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Summer days in Jackson were unbearable. Sweltering heat beat down as the sun scorched everything in sight, including Ellie’s fair skin. Summer nights, though, were beautiful. The heat lingered just enough that there was a comforting warmth in the air. You could walk outside barefoot, in shorts and a tank top, and be perfectly comfortable. Not that Ellie liked to spend much time outside in the heat.
Ellie had her window open, letting the warm summer breeze coast through her room. Joel had just left after their movie night, and it was getting late, when Ellie heard a light rapping at her window.
She looked up from where she sat on her bed, strumming her guitar. Her notebook was open in front of her, words scrawled on the page and hastily scribbled out. She stared at the window for a moment, debating whether or not to open the curtains and see if there was a wild animal trying to break into her house, but when it stayed quiet she turned back to her guitar.
Then the rapping noise sounded again.
Ellie groaned, but set aside her guitar and walked to the window. She pulled back the curtain to find her friend Jesse beaming at her from the other side.
“What the fuck are you doing out there?”
“Come with me!” he said.
“What?” Ellie sputtered. “Where?”
Jesse rolled his eyes. “You can read your comic stories later.”
“First of all they’re called comic books, and second of all, I wasn’t reading. I was playing guitar.“
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just get out here.”
“Why?”
“Do you hate fun?”
“No, just surprises.” Ellie crossed her arms and didn’t budge until Jesse relented.
“Ugh, fine,” Jesse groaned. “We’re having a bonfire by the creek. Now come on, we’re gonna be late! And bring the guitar, I’m sure everyone’s gonna love it.”
Ellie hesitated. That did sound fun, but what was stopping her. “Where’s Dina?” she asked, suddenly realizing that their other friend was nowhere to be found. Dina and Jesse had been inseparable since the two started dating a few months ago, so it was weird not seeing them together.
Jesse’s shoulders slumped. “I dunno,” he muttered, defensive. “She’ll probably be there, I guess.”
Ellie frowned, confused. “What, trouble in paradise?”
“We broke up,” Jesse said flatly. “A few days ago.”
Ellie’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit.”
“It’s not a big deal,” he brushed off. “Are you coming?”
Ellie pursed her lips, then nodded. “Give me a minute.”
She shut the curtain and put her guitar back on its case and left it on her bed. She shucked off the comfy sweats she was wearing and grabbed a clean pair of cargo shorts, and a flannel to throw on over her tank top. Ellie laced on her converse and quickly glanced around the room for anything she might need, remembering at the last minute to grab her keys.
Before Ellie headed out the door she took a quick look at herself in the mirror. She looked tired and her hair was a bit messy so she pulled it back in a short ponytail that bounced at the back of her head whenever she moved. She bit her lip and shoved her hands into her pockets, and after a moment’s hesitation, made her way to the door, grabbing her guitar on the way out.
Jesse was waiting there, leaning against the doorframe. “You clean up nice,” he muttered. “Trying to impress someone?”
Ellie felt her cheeks flush but she turned around so he couldn’t see. “No.”
Jesse rolled his eyes. He clearly didn’t believe her but didn’t press the matter any further. “Let’s go,” he said, and took off down the street.
Ellie followed him, jogging a little to catch up, and they walked down the quiet late-night streets of Jackson. The houses that lined the streets had their lights off, most people already asleep. Ellie looked around suspiciously. Technically it was past curfew. She didn’t go out past curfew very often.
“Are you sure we should be out here?” Ellie asked.
“Shh,” Jesse whispered. “We’re fine as long as we stay quiet.”
Ellie frowned. They walked in silence for a few more minutes, but her curiosity would get the better of her. “So…” she started. “What happened with you and Dina?”
Jesse shrugged. “Honeymoon phase wore off,” he said. “I realized she can be annoying and she realized I can be a stick in the mud.”
“A stick in the mud?”
“Her words, not mine.”
“But you guys seemed so… I dunno, perfect together?”
Jesse laughed. “We definitely weren’t perfect. We’re sixteen, El. Why are you so…” he trailed off. “Wait, shit, I’m sorry.”
Now Ellie was really confused. “What?”
