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There are a few reasons why the kids love hanging out at Shinji and Momo’s place.
Momo bakes, first of all, and she bakes really well. As in, anything she makes will keep the kids busy and munching and quiet for a good amount of time - willingly. As in, she could literally retire right now, put up a bake shop, and be set for life. As in, even the grown-ups will want to stay longer than the kids do because of the sweets Momo serves her guests. Even Mayuri probably would, if he bothered to stick around long enough to be served said sweets.
Also, it goes without saying that the 5th's lieutenant is amazing with children.
Shinji, on the other hand. “He's not too bad”, as Momo would say. He would openly admit to being a giant toddler himself and still manage to be proud of it. And Shinji isn’t exactly clamoring to get his hands on them whenever they come by, but the opposite is surprisingly true - the kids just love Shinji. Momo tells him it has less to do with his taste in music and more to do with the fact that Shinji will let them do almost anything to him without complaint - climb his legs, hide in his haori, braid his hair, dangle upside down from his long arms, anything as long as it doesn't involve sharp objects near his hair and his face and his vinyls. When he got tired of being treated like a jungle gym though, he pitched the idea of opening their garden for the gatherings. "They'll have more space to fuck around, I'll be left alone, and the house won't end up looking like the inside of my office drawer. Wins all around."
Momo agreed, as long as they stay away from her flowers.
The two of them used to put away the set-up in the garden after every visit - the picnic table, the extra chairs, and that tent Shinji put up for the kids after it sat somewhere in his quarters for a long time gathering dust ("The gang used to camp a lot. Of course I've disinfected it."). But since the Kurosakis and the Abarais came in so often, Shinji and Momo decided to just leave everything there. It was nice for the occasional outdoor meals, too.
"Oi, Ichika! Watch how you swing that thing", Renji scolds from his seat, watching as his mini-me very nearly slashed the fabric of the tent wide open with her zanpakutou.
"Nah, have at it, kid. I could use a new tent and your dad just got a raise", Shinji calls out after a long sip of his coffee.
"What in the hell for?", Ichigo chuckles across from him. "I'm pretty sure camping isn't your favorite pass time anyway. Hey, why isn't Mayuri here?", he asks, tipping his head towards Nemuri, who is seated right beside Shinji, stuffing her face with freshly-baked Madeleines.
"Working. Practically ordered us to keep her occupied so he could focus", he deadpans. "I think he thinks the 5th is running an actual daycare now."
Renji frowns. "Can't he just… switch her off or something?", he asks.
"I'm afraid I don't possess such a command, Lieutenant Abarai", Nemuri interjects brightly after a mouthful of cake. Shinji and Ichigo both nearly choke on their coffee trying not to laugh.
"Way to educate the ape man, kid", Shinji says, ignoring the very audible scowl he's earned from Renji. He goes back to watching Ichika and Kazui, who have taken to showing off their impeccable swordsmanship skills dangerously close to Momo's Begonias. Before Shinji could stand up and do something about it, the women emerge from the back door, mugs in hand, laughing at something Rukia had probably said.
"Oh dear. Keep away from the flowers please, kids", Momo calls out to them calmly. Shinji knows she's freaking the fuck out. Orihime and Rukia walk over to put an end to the sword fight, which makes her sigh of relief.
Shinji reaches for her free hand. "You okay?"
Momo smiles before taking the unoccupied seat beside him. "Of course. How's Nemuri?"
"Cheeky", Renji says simply. "She also really likes your Madeleines." He turns the empty bowl upside down briefly for effect.
Momo blushes slightly, clearly flattered. "There's more in the kitchen. Hold on." She moves to stand up again, but Shinji stops her.
"Ya just got here. I'll get 'em", he says as he pushes his chair back. Then he turns to Nemuri, who's looking at him all wide-eyed for some reason. "You wanna come with?" The little girl nods vigorously, and he laughs. "Why?"
She blinks at him, seemingly thinking of what to say next. "Because I follow Master Mayuri everywhere, too", she reasons loudly.
Shinji rolls his eyes. "Well I ain't Master Mayuri . Why do you still call him that anyway?", he mumbles.
Nemuri pouts. "What's wrong with Master Mayuri?"
Shinji laughs again, utterly amused. "Oh I can think of a few things."
"Just take her, man. You'll make her upset", Ichigo says, handing him the bowl.
"Fine, okay, yeah. C'mon, kid." Shinji stands up as Nemuri hops off her seat. He sticks a hand out almost instinctively, and Nemuri takes it without a moment's hesitation.
This is weird , he thinks. He's used to the clawing and the biting and the grabbing, but holding a tiny hand in his? Not as much. He finds it doesn't actually bother him as much as he thought it would, though.
Why didn't he like kids again?
"Captain Hirako", Nemuri's small, high-pitched voice breaks his stupor.
