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Grief
Grief is something Tubbo was familiar with. He had grieved for the majority of his life.
He had grieved for his childhood, for his lack of parental figures, his helplessness. He grieved for Schlatt a tad bit as well.
He even grieved for his own death, accepting the fact that in order for Tommy to live, he had to die. And he was fine with that because Tommy meant so much more to him. And even though Tommy had screamed at him how much the discs had mattered more, he knew that at the end of the day, Tommy would choose him.
And Tommy had, but their choices weren't enough for the two of them to finally be happy. To live peacefully.
And so Tubbo grieved for New L'manburg, and for his actions as president, and his distance from Tommy. He wanted the days when the two of them could still talk to everyone. When they didn't have new enemies, hesitant trust and betrayal became an everyday thing.
And it was true, when people believed that Tubbo was there to help Tommy dial down on the chaos. But it goes the other way around as well. If Tommy had been present that one day Tubbo burned down an entire village, the village may have still been intact. Both of them were wild and chaotic in their own unique ways, and Tubbo wouldn't have changed it for anything.
But now Tommy was gone.
Being in exile with Dream as his only companion was something Tommy never opened up to Tubbo about. The only thing he had gotten out of Tommy had been that it wasn't a pleasant experience. And Tubbo had a guess to that considering he had found Logstedshire in ruins, and the tall dirt block tower that led up to the heavens.
Tubbo had thought that since Tommy had overcome Dream's amount of bullshitting, he would've survived a week in the cell.
He was wrong. So very wrong.
He underestimated the amount of power Dream still had over Tommy. The words that still stick onto his skin and the actions that will never be forgotten. The fake promises and misplaced trust was still there, buried in the deep corners of Tommy's mind.
Tommy was suffering, while Tubbo was moving on. And he thinks he could never let himself live that down.
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Anger
Tommy should've told him more about exile. He should've sat down with him and tried to talk out both of their perspectives more. Their reasons and understandings.
He was angry, understandably angry.
Angry at Dream, who hurt Tommy. Who had not just taken one canon life but all of them.
Angry at Techno, for putting his beliefs before people.
Angry at Phil, for never bothering to care unless Techno was involved.
Angry at Sam, who should've whisked Tommy out of there at first notice.
Angry at Niki and Jack, for plotting obvious schemes behind his back.
Angry at himself, for letting it get this far. For not doing more. For not reaching out.
Angry at the world, for not letting them live a normal life.
Because children their age should be sleeping in on summer days and playing in the woods during the spring. They should be making snow angels and initiating snowball fights during the winter. They should be able to look at an adult, and see the immediate honesty in their eyes.
But that was not how Tubbo was raised.
And that was not how Tommy was raised.
And Tubbo was so, undeniably angry at the SMP. For a place many people wished to enter, not many know the inhabitants cannot leave. For this place is "every man for themselves", prior to belief that they would do anything for the other. The only time the smp banded together was because they all had the same goal, the same enemy.
And this time, Tubbo thinks that enemy had been Tommy.
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Bargaining
Tommy was probably alive.
He would probably pop up at Tubbo's house in Snowchester in a few days with a loud "Surprise! I'm alive, bitch!" And they'd laugh and proceed to talk about their plans for the rest of the day.
Tommy and Sam might have planned something in order for everyone to take the attention off the prison, reminding Tubbo that he had made a cobblestone dick on top of the prison.
Maybe Tommy was escaping at this very moment, using the logs so he can get home safely.
Maybe…
Probably…
Most likely…
Because the great Tommyinnit never dies, and Tubbo won't start questioning it now.
So Tubbo will wait for Tommy to appear in the distance of Snowchester, and to yell at his best friend for giving him a heart attack.
He can be patient.
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Depression
Sam had visited. Puffy had visited. Jack Manifold had visited. Even Niki had, despite not being on the best of terms at the moment.
Tubbo doesn't want visitors.
He wants Tommy, but Tommy isn't here anymore.
Tommy's gone. Like Wilbur. Like Schlatt.
Like L'manburg.
"Tubbo, you've got to eat something." Ranboo worriedly tells him. Tubbo realizes that Ranboo has been staying around Snowchester much more. Probably for him, since Tubbo's been locking himself in his home for the past week.
He refuses to go outside. He doesn't want to see the prison. He doesn't want to see the smp. He doesn't want to see where Tommy died. He doesn't want to see the people so against him .
All Tubbo wants to do is curl up in his bed and sleep the days away.
He's become snappy. Short replies and sharp retorts that cut deep. He feels bad that Ranboo has to deal with him when he's like this.
He instead persuades Ranboo to take a break. To go out and do his own thing so Tubbo can have some time to himself.
He just needs time to think. To comprehend the two weeks that went by. Tommy's funeral is soon, and Tubbo needs to reel in the fact that this time, he's not coming back.
He can't do this.
It was supposed to be Tommy and Tubbo against Dream.
Them against the world.
Now it's just Tubbo against Dream.
Tubbo against the world.
And he doesn't know if he can face the world without Tommy beside him.
And then he's suddenly reminded of something. Something he forgot about because of everything that's happened. Something he's been working on for awhile. Something under Snowchester.
And he smiles.
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Acceptance
Tommy's funeral went off without a hitch. Tubbo ends up arriving early, because while he doesn't want to talk to anyone- he doesn't want to be disrespectful by arriving late.
This was for Tommy, after all.
No one stands near him when they all gather. Most stand at the back, near the entrance. It looks as if they are planning to bolt at any moment, and Tubbo secretly laughs at the wary glances Jack sends his way.
He knows what they're worried about. They expect him to lash out, to curse and cry and scream-and they're not far off. But not in the way they expect him to.
But Jack knows.
Jack knows , because Jack was there with him when they created the weapons. Back when his paranoia was at its max, when Tommy was still alive .
And Tommy's not alive to stop him from doing what he wants anymore.
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He sits in front of Tommy's grave, holding a button. He holds it like it's his lifeline- and it is. It's the only thing keeping him from falling apart at that very moment.
A few weeks after the funeral, all Tubbo's been doing is working. He's done everything he can, putting his blood, sweat and tears into making his last stand more memorable than what Techno did to New L'manburg.
He's ready to see Tommy again.
He can hear people shouting from down the prime path. Voices drift apart as they split up to find him. Someone is coming in his direction, and Tubbo isn't patient to wait for a monologue. Instead, he presses his free hand to his side wound, stands up, and turns around to lock eyes with Jack Manifold.
He watches as Jack's eyes fall to his hand holding the button and sees when they widen.
Then he presses.
And the ground shakes.
And the world burns.