“I just— I guess I didn’t think about how our breakup would— you don’t have anything to worry about. We’re always gonna be best friends. All three of us.”
“Oh,” Ellie muttered. That hadn’t been what she was thinking about, but it made sense Jesse would think that. “Right. Yeah. That’s what I was worried about.”
“Things might be weird between me and Dina right now but I promise we won’t let it affect you. It’ll die down. You can hang out with her once we get to the bonfire, I won’t be mad.”
Ellie hesitated. “You’re sure?”
“Of course,” Jesse said. “You’re my best friend, Ellie. You and Dina.”
Ellie felt the same, but of course, she wasn’t going to say that. Jesse was always known for wearing his heart on his sleeve, while Ellie held things close to her chest. She nodded and gave him a small smile, hoping that he understood her language. He squeezed her shoulder, and Ellie felt like he did.
“Come on,” Jesse muttered. “We’re almost there.”
They had made it out of the neighborhood to the outskirts of Jackson. Technically, they weren’t supposed to venture this far without adult supervision. It was close enough to the border that if there were any infected nearby and things went wrong, it could get very bad, very fast. Still, as they neared the creek, Ellie could see in the distance a flame that lit up the night, and the chatter of teenagers drowned out the sounds of rushing water.
And she spotted, sitting cross-legged next to the bonfire, her face aglow in the lambent light, a smile capturing her lips, Dina. She glanced up, met Ellie’s eyes from a distance, and waved.
Ellie felt like she was going to throw up.
As much as she wanted to back away and disappear into the nearest hole, Jesse wouldn’t allow that. He grabbed Ellie by the arm and led her to the bonfire, jogging the rest of the way as they closed the distance.
“Tunes are here!” Jesse announced, and shoved Ellie and her guitar forward. The group cheered as they ushered Ellie to perch comfortably on a log, and she was immediately bombarded with requests.
“Can you play that country song Joel taught you? Low Friends or something like that?”
“What about the one with the wonderful wall?”
“What’s the one about, like, poison or acid?”
“I think you mean Toxic.”
“Yeah that one!”
Ellie was taken aback by all the attention. Sure, she was fine playing guitar for Jesse and Dina, they were her best friends. She even offered to teach Cat the basics in exchange for her new tattoo design. But playing for a dozen or so people, some of whom she hardly knew? Ellie’s shoulders tensed. She almost wished some infected would hop the fence just so everyone would stop paying attention to her.
Music was personal for Ellie. It was something between her and Joel, something that she was still working on, still learning. She didn’t think she was good by any means, but perhaps that was just her own self-doubt and insecurity creeping up on her. Clearly her friends thought she was good enough to proudly put her on display. She saw Jesse’s beaming grin and didn’t want to say no.
Ellie’s hands shook as she pulled her guitar out of its case. She plucked at the strings, making sure it was in tune, but the chatter around her drowned out the notes. She wasn’t certain it was in tune, but it didn’t sound terrible. At the very least, no one here would know the difference.
Ellie sucked in a breath, trying to calm her nerves. Her heart was racing. She glanced up and saw Dina, sitting in that same spot next to the fire. She hadn’t jumped to her feet when Ellie arrived, or bombarded her with requests for this song or that, but stayed in her place. She had her arms wrapped around her legs, her chin rested on her knees, and she watched. The late night breeze ruffled her hair. She gave Ellie a small, reassuring smile, and Ellie felt the calm wash over her.
For a moment, they were alone. She drowned out everyone else and kept her gaze fixed on Dina as she began to play. Dina’s eyes lit up when Ellie sang.
Eventually, Ellie grew more comfortable. All her friends were singing along, so Ellie was no longer the focus. They were getting the words wrong, laughing and clapping along, dancing in front of the fire. Ellie actually started enjoying herself a little, but she was always aware of the flames dancing in Dina’s eyes.
As the night stretched on and the fire died down, the crowd gradually dissipated. People went home yawning, and slowly trickled back to the neighborhood, until the only people who remained were Ellie, Jesse, and Dina. Ellie sat on the same stump, strumming absently at the strings of her guitar. Jesse stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. He glanced nervously at Dina who laid flat on the ground, staring up at the sky, paying him no mind. He cleared his throat.
