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Renjun can’t stop thinking.
It’s an awful habit he has to learn how to break, Jaemin’s told him numerous times before. But the thoughts that run through his brain make it impossible for him to do anything other than freeze and have his eyes fixate on a specific object in the room.
Renjun gets lost inside his head. Sometimes it’s awful. He can still clearly remember the days panicking that Jaemin might leave him because his tone of voice had been different that day, or how he had to hold back the panic attack building up in his chest when getting his makeup done for their wedding because he thought maybe Jaemin would have cold feet.
But sometimes the thoughts that find their way into his brain aren’t so bad, and sometimes, they make the terrible thoughts worth it.
The tile flooring of the kitchen feels unfamiliar underneath his feet. Their previous apartment had been all hardwood, and even with socks on, the tiles leave his feet freezing. Renjun makes a mental note to unpack their indoor slippers as soon as he could.
Renjun isn’t totally sure what he’s looking at. Everything is blurry, and all he can see is a mess of whites and greys from the kitchen’s detailing. Renjun makes another mental note to ask Jaemin if they could possibly do some remodeling in the kitchen. The realtor had told them the house had been remodeled recently, but Renjun can’t help to find a couple of the details a little too bland, and far too modern for his taste.
Realistically, he knew Jaemin probably had been more into the modern look of the home than he had been, but Jaemin would probably give in and let Renjun do as he pleased with the place. Renjun could hear Jaemin’s voice in his head telling him that he probably knew what he was doing and that he’d just trust Renjun’s process and help him out whenever he needed it.
Renjun wonders how they’ll decorate the master bedroom. Which wall their bed would go up against, which wall the television would be mounted on. If they wanted to buy new furniture or save a couple of bucks by repainting furniture they could’ve just gotten off of Facebook marketplace.
He wonders what they’ll do with one of their extra bedrooms. They had thrown around a couple of ideas, but nothing had been set in stone, wanting to get the mandatory stuff dealt with before deciding. Renjun had been fond of the idea of it being turned into a small office space for both of them. Where Renjun could have all his art supplies stored, and Jaemin could have his desktop and camera equipment set up. Renjun laughs thinking about all the petty arguments they had in their old apartments. Renjun complaining about the bright light of Jaemin’s desktop in their bedroom when he was trying to sleep, and Jaemin getting frustrated when Renjun accidentally got paint on a couple of Jaemin’s belongings.
Renjun knows Jaemin had been far more fond of turning it into an extra bedroom. For someone so introverted, Renjun was still surprised at how often Jaemin jumped to the idea of having one of their friends stay over, or having their family members visit. Those visits were usually followed by Jaemin taking a so-called “social break” where he would hole up in their bedroom going through every series on Netflix. Renjun was grateful Jaemin would at least still talk to him. Besides Renjun and some people at work, Jaemin had practically been MIA. Renjun can’t count the number of texts he had gotten from Jeno asking if Jaemin was okay because he hadn’t been replying to his messages.
Whatever they chose to do with that room, they both had silently agreed that the third bedroom had been off-limits. Both of them knew that, if anything, it would simply become a storage room until they eventually decided it had been time to redecorate it into a bedroom suited for a child.
A child. The thought of starting a family with Jaemin made Renjun’s heart beat faster. He knew that it’d take a year or so for them to seriously begin the process of starting their family. Renjun wasn’t even sure how they’d want to go about it. Whether they’d want to go through with surrogacy, or if they just wanted to adopt. If they adopted, would they want a newborn? A toddler? Maybe even a teenager. Whatever they did, Renjun knew the both of them couldn’t wait to finally start a family.
Renjun only snapped out of his trance when he felt a pair of arms slide around his waist, and the familiar scent of Jaemin’s cologne filling his nose. That didn’t stop him from flinching, and gasping at the sudden touch.
“Why do you always have to do that?” Renjun whined but still found himself leaning back into Jaemin’s embrace. He could hear Jaemin’s soft pants and feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Jaemin had probably gotten done bringing in the last couple of boxes from their car.
“Because it’s cute when you flinch like that,” Jaemin breathed out, letting out a soft laugh as he ducked his head down to nuzzle it against Renjun’s neck. The stubble growing on his chin scratched against Renjun’s skin. “What were you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” Renjun shivered as he felt Jaemin’s hot breath hitting his skin. He knew Jaemin wouldn’t believe him. They had gone through this far too many times.
