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~An Early Dawn brings Many Trials and Tribulations for Sanae~

Sanae was snoring peacefully in her green and white futon when she heard a thunk. Through bleary eyes she saw Kanako bashing the floor with a long wooden mallet.

"Why?" groaned Sanae, rubbing her eyes.

"There was a nail sticking out. You could've cut your foot," said Kanako, giving the floor one last mighty whack.

"But why NOW?!" cried Sanae. "Why must you fix it now?!"

Kanako turned her burning red gaze upon Sanae. "Do you question your goddess?"

Sanae pulled the blanket up over her eyes. "Good night, Lady Kanako," she said firmly.

"Sleepy brat," Kanako muttered affectionately.

~Rebound like a Spring (or a Brick)~

"Alas!" Reimu sobbed over her shoe. "Years of faithful service, and now..."

"It's just the strap. You can sew it back on," Marisa consoled her.

"But the cost! The minutes of work! I'd rather die..." sniffled Reimu.

Alice came running over. "Marisa, I'm so sorry! Goliath Doll tripped over your house! It collapsed like plywood!"

Marisa gasped. "My house?! Augh, I'm gonna need lumber, bricks, tiles... C'mon, Alice, help me dig another foundations!" She mounted her broom and flew away.

Reimu blinked. "Is she actually excited?"

"She loves doing DIY around me," sighed Alice. "I think it's a mating display..."

~Booted Out~

Meiling went out after a storm to check the garden. Halfway through a deep puddle on the path, she screamed.

"Five months and you're already leaking?! Get off my feet!" Meiling hurled her wellies over the wall and ran back inside for some better footwear.

Meiling emerged in brown work-boots, accompanied by a maid. She watched bemusedly as Sakuya hopped the wall. "I don't know why you're bothering..."

"It's such a waste!" Sakuya cried, alighting beside the forlorn green boots among the weeds. "Wellies are for life, not just for Hinamatsuri. There must be something better to do with these..."

Next morning, Kogasa found a woman slumped against the wall, dressed in green with pink flowers in her hair.

Kogasa sat down. The woman's teary eyes darted up at her. "Who are you?!"

"Kogasa. I was an umbrella once," said Kogasa, attempting an encouraging smile. "What's your name? What happened?"

"I started leaking. Meiling abandoned me," the woman sniffled. "Then I lay for a hundred years overnight... My name? It's probably Ayumi Takao."

"Oh..." Kogasa sighed. "You were boots, right?"

"Yes." Ayumi's expression soured. "She called me comfy, you know. But the moment I let her down, that was it."

~House of Many Cakes~

"Do you have shogi?"

"Not in there! That's the sake cupboard!"

Reimu was visiting Marisa. Her house felt like a mystical clutter forest.

"Where's the board game cupboard?"

"It's those shelves," Marisa pointed. "And that box under the cake cupboard."

"There's five cakes on your shoe shelf..." Reimu sniffed at a Victoria sponge topped with sandals.

"True," said Marisa. "My cake cupboard's been commandeered for spare salami."

"If I marry you," asked Reimu, "will I get that strawberry cake?"

Marisa laughed. "Marry me and every cake in the east wing's yours!"

"You have MORE cakes?! I'm buying a ring immediately!"

~Sport of Kings~

"What's this, then?" asked Reimu, peering at the chalk outlines Marisa was drawing, clad in shorts and a yellow jersey.

"Only the Outside World's favourite game," Marisa said casually. She pocketed her chalk, getting dust on her dress. "Pretty cool, right? It started three thousand years ago in Mesopotamia when, uh... All right, what's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing!" Sanae giggled into her hand.

"We're just overwhelmed seeing our favourite sport reach Gensokyo!" said Sumireko sweetly. "I used to dream of joining the major leagues."

"Then let's get it started!" yelled Marisa. "Youmu, throw your stone and LET'S PLAY SOME HOPSCOTCH!"

On a sunny evening, Reimu found Sumireko spinning along the mountain road that led to her shrine. She was laughing gleefully, whirling around without a care, and the hem of her dress seemed to sparkle where it caught the light.

Reimu was amazed, right up until she saw how close Sumireko’s feet were getting to a crumbling eight-foot drop. “Hey, mind the cliff!” she yelled.

