Chapter Text
One morning, in Engineer’s house...
Demoman “Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside”
Spy:
Spy: “Demoman, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn…”
Demoman: *Sips coffee from bowl*
*Much later, Spy pours ice down Demo’s back.*
Demoman: *Screams*
Spy: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Soldier: Should we do something?
Engineer: No, I want to see who wins.
*eventually, the screaming stops, and both go silent.*
Demoman: *Gently taps table*
Spy: *Taps back*
Soldier: What are they doing?
Engineer: Morse code.
Demoman: *Aggressively taps table*
Spy: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
Demoman: You know those things will kill you, right?
Spy, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.
Soldier, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.
Engineer: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*
The next day, their paychecks from the war come back
Demoman: Listen, I can explain...
Spy: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?
Soldier: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!
Engineer: You guys are getting paid?
Demoman: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?
Spy: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Soldier?
Soldier: Probably “road work ahead”.
Engineer: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.
Demoman: Why is Spy so sad?
Soldier: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes
Demoman: And...?
Spy: I got Engineer.
Spy runs to his room, sobbing like a litte B I T C H
Demoman, banging on the door: Spy! Open up!
Spy: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Soldier: No, he meant-
Engineer: Let him finish.
Demoman, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Spy, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Soldier, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Engineer, trembling: What are we playing
Demoman: I think we're missing something.
Spy: Teamwork?
Soldier: Cohesion?
Engineer: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Demoman: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Spy: Put spaghetti in it.
Demoman: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Soldier: Put spaghetti in it.
Demoman: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Engineer: Put spaghetti in it.
Demoman: I'm no longer taking suggestions.
Next chapter will be the other duo.