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After the events of the war over the Sokvoia accords they had all been separated. Steve and his group had stayed mostly together, but Natasha was on her own. Now normally Natasha was happy to be on her own, but now was not one of those times. Before the team had been against each other, her and Steve had been thinking about sharing something. If only peace had stayed long enough, then maybe she wouldn’t be alone. Or maybe she just was supposed to be alone.
Natasha lay in bed. She was the Black Widow. The Black Widow did not do this. The Black Widow did not lay alone crying. Though she wasn’t supposed to be able to get into this situation anyways. Maybe since this wasn’t supposed to happen then her crying alone would be okay.
Natasha sat in the bathroom, she had been nauseous since she woke up. She had been awake for only three hours but it felt like much longer. Finally she stood up, walking to the sink. She turned on the faucet and held the edge of the sink. She took a breath before cupping water in her hand and wiping her mouth. She turned off the facet and filled her mouth with mouth wash. She held it for a moment before spitting it out into the sink. She looked up at her reflection. It had been hard trying to understand and accept this situation on her own. She couldn’t imagine how hard it would be in the coming months, or god forbid what comes after that.
She woke up in the middle of the night.
“Ughh,” she groaned annoyed as she got out of bed.
She walked into the bathroom. When she turned the light on she squinted. It felt like she was going to the bathroom every twenty minutes. She knew it was most defiantly not that often but it was annoying none the less. Pregnancy was already hard enough, doing it alone made it even harder.
She turned off the light and started walking back to bed, placing her hand on her ever growing belly. As she laid down the baby kicked.
“I miss your dad as well,” she spoke quietly.
“You and your baby are looking very well Ms. Romanoff,” the technician said as the machine was turned off.
“Thank you,” Nat said taking the cloth and wiping the gel from her stomach.
“You’re in the homestretch. Just a few more weeks to go. Are you planning on staying in Brooklyn long, or is your work moving you again?”
“I’m staying. Thank goodness for maternity leave. Moving so often gets tiring quickly.”
“I’m sure being nine months pregnant doesn’t help.”
“I manage.”
“Remember to be careful. You don’t want to accidently hurt yourself or that baby.”
Natasha smiled and nodded.
“Come on James let’s go,” she said to her son.
The one year old held onto the couch and pulled himself up.
“Mama,” the boy said looking up.
“Yes, my beloved,” she said in Russian
She bent down and picked up her son, kissing his head.
She took James with her to the store. He sat in the cart as Nat went through the store and got food. James was calm as usual. He generally loved shopping trips with his mother. Today he had been very temperamental though. As she waited in line he started to cry loudly.
“James, please. Mommy needs you to calm down,” she tried to calm him.
“Natasha?” she heard an old but familiar voice.
She looked back. Steve. Steve was standing right in front of her. She hadn’t seen him in nearly two years.
“Steve?” she asked flustered.
“Mama!” James cried.
She quickly turned around and picked up James. She hugged him to her.
“Let me help,” Steve said moving the cart forward.
He started putting her groceries next to the cashier. Natasha was shocked, she had no idea what to say. He ended up paying for her groceries. She tried to protest but he was stubborn. She took one of the bags, Steve took the two other. He walked her out to her car.
“Thank you Steve,” she said placing the bag she had taken into the trunk.
“Of course,” he smiled.
“Didn’t you need to get something from the store?” she asked.
“I was just trying to think of something to make for dinner”
“Would you like to come have dinner with us?” she gestured to James, “it’s the least I can do after you insisted on paying.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Of course. Do you want to just follow me?” she asked.
“I took the bus here.”
“You can ride with me,” she suggested.
“As long as that isn’t intruding too much.”
“Of course not. Go ahead and get in,” she said.
He nodded and got into the front seat. She was getting James into his car seat. She then got into the driver’s seat and started driving home. All of them were silent on the way back to her house.
She parked at a small two bedroom house. It wasn’t fancy, but it worked for what she needed. She and Steve got out of the car at the same time. He went to the trunk and started getting the bags as she got the baby out of the car. The two walked up to the front door and she unlocked it. After walking in she showed him where the kitchen was, and he placed the bags on the counter. She walked into the living room and placed James on a mat. He immediately went to playing with the toys he had laid out.
She walked into the kitchen and started unpacking her groceries.
“So…how have you been?” Steve asked.
