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Thinking. It was always something that quickly turned negative, at least whenever he was left to do so in silence. The quiet, often uninterrupted moments, always had him sinking further into the depths of his worries. First it was if he should even trust Ash, then it was if doing so would end badly, only leading him down the road of what he thought had taken place with Tokio. Now, just as things were beginning to properly align for him, Gou was thinking of the stories Ash told him of previous companions. Ones that he left behind for the next region.
So, would that mean...no! Shaking his head he tried to get rid of the thought, rolling over from his stomach onto his side, sad blue eyes looking at the moonlight that shone into the room. Letting out a shaky breath he clutched a handful of his shirt, eyes narrowing as he tried not to let it get the better of him. It could happen though. He was friends with everyone he traveled with, so what if he was just another companion? Biting the inside of his cheek Gou could feel tears poking at the corners of now-watery blues, hand trembling as he pulled his legs up higher.
“Agh! Shut UP!”
“Gou? Gou, was that you?” Arceus, he said that out loud… stupid emotions! Internally cursing himself the boy quickly pulled the sheets over his head, curling further into a ball, tightly shutting his eyes and trying to steady his breathing. Just stay quiet and still until Ash falls back to sleep. Simple, right? The creak of a bed from below had him panicking, teeth pressing hard against the other row, holding himself back from letting out the smallest sniffle. “Gou, I know you’re awake. You never talk in your sleep.” Why was he suddenly louder now?
Sucking in a deep breath he wiped his eyes from under the blanket, slowly pulling it down to peek at the foot of his bed, shocked and panicked to see Ash leaning over the railing that the ladder was attached to. Quickly Gou narrowed his eyes, putting on a tired and annoyed expression, pouting out his lips to even add to it as he looked away. “It was just a bad dream where you talk my ears off, is all. Go back to sleep.” Giving a huff he tried to keep acting, shutting his eyes and pressing the side of his face into the pillow.
He’ll leave you too, you know.
That cruel mind of his kicked in yet again, mouth agape for a moment as he shook for a moment, a weird but pained sound coming from the depths of his throat. Dangit! “What’re you waiting for? Just… just go back to sleep!” Barely holding himself together now, Gou slightly raised his voice, words only cracking as he spoke them in return. His composure quickly crumbled down as fast as he had put it up, pulling the blanket up over his head again as tears threatened to slip down cheeks.
The bed sunk by his feet as he could sense Ash moving closer, freezing up when feeling a hand grab his one cover from the world, hearing a sigh before the bed then sunk right behind him. “It’s okay if you’re sad, y’know. You can just tell me what’s wrong.” Trying to comfort Gou, the trainer moved a hand to rest on his back, fingers gently caressing in slow smooth circles. Ash didn’t understand what could put the boy in such a small and pained state, though. Was someone making fun of him again? Maybe it was the past creeping up on him? Piecing possibilities of what could be wrong was proving to be difficult, finding it hard to properly read Gou, only knowing for sure that he was sad. At first the catcher had each and every page to his book in plain sight, and now it seemed as if he put a lock on that with no key to be found.
“I-It’s, um… it’s stupid, r-really.” Weakly laughing he wiped his cheeks using the sleeves of his pajamas, tears staying back at the corners of his eyes, growing before spilling over yet again, emotions feeling like a running faucet dripping to the ground. He already admitted this was stupid, so why couldn’t he stop crying? Wanting to check that Ash was still there he glanced behind him, feeling a tightness grow in his chest when their eyes met, the hand on his back now feeling too hot for comfort. It felt bad to lie, but…
Ash got just a moment to see the small shimmer of wet stains on Gou’s face, dim moonlight just barely shining through, trying to offer a small sweet smile as he scooted over beside him. “Gou, if it has you this upset, it’s not stupid... you can talk to me. I’m your friend, right?” Intending for the question to come off as reassuring, he watched as instead the boy’s body tensed up, looking further away from him now.
“Why?” Now pulling his knees up and closer to himself Gou tightly held onto them with his arms, nails pressing against legs as he finally let himself to fully look at the other face-to-face. Seeing Ash’s confused look he couldn’t help but feel frustration begin to grow, pressing rows of teeth against each other before opening his mouth again.
“Why did you leave them, Ash? They were your friends, I- I’m your friend! If you cared so much then… then why would you leave?” Started as a shout he only felt the anger die out as fast as it arrived, voice breaking multiple times as he continued on, throat dry now as he searched in his mind for answers. “Are... Are you going to leave me too?” Barely speaking at a whisper now he couldn’t bring himself to ask anything else. He couldn’t even figure out if he’d want answers to anything else anyways.