“Can I walk you ladies home?”
“I’m good,” Dina answered, without hesitation. Jesse looked to Ellie.
“It’s a nice night,” Ellie muttered, looking down at her guitar to hide her blush. “I think I’ll stay out a little longer.”
“Suit yourself.” Jesse stuck his hands into his pockets as he walked away. “Don't stay up too late!” he called over his shoulder.
Ellie continued to pluck at the strings as he walked away. It was quiet, and the soft notes echoed through the night, turning into a symphony accompanied by crickets chirping, gentle whistle of water streaming down the creek, the crackling fire, and the crunch of leaves and dirt as Jesse’s footsteps faded into the distance.
Then, Ellie heard a rustling. Dina stood up and made her way over to where Ellie sat, and Ellie kept her eyes glued to the neck of her guitar as her fingers shifted from fret to fret. Dina sat on the opposite end of the log. She stretched her legs out in front of her and traced patterns in the dirt with the soles of her shoes. The two of them were quiet for a long time while they sat, stealing glances at the other every so often, until eventually, Dina spoke one simple word.
“Hi.”
Ellie felt her chapped lips curl up in a small smile as the tension broke. “Hey.”
“Everybody was hogging you all night,” Dina grumbled. “We’ve hardly gotten to hang out.”
“Well, I’m all yours now,” Ellie embellished. “Any requests?”
“You’ve spent all night playing everyone else’s requests. What do you want to play?”
Ellie shrugged. “I’m happy to take requests.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Dina said. Her voice was firm as she interjected, and she looked at Ellie in a way that made Ellie feel like Dina was staring right into her soul, reading things that she didn’t even know about herself. “What do you want to play, Ellie?”
Ellie stopped her absent strumming and rested her arms on top of her guitar. She pursed her lips, deep in thought. What did she want to play? There were a lot of songs she liked to play. Ones that Joel had taught her, ones she heard on an old tape and figured out all on her own, even ones she had written herself (those would never see the light of day). She glanced to her left to see Dina watching her intently and felt her breath taken away.
Ellie liked to skate by unnoticed. That was just how she preferred to live her life. People only paid her any mind when she was thrown into the spotlight. Joel probably wouldn’t have given her a second glance if Marlene hadn’t asked him to watch her. Jackson wouldn’t have taken her in if Tommy hadn’t vouched for her. Jesse wouldn’t have been her friend if not for Dina. Even tonight, nobody would have batted an eye when she arrived if not for Jesse proclaiming it to the group. But Dina… Dina paid attention when Ellie least expected it. It was strange in a surprising and refreshing sort of way.
Dina was the first person to talk to Ellie when she arrived in Jackson. Why are you shoving beef jerky in your pockets? Fourteen year old Ellie who tried so hard to make herself invisible, and Dina, who had the biggest personality of anyone Ellie had ever known.
Ellie sometimes found herself going through old songs, studying the lyrics, wishing she had the words and confidence to say the same thing to Dina. Maybe it was cowardly, but she could hide behind someone else’s words.
Ellie took a steadying breath, placed her fingers on the frets, and began to strum the intro to a song that always made her think of Dina.
“Talking away,” Ellie’s voice was low and shaky as she sang. “I don’t know what I’m to say. I’ll say it anyway. Today’s another day to find you. Shying away, I’ll be coming for your love, okay?”
Ellie kept her eyes glued to her guitar, paying rapt attention to the way her fingers danced across the strings, terrified to make one misstep and embarrass herself.
Her voice cracked as she sang. That was expected. The song was a bit out of her range and she had been singing and laughing all night with friends. Her voice was tired. Though Ellie didn’t look up, she felt Dina’s intent gaze on her the entire song.
Eventually, Ellie finished the last notes and the music faded away, disappearing into the night. Ellie let out a shaky breath and finally let herself relax.
“You know, you’ve gotten way better since the last time I heard you play,” Dina casually remarked. Ellie raised an eyebrow at her.
“You saying I was no good?”
