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“I have to ask, Chloe.”
It’s a weird feeling, Chloe thinks. To go from spending nearly every waking moment with a person, from knowing every little thing about them, right down to how their mood shifts when they’re uncomfortable or tired or excited, to feeling like you’ve never known them at all. Somehow her mind can’t make sense of how one can go from being the very first person someone used to tell news to, or simply how they were feeling at any given moment, to having to hear updates from them through secondary sources.
“Did you…”
And Chloe never figured herself to be the type of person who fell out of contact with her friends. In fact, she’d consider herself to be quite the opposite; she has friends from her childhood that she still keeps in semi-frequent contact with, even if that contact is only through various birthday wishes and the occasional social media comment. Chloe prides herself on staying in touch with those she’s close to.
“…do you think we ever could have been something together?”
Real life getting in the way could provide some sort of excuse for Chloe losing touch. She is in vet school now, after all; finally pursuing something that she feels just as excited and passionate about as she did a cappella. Her job is tiring, her homework is often overwhelming, and honestly all she wants most days is to go home and take a nap.
It’s a lot. Life is a lot.
Chloe knows that’s no excuse.
“Do you think we could have loved each other?”
When Beca’s plane took off over a year ago, Chloe already knew they would never be the same. Knew they were destined to fall apart with every growing mile between them. She knew they would have to move on.
“I love you. I think I’ll always love you.”
But moving on is always easier said than done.
* * *
Chloe pushes through the crowded streets of New Yorkers, elbows tucked in close to her body and hands clutching tight to the strap of her purse in an effort to slip between people more easily. A cold breeze nips against her cheeks, the sign of the incoming winter reminding Chloe that she needs to start bundling up more before leaving the apartment. She zips her jacket up to her chin and continues on.
She reaches the restaurant a few minutes later than she was planning on, mostly due to the street performer she became enraptured with on the walk over, but Chloe isn’t too worried about it. The hostess in the front asks if she needs a table, to which Chloe declines and says there’s already one waiting for her before making her way to where her friends are sitting near the back.
“Hi! Sorry I’m late!” Chloe says in greeting, slipping into the last open seat at the table. Her friends wave her off, telling her that it wasn’t a big deal. Monica tells her that they already ordered a water for her, which makes Chloe smile in gratitude.
It’s kind of weird having new friends, Chloe thinks. For so long, the Bellas were really the only people she was around- the only people she needed around. But of course times change and people move away, and suddenly you’re forced to remember how to make friends again.
Which has never been a problem for Chloe, of course. She’s always been a naturally social person, extremely extroverted in a way that makes it exciting for her to meet new people. Monica works at the clinic with Chloe, and the two of them instantly hit it off on Chloe’s first day. Abby and Lisa were both friends of Monica, and soon enough Chloe was friends with them, too. The Bellas would always be her best friends- her family, but it was nice having friends in the city again. For a while Chloe was worried she never would, after Amy moved out to explore the world and after Beca-
And after Beca left for LA.
The waiter coming back with their drinks is a welcome distraction from Chloe’s thoughts. He asks if they’re ready to order, and Chloe panics slightly when everyone else says yes. She skims the menu while everyone else orders, trying in vain to decide what to get. In the end she ends up requesting the special of the day, figuring she’ll probably like whatever it ends up being, along with a glass of rosé.
She loses herself in conversation while they wait for their food, catching up on everyone’s weeks. When the topic turns to work, Monica launches into a story about a woman with a sick dog that she and Chloe had to deal with the other day. Chloe sits back and sips on her drink, eyes exploring her surroundings. The bar is situated a little to her left, numerous TV screens showing various news channels and sports stations. She watches a baseball game for a moment with a small amount of interest, but then the screen next it changes channels and Chloe nearly chokes on her drink.
Because she was definitely not expecting to see Beca appear on the TV. The fact that Beca is on TV in the first place isn’t necessarily the surprising part, though that is still something that Chloe is getting used to, but more so the fact that Chloe didn’t know she would be on TV tonight. Somehow she had missed the memo.
Because yeah, even though she hasn’t spoken to Beca in close to a year, she still can’t help but keep up on her. It isn’t hard to do- Beca has been the big talk of the music industry ever since she arrived in LA. Just about every pop culture news source has written something about her, about music’s newest, hottest rising star. With the addition of a few appearances on popular late-night talk shows, Beca Mitchell was slowly but surely becoming a household name.
Chloe tries to ignore the fact that it’s no longer a household name for her. How it used to be, before anyone else knew just how talented she was; how Beca Mitchell was always a star in her book. How Chloe doesn’t feel any different from the rest of her growing number of fans now, except it’s worse because Chloe knows her better than just about anyone else on Earth.
