Chapter Text
“I’d offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already,” Steve said throwing his jacket over a chair.
She rolled her eyes as he walked over to her desk. Slowly he leaned against the desk lifting her feet off the desk and placing them in his lap.
“We’re not borrowing the desk. I get to put my feet on it. Plus I don’t think my socks pose a threat of scuffing,” she forced a smile.
“Guess not,” he began massaging her feet.
She was exhausted. Her eyes had dulled, face had become pale, a true smile hasn’t graced her face in years. Her features has become harsher, she looked more akin to the legend of the Black Widow rather than Natasha Romanoff. It had been two years since they lost their last hope. Thanos was gone, no one was coming back. As far as anyone could tell it was over. Everything was gone.
“When was the last time you slept,” he paused, “or ate something?”
Looking up and meeting his eyes she saw concern. She still wasn’t sure why he cared about her. Why he dare lay down his life for her. His hair was growing out again, she could tell it had been a few days since he shaved.
“What are your plans tonight?” she finally asked.
“You can’t keep dodging my question. How about tonight, we order some takeout and then you get some sleep.”
Steve thanked the delivery person and took the food. People still got a bit star struck when delivering to the Avengers tower, though they no longer had the same reaction to him or the other Avengers. As far as the world saw it, the Avengers had failed them. Thanos has snapped away 50% of the population and the Avengers had not stopped him. It was hard for people to put their trust in the Avengers after that. Even Captain America himself was no longer the same symbol he one was. He was saddened by his fall from grace, people weren’t as star struck which part of him enjoyed though he no longer inspired or provided hope. He brought the food to the table where Natasha was sitting.
“No one believes in the Avengers anymore but they can’t get enough of the tower,” she sounded quite bitter.
“It’s a building. In their eyes it didn’t fail anyone.”
She wanted to make a snarky comment, but the tears she was holding back choked her up. She put her hands over her face and sighed audibly.
“Let’s change the subject. Do you want me to get plates or just eat out of the container?” he asked opening up the containers.
“I like the idea of less dishes. Unless you are afraid of sharing with me. You never know I might have cooties,” she nearly smiled.
“I’ll risk it,” he smiled handing her the food.
The two began eating in silence. Though ‘eating’ was going a bit too far, she was mostly just pushing the food around, on rare occasion taking small bites every couple of minutes.
“Can you please eat some more?” he asked after they had been sitting in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time.
“I’m not that hungry.”
He wanted so bad to push harder, but he hated arguing with her.
The next morning the entire world felt as though it was dragging. He swore the sun had refused to rise this morning. He had cut his morning run short as the world just felt so dark and dreary. When entering the tower he had been expecting to see Natasha but she was nowhere to be found. The first place he checked was the gym and shooting range. More often then not he would find her there. After not being able to find here there he started thinking through other areas she may be.
“Nat?” asked knocking on her bedroom door.
There was no answer from her.
“Nat, I just wanted to check on you. I’m going to open the door,” he let a moment pass before slowly opening the door.
As he peaked in he saw her laying in her bed. She still looked wide awake, though completely exhausted. He entered, closing the door behind him, no one else was there but he knew she hated leaving the door open. He stayed quiet as he walked over to her. Her eyes were glassy as though she had been crying. Without saying a word he walked over and carefully laid down behind her. Before fully laying down he moved her hair out of the way so he didn’t lay on it. He leaned on his arm and let his other hand rest on his side. She reached behind her and grabbed his wrist, pulling his arm over her waist. She intertwined her fingers with his. Her body began shaking gently as she sobbed.
Natasha walked into the kitchen as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn’t just cried in Steve’s arms for hours. He didn’t say anything though, if he had been anyone else except maybe Clint she probably would have thrown him out immediately. She was the Black Widow, and the Black Widow would never cry. She got to comfortable being on a team, being a hero, relying on them. She got too comfortable trusting those around her.
“Tomorrow there is going to be vigil for the two year anniversary. I was thinking about going. Would you like to come with me?” he asked.
“I don’t need anyone to remind me of what happened. I was there,” she stormed out of the kitchen.
He knew bringing it up was a risk. She refused to go with him at the one year anniversary, he hoped that she would be ready now. She wouldn’t talk to him about it though he wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t go. Maybe since this was the second time he lost Bucky it made it easier to openly mourn him. Maybe he just wanted to go as support for all of the other people who lost someone. He knew she had also lost a lot. Fury was gone, Clint might as well have been snapped away as he had gone completely off grid in the following weeks. During their time on the run she had also gotten closer with Wanda. The two girls had been able to bond in a way that no one else had been able to do so. Even though Nat never talked about the Red Room, he knew from Wanda that Nat had pretty intimate knowledge of what Hydra had done. He assumed that some of that knowledge came from her past. Working with Wanda had seemed to help her work through some of her trauma. It was so hard for her to open up to people tat then to have them die was cruel twist of fate that he didn’t know if she could come back from.