“Oh, yeah. Definitely. You were shit back then.”
Ellie chuckled. “I had only been playing for like a month. I was excited to show off.”
“I know. It was very cute.”
Ellie glanced up in surprise at Dina’s words and noticed the blush that colored her cheeks. Dina bit her lip and looked out at the bonfire that had died down to small flames by now. Ellie held her breath, waiting for Dina to laugh or say she was joking, but it never came. She only stared wistfully at the dying fire, and all Ellie could do was study her profile—the slope of her nose, the gentle curve of her lips, her brows, furrowed in thought. Ellie wondered what she was thinking.
“Hey, Dina?”
“Yeah?”
Ellie had spoken before she even knew what she was saying. She didn’t have a plan. She didn’t have a single clue what would come out of her mouth next. She let out a frustrated sigh and squeezed her eyes shut, but she didn’t say anything.
“Ellie?”
Dina’s voice was concerned, and it sounded closer than the last time she heard it. Ellie opened her eyes to see that Dina had slid across the log to move closer to her and reached out. She set a hand on Ellie’s knee and Ellie thoughtlessly let out an embarrassing sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a squeak.
Thankfully, Dina made no comment on that.
Ellie couldn’t do this. Dina was… Dina. Witty, brilliant, strong, charming Dina. Ellie had never met anyone like her. She bit the inside of her cheek and tightly gripped her guitar, trying to keep herself from being overwhelmed by Dina’s mere presence, but it was futile. Her grip faltered and the strings vibrated, echoing in the still air.
Ellie took a deep breath. Sure, she was scared shitless. She was more scared now than fighting off an army of infected by herself in the snow, or going toe to toe with a bloater. It was like her feelings for Dina activated that same fight or flight response in her, and when it came to Dina, she always chose flight like a coward. Maybe it was time to stop shying away.
Ellie gripped her guitar with a bit more confidence. She lifted it from her lap and set it next to her, leaning it against the log. Then, she turned to Dina, who still watched her with that curious glint in her eye. Ellie held her gaze for a moment, and Dina didn’t look away. If anything, she inched even closer, and her fingers tightened their grip on Ellie’s knee. Ellie gulped.
Here goes… everything, Ellie thought, just before she leaned in and pressed her lips to Dina’s.
Perhaps Ellie had been a bit too confident and a bit too enthusiastic in her actions; the kiss was quick, and their heads bonked together violently in the process. Dina chuckled and Ellie’s cheeks flushed. She pulled away, apologetic, but Dina’s hand caught the back of her neck before she could get too far.
“You look like you’re about to have a heart attack,” Dina whispered, her voice like honey.
Ellie gaped at her a moment, at a loss for words. “Maybe I am,” she finally stuttered out. Dina tucked a lock of hair behind Ellie’s ear and tilted her head.
“That’d be a shame, then. I’d hate for you to die before you kissed me properly.”
Dina’s words gave Ellie a confidence she didn’t even know resided in her, especially after that embarrassing endeavor. She leaned in again, more slowly this time, giving Dina a chance to pull away if she wanted.
She didn’t.
Ellie kissed her and immediately knew she would never get enough. Kissing Dina was like drinking ice cold water after a long run. It was like submerging in a warm bath after a long day in the dirt. It was like taking a bite of fresh fruit on a hot summer day. It quenched Ellie’s desire, but at the same time, all she wanted was more.
Dina’s arms circled around her neck, and Ellie gripped at her back, tugging her closer. Dina’s tongue pressed at her lips, and Ellie gasped as she pushed past and tasted her. Dina’s fingers twisted into Ellie’s hair, tugging lightly until Ellie let out a soft groan. She pushed forward, hands roaming, desperate for more, until they lost their balance and toppled off the log they had been perched on, tumbling into the dirt. Dina landed on top of Ellie, knocking the wind out of her.
Ellie gasped for breath and opened her eyes in shock and found Dina looking at her, just as surprised. After a moment, Ellie giggled. Dina pursed her lips and followed suit, a low chuckle erupting from her lungs, and a few minutes later, the two of them were lying on the ground, laughing until they couldn’t laugh anymore.