They were both nervous. Despite how he felt, she was much more nervous than he was. She didn’t mean to keep James from Steve, he was his son after all. But she was scared. That was no excuse. She was also afraid of putting James in harm’s way, though there was no doubt in her mind that Steve would do all her could to care for the boy.
“I’ve been well. What about you?” she asked.
“It’s been fine. Bucky was put back in cryo. He is in Wakanda with T’Challa.”
“At least you know he is safe.”
Natasha finished making dinner. She had made solyanka, her favorite soup from Russia. It also was James’s favorite Russian dish his mother made. She got three bowls ready and placed them on the dining table. One of the bowls was set in front of the high chair, she had placed an ice cube in it to cool it down enough for her son. Steve took a seat. He watched as Natasha walked over to the young boy.
“Are you hungry? I make solyanka. Would you like some?” she asked bending down in front of the boy.
He reached his hands out and Natasha picked him up. She walked over to the table and placed him in his high chair.
“How old is he?” Steve asked curiously.
“He’s one. He’ll be two in September,” she said watching her son.
Steve stared at the boy. He saw Natasha in him. It was almost poetic that he saw Nat in the boy, since when she looked at her son she saw Steve. Natasha picked up her son’s spoon. She filled the spoon with broth, blowing on it before touching it to her lip. When she was satisfied with the temperature she brought it to her son’s mouth. He didn’t eat it as he normally would.
“Why won’t you eat James? Come on big boy,” she spoke calmly to the child.
Steve sat a bit shocked. He stared for a moment before gathering the courage to speak.
“James?” he finally asked.
Both Natasha and the boy looked to Steve.
“Yes,” she said softly.
“Bucky’s first name is James,” he said.
He sounded almost mad. She looked at Steve worried.
“Is this Bucky’s son?” he asked mad.
He was furious that maybe Bucky had a child and didn’t tell him, or maybe Bucky didn’t even know. Natasha stayed silent. He stood up, he was furious now.
“Answer me!” he said hitting the table.
She was embarrassed and she was ashamed.
“Do you think it’s fair to keep a child from their father!? I mean does he even know? How could you do this Natasha!?” he said furious.
“Because it is terrifying! Because you ran and left me alone!” she stayed seated and stared at the table.
“You should have told him! He deserves to know Natasha. He should know that he has a child!” Steve nearly yelled.
“God Steve! Are you that naïve!? Look at him! He is not Bucky’s son. He is your son Steve!” she yelled.
He was speechless. How did he respond to that? He had a son? He and Natasha had a son? It would be a lie to say he had never dreamed of maybe having a child with her. He loved Natasha very much. He had always been too scared to tell her how he really felt though. She walked out of the room, her breathing had become erratic. She had tears filling her eyes. James got very agitated and started crying.
“Mama! Mama?” he cried scared.
Steve started walking over to James without even thinking about it. He hated the idea of Natasha’s child being upset, but this was also his son. He took him out of the highchair.
“Shh, shh. Calm down James. It will be okay. You’re okay champ,” he said to the child calmly.
He watched as Natasha walked into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. This was odd because she already had water sitting on the table. She took a drink but immediately started coughing. Steve looked at her worried. When she began vomiting he got really worried. She looked back at Steve, using her hand to catch the blood dripping from her mouth. Steve put James down who immediately started screaming. He ran over to Natasha.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” she said with tears.
“It’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay,” he said with a fake smile.
She was still crying. He lowered Natasha to the ground, leaning her against the cabinets. He walked over to James, picking him up before calling 911.
The ambulance arrived. James was still very upset. Paramedics came in and immediately started getting Natasha on a stretcher. Natasha wouldn’t let them take her away, until she told Steve something.
“Please take care of James. Don’t take him to the hospital until he has calmed down. Please take care of him Steve,” she cried.
“I promise,” he said before kissing her forehead.
“We are taking her to Metro-General hospital,” the paramedic informed Steve,
He watched as the paramedics took her to the ambulance. James was still very flustered and he couldn’t stop crying.
“I’m here. It will be okay James. Your mom will be okay. Alright?” he asked softly.
The boy just stared with tears.
“James I will take you to your mom in a moment. This day has been a lot. It had been big for me to. I’m your dad,” he said with a smile.
“Mama?” James asked with tears.
“No, I’m your dad. Can you say dad?” he asked.
“Mama, peas,” he begged.
“We will go see your mom in just a little bit. She told me that you needed to be calm before we went to check on her.”
He starred, laying his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve smiled. This was his son after all. He wished that Natasha had told him before. Despite how mad he was about this, he was excited. He loved Natasha and always had. He hummed softly as he held James.