Sumireko froze. “R-Reimu! Oh, Christ, I didn’t think you were- I didn’t think anyone was…” Her cheeks grew redder with every word. “I was coming up to visit you, actually… I brought some ramune. Um, how are you?”

“I’m fine. You know, I was only warning you about the cliff there, Sumi. I don’t mind the… dancing,” said Reimu.

“Oh… Well, thanks.” Sumireko laughed nervously and smiled. “I’ve been in a good mood lately.”

“Is that a new dress?” asked Reimu, bracing herself for a wave of enthusiasm.

“Oh, yes! This is the first time I’ve ever worn it. I put the sequins in myself,” said Sumireko. Seeing Reimu’s look of surprise, she continued. “My parents both think I’m a cosplayer now, so they’ve been getting me sewing things for my birthday. I wanted to try something sparkly, I suppose…”

“It is sparkly,” said Reimu earnestly. “You’ve definitely accomplished some sparkliness right there.”

“Does it look silly on me? No, don’t answer that!” Sumireko cut Reimu off. “I shouldn’t worry about looking silly, should I? It’s just, I’ve never worn something like this before.”

Reimu nodded. “Sequins are expensive in your world, aren’t they?”

“Um?” Sumireko blinked. “Well, no… I was more worried about what people might think. I used to worry about that all the time. Then I started pushing people away…”

“Right…” Reimu could sense a long, difficult conversation stretching out ahead. “Anyway, I need to get some rice, so I won’t keep you-”

“I think it was you.” Sumireko grabbed Reimu’s shoulders, her eyes wide and adoring. “You, Marisa, Mokou, Kasen, Rinnosuke, Mamizou… You all helped me!”

Reimu’s heart sank. “We did? That’s wonderful, but…”

“You showed me how to live! You showed me I didn’t have to play the lonely smart girl or the normal daughter any more.” Sumireko clasped her hands over her heart, allowing a relieved Reimu to step away. “You showed me I could be loud and strong and crazy and bright, be a Sumireko with all my heart, and that’d be enough! And if Dad thinks it’s a big, hilarious joke when I put sequins in my dress, so what?! It’s not his dress!”

“Great! Brilliant! Anyway, I must dash…”

“I just love all this! Don’t you?!” squeaked Sumireko. She hardly seemed to realise she was spinning again, floating up into the air in a whirl of purple light. “I love spell-cards! I love fashion! I love girls, I love being a girl, and I won’t apologise for any of it! Not any more! I love fighting and drinking and adventures and I LOVE GENSOKYO!”

Sumireko hovered for a few more seconds, a blissful smile upon her face, and then she fell in a heap on the path.

“Oof… I Didn’t notice I was flying,” groaned Sumireko. She staggered to her feet and brushed a little dust off her dress. “Don’t worry, I’m fine… Um, Reimu? Reimu?”

As she looked around, Sumireko realised the mountainside was well and truly Reimuless. She was the only person there.

~Marisa's Metamorphosis~

"This weather's horrible!" Reimu complained as she burst through Marisa's door. Leaving her coat over a newspaper, she wandered in. "Marisa? Are you home?"

"Just a minute!" came a shout.

Reimu helped herself to a cherry bun. Marisa emerged a minute later in a pink dress bedecked with endless white frills.

Reimu's jaw dropped. "Marisa, it's-! You look so-!"

"I know," said Marisa, smiling awkwardly. "I was gonna wear it to Mayumi's party, but... I don't know if I should..." She broke off, staring into the storm.

"Don't be afraid. If anyone laughs at you, they'll answer to me," Reimu reassured her.

Marisa gave Reimu a strange look. "I don't care what people're gonna think, Reimu. I care about the rain!"

~Is The Netherworld's Surface Water a Watershed Moment?~

"...And here's the flower meadow," said Youmu, leading Sanae down crunchy gravel pathways through the garden. "I'm afraid it's all soggy now. Sorry."

"Don't apologise!" Sanae leapt off the path and ran through marshy puddles, kicking water and soggy mud behind her.

"Wait, no, don't!" Youmu groaned. "Don't get footprints in the-! Sanae, you idiot, stop!"