“I—I can’t breathe,” Ellie wheezed. She tapped Dina’s shoulders, and Dina rolled off of her and laid down next to Ellie, catching her breath. Eventually, their laughter died down and they laid side by side, shoulders brushing, as they stared up at the vast night sky.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Dina confessed, still breathless, her voice barely a whisper. Ellie turned her head to look at her curiously.
“But… you were with Jesse.” If Ellie seemed nervous, it’s because she was. They had been together a few short days ago, and sure, Jesse told her earlier that they were over, that there was nothing to worry about, but Ellie couldn’t help the anxiety from creeping up. Dina smiled, a little guilty.
“Didn’t stop me from looking at you.” Ellie blushed, and Dina’s hand found hers in the darkness, lacing their fingers together. She seemed to sense Ellie’s nerves and squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Besides, that’s over now. He’s still my best friend, but that relationship is definitely in the past. I’ve moved on. So has he.”
Ellie squeezed her hand back.
They laid in silence for some time, holding hands, staring up at the galaxies stretched out before them. Dina pointed up, somewhere out there with her free hand.
“See that constellation there?” she muttered. Ellie nodded. “That’s called Guy Getting Mauled By A Dinosaur.”
Ellie snorted. “You’re such a shit.”
“Hey, I never understood the whole constellation thing. I’m supposed to believe that this cluster of stars that vaguely resembles a circle and a line is supposed to be a fucking lion? Bullshit.”
“I never really got constellations either,” Ellie admitted. “I love the stars though. I actually, um, I wanted to be an astronaut.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh. Ever since I found out people went to space once upon a time… it sounded like the coolest job.”
“I never really thought about what I’d do,” Dina whispered. “You know, before outbreak day. Just never crossed my mind.”
“Well, you’re good at building things.”
Dina scoffed. “No I’m not. I’m still learning.”
“Well, Eugene’s a good teacher. Maybe you’re like me with the guitar. You’ll get better.”
“Thanks, I think?”
“Maybe we’d both work at NASA,” Elliemused. “You build the spaceships and I fly ‘em.”
“As long as you come back to me on Earth, that sounds like a dream.” Dina sighed, and tightened her grip on Ellie’s hand.
A life with Dina was something that Ellie had only daydreamed about, contemplated in her wildest fantasies. The reality of it, though, was overwhelming. They had this moment, this perfect moment that Ellie still couldn’t believe was real, but nothing else was guaranteed. It was terrifying. Ellie took a deep breath to calm herself and build up the confidence to say what was on her mind.
“I really like you, Dina,” she confessed. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
Dina was quiet for a moment as she mulled over Ellie’s words. Ellie held her breath waiting for a response.
“You should’ve thought about that before you head butted me when you tried to kiss me.”
“Hey!” Ellie shot upright, fuming.
Dina laughed and tugged on Ellie’s arm until she laid back down. “Sorry. Ill-timed joke,” Dina muttered. She smiled, then scooted closer, nuzzling into Ellie’s side. “You’re not gonna lose me. I like you too much.”
Ellie brushed her thumb against Dina’s cheek. She closed her eyes and pressed their foreheads together for a moment before finding her lips once again. They lost track of time out by the bonfire as they kissed until their lips grew tired, talked until their throats grew sore, and held each other until their eyelids grew heavy and they feared they would fall asleep lying in the dirt. By the time they figured they should head back to the settlement, the bonfire had died to embers in the fire pit, and the morning sun was just peeking over the distant horizon.
Ellie stood to her feet and held out a hand to help Dina off the ground. She draped an arm over Dina’s shoulder as Dina yawned and huddled into Ellie’s side.
“You don’t work today, do you?” Ellie asked.
Dina grumbled wordlessly. Ellie couldn’t hold back her amused smirk at Dina’s adorably sleepy face. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
Ellie led a half-asleep Dina back to town, committing these last few perfect moments to memory— Dina’s husky voice after staying up all night, the leaves that littered her hair, her well-kissed lips under dawn’s orange glow. She kissed her once more, dragging things out, hesitant to go back to the real world. Still, the real world didn’t seem so bad with Dina by her side.