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Feelings, Hiroto decided, were absolutely not worth the effort.
Flirting was easy. All it took was a few well-timed smiles and winks, a couple compliments thrown in, then within a week one of them would initiate a coffee date. The process never failed him, all the steps wrapped up in a cute little bow.
Dating was also easy. He had a running list of the most romantic spots in town, the best chocolates, heck, he could even find a florist if the occasion called for it. He’d been through the process so many times it was practically muscle memory.
But the butterflies? The way he kept glancing over without even thinking? The blushing? The fact that he was in love with his best friend?
This was not easy.
As much as he tried to force his eyes back into his own paper, he unfortunately couldn’t do much to stop the blushing. And when people started whispering, the entire class was suddenly able to read him like a book.
Except, ironically, Isogai himself. Naturally.
“I mean, the worst he can say is no,” Karma had said, nonchalantly. He shrugged. “I mean, I guess he could say no in front of the entire class, publicly humiliating you and destroying your reputation. That’d be worse. But even then, I bet Okuda would whip up some of that cyanide chocolate for you if you ask nicely.”
Hiroto quickly decided that he should probably ignore most (if not all) of Karma’s romantic advice.
“Oh, come on! If anyone can woo him, it’s you!” Nakamura had told him with a cat-like grin. “Stop hiding from him! You know the drill. Next time he looks your way, give him one of those winning smiles! Oh, add a wink in there, too. Can’t get better than that!”
He’d thanked her for the encouragement, but he’d quickly found it was hard to give a “winning smile” when his intestines were tying themselves into knots.
“If I’m being honest, I think you should just talk to him.”
Hiroto paused, looking up at Nagisa.
Nagisa shrugged. “I’m not gonna call myself an expert in the romance department, but seriously. He’s still your best friend. Do you really think he’d forget that if you told him how you feel?”
Hiroto sighed, ignoring the lump forming in the back of his throat. “I… I don’t know. I’m just… scared, I guess. You’re right, he’s my best friend, but I don’t want to lose him.”
Nagisa looked at him, tilting his head slightly. “Do you really think you’d lose him?”
Hiroto could only shrug in response, the lump in his throat too big to talk around now.
“I don’t know him as well as you do, but that just doesn’t seem like something Isogai would do.”
Hiroto forced himself to meet Nagisa’s eyes. “Thanks, man,” he choked out.
Nagisa gave him a small smile. “No problem. Though if I were you, I’d try and have that conversation in private.” He raised an eyebrow as he looked over to the spot where a familiar yellow teacher was not-so-subtly listening in. “Oh, also? Ignore anything Karma tries to tell you.”
Hiroto was inclined to agree with both of those sentiments.
If feelings were hard, Hiroto decided, talking about them was harder. Especially when he wanted to share them with Isogai.
Isogai, for all his virtues, wasn’t making the process any easier. By some miracle he hadn’t caught on to the whispers shared by the rest of the class, but he could clearly tell something was up with Hiroto. The looks Isogai gave him lasted a little too long to be normal, the smiles were even more gentle than normal, and whenever their hands touched, Isogai was never the first one to pull away. And it was… nice.
There were moments where he came close. When they were walking home from school and the sun hit him just right. When Isogai came to school with Hiroto’s favorite pastry that he’d picked up from his job. Even those gentle smiles… he seemed to know exactly when Hiroto needed one.
Isogai cared so much. He always did. Maybe that was why this crush was so different than all the others, and why he couldn’t bring himself to say those three words.
Maybe that was why Hiroto was so afraid of losing him.
Maybe he should just focus on algebra for the time being. That was why they were in the library, after all.
The numbers on his paper were practically swimming with how exhausted his brain was. It absolutely didn’t help that Isogai was sitting across from him, and that his hair “antennae” bounced with the rhythm of his pencil, and that his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth as he methodically worked through the problems.
Homework was hard, especially when he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Isogai. Hiroto wondered if banging his head on the table would help.
It didn’t.
Isogai jumped at the sudden noise, and Hiroto suddenly realized that all of Isogai’s attention would be focused on him. He made a mental note that banging his head on the table was a terrible idea.
“Are… are you okay?”
Hiroto, head still resting on the table, groaned. “This sucks.”
“Oh man, that bad? Math is normally your best subject.”
“I know.”
Isogai, ever so kind, ever so concerned, leaned forward. “Something different this time?”
What wasn’t different? Hiroto normally didn’t notice those little things, but now they were just so… distracting. His stomach kept doing somersaults and his mind just wouldn’t shut up.
Hiroto lifted his head up from the table, and was immediately met by familiar and oh-so-gentle golden eyes. He’d never noticed how beautiful Isogai’s eyes were.
He couldn’t deny it anymore. He loved him.
“I love you.”
The words seemed to slip out with no warning, Hiroto only registered that he’d said them when Isogai’s beautiful golden eyes widened and his face became slack.
A million thoughts flew through his head as it sank in, but none of them seemed important now.
Hiroto wasn’t sure if he was meant to say something after an impromptu confession, but anything he could’ve said died before it even reached his throat. He felt frozen in place, locked onto Isogai’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to look away.
“Hiroto…”
“This doesn’t have to change anything,” Hiroto blurted, desperate not to let the trance fade away. “We can pretend this never happened. We can forget about it, go back to the way we were. We can do whatever you want, I—”
“Hiroto,” Isogai said, louder this time. “Maybe I don’t want things to stay the same.”
The squirming in Hiroto’s gut was quickly replaced by a pit. He didn’t want to believe it, he’d messed up, things would never be the same, wait when had they gotten so close?
Hiroto felt the breath leave his lungs as Isogai closed the distance between them, softly pressing their lips together. The kiss was over as soon as it began, Hiroto barely had a chance to register it happening.
“I want things to change,” Isogai said, voice just as soft as the kiss, “because I love you too.”
Hiroto stared at him, wide eyed. The glances, the smiles, the touches, the pastries, he couldn’t believe how he’d never seen the signs.
“Wow,” Hiroto whispered. “I guess we’re both idiots.”
Isogai laughed softly, taking Hiroto’s hand in his. “Well maybe, you can be my idiot.”
“I think I’d like that.”