Work Text:
An old man found himself at Avalon Park. His haggard appearance the only thing of note beyond the headphones he wore which were connected to a smart phone of some kind. The aged appearance blended with the newer technology created an interesting dichotomy to anyone who passed by him. He sat crisscross on the grass staring out over the park. His body swayed to the music strumming though his earphones. Once a year he gave himself a day. A day to remember, to mourn, to hope, and to let go of a life he had long since left behind. There was a part of him, an integral part of who he was, that would forever love one Arthur Pendragon. He wasn’t sure he believed in the prophecy of a once and future king who returns when the need is greatest. To many wars, famines, and tragedies had occurred for him to hold onto that kind of hope. Still, he had the fondest memories of Camelot and her King.
So today, like every first day of spring, he came to the park that once had been a thriving lake. He would sit at the edge, listening to songs he liked, some he wrote, and others he performed. The lyrics washed over him like a balm to his soul. He had been here for hours and would be here for hours more.
“
We were tight knit boys
Brothers in more than name
You would kill for me
And knew that I'd do the same
And it cut me sharp
Hearing you'd gone away
But everything goes away
Yeah everything goes away”
HE shifted through the memories that never seemed to fade with time unlike the memories that came after those Camelot years. He had been a physician, a musician, a teacher, an herbalist, and so many other professions. He had loved both men and women in his long life but as years passed his recollection of them faded to dull feelings and impressions. However, the Camelot years as he called them, were as vibrant as they had been during the time, he lived them.
He remembered Gaius with his long hair and ever judgmental eyebrow. He could recall the way the castle gleamed in the morning sunlight. He remembered the desperation to keep his home safe and the people within its borders happy. Most of all he remembered Arthur with his startling blue eyes, his courageous spirit, and honor bound heart. He remembered the lingering glances and the touches that lasted a second to long, but which never became more because his king was a man of honor and in that honor laid his wife.
Merlin did not know if having their relationship never progress into the realm of lovers was a gift or a tragedy. Perhaps the goddess knew that having to let go of Arthur after having known him so intimately would have been more than the warlock could handle.
He remembered the day he lost Arthur, it was the day they became equals in the eyes of each other, and it was both the best and worst day of Merlin’s long life. Oh, he had loved and lost since then but to lose the person with whom your soul so closely matches is a pain, he wished on no one. The agony of the loss had lasted centuries in its clarity where living day to day was more of a chore than a blessing.
“But I'm going to be here until I'm nothing
But bones in the ground
And I was there, when you grew restless”
He missed the ready advice of both Gaius and his mother. How their words could soothe the almost childlike ache in him that worried day and night. He missed Gwen’s easy smile and open mind that had so readily accepted him and his kind even after all the harm done by others.
A sigh escaped his lips as the wind gently blew through his hair. He imagined the voices on the wind telling him to just be patient. He had not always been patient. He had ranted and raved at Freya like a madman on more than one occasion. But it had been centuries since the lake dried up and with it the last remaining link to his past. Oh, how he would give his magic to hear her voice again reminding him that he had a purpose. It was getting harder to remember the point of that purpose. Tragedy, war, famine had ravaged the shores of Arthur’s kingdom and still his king slept. So what point was there to be a lightkeeper when the lake was gone, and the ships were all run aground?
“We were opposites at birth
I was steady as a hammer
No one worried cause they knew just where I'd be
And they said you were the crooked kind
And that you'd never have no worth
But you were always gold to me”
His Arthur had been steady in his convictions, loyalty, and honor. No one had ever worried about what the great prince turned king would do or become. His search for peace and truth were the characteristics Merlin always made sure to include in his stories when he told them. Back in the beginning the stories of King Arthur were everywhere as he had been a people’s king. As years went on and new kings and queens arose and fell the legacy of King Arthur began to fade and Merlin in his desperation to not lose another piece of the man, he loved carved out tales and stories which featured his king and the knights. Most were based on fact but as the only surviving member of the group he allowed himself the ability to embellish a little. Overtime, like a wildfire, the stories caught traction and morphed into legend. Those legends were still told today and truly little remained of the truthful events that took place but what had remained steadfast were those characteristics merlin had so desperately wanted to preserve.
Merlin had always been a wildcard and he supposed that is what one got when they were magic incarnate. He had always been just a little less and more than what people were expecting. The druids had revered him like a god among men when he had always felt wanting of the title. Kilgharrah had seen a boy not truly ready for his destiny because of how impulsive boys tend to be. Merlin had always been rash and impulsive they were habits he had learned to master over the many years, but they were still characteristics he knew he held.
“'I’ve never known where you've been
There were holes in you
The kind that I could not mend
And I heard you say
Right when you left that day
Does everything go away?
Yeah, everything goes away.”
The day Mordred’s blade had kissed Arthur’s skin was the day Merlin’s world imploded on itself. He had felt so confident in himself and his ability to turn the tide of the battle that he never realized he was losing the war. He had felt the blow in his gut as sure as if he had been the one stabbed. Oh, how his overconfidence had failed him. He had overestimated his abilities and taken his eye off the true cause for concern. A mistake was all it took to take everything he had worked for away from him.
Perhaps he had been trying to delay the inevitable as it was written how the story would have to end. Perhaps he thought himself above the commandments of the gods. Honestly though he had simply been a man who had not wanted to watch the love of his life die. He wondered if that was so wrong.
He hoped one day his King would return and yet he hoped he did not because unlike Arthur he would live forever. Arthur would always be destined to go where Merlin could not follow. He was a light keeper, a silent watcher, waiting for the call. He just was not sure if it would ever arrive.
“But I'm going to be here till forever
So just call when you're around.”