Used to, her mind tells her. How you used to know her better than anyone.
The volume of the TV showing Beca is too quiet to hear, the captions too small to read, so Chloe resigns herself to watching the interview when she gets home later and forces herself to focus on the friends she’s actually with.
The rest of dinner goes off without a hitch. Chloe’s food – some kind of pasta that she’s never heard of before – is thankfully delicious, and the company of her friends is enough to make Chloe feel warm and content throughout the evening. Her phone buzzes with a text as they’re receiving their checks and Chloe’s smile grows even wider.
Chicago
You free tonight?
Abby and Lisa tease her about being a lovesick fool while Monica attempts to wave them off, none of them having to actually see her phone to know who Chloe’s texting. Chloe is quick to retort with a few teasing quips of her own as she shoots Chicago a quick reply.
Chloe
Just finishing up with the girls, I’ll be over in like half an hour :)
Soon enough they’re gathering their coats and exiting the restaurant. Chloe gives each of them a quick hug in parting before heading in the direction of Chicago’s apartment.
Everything about Chicago appearing in Chloe’s life has been unexpected, but completely welcomed all the same. It was unexpected when she started developing feelings for him on the USO tour, it was unexpected when he actually returned those feelings, and it was unexpected when he told her that he was transferring to New York.
But again, all of that was a welcome surprise.
Chicago has become a stable in her life, someone who she knows she can depend on. It took an adjustment period for Chloe to learn how to be in an actual relationship again, her last one having been years ago before her first senior year when she met Beca.
Chloe doesn’t want to think exactly why it is that she hasn’t had a relationship for that long.
But Chicago didn’t mind her adjustments. He was sweet and kind and understanding, supporting her at her highs and sticking around through her lows. Everything about their relationship was cozy and picture perfect and everything that Chloe was looking for, and Chloe was…
Comfortable. Perfectly fine.
She doesn’t bother knocking on Chicago’s door, instead using her copy of the key to let herself in.
Chicago is all smiles when she enters the apartment. “Hey babe,” he greets her with a grin from his place at the sink doing dishes. “How was dinner?”
“It was good!” Chloe answers as she takes off her coat and purse, hanging both on a hook by the door. She pads over to Chicago and wraps her arms around him from behind, reaching up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I always love spending time with the girls.”
Chicago turns off the water, apparently deciding to be done with dishes for now and reaches for a cloth to dry his hands. He turns around in Chloe arms in order to give her a proper kiss. “Hey,” he says when he pulls away, grinning.
“You said that already,” she giggles, a smile on her own face. “How was your day?”
He shrugs. “It was fine,” he says, pressing another kiss to her lips. “Missed you, though.”
Chloe’s heart flutters at the words. “I missed you, too,” she tells him truthfully.
“So we missed each other,” Chicago muses coyly. “Whatever shall we do to rectify that?”
He leans in for a kiss again, which Chloe returns with a smile as she allows him to lead them to the bedroom.
* * *
Hours later, Chloe can’t sleep. Chicago snores softly beside her, deep in the arms of slumber, yet here Chloe is- wide awake in the middle of the night, staring at the dark ceiling above her. She wills herself to be sleepy, tries counting sheep and all the other tricks in the book, but her mind simply won’t turn off.
It’s one of those nights where unwanted memories won’t stop spinning around in her head, and in the dark it’s so much harder to stop letting them play through.
“I love you. I think I’ll always love you.”
Beca’s last words to her have been echoing in her mind for the past year. No matter how hard Chloe tries, or how much distraction she provides herself, they’re always there, lingering in her thoughts like the constant whisper of a ghost from her past.
What plagues her just as much is what had been her response.
“And I think a part of me will always love you, Bec.”
Chloe mostly tries to forget how much of what she said is true. Tries to ignore just how big that part of her that still loves Beca is.
There had been a flame inside of Chloe for years, a flame that burned bright for Beca approximately since the moment Chloe first laid eyes on her. A flame that Chloe thought had been reduced to ash through the years, extinguishing upon their first and only kiss; a moment that could have been the start of something, but instead turned out to be the end of another.
But the thing about fire and ash is that there’s always the chance of a single spark remaining if you’re not careful- a spark that could light things ablaze once again.
Chloe isn’t an idiot. She may have intentionally failed college three times, but when it comes to her emotions Chloe always knows exactly how she is feeling, and what she is feeling now feels disgustingly similar to the torture that she went through for roughly five years. The signs are all there, familiar and unstoppable. Chloe knows what being in love feels like.
Knows what being in love with Beca feels like.
And it isn’t fair, none of it. Chloe has Chicago. Chloe loves Chicago- and better yet, Chicago loves her! There is no logical explanation for why Chloe shouldn’t be totally and blissfully satisfied with the direction her life has gone in for the last year, yet somehow she’s still not happy.