“I’m sure,” The sarcasm dripping from his voice made Renjun roll his eyes, lightly pinching Jaemin’s arm and laughing as he heard him yelp. He turned in Jaemin’s arms, pressing his chest against his.
“You’re mean,” Jaemin looked down at Renjun with a pout, his eyebrows furrowed together.
Renjun just shook his head, still smiling as one of his arms wrapped around Jaemin’s neck, the other going to cup Jaemin’s face. “You’re such a big baby,”
“Your big baby,” Jaemin cooed, leaning down to peck Renjun’s lips. Renjun could feel his cheeks heat up. Renjun thought it was just slightly embarrassing how Jaemin could still manage to make him blush as if they had just gotten together.
“Yeah, you are,” Renjun hummed, his hand moving to brush away a couple of strands of hair that covered Jaemin’s eyes. Their hair had gotten long, pushing aside anything that hadn’t been work-related since they had been so busy trying to get everything ready for their move. Stubble began to grow on Jaemin’s face due to the lack of shaving, and Renjun was eager to finally find the time to go to the pharmacy and pick up some new razors so Jaemin could shave it off. It definitely looked hot on him, but Renjun couldn’t stand the scratchy feeling of it rubbing against his skin.
“I love you so much,” Renjun sighed out after the momentary silence. Renjun was afraid his heart would’ve exploded at the sight of Jaemin’s bright smile, and the squeeze around his waist.
“I love you, too.” Jaemin’s voice was soft, gentle. Renjun still swore he could hear his words echoing in the mostly empty kitchen.
Renjun pushed himself up just slightly, leaning up to press his mouth against Jaemin’s again. He could almost immediately detect the taste of the bitter coffee still lingering on his lips from when they had gotten drinks delivered earlier. They needed the caffeine to push through the day and at least get all of the boxes inside the house.
But even despite the bitter taste, Jaemin’s kisses had almost always been so sickeningly sweet. Even mere pecks were packed full of love. Renjun didn’t know how Jaemin managed to do it. To put so much emotion into even just a second long kiss. But it was always hard not to feel loved, and to be in love, when their lips touched. Kissing Jaemin always had Renjun feeling like he was falling in love with him again at eighteen. Even twelve years later, Renjun perfectly remembers what it felt like.
Renjun felt as Jaemin gently guided him to the kitchen island, backing him up against the marble so Renjun was caged in. His hands moving along the shape of Renjun’s body, feeling him up through the loose garments he wore. If their mattress wasn’t laying on the floor of their bedroom, and they hadn’t been surrounded by mountains of boxes, Renjun would’ve been more than welcome to let Jaemin’s hands continue their wandering.
“Hey,” Renjun spoke, slightly breathless as he pushed Jaemin away gently by his chest. “Not tonight. Unless you know which box we packed the lube in, or if we even decided to pack it. I don’t even remember what we decided to throw out.”
Jaemin’s pout returned to his face, and his hands slid up Renjun’s shirt just to rest against his bare waist. “At least when we order more on Amazon it’ll come quickly.”
“We haven’t had sex in two weeks. You’re okay, you’ll live,” Renjun rolled his eyes, patting Jaemin’s chest so he’ll let him go. Jaemin did, his hands hesitantly moving from Renjun’s skin and stepping aside to let him move away from the kitchen island.
“I just wanna break the house in. No better way of doing that than fucking in every room, right?” Jaemin grinned.
Renjun only scoffed in response, eyes glancing around the kitchen. A couple of boxes littered the kitchen floor and completely took over the kitchen island Jaemin had him pinned to a couple of seconds ago. The walls were stark white, and the cabinets freshly painted with a coat of light grey paint with silver hardware. Renjun cringed.
“Jaemin?” Renjun spoke, his eyes wandering back to his husband. Jaemin only replied with a noise of acknowledgment. “What do you think about painting the cabinets sage and switching all the hardware from silver to gold? I think it’d add more color to the kitchen. Make it look a little more alive.”
“Whatever you think will look best,” Jaemin replied. “You’re the artsy one after all. I’m just here to help with the handiwork.”
(The first package that gets delivered to their new home is one from Amazon containing a bottle of lube. Jaemin’s quick to fulfill his request of breaking their house in and making it truly theirs.)