please don't give up on me.” He says timidly. He’s trying. He’s trying so damn hard. He’s never had a fight like this. All his relationships were very simple, he was never introduced to situations like this, and this is the first time he really needs to try and understand someone’s emotions.
Reki’s breath hitches. He never wanted Langa to feel like he’d give up on him, he just wanted to understand the danger that he’s getting himself into. He can feel his eyes well up with tears, which in turn makes his vision slightly blurry.
“Then get mad. Get angry and tell me how you feel. Don’t filter how you really feel because you’re scared that I’ll get disappointed or sad.”
“I-I don’t know how to express these emotions, I've never done this before—”
“Then start!” Reki interrupts. “Get angry, yell at me, hit me, tell me what you think, don't hold back.”
“Why are you so concerned for me about getting hurt while skating Adam!?” Langa finally yelled.
“Because I care about you!”
Langa stops. Reki grips his hands harder. His ears are ringing and all he can hear is the heavy breathing from the both of them.
I freaking care about you idiot. I don't want to see you get hurt.” He mumbles.
“I won’t get hurt, I’ll promise you.” Langa leans in closer. Their knees are touching and Reki can smell whatever soap Langa uses. Sandalwood.
“It's not just that.” Reki looks down, avoiding Langa’s eyes. His bangs cover his face, and Reki is thankful because his tears finally collect and spill over.
Langa ducks his face to try and look at him. “Then what is it?” He asks.
Reki blinks rapidly. He doesn't want to admit this. He wants to keep his fun guy, nothing bothers him, facade up.
“I’m scared.” He chokes out, and his wall crumbles. He grips Langa’s hands hard enough for his nails to leave crescent marks behind. He’s crying and his face is hot. “I'm scared, Langa.”
“What are you scared of?” He hears Langa ask softly.
Reki shakily inhales. “I’m scared that… That you’re going to beat Adam and you’re going to go on racing other amazing skaters, and that you’ll forget about me, that everyone else will forget about me. I'm scared because skating has been my passion for so long, and now you’re doing so amazing—and I’m really proud and happy for you, but now it feels like my passion is a waste of time. Everyone knows who Snow is, but they don't know the guy by Snow’s side. ” Reki takes his hand out of Langa’s and harshly wipes his cheeks, wiping the moisture from his palm on his sweatpants.
“Reki,” Langa starts, “I would never forget about you. You’re the one who keeps teaching me new things, the one who motivates me to get better. I've been trying so hard because I wanted you to be proud of me.” Reki heaves and snivels and his shoulders shake. Langa pulls his shoulders slightly and Reki lets his head fall on the other's shoulder, burying his nose in the junction of his shoulder and neck.
He can feel Langa shudder slightly when he breathes onto, what he thinks is a sensitive area. “You’re always going to be the one I want to skate with. You’re always going to be the one I want by my side and the one who’s going to motivate me to try harder. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have even picked up a skateboard in the first place.” It breaks Langa’s heart knowing that Reki felt like he’ll leave him behind. He always felt like he had to do better and be better to keep up with Reki.
A broad hand rubs up and down on Reki’s back, calming him down and helping him to slow down his breathing. They stay like that for a while, silent, Langa rubbing his back and Reki composing himself. He sniffles a bit and rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms.
Reki pulls away and laughs, gently punching Langa’s shoulder with no real force. “Guess we’ll just have to teach you every trick in the book so you can beat Adam and not get head trauma.” He jokes.
Langa’s face lights up like he just heard that he’s won the lottery. “Does that mean you forgive me?” He asks with pure joy laced in his voice. Reki gives him a lopsided grin. A genuine one.
“I was never really mad at you, you know.” He rubs at the back of his neck—a nervous habit that he’s had since childhood. “I was just frustrated with myself.”
And then Langa is swiping his middle and ring finger across his cheeks, wiping at any remaining tear tracks. The golden light from the sunset that’s filtering in Reki’s room is hitting Langa’s face perfectly, making his cool teal eyes shine with a honey glow that Reki has never really noticed before now. They're close. Really close.
So close that Reki can’t help but slither his hands up to Langa’s face, cupping his jaw and stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. He notices Langa’s eyes dart down to his lips, his own parting ever so slightly. And then he leans in.
And they're kissing.
Langa gasps into his mouth, and then he’s snaking his arms around Reki’s waist, pulling them closer. His hands grasp handfuls of his shirt, and he tilts his head to the side to match Reki’s movements.
Reki’s never had a long time partner. He’s had a girlfriend in elementary school with whom he held hands for the first time, and a girlfriend in middle school with whom he had his first kiss. It was a chaste innocent experienced kiss, but he was in middle school and it was his first time.
Their position is awkward, both criss-crossed, hunched over to reach the other. Never breaking pulling away, Reki moved to kneel on his knees, towering over Langa, now holding his face below his own. Langa is warm, body heat seeping into any skin that he touches, and Reki reaches one hand to his neck, twirling his baby hairs around his finger.
Reki moves his mouth against Langa, who soon learns and follows his movements. Langa has never kissed anyone and Reki knew this, asking him one day in the skate park if he had ever dated anyone. But he’s a quick learner from all those soap operas that his mom makes him watch. Langa boldly darts his tongue out as Reki moves his mouth again, swiping over his lip. It's salty from his crying, but Langa doesn't care.
Reki has never kissed anyone like this. Kissed anyone with tongue. Langa knows that this is way past a chaste innocent school boy kiss at this point. He doesn't want to take this too far when they have just made up and he shyly licks at Reki’s bottom lip. Reki is squirming slightly as Langa kitten licks his lips. And then Langa is chasing his lips as Reki pulls away. They're so close that Reki almost has to cross his eyes to look at him properly.
“How’re you a natural at this, too.” Reki huffs. Langa’s eyes were dazed, staring at Reki’s kissed bruised mouth.
Langa slightly shakes his head. “What?” He asks, clearly not paying attention, only seeing Reki’s mouth move, but not hearing anything come out.
A soft laugh and then, “Nevermind.”
Reki’s still towering over Langa in this position, and his expression changes to one of deep thought. “Langa.”
Langa hums questioningly.
“I'm sorry for what I said last night. That we’re not a good match.” He says, and Langa pulls his waist with his arms, pulling Reki flush against him.
Langa presses a kiss against the corner of Reki’s mouth, closing his eyes. “It's alright. I think we’re a pretty good match now though.” He can feel Reki’s face break out into a smile, and theyre kissing again, both smiling and sighing dreamily into it.
“Don’t soar too far without me now alright.”