"Eh?" Sanae paused mid-romp. "What's wrong, Sweetpea?"

"My garden! You're ruining it!" wailed Youmu. "You've already ruined it... It'll take hours to clean those up!"

"Oh." Sanae regarded the footprints she'd punched into the soggy ground with shame. "Sorry. I didn't realise-"

"What? That this was my pride and joy?!"

"You said 'wild flower meadow', Youmu! What was I supposed to think?!"

"Well..." Youmu fumed momentarily. "Maybe that it wouldn't be part of the tour if it wasn't part of the garden."

"It looked so splashy..." Sanae sighed. "I'm sorry, Youmu. I'll help you fix the meadow."

"Y-you don't have to!"

"No, I know what it's like cleaning up after Suwako! I can't leave you in the lurch," Sanae insisted. "The ground's soft, so... Where's the rolling pin?"

Youmu started crying.

"A hammer? A brush? Come on, give me something! I want to help..."

~Desperate Fight! The Armoured Beast Rises from Hell!~

One afternoon, Marisa dragged Reimu out of bed to fight a monster terrorising the southern marshlands.

"Didn't know there were marshlands in the south," Reimu remarked as they searched. "Sanae, was this marsh here yesterday?"

"Well, it can't have just-" Sanae gasped. "Oh, my days, a crab! It's huge!"

The castle-sized crustacean roared and snapped as the warriors landed on some dry ground.

Reimu shrank behind Marisa. "I'm scared even of tiny crabs... How do we fight a giant enemy one?!"

"Attack its weak point for massive damage!" yelled Sanae, her eyes shining. "Taste my magic, you crustacean cretin! Charge!"

~A Woman of Good Taste~

Youmu was waiting in a quiet beer garden. She jumped up when she saw Sanae approach.

"You're here!" Youmu pounced on Sanae and squeezed her. "That nurikabe didn't give you any trouble, did she?"

"I don't know. I just bashed her head in," giggled Sanae. She pulled Youmu close for a moment and let their noses press together.

"You're silly," sighed Youmu. As she pulled back, she noticed Sanae's lips were green. "Um, Sanae? Why are your lips green?"

"What, this? It's lipstick!" declared Sanae. "Matcha flavoured."

Youmu's jaw dropped. "They put flavours in lipstick?!"

Sanae nodded. "It's very sweet."

"Oh, wow..." Youmu's own lips formed a shy but eager smile. "You wouldn't mind if I... tasted it?"

"Not a bit!"

~Build It And They'll Get Bored And Wander Off~

"It's finally complete!" Cirno squealed, jumping for joy. "Ships on Misty Lake are safe!"

"Three months' work..." groaned Wriggle, collapsing on the pebbly beach. "I never thought we'd finish."

"Didn't I tell you the strongest fairy never fails?!" laughed Cirno. "Come on, let's activate the light!"

They ran up eight flights of stairs until they reached the lighthouse's top floor, where a massive bulb sat in a rickety wooden socket.

"Turn it on, turn it on!" squeaked Cirno, pushing Wriggle towards the lever. Wriggle pulled it. Nothing happened.

"You know something?" said Cirno. "Lighthouses're stupid. Let's build a swimming pool!"

Panic ruled the village as the crab drew closer, but a few brave souls were ready to fight back.

"Form a line on the wall! We'll bombard it with everything we have!" Byakuren ordered, charging out with dozens of Budhhist warriors behind her.

"Stand ready, Taoists! We'll use shikasen magic to become giants and kick it to death!" yelled Miko, piercing the sky with her sword. Her entourage, both of them, sweatdropped at the mental image.

"I'll trap it in a storm while Suwako buries it under thirty-seven and a half tonnes of soil! Pray for our success!" Kanako yelled at the few villagers brave enough to watch.

The crab charged forwards with hatred in its eyes, tearing up the last few paddy fields. Then it fell into a gap. A few moments' stunned silence followed in its wake.

"Of course...! Our inner peace negated the hatred from which the crab was born, making it disappear! Victory is ours!" Byakuren decided.

"It must've been your feng shui! The shape of the village just couldn't tolerate a crab. Well done, Futo!" Miko attempted to steer the narrative.

"A miracle...! It must've been Sanae's doing! The best shrine maiden in history!" declared Kanako. "Of course, she'd never have done it without my guidance..."

