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The echo of his footsteps is loud on the platform of Tokyo underground.
It’s dark outside—it’s almost always dark now, even in the middle of the day. Yuuji can feel the hair on the nape of his neck stand up when he’s outside, exposed to every pair of eyes that is watching his every step. He used to love the sky on a sunny day, clear blue and infinite. There aren’t that many sunny days anymore though, and it also reminds Yuuji of the weight of his failure and helplessness. If pressed, Yuuji will confess that he still likes the sky—would love to just stand there and look up, watching the puff of white clouds floating away—but the fatigue that comes after just standing there and looking up at the sky, that’s just not worth it anymore.
So these days, Yuuji opts to mostly stay inside. Apart from trying to hunt down curses, he’s trying his best to survive in the shadows, heads down and hoodie pulled up, an effort not to stand out too much. Chousou is there with him, still insisting on Yuuji calling him Nii-chan, and although it's a better alternative to being alone, it's not the same thing as having a friend there with him.
Ah. Friends.
Despite his grandfather's last words, he's still his own reason for being alone right now. Trust me to mess everything up and drive everyone away, Yuuji thinks with a scoff.
Probably having heard the sound, Chousou glances toward him. "Let's stop here."
They've been running together for only a few weeks, but the curse is already adept at reading Yuuji's inner turmoil. Or maybe Yuuji is just that transparent. "No. Let's keep moving."
"You need to rest, brother," Chousou says, slowing, his face expressionless. He's fully looking at Yuuji now.
"No, I don't."
Chousou stops. "I... do."
That gives Yuuji a pause. He turns back and frowns. Yuuji thinks curses don't feel tired, so maybe this might just be another one of Chousou's tactics to get Yuuji to rest, but... He squints at Chousou. He does look the worse for wear, with normally pallid skin seeming grayer than usual and dark hair in disarray—one of his bunches hanging loose and pointing every which way. Once he takes that in, he does feel bad for the guy. Maybe curses do feel fatigued too.
"...Alright," he concedes. "Let's stop here."
They make camp under the alcove of one of the blocked staircases near a convenience store. Yuuji takes a row of onigiris from the shelf, bowing apologetically, and walks back to where Chousou is sitting in seiza, eyes roaming the corners and exits for any sign of danger.
"Want anything?" Yuuji asks, tearing off the plastic wrap of one onigiri and taking a bite. The rice tastes bad, but Yuuji makes himself swallow. He can't waste food, not knowing what's going to happen in the future. He might not get to eat any home-cooked meals anymore. Yuuji makes a mental note to take some of the canned food with him when they need to move.
Chousou shakes his head, limp hair falling over his eyes. Yuuji's hand itches. He wants to push it back, but stops himself. "I'll check the perimeter again. See if there's any stray curse wandering in here," Chousou says, standing up.
"No." Yuuji's arm shoots out before his brain catches up with his body's spontaneous action. His left hand is wrapping around Chousou's wrist—oh, it's cold—Yuuji doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have anything to say. Chousou looks down at him, his expression blank, and then at his hand. There's a little twitch between his brows, the next second and it's gone completely. Chousou's eyes seem softer, somehow. "We've already checked before," Yuuji tries. "You don't need to go."
Chousou tilts his head slightly, imperceptible if Yuuji's not watching, before eventually sitting back down.
"What do you need to replenish your energy?" Yuuji asks, finishing his first onigiri and unwrapping the second one. With the sour taste on his tongue, Yuuji really misses a bowl of warm rice and pickled plums. The sudden wave of emotions welling up inside makes swallowing a little bit harder, so Yuuji washes it down with a gulp of bottled green tea. He needs to eat and his body is resilient. The taste and the expiry date don't really matter.
Chousou shakes his head. “A rest is enough,” he says, but making no move to actually lie down or anything. He’s sitting next to Yuuji, leaning against the wall, surreptitiously watching him eat. Come to think of it, Yuuji hasn’t seen him sleep either. Maybe it’s not required though he can feel Sukuna taking a nap all the time.
“You’ve been so quiet lately,” Yuuji says after having eaten in silence for a while. He’s finished five onigiris, and decides to keep the rest for later. “Feels like I’m doing mukbang. But only for one person,” Yuuji says suddenly.
The curse’s dark eyes widen. “Mukbang? What’s that?”
“Oh, it’s like an eating show,” Yuuji can’t help but smile a little despite himself. “You eat in front of a camera and upload it, so people can watch you eat.”
“What’s a camera?”
Yuuji makes a face. “...It’s a tool that can be used to record pictures.”
Chousou frowns, shaking his head again. “Humans are weird. Why watch other people eat? Why not eat the food yourself?”
“Ah, sometimes you just don’t wanna eat the food. Just watch someone eat it. It’s, um- and some people can’t afford the food they wanna eat, so they watch other people eat it instead.”