“Mama,” the boy whispered.
“We’ll go see your mom really soon,” he said.
He grabbed the diaper bag that was sitting by the front door before also grabbing Natasha’s keys. He walked out, locking the front door before unlocking the van Natasha drove. It was a funny sight, seeing the Black Widow driving a van and caring for a child. But he honestly loved it. He got James into his car seat, buckling him before getting into the driver’s seat.
Steve parked at the hospital. He looked back and James was still sitting upset. He got out of the car and helped James out of his car seat. He picked him up before closing the door and locking the doors. He walked up to the hospital. When he walked inside he was hit with the scent of cleansers. He walked to the front desk.
“A woman was brought in. Her name is Natasha Romanoff. The ambulance brought her,” Steve said nervous.
“Mama!” James said sadly.
The woman behind the desk seems flustered. He sighed, he always made a point to be kind and greet fans of Captain America but now was not the time for this. He needed to check on Natasha.
“Yes, I am Captain America. Now another member of the Avengers was brought here. I need to see her!” he said impatient.
“Ms. Romanoff is in endoscopy right now. You may take a seat, I will tell the doctor to come talk to you when they are done,” the woman said staring at him.
Steve nods before walking over to the rows of chairs. He sat down in one of the uncomfortably small chairs. He sets the diaper bag down and sits James on his lap. James yawns. He is tired, Steve is also getting tired. James lays his head against Steve’s chest and closes his eyes, yawning once again.
“Mama! Mama!” James starts to cry.
Steve looks down at James. He seems to be having nightmares just as both his parents struggle with. Steve wasn’t sure how Natasha dealt with his nightmares. He knew how he dealt with Natasha’s nightmares and how she would handle his own. But it didn’t seem like either of these approaches would work out. He lifted James up and laid his head on his shoulder.
“It’s okay James. Dad’s here. We’ll go see your mom in just a bit,” he whispered.
James whimpered. He calmed down. Steve hugged him gently, looking over and kissing his head.
“There you are champ,” he whispered.
A doctor walked out. Steve quickly stood up, being careful to keep James comfortable.
“Mr. Rogers?” the doctor asked.
“Yes.”
“She is stable. An ulcer in her stomach caused the bleeding. She needs to be kept here for observation until she is healed.”
“Can I see her?” he asked worried.
“Yes, are you sure she would be okay with you bringing a child in there?”
“I am sure. He means everything to her.”
The doctor nodded. Steve grabbed the diaper bag and followed the doctor.
He was lead to a room and peered in.
“She is awake but still tired. Just be calm, and quiet.”
Steve nodded. He walked into the room and the door was closed by the doctor. He set the diaper bag down and took a seat by the bed. Natasha looked at him and smiled at her son. She lifted her hand and touched her child’s back. James reacted by nuzzling into Steve.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she whispered staring at her son.
“I was mad. I won’t lie,” he stated calmly.
“You’re a horrible liar also,” she joked.
“I understand though. You were scared. I just wish I could have been there for you. I want to be there to support you. Though being on the run isn’t a good way to care for a child.”
“I had to make a deal with the government. I couldn’t keep running while I was pregnant,” she said with tears.
“I came back here to try and argue for a new deal. It has been too hard for everyone to try and hide,” he said.
“You don’t know how to be on the run, I’ll teach you some day,” she smiled.
“Well if I had you with me then I would still be on the run,” he said.
She stared at James.
“I’m glad I know now. He is an amazing kid. You are an amazing woman. I am proud of you. No wonder he is such an amazing child.”
“Thank you Steve,” she whispered.
“I think he had a nightmare while we were waiting.”
She looked at James but he seemed content. He was sleeping happily.
“Can you stay for a while? Please. I care a lot about you,” she whispered the last part almost too quietly to hear.
He smiled at her. He held one hand on James’s head before leaning down and kissing Natasha gently.
“I care about you too,” he sat up and stroked her cheek.
Steve and Natasha spent a good while just staring at each other, and talking. Natasha loved the feeling of Steve stroking her cheek. James lifted his head and looked around. He rubbed his nose and looked around. Natasha sat up.
“Hi big boy. Do you want to sit with mama?” she asked.
James leaned towards his mother. Steve carefully set James next to his mother. Natasha smiled at her son, and put her arm around him. James leaned into his mother and pulled on the hospital gown.
“Steve,” she said worried.
He nodded.