Suwako kicked Kanako in the shins.

"OW! Fine, our guidance! Pillock..."

Up came Futo from the floor below. Since she had feet, she took my place and lifted as hard as she could, but still the altar wouldn't budge. So we stopped for a cup of sake.

Miko had a think. "Let's take off all the handles," she decided, "and the things that hold the candles. And the solid gold plaques, the solid gold filigree, the incense burners, the fruit bowls and the statue."

I was also having a think (about how fierce Miko looked in those tight lavender dungarees; what a perfect body!), but I had the presence of mind to tell her the statue was glued in place.

"Right," said Miko, "we'll have to take the feet off. Then the statue's free to come and go."

"Do you want to be zapped, you idiot? That's an antique!" I snapped.

"All right," whimpered Miko, "take it easy."

So we took everything but the statue off the altar, piled it all up in the corner of the room and had a slice of cake.

"Right," said Miko, "we'll have to take the door out. Make some room to shift the so-and-so."

"Take the door... Off the altar?!"

"No, Tojiko, off the doorframe!"

Futo and I looked for a screwdriver while Miko measured what was fast becoming my least favourite altar. The statue was a tall one; it would be close even if we could move the stupid thing.

Once Futo had unscrewed the door and leaned it against a handy patch of wall, we tried to lift the altar, but it was still too heavy. Futo started crying, so I lent her my handkerchief. Then we polished off the cake.

"Right," said Miko, "we'll have to take the wall down. Teach this building not to mess around."

Me and Futo couldn't believe our ears, but we went along with it, because how could the situation get any more stupid? After a few good thumps with a mallet, we had a hole big enough for three Taoists and an altar.

We still couldn't lift the altar, though, so we had some roast duck and mushroom rice.

"Right," said Miko, "we'll have to break the ceiling. Get some ropes in-"

"Or," Futo piped up, "we could try pushing it!"

"Futo, you're a genius!" I squeaked, embracing my comrade-in-arms. "What can't be lifted can surely be pushed!"

We gathered ourselves behind the altar and gave it the shove of our lives, but it still wouldn't move. It was then that I bent down and noticed it was glued to the floor.

"Right," said Miko, "the floor has to go! No, the building! The whole village! Burn it all to the ground! Do it, Futo! DO IT!"

Futo was aghast. "But people live in the village!"

"Do I care?!" screamed Miko. "Do I look like I'm bothered by the thought of- AUGH!"

Miko fell in a heap. With a sigh of relief I dropped the solid gold plaque I'd bashed her head in with.

"That's the trouble with Miko," I explained while Futo hyperventilated. "She's too hasty."

So Futo and me had another glass of sake, and then we went home.

~Attempt No. 46 to get Tewi to Have a Bath~

"Basket?"

"Check."

"Rope?"

"Check."

"Marbles?"

"Check."

"Barrel of curry?"

"Check." Kaguya giggled a little. "This is fun!"

"It will be," said Reisen, pouring the marbles by the bath with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Let's see Tewi wriggle out of this one."

Kaguya dropped a bath bomb in the steaming water. "Perfect. What's the signal again?"

"The signal for what?" asked Tewi, wandering in from the garden.

"Um," said Reisen.

"Oh, you ran me a bath!" Tewi ran over, whipped off her clothes and jumped in, splashing Reisen and Kaguya. "Ahhh... You're so good to me!"

"Um," repeated Reisen.

~Shopping Trolley, Descend from the Heavens~

Three Taoists were hiking up Youkai Mountain.

"Tell me," said Tojiko, watching Miko and Futo drag their metal trolley over some rocks, "why did you bring that thing?"

"Thou shall understand... When we reach the summit..." grunted Futo.

They reached the summit. Below them, the waterfall spilled into lush green forests that stretched across the land.

Miko wrestled the trolley into position and nudged Tojiko. "All aboard."

Tojiko went pale. "Oh, no. No way!"

"Oh, yes!" Miko insisted, helping Futo aboard.

"Down there?! We'll die!" cried Tojiko.

"'Tis well worth the risk, I assure thee! What a rush, to plummet from on high..." Futo sighed, blushing and closing her eyes.