"Yeah?"
"You may inform Master Mayuri of my inappropriate behaviour when you return me later in the day", she says, almost like she's memorized it off a script. Suddenly, he's seething. If Master Mayuri weren't lying when he said he made Nemuri to be as normal as possible, then Master Mayuri needs to start raising her like she's normal.
Once in the kitchen, he picks the girl up and sits her on the edge of the counter. He crosses his arms in front of him. "I'm gonna ask ya a few things and you have to promise to tell the truth." Shinji raises his eyebrows expectantly, and Nemuri nods. "Does Mayuri hurt you?"
She shakes her head incredulously, eyebrows knit in disbelief. "No, Captain."
"Does he do weird sh-- stuff to ya? Like experiments or whatever?
"No, Captain."
Shinji hums. "Does he force ya to do anything you don't want to?"
Another big shake of her head. "No, Captain."
"Then why are you so--", he gestures to all of her in general. "I dunno, why are ya actin' like the last one?" Like she's been programmed to serve rather than live, is what he wants to say. But he bites his tongue because the kid doesn't need to hear that. Not from him, at least. He's not even sure why he started in the first place, or why he's so concerned.
He remembers why he'd prefer to let children tear him to shreds rather than talk to them - you have to watch what you say around them and Shinji never did have that level of self-control.
Nemuri's face falls, almost like she's hurt, and Shinji's afraid she's about to cry. Momo would kill him. But she raises her chin and looks him square in the eye. "Mister Akon told me about Nemuri Nanago and that she was Master Mayuri's greatest achievement. I aspire to be as perfect as she was."
"Why?"
"To please Master Mayuri!", she exclaims.
Shinji is unmoving, unconvinced. He repeats the question a little more firmly. " Why? "
Nemuri doesn't answer immediately, her mouth opening and closing in uncertainty. "Because that is my purpose", she answers quietly, almost like a question.
Shinji sighs and scratches the back of his neck, finally understanding. "Listen, I'm not sure if Mayuri's bothered tellin' you. But ya ain't meant to be like Nemu. He built you a little differently, that's all", he says, his voice losing most of its edge as he navigates the right words. He hands Nemuri a Madeleine from the tray beside her. "I'm sure he has his reasons for doin' so, and you're gonna have to ask him what those are yourself. But if you ask me, ya got no purpose."
The girl stops nibbling on the small cake, not taking her confused eyes off of him. He smiles and pats her on the head, ruffling her hair gently. "Little kids shouldn't have to worry about that yet. Ya just gotta live and have fun until you feel like figuring it out for yourself. Not for Master Mayuri or anybody else. For you. Ya understand?"
"Yes, Captain Hirako", Nemuri answers with a nod.
"Just Shinji is fine", he scolds.
"Mister Shinji", she bargains, the beginnings of a smile dancing on her lips as her feet swing merrily from the edge of the countertop. It's the first time Shinji's seen her do any of that, and it sort of flicks a switch in his head, the one that's labeled Epiphany.
Holy shit , he thinks. I can talk to kids. And so this is why Momo likes em so much .
He narrows his eyes playfully at her, lips skewing to the side in mock consideration. "What the hell. Mister Shinji it is." He dumps all the Madeleines from the tray into the bowl with one swift motion and helps Nemuri off the counter afterwards. When he slides the back door open, she runs into the tent to join Ichika and Kazui.
"That's cute", Rukia remarks, settled against Renji's chest with his arm over her shoulders. "Didn't think she'd be the playing type."
"Also did you get lost in your own kitchen or something? Sure took you a while", Ichigo chides, picking up one of the cakes as soon as Shinji plops down the bowl. He chuckles, calling him a dumbass before taking his spot beside Momo and throwing an arm onto her backrest.
"Everything okay back there?", she asks him quietly, looking up from her phone.
Shinji hears laughter erupt from inside the little funhouse, two familiar ones, and one he's heard for the first time. And he smiles to himself. "Yeah. Everything's perfect", he tells Momo with a kiss on her head.
She hums as she leans on his shoulder. "Nemuri is staying for dinner, by the way. Mayuri says he'll be working late", she says cautiously, wincing slightly as she prepares for the rejection. But it doesn't come.
"I don't mind", Shinji shrugs. "Y'know what, tell him she'll spend the night. I doubt he'll have enough time to put her to bed anyway."
All eyes land on him in varying degrees of shock. Then Ichigo and Renji start cackling.
"The hell happened in that kitchen?", Renji asks through his laughter.
Orihime slaps Ichigo on the chest before exchanging knowing glances with Rukia and Momo.
"I'll let him know", Momo tells him. And then she whispers, "Is there… something you wanna talk about? Tonight?"
Shinji chuckles. "Maybe", he whispers back playfully.