She tries to be, tries to convince herself she is, but again, Chloe is very in tune with her emotions. She’s never been able to lie to herself very well.
It’s hard for Chloe not to feel angry. She has everything she’s wanted for years – a career, independence, a steady relationship – in the palm of her hand, yet she can’t find it in herself to enjoy it.
All because of Beca. All because Beca told Chloe what she’d been waiting years for right before leaving.
How dare Beca Mitchell drop and shatter her heart like it was made of glass all those years ago, only to put it back together right before leaving for the other side of the country. Chloe had been done, she knew she had been.
Yet here she is, laying in the dark and feeling herself fall for Beca all over again, despite the fact that they haven’t spoken in a year.
Chloe glances at Chicago next to her and feels guilt clog her throat. She turns onto her side away from him and closes her eyes, deciding that imagining sleep might be better than no sleep at all.
* * *
Like any time in her life when she is having a crisis, Chloe calls Aubrey.
“I’m in love with Beca.”
The words are out of her mouth as soon as Aubrey picks up the phone. There’s a brief pause, and then, “Well, it only took you the better part of a decade for you to finally admit that to me.”
Aubrey’s tone is almost downright bored, and Chloe is slightly taken aback. “I definitely thought that would be a more momentous reveal.”
Aubrey laughs. “Please I’ve known since you spent a week crying on our couch after her and Jesse got together. You can’t hide anything from me.”
Chloe blushes and is suddenly glad Aubrey can’t see her through the phone. “And you never thought to bring it up?”
“I figured you’d tell me eventually, and you did. Later than I thought, but you still told me.”
Chloe laughs despite herself and presses her free hand into her forehead. “You’re something else, Aubrey Posen, you know that?”
Aubrey hums, sounding pleased. “I pride myself on it,” she quips. Chloe chuckles again before Aubrey’s next question sobers her up. “So if you’re still in love with Beca, what about Chicago?”
Chloe sighs and slides her hand down to cover her eyes. “That’s kind of why I’m calling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Why do you think something is wrong with you?” Aubrey asks.
“I don’t know, I just-” Chloe cuts herself off with a groan and stands up to pace her small living room. “I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted. I know what I want to do with my life, and I love living in New York, and I love being with Chicago. I love how thoughtful and charming and handsome he is. He makes me feel like the most loved person in the world.”
“I’m sensing a ‘but’ with that?” Aubrey pries gently.
Chloe stops her pacing and stares out the window facing the street in front of her. She watches the busy lives of strangers as they come and go, wondering if any of them could help her find the right words to say how she’s feeling. “I guess I just thought that when someone finally loved me back it would be different,” she says, unsure if she’s still talking about Chicago at this point. “I thought things would be easy and freeing and right, but instead all I feel is-”
“Empty?” Aubrey guesses.
Chloe let’s out a breath. “I was going to say confused, but I guess empty works, too.” She leans her forehead against the window. “I really want to love him, you know? And I think for a while I really did. But he’s just…”
“He’s not Beca.” Aubrey finishes for her once again, no ounce of uncertainty in her voice this time.
“He’s not Beca,” Chloe confirms tiredly. “Am I a terrible person?”
Aubrey makes a choking noise. “You did not just ask me that.”
“I think it’s a fair question,” Chloe insists. “I’m basically leading my boyfriend on because I’m in love with my one of my best friends and not him.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “If I can even consider us friends anymore after not speaking for a year.”
“You’re not a terrible person, Chloe,” Aubrey says dismissively, and Chloe can practically hear her eyes rolling. “We can’t help who we fall for, and even if I don’t totally understand what it is you see in Beca, you can’t blame your heart for how it feels. And as far as still being friends goes-” Aubrey’s tone becomes gentler- “You two mean too much to each other to ever stop being friends. I know it feels weird now, but I know that you’ll reach out to her again at some point. It’s just who you are; you care about your friends too much to let them get away.”
Chloe feels her throat close up unexpectedly at the lack of judgement in Aubrey’s voice and she wonders why she never reached out to Aubrey about all this sooner. She sometimes forgets just how good Aubrey has always been at the whole “comfort and advice” thing- whether that means tough love or a shoulder to cry on, Aubrey always seems to know just what Chloe needs to hear.
There’s a comfortable lull in the conversation as Chloe lets Aubrey’s words fully sink in, one question lingering in the back of her mind.
“Was I really that obvious?” Chloe can’t help but ask, biting her lip apprehensively.
“Maybe it was only obvious to me because I’m your best friend and can read you like a children’s book, but yeah, I’ve pretty much always had my suspicions you were in love with her.”
“How could you tell?” Chloe asks next.