"You're mad," said Tojiko faintly. "Couldn't it at least be your boat, Futo- AIYEEE!"

"Better mad than a stick-in-the-mud!" Miko grabbed Tojiko and bundled her aboard.

"I-I'd rather fall in mud than down that waterfall!"

Miko sat in the back with her arms stretched around Tojiko and Futo. "Are you ready?!"

"Ready!" said Futo.

"I hate you..." groaned Tojiko.

"Punch it!"

Futo punched it. The trolley hurtled down the waterfall in a chorus of screams and plunged into the river below. Nitori was reportedly so startled she swallowed her backpack.

~Who's On Fire?~

A baseball game was in full swing on Youkai Mountain.

"Get ready, Kawashiro! Here comes a ball!" yelled Aya, whirling her arm to build up speed. Behind Nitori, Momiji was urgently glancing left.

"This isn't good," Sanae muttered to Kanako in the coach's box. "Kawashiro hasn't struck out once. She's on fire!"

Suwako gasped. "On fire?! Oh, no! Don't worry, Nitori, I'll extinguish you!"

Before anyone could stop her, Suwako had spat a stream of water over Nitori's head.

Nitori gasped. "Wh-what was that for?!"

"You were on fire!" said Suwako.

"Oh, Suwako..." groaned Sanae. "No, when I said 'on fire', I meant she was playing well!"

"Idiot," groaned Kanako.

At that moment, Hatate came running down towards the field. "Aya! Momiji! The village is on fire!" she screamed in floods of tears.

"I know! This is the best printing season we've had in years," shouted Aya. "We're trying to play ball here, though, so can't you go somewhere else?!"

"No, you don't understand!" sobbed Hatate. "The village is actually on fire! It's burning!"

Aya went pale. "But-! My newspapers! My clothes!"

"The houses! The architecture!" screamed Momiji.

"Suwako-"

"I'm on it!" Suwako leapt up and flew towards the smoke.

~Heaven is Where you Find It~

Rain was drumming on the trees and meadows, but Reisen was dry under her umbrella. She breathed deeply, smelling the damp freshness in the air, and sneezed.

"Gesundheit!" Tewi giggled as Reisen blew her nose on a lacy handkerchief. "Lovely up here, isn't it?"

"Very lovely," said Reisen, stuffing the handkerchief in her pocket. "Do you like rain?"

"I love it, especially when I'm not holding the umbrella!" squeaked Tewi. "Look at the mist! Doesn't it look mysterious?"

"Um?" Reisen could tell Tewi was taking the piss, but she couldn't quite tell how, so she gave up. "Yes, very mysterious."

Chapter 2: Love

After a thorough foot-bath and a hearty breakfast, Tokiko got ready for the day's carefree unemployment. Something had put her in the mood to polish her boots, so she did, enjoying the breeze in her little garden.

"Oh, are you polishing your boots?" said a voice. It was Ayumi Takao, the tsukumogami dressed all in green. "A woman who treats her boots with respect. You love to see it!"

Tokiko giggled. "And I love to see you... I- I mean, um, good morning! The weather's beautiful today!"

"If you're into that thing," said Ayumi, plonking herself down next to Tokiko. "I'm off to the lake for a swim. Are you busy today?"

"Oh, very! Lots to do..."

Chapter 3: Boredom

"I should've gone with her," Tokiko sighed, lying miserably on the floor. "Tokiko, you useless lesbian! That was SO OBVIOUSLY an invitation..."

Why had she said she had lots to do? She had NOTHING to do. With a heavy sigh, she reached for one of the books she'd read several times and read it again.

Chapter 4: Anger

When she delved into the pantry for lunch, Tokiko found Nazrin nibbling on her smoked fish. Furious, she grabbed Nazrin by the neck and hauled her out of there.

"You've absolutely taken the biscuit, you mouse! And the sausage! And my dried beans, even! Why, Nazrin?! WHY?!" Tokiko roared, shaking Nazrin like a maraca.

"I-I'm sorry! I was hungry!" wailed Nazrin. "You know what that's like! A mouse has to eat sometimes!"

Tokiko let out a scream of frustration. "If you'd just asked me, Nazrin... Just ASKED if you could join me for lunch! Why did you have to be so silly about it?!"

