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The funhouse was terribly huge and big.
It was flashy, bright, and if you moved your eyes too fast while looking near the bright walls of the interior you might end up feeling a little nauseous.
Kazuichi knows that for a fact though. From the moment he woke up in the horrible place to the moment he tried closing his eyes to give them a break from the eye sore around it. It wasn’t any anvil however, as even with how bright everything is, it even showed through his eyelids.
He wasn’t really expecting to be stuck in a place that could even be considered big, but small. It was a little claustrophobic at most, considering there were no windows that he could see of, or any sign of the outside world. He was nervous, terribly nervous. Even as Chiaki suggested to split up he only managed to come back into reality from his anxious mind at a terrible time. Right as he was about to ask Sonia to walk around with him, she’d already presumably left with Gundham.
He wasn’t truly disappointed though.
He can’t really say he’s proud for lying, or at least putting up a facade in front of his friends. He just wants to look cool! Sonia is the perfect hot blonde that all cool, totally straight guys would want to be with. Though Kazuichi deep down doubts he seems cool in any sense, let alone straight.
Well not at least to Nagito that is.
Kazuichi just couldn’t explain it. He wanted to force himself into liking Sonia, to try to convince whatever part in his brain that she’s the right girl for him! Not a man! Let alone some crazy lunatic that started the whole domino effect of murders. That no matter what gay feelings he felt, underneath all of that is the truth that he’s just straight, or questioning even but in the wrong sense.
Who even knows how the others would react towards them finding out he’s been seeing Nagito? Maybe that’s what really lingers in Kazuichi’s mind. That he’ll be avoided or even made fun of like his dad did when he was caught tinkering with more “girl” labeled toys. He would do anything to try and maintain an image of him looking strong, cool and reliable no matter how hard things got during the horrible island life. Even if he did crack under pressure (numerous times), he still needed to maintain the image of, “he looks so straight there’s no way he’s gay”.
But god, Nagito was always there in the back of his mind. He couldn’t even find himself to hate it, he just wanted to know why? Why him out of all the other people on this island. Hell, he would’ve even been fine if it was Teru out of all people even if it was still extremely weird, but instead it’s Nagito Komaeda. It even came to a point where he’s almost come to accept it. Maybe not his feelings, but the reality that no matter how hard he wants to push the thoughts of him away, they always manage to come back and linger.
Which would explain why Kazuichi found himself sneaking away from Chiaki with Nagito after they tried putting up a convincing argument. They have it all planned out, at least under Nagitos jurisdiction. He understands that Kazuichi wants to maintain an image, and Kazuichi is sure he saw a glimpse of sadness flash in his eyes when he initially told him, but it’s not like he cares about Nagito. He’s just hanging out with him every once and a while so his head can shut up for once.
Yeah, hanging out. Totally hanging out. Like friends, even if Nagito is terrifying. Even if Kazuichi finds himself pushing Nagito up a wall in one of the empty rooms in strawberry tower and running his hand up his stupid green jacket. Even if Kazuichi finds himself standing on the tips of his toes and slowly kissing him. Even when regardless of what one side of his brain screams about his reputation and what others think and if he was gay, a different small part of him tells him that it’s all right.
It all is coming together.
And essentially it is. Regardless of if Kazuichi can’t understand Nagito, or why he acts the way he does he still wants to be around him, and soak in everything Nagito has to give. He wants to try and just be in the moment with Nagito when they find themselves alone together because his thoughts won't let him do or think otherwise. It seems as if no matter how much he avoids Nagito, or even tries to get away from his undeniable gay thoughts about the man they always manage to catch up at an alarming rate. So why even fight it?
He might even be able to drop everything he’s ever learned to do in the future, in order to heal from his past of betrayal and abandonment. Maybe if he’s able to drop this facade and walls he’s managed to put up, then he could find himself in a future that’s more happier. Less dim than he used to think, especially during class trials or during the times of being at his dad's bike shop. That’s the future he wants to be in. Maybe if he can manage to do all of that, he can learn to love, and might even have the privilege to one day call Nagito his if they ever manage to all escape alive from this horrible murder island.
Though for now, Kazuichi is fine with the sneaking around, and the make out sessions that come with it. He’s fine with just pretending it’s what “good friends” do, and that it’s nothing inherently romantic. Just two dudes blowing off some stress during a dangerous murder game. Nothing wrong with Kazuichi dropping his hand down from Nagitos chest and towards his hand as they kiss softly in the horrid, eye straining strawberry room. Certainly isn’t weird that even with Nagito here, Kazuichi still thinks about him, and selfishly wonders what Nagito thinks about him too.
If anything, Kazuichi subconsciously hopes deep down that Nagito does thinks of him. Kazuichi hopes that Nagito thinks about the way his body looks or his bone structure the way Kazuichi thinks about him as well. He secretly hopes that with how Nagito talks of being so loyal to his fellow ultimate classmates, that he would devote his time and being into Kazuichi personally outside of this place. To maybe even promise to never leave him, and give him the comfort he so desperately wished he got as a kid.
But it’s okay, because that’s what romantic partners do, and one things for sure, is that there’s nothing romantic about Kazuichi Soda having unlawful feelings for Nagito Komaeda.