The outburst was nothing like Ash expected, eyes widening in shock at the raised voice, brown hues softening up and starting to feel wet. Listening to how Gou quieted down back to the sorrow that was in his voice earlier only hurt him even more, mouth open with not a single word coming out. What hurt the most, though, was just how quiet the boy went when asking if he would leave him too, trying to keep himself from crying now. Gou was the one upset after all, there was no reason for him to act like the one wounded right now.
“I... I don’t stay in one place for very long. Since I grew up in Kanto I’ve spent most of my time here, but... “ Drifting off he tried to think of a way to go on, taking a deep and shaky breath before continuing, “It’s not that I want to leave people... it’s that they can’t follow their dreams if they tag along. I actually liked my time in Alola the most.” Giving a small chuckle now Ash was the one drying his face clean, a small frail smile adorning him now.
“Alola was the closest thing I had to home at the time. I made lots of friends, I went to school, I was even told that we were all one big family... Kukui and Burnet were like my mom and dad, a- and they still are. I helped start up the league there, and I’m even the Alolan champion. I probably would’ve stayed if I knew it’d be safe for them.” Looking down at his hands Ash fidgeted with his fingers, nails lightly scraping against skin, shoulders slumping. Every time he’d move regions he’d long to return to the last one, that feeling having gotten unbearable after Alola at first.
The room quickly fell silent, Gou becoming the worried one now, a bit more reassured now after what Ash had said. Still... “Ash, when you say safe... what do you mean by that?” Softly questioning the other he moved a hand to rest it on top of his, gently grabbing a hold and giving a small squeeze. There’s been a few times where he’s let himself open up, but aside from helping Ash cheer up from the Bea battle... Ash hasn’t really said a word.
“Team Rocket.” Whispering the words out he felt his chest sink, wiping his nose as he began to slowly calm down. “Region after region after region they’ve followed me, stealing Pokemon and putting people in danger. You’ve seen what they do, Gou, I- I... I don’t want them to follow me if it puts you or others in danger.” Now lifting his gaze upwards his own sad scared eyes met the catcher’s soft and comforting pair, mouth still open as if he was about to go on. Instead Ash simply shut it and leaned forward, pulling and hugging Gou close, hands shaky. “I want to stay with you, Gou. I want to go out and explore all of the regions with you, I’m just scared that you’re going to get hurt.”
Returning the hug he held the boy close as if he were as fragile as glass, pulling him even closer in when feeling how badly he was trembling. Gou had always seen Team Rocket as a minor inconvenience, just an obstacle that sometimes got in their way when adventuring. But then again, he didn’t know the full extent of what they could do. Yeah he knew they stole Pokemon, tried to steal Pikachu, and followed them around, but... aside from that, he knew nothing about them. He didn’t even know if anything worse than the Darkest Day had happened before.
It took some thinking to even get an idea of what to say to the other now, the grip on his shirt tightening and pulling him closer, now holding Ash tightly in his arms. One hand around his waist, the other reaching up to bury fingers in dark black locks, leaning his own back against the wall to better support them both. “I’m not leaving, Ash. When I say we’d travel together, I meant it. I’m your partner... your friend... and even if it’s dangerous, I’m not leaving your side. I’m staying. Even if you try to shake me off, I’m staying.” Trying to let the words easily flow from him, there was a small crack here and there, voice going quiet other times and causing him to have to repeat himself.
The two sat there and didn’t move for some time, Gou keeping his grip tight as Ash leaned as close in as he could, both needing the comfort of knowing the other was still there. The room was silent, but in a good way this time, the only sound being the deep breaths they took to calm down, Gou beginning to lighten his hold on the other. “Hey, Gou?” Almost startled by the break in silence, he pulled back a bit to look Ash in the eyes, tear stains on both of their faces. “Yeah, Ash?” Whispering back a response he couldn’t fight the small smile that showed up, any weight that had previously been on his shoulders gone.
“I’m not leaving you either. I promise I won’t.” A tender tone could be heard in Ash’s voice as clear as day, giving the feeling of a light and fluffy cloud, warmth starting to spread through Gou like the rising sun. Leaning in once again he gave the other a small squeeze, letting a deep breath in and out. “Thank you, Ash. That means a lot to me… let’s get to sleep now, okay?” His words began to slur now, stopping in the middle to give a long yawn, blinking a few times as he fell back onto his bed. Hearing the creak of his bed Gou shut his eyes and pulled his blanket over him, reaching for Cinderace and snuggling close up to the pokemon, letting the lack of sleep begin to take him over.
Climbing down from the bunk on the ladder, Ash let out a yawn while climbing into his own bed, flopping down with a small bounce. As soon as he was on the sheets Pikachu was coming over, nuzzling his chin a bit before curling up on his chest. Drifting off to sleep now, Ash gave Pikachu a small kiss on the head, looking back up at where Gou’s mattress was. It was nice knowing he wouldn’t be alone.