"I'm a mouse!" snapped Nazrin.

"Well, I've had enough mice for one day!" barked Tokiko, stuffing Nazrin back inside the pantry. "Be a dear and get me the miso paste."

Chapter 5: Happiness

At a shop in the Human Village, Tokiko and Nazrin ran into Ayumi.

"Oh, hi, Tokiko!" she said. "And is that Nazrin? What brings you here?"

"She dragged me along," said Nazrin weakly.

"I was out of miso paste," explained Tokiko. "Now, um... You see, Ayumi, I kind of wish I'd gone swimming with-"

"Miso paste?" Ayumi's face lit up. "You're making soup together?! I love miso soup!"

"Wha?" Tokiko couldn't believe her luck. Her mouth hung open for a touch longer than strictly necessary. "I... Great! Why don't you join us for lunch?"

"Could I? I mean..." A strange shyness came over Ayumi. "I wouldn't want to get between you and Nazrin."

"Oh, no, Nazrin's not my type at all! Too mousey!" said Tokiko quickly. "But we're good friends! Right, Nazrin?"

Nazrin shot her a withering look. "Oh, yes, we're inseparable."

"See?" Tokiko patted Nazrin on the back, almost knocking her down. "She loves me! In a friendly, sort of sisterly way! And soup tastes better the more hungry friends you have, so..."

Ayumi smiled. "Then I'd love to come!"

“YAY!” Tokiko jumped up and punched the air.

~Expenses Filed by Reimu Hakurei, Q1 - Q2 2020~

08/01/20: 50,000¥ to replace alcohol-damaged kotatsu. Rejected.
08/01/20: 8500¥ to replace gohei after damaged bashing Suika over the head. Rejected.
09/01/20: 2000¥ for tatami to replace those eaten by Suika. Approved.

05/02/20: 10,000¥ for repairs to water-damaged donation box frozen by fairy. Approved.
15/02/20: 3000¥ for new belts for sleeves. Approved.
18/02/20: 20,000¥ to deep-clean severe oil stains from shrine maiden uniform. Approved.
18/02/20: 2000¥ to replace tatami covered in oily footprints. Rejected.
18/02/20: 30,000¥ for yin-yang orb retrieval. Rejected.
20/02/20: 500¥ to hire Cirno to retrieve yin-yang orbs. Approved.
21/02/20: 30,000¥ for Cirno retrieval. 10,000¥ offered instead; grudgingly accepted.

01/03/20: 10,000¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Rejected.
04/03/20: 5000¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Rejected.
06/03/20: 2500¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Rejected.
07/03/20: 1000¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Rejected.
08/03/20: 500¥ for a bowl of noodles. Approved.
08/03/20: 100¥ for handkerchief to wipe shrine maiden's tears. Rejected.
09/03/20: 50,000¥ to repair master spark damage in regional office. Approved.
09/03/20: 30,000¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Approved.
24/03/20: 4027¥ for danmaku materials. Approved.

02/04/20: 20,000¥ for repairs and cleaning after a prank gone wrong. 16,000¥ approved; 4000¥ shaved off by enslaving Three Fairies of Light.
03/04/20: 1500¥ to treat fairies to slap-up meal. Rejected.
11/04/20: 500¥ for the new Agatha Chris Q book. Rejected and warned not to take the Michael.
19/04/20: 5000¥ for raincoat. Approved.

03/05/20: 5000¥ to replace raincoat destroyed by lightning. Approved.
07/05/20: 5000¥ to replace acid-damaged raincoat. Approved.
11/05/20: 5000¥ to replace raincoat eaten by komainu. Approved.
12/05/20: 2000¥ for tatami to replace those vomited on by komainu. Approved.
15/05/20: 5000¥ to replace lost raincoat. Rejected.
16/05/20: 1500¥ to dry-clean severely stained raincoat pulled out of a compost heap. Rejected; sponge and bucket of water offered instead.
16/05/20: 5000¥ to replace raincoat stolen by sponge tsukumogami. 30,000¥ approved for indestructable enchanted raincoat.
25/05/20: 30,000¥ to replace raincoat swallowed by daidarabotchi. 5000¥ approved for normal raincoat.