“He wants to nurse. I am perfectly fine with you being in here, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she said nervous.
“Oh, of course. I can leave.”
“It’s okay. He’s only one so I have only started weeing him off,” she explains.
He nods. She pulls down one side of the hospital gown. Underneath she had on a sports bra. She removed one side. James started sucking and both he and Natasha seemed to calm down. Steve smiled slightly. James fell asleep while holding onto his mother. Natasha fixed her sports bran and then her hospital gown. She smiled at her son and pulled the blanket up over him.
Natasha fell asleep with James in her arms. Steve sat silently beside her.
“Sir?” a nurse walked in.
Steve looked back at them.
“Would you like a cot set up? So that you can rest,” they asked kindly.
Steve nodded.
“That would be great, thank you.”
They left. Steve stared at Natasha.
“I care a lot about you Natasha. I care so much that I love you,” he whispered.
A cot was brought in. Steve waited until they left before pushing the cot up next to the bed Natasha lay in. He laid down and watched as Natasha and James slept. He smiled at them, soon falling asleep.
The next day Natasha woke up and looked around the hospital room. Her eyes landed on James. He was still sleeping happily. She looked over and saw Steve asleep beside her. She smiled at this. She had been facing away from Steve, so she carefully picked up James and moves him to the other side. She laid back down and watched Steve. As she ran her fingers over her son’s arm she just watched Steve.
“Mama loves you James,” she whispered before kissing his head.
She whispered a Russian lullaby to her son. When Steve woke up he heard the lullaby. He did not open his eyes as first, instead just listened. When he finally did open his eyes he looked directly at Natasha.
“Good morning,” she said quietly.
“Good morning Natasha,” he responded.
“Thank you for staying.”
“Of course, I want to be helpful.”
“James really likes having you around. I think it’s helpful for him.”
“I really enjoy spending time with him.”
James woke up.
“Mama?” he asked.
Natasha and Steve looked at him.
“Good morning James.” Natasha said softly.
Steve smiled as them. Natasha sat up, Steve saw that she was in a bit of pain.
“Would you like to sit on my lap?” Steve asked.
James looked up at his father and nodded. Steve smiled and pulled James into his lap. Natasha smiled. Natasha had her hand on her stomach. Steve could tell she was not feeling very well. Natasha smiled at her son.
“Do you need me to get the doctor?” he asked worried.
“No, I’m fine,” she let out a pained sigh.
James pulled on his father’s collar. He looked down quickly.
“Yes James?” he asked softly.
Natasha also looked at her son.
“Be nice to your father, James,” Natasha said calmly in Russian.
Steve looked at Natasha confused.
“I told him he need to be nice,” she paused and looked at her son, “Right my darling.”
Steve looked at Natasha amazed, He loved the way she sounded when she spoke Russian. James nodded as he looked at his mother.
“Am I missing something important?” Steve asked.
“No, my love.”
Steve smiled at her. She felt a familiar sting in her heart. A sting that she remembered when she found of she was pregnant with Steve’s baby. A sting she remembered from when she first saw James, when she first held him and saw Steve in him. She started crying, not even realizing it. He lifted his hand and carefully wiped away the tears.
“Natasha, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you from him. I was scared. I was so scared. I was scared about what would happen if you had to be still for too long. I was scared of what you might think about me being a mother. I was scared that you wouldn’t want a baby. I didn’t even know I could get pregnant so the idea of you not wanting him. I’m sorry. I am a coward Steve.”
“I understand. I’m still mad at you but I understand. I wish I could have been here for all of it. I wish I could have shared in all the joys and sorrow. One thing I know for sure is that you have raised an amazing little boy who is lucky to have someone as amazing as you for a mother.”
She continued to cry. James stared at his mother worried. He pulled away from Steve and crawled to his mother.
“Mama’s okay. I’m okay. It’s all right my darling.”
The boy hugged his mother. Steve just stared in amazement. He couldn’t believe what he saw. He was back with the woman who had fallen hopelessly in love with and they even had a child. The young boy was proof that Steve did want a family. His heart ached that he couldn’t have watched James grow up. But even now, this short amount of time he knew he would never stop fighting for his son.
“Do you need anything Nat?” he asked.
“Do you have to leave?” she asked, tears still flooding her eyes.
“No, I am exactly where I need to be. You two are exactly where I need to be.”
“Thank you Steve. Thank you,” she squeezed his hand.
“I’m always gonna be here Nat, it’s going to be okay. I am going to take care of you and James.”