The frown on Chousou’s face gets even darker. “Is that why you watched these… mukbang, Yuuji? Because you couldn’t afford it?” he asks, but then seems like he’s made up his mind about something. “Once this is over, I’ll get you everything you want, brother. No more just watching other people eat it.”
“Hey, no. That’s not really the reason,” Yuuji says, hesitating, but Chousou looks a bit… angry now, so he continues, “I watch it while I eat. It’s less lonely when there’s someone eating something with you, y’know?”
The cursed spirit blinks. “Why are you eating alone?”
“Well. Before all this,” Yuuji waves his hands, indicating the whole jujutsu situation he’s found himself in, “before I ate Sukuna’s fingers, I had no cursed energy at all. I was a normal guy who lived with his grandfather, but then one day grandpa got sick and had to stay at the hospital. So most of the time, back then, I just ate alone-”
Yuuji’s face feels hot, shame and guilt and regret swirling up inside, threatening to push everything he’s consumed up and out. He pushes it down, blinking rapidly. Even his eyes feel hot now. What the fuck. Why did he say all that? Chousou won’t understand. Stupid. Yuuji wants to-
“Yuuji.”
Chousou’s voice is… soft. Fingers brush against the far side of Yuuji’s head—his undercut is growing out, he really needs a haircut—and slowly tip his head down to rest against Chousou’s shoulder. “I’ll eat with you,” he says.
And just like that, the dam in Yuuji breaks. His sobs are so loud no matter how much he tries to stifle them and it makes Yuuji angry. He’s so angry—with Noritoshi Kamo, with Mahito, with Sukuna. Even with Gojou-sensei. But most of all, Yuuji is angry with himself. He’s weak and pathetic and couldn’t help anyone and now Nanamin’s dead and it’s all Yuuji’s fault-
“It’s alright,” Chousou murmurs, patting his head. He threads his fingers into Yuuji’s hair, carefully combing out the knots. It’s pleasant, calming. Chousou’s presence grounds him, and Yuuji can’t help but move a little closer. “I don’t understand everything you’ve said, brother,” he confesses, “but the loneliness I know.”
Yuuji trembles and Chousou shifts so that now Yuuji is half in his lap, with his face hidden in the crook of Chousou’s neck. Despite not radiating any heat, Yuuji does feel better somehow.
They stay like that, and Chousou tells him about the stories of his brothers. Yuuji’s brothers, he insists. Yuuji listens, and once in a while, he nods. For whatever reasons, that seems to please Chousou. The man hums and Yuuji closes his eyes, pretending to feel like a part of something again. To grieve for the brothers that he killed with his own hands.
Yuuji wakes up, little by little, then realizes he’s lying down, something thin but soft under him. He also notices that his head is being cushioned on Chousou’s lap. The man is without his black outer garment. Oh.
“Did you sleep well, brother?” Chousou asks. He looks down at Yuuji, who hasn’t moved from the position he woke up in. It’s dark so Yuuji can’t quite see Chousou’s expression, but he knows that it’s fond. The man’s hair is still in a state of utter chaos. It reminds Yuuji of someone.
“‘s good,” he mumbles as he sits up, and stretches. Yuuji points at Chousou’s hair. “I can tie it up for you,” he offers.
Chousou stares at him, unblinking. And then Yuuji’s heart skips. Chousou is smiling. It’s small, but it’s there. He puts his hand in Yuuji’s hair, caresses his ear, and stops there on the side of Yuuji’s face, thumb stroking the scar Yuuji knows is there. “Won’t you call me Nii-chan, Yuuji?”
Yuuji’s cheeks are hot. “Just let me tie your hair,” he says, unmoving. He hopes Chousou can’t see his heated face through the darkness. What’s going on?
Chousou leans closer, until Yuuji loses the focus, and rests his forehead against Yuuji’s. Closing his eyes, he hums, “I’ll never leave you.”
Willing his heart to calm down, Yuuji blames the closeness between them rather than anything else. “Chousou,” he tries again, “let me?”
Amused, Chousou opens his eyes and moves away, turning his back to Yuuji. “Yes, Yuuji, please tie your nii-chan’s hair.”
Yuuji is really, really out of his depth right now. He has no idea why his heart won’t stop thundering in his chest, afraid Chousou would notice as Yuuji’s clumsy fingers comb through the dark strands, surprisingly softer than what he expected. Carefully parting the guy’s hair, before tying it into twintails. Apparently, Chousou conjures up hair ties from his blood. Endless hair ties. Yuuji thinks that’s pretty convenient.
“How are you feeling now?” Yuuji asks him as they pack up their light supplies—mainly food and water.
Chousou takes one bag from Yuuji, helping him with the load. Lookin at Yuuji, something familiar in his eyes, he says, “Well rested.”
And they keep on going.