02/06/20: 15,000¥ for shrine maiden maintenance. Approved.
18/06/20: 8000¥ to repair mild fire damage to shrine. Approved.
30/06/20: 1000¥ to amend empty donation box causing emotional damage to shrine maiden. Rejected.

~Sleepy Immortals, Restrained Lunarian Fun~

Kaguya lay facing Eirin's shoulder and sighed. It was a lovely day, but being in bed together was even lovelier.

Eirin yawned and stretched, letting an arm slip behind Kaguya. She responded by draping her arm over Eirin's stomach. Eirin giggled softly and pulled Kaguya closer.

After a few blissful minutes, Kaguya pulled herself on top of Eirin until their noses touched. "Good morning, love," she whispered.

"Mmgh... Good morning. How nice to see you again!" Eirin yawned some more. Her hair was a kudzu, but Kaguya saw only the beauty of a silvery moon.

"I missed you in my dreams." Kaguya gave Eirin a gentle smooch. "What d'you want for breakfast?"

"Whatever Reisen's cooking."

"Then let's wake her up."

Next up came Tewi. She pranced onto the stage in a soft pink cardigan and paw-shaped boots. "I'm ever so sweet," she simpered. "I do volunteer work for disadvantaged rabbits, and I love helping my bestest-ever friend Reisen with stuff!"

"Delightful! Ten points!" gushed Kaguya.

"Tewi doth protest too much, methinks. Three points," said Urumi.

"Come on, she's at least worth a seven!" said Wakasagihime, who gave everyone seven points.

Next up, Cirno wandered on stage. Her eyes widened when she saw the audience of several dozen looking at her. "Um, I seem to be lost..."

A ripple of admiration passed through the audience.

"My word," cried Wakasagihime, "she's adorable!"

Cirno's hackles rose. "There's nothing adorable about me! I'm the strongest fairy!"

"Such attitude!" gasped Kaguya. "She's so cute! Ten points!"

"N-no, I'm not cute! I'm not!" insisted Cirno.

"It's a seven from me!" declared Wakasagihime.

"Nine points!" said Urumi. "Cirno is the winner! Congratulations, Cirno, you're the cutesiest youkai in Gensokyo!"

The audience cheered.

"No! I'm not cute! I'm dangerous, I swear! Augh..." Cirno clenched her fists and held back tears.

"What will you do with your prize money, Cirno?" asked Urumi, handing her a cheque for 100,000 yen.

Cirno froze her solid. "Keep it! Buy yourself a hot curry!"

Dark clouds were gathering around Youkai Mountain. Not just the usual grey clouds, these were a swirling, broiling mass of purple, crimson and indigo. Below the clouds, at the highest peak, four glowing figures danced their terrible dance.

"Who are these Unseemly Spirits anyway?" Reimu whispered to Marisa.

"They're bad news. Really bad. I don't know any more, maybe there's a book about them," Marisa whispered back.

At the head of a column of Incident-Resolvers at least a hundred strong, they flew to the peak of Youkai Mountain. Reimu's stomach rumbled all the way.

The spirits broke off their dancing and flew out to meet the approaching army, hovering side by side. One was dressed in red, one in yellow, one in green and one in blue. The air burned in the same colours where it touched them.

"Oh, 'ere comes trouble!" the yellow-clad spirit said, nudging her green sister. "Look, 'undreds of 'em! I was just thinkin' we needed a bit of exercise!"

"Shut up!" The green spirit thumped her on the head. "Listen well, Incident-Resolvers, you stand no chance against the four of us! We are the-"

"The Unseemly Spirits of the Last Word. We know," said Reimu, looking deeply unimpressed. "Whatever you are, you're outnumbered and outspellcarded, so you won't win!"

The yellow spirit scoffed. "What, like 'ow we didn't stand a chance against the most powerful youkai around? That went well for 'er!"

She pointed down at Yukari, who hung unconscious from a tall wooden crucifix with Chen and Ran huddled at her feet. A ripple of horror passed over the Incident-Resolvers.

"We battered her," the red spirit sneered. "With our feet mostly. You know, stomping, that kind of thing... As you do. What I'm trying to say is, you know, we all had a go jumping up and down on her-"

"Aaaargh, SHUT UP!" barked the green spirit. "We annihilated your one-horse gap demon just as we plan to annihilate this pathetic little mountain kingdom of yours! Prepare to die!"

"No!" shouted Sanae, raising her wand. "You prepare to die!" She threw out a barrage of blue stars. The glowing women stood firm (or perhaps floated firm), not even flinching as the bullets burst on their skin.

"That it?" asked the yellow spirit, wearing a satisfied smirk.

Sanae gulped.

"No," said Marisa, "this is! Let 'em have it, ladies!"

With a battle cry loud enough to shake the trees, the ranks of warriors unleashed their strongest spell-cards. Lightning, leaves, fire, icicles, stars, books, dogs, dolls and a million bullets went roaring towards the spirits.

Wisps of emerald smoke curled between the green spirit's fingers. She smiled. "Finally, a real challenge! Destroy them, my sisters!"

As one, the quartet cast their chromatic fire. Howling columns of red, yellow, green and blue blasted through the wall of spell-cards like it was nothing. The flames spread out and churned together in a maelstrom of colour as they advanced.

Some tried to run, some tried to protect themselves, but all the Incident-Resolvers ended up screaming in pain as the fire washed over them. Nitori fell on Chen, squashing her flat. When the fire blew away, only Reimu was still in the air, serene and untouched.

Reimu waved her wand in a slow, dreamlike fashion, sending waves of very real amulets towards the spirits.

Concern creased the red spirit's face. "That's not meant to happen. She- she's still there. Um, was that part of the, er, plan, or something?"

"You can't get her now!" a charred and battered Marisa shouted triumphantly. "That's Fantasy Nature, the technique Reimu uses to win any duel!"

"Pipe down! And you, grow a bloody spine!" the green spirit barked, thumping her red sister again. "It's just one shrine maiden! Try the lightning!"

Sulking a little, the red spirit zapped Reimu with a bolt of lightning. Reimu went rigid and let out a terrible scream, then she fell silent.

Marisa's heart stopped. "Oh, no... Reimu!"

"Oh, yes!" the green spirit crowed. "Not a bad shot, little sis!"

"She's older than you," said the yellow spirit.

"Don't care... Hm?" The green spirit's face darkened. "She's still moving... Idiot! You should've zapped her harder!"

With a groan, Reimu straighened up in the air and faced down her enemies.

"Hit 'er all at once," said the yellow spirit, readying her lighting. "We ain't takin' chances with this one."

Before the spirits could do anything, Reimu was enveloped in golden light. Three vast spheres materialised behind her, bearing symbols of the sun, the moon and a moustache.

"Zap 'er! For Pete's sake, zap 'er!" the yellow spirit cried. Her sisters obeyed, blasting Reimu with their lightning, but it washed over her golden skin and dress like a harmless trickle of water.

"My gods..." breathed Marisa. "A power beyond Fantasy Nature!"

"It's not possible! It's not possible!" the red spirit screamed, clinging to the blue spirit. The blue spirit promptly shoved her away.

Reimu's eyes shone with a vivid pink light, unblinking as she spoke. "Sunlight. Moonlight. Something called 'swift august male impetuousness'. By these sacred energies I am bound to exterminate whoever brings evil to this land, and I refuse to be defeated by the likes of you. I am Shin Hakurei Yumesenshi!"

Reimu advanced on them, burning golden streaks in the air as she twirled her purification rod. The Four Unseemly Spirits of the Last Word shared a worried look.

"Run?" the yellow spirit suggested.

The blue spirit nodded enthusiastically.

"RUN!" the red spirit screamed, grabbing her green-clad sister and cheesing it.

Far to the west, deep inside the Cave of Memory's Shadow, the Tsune-Negai Altar sat surrounded by dripping stalactites. There the culprit behind the Spirits' awakening showed her true face.

"Cir... Cirno?!" cried Reimu. "Why did you put the Stone of Vindication in the Tsune-Negai Altar?!"

"I wanted to see what would happen," said Cirno.

"Well..." Reimu took a deep breath. "Take it out?"

"TAKE IT OUT!" the other ninety-nine Incident-Resolvers chorused.

"Oh, all right..." Cirno grabbed the stone and pulled it out. "I really don't see what the big deal is."