Aubrey pauses at the question, thinking through her words. “It was the way you looked at her, I suppose,” she finally answers. “Like she hung the moon.” There’s another brief stretch of silence before Aubrey continues, somewhat softer. “Kind of like how she looked at you.”
Chloe feels her breath hitch. “What do you mean?”
An airy chuckle sounds through the receiver. “Let me put it this way: if she hung your moon, who do you think put the stars in her sky?”
And Chloe really doesn’t know what to say to that, so she simply looks out her window and watches the people passing by below her, Beca’s words echoing in her head louder than ever before.
* * *
Chloe starts keeping tabs on Beca even more after she and Aubrey’s conversation- a little obsessively if she’s being honest with herself. She tells herself that it’s just because she’s building up the courage to call Beca up, or text her, or hell, even send her an email. But in reality the reason behind her slight stalking is much more pathetic than that.
She misses Beca.
Aside from the fact that Chloe is slowly accepting her reignited feelings for Beca, more than anything Chloe just misses having her best friend around. She misses how grumpy Beca gets when she’s tired, and how whiney she can be when she hasn’t eaten all day. She misses Beca’s bad jokes and the way her ears turn red when she’s embarrassed, stumbling over her words because talking was never her strong suit.
She misses Beca’s reluctant hugs that became less reluctant over the years and the way their hands fit together. Misses Beca’s quiet confidence and the way she made all of Chloe’s days better.
And Monica and Abby and Lisa are great friends, they really are, but none of them have been through what Chloe and Beca have been through together.
So Chloe starts watching all the interviews she can find of Beca. Starts checking her Twitter and Instagram religiously, just to experience some semblance of being part of her life again.
Beca travels a lot, Chloe discovers. Which is to be expected, considering that she’s a big shot now, but Chloe still finds herself anticipating where Beca will show up next. One week she’s in London, another week it’s Florida. At some point Beca posts that she’s in New Jersey, and Chloe can almost feel her body vibrate with just how close she is, and how simple it would be to hop in a cab or bus or train and be in front of her friend in a few short hours.
Chloe wonders if Beca has the same thoughts. Wonders if Beca ever considers altering her course just so she can finally arrive back in New York and see Chloe again.
“I think we should move in together.”
The simple sentence is enough to snap Chloe from her inner thoughts, and she suddenly remembers that she’s in the middle of a very nice restaurant with Chicago, her boyfriend, and that she should probably be more invested in this date than she has been so far.
Chloe blinks and smiles, unsure if she actually heard Chicago correctly. “Sorry, I zoned out for a minute there. What was that?”
Chicago grins a little nervously at her. “I think that we should move in together,” he repeats, reaching across the table to hold Chloe’s hands. “I’ve been giving it some thought, and if you feel ready to take that step with me, I would love to take it with you.”
Chloe wills herself to feel any kind of excitement at the offer- a flutter of her heart, butterflies in her stomach, anything, but instead all she feels is guilt. Guilt because she just knows that he’s in this more than she is. She’s suspected as much for the last few weeks now, but him saying this is a bright neon sign confirming the fact.
“Oh, wow, I wasn’t expecting this,” Chloe manages with a shaky laugh. She looks down at her hands in Chicago’s and suddenly feels sick.
“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Chicago rushes to say, squeezing her hands. “I just wanted to put it on your radar, if it’s something you’re interested in.”
Chloe swallows with some difficulty and looks out the window beside their table, knowing what needs to be done but not knowing if she has the courage to do it. “I think…” she starts, the words heavy on her tongue. “I think we need to break up.”
She tries not to wince when she feels Chicago’s hands stiffen around hers. “Come again?” he asks.
Chloe sighs and looks back over at Chicago, hating herself for the hurt she’s put on his face. “I don’t think this is going to work out anymore,” she says, slipping her hands from his.
Confusion mars Chicago’s features. “If- if this is about not wanting to move in with me, then don’t worry about it. I don’t mind taking things slower. If you need more time I’m willing to wait for you-”
“It’s not about time,” Chloe says gently, interrupting before he makes things harder.
“Then what’s it about?” Chicago all but pleads, desperation in his eyes.
Chloe sighs and reaches across the space between again them to cover his hand with her own. “I’m not… I don’t think I’ll ever love you the way you love me,” she says sadly, eyes focused on their joined hands before rising to meet his. “I’ll never love you the way you need me to love you.”
Chicago stares at her wordlessly for a moment, processing. “I- is there anything I can do to…” He trails off when Chloe shakes her head slowly.
“You’ve done everything exactly the way you were supposed to,” Chloe tells him earnestly. “You were just what I needed for a long time, but now I guess I’m just… looking for something a little different than what we have, and I didn’t know how to tell you until now.” Chicago hangs his head at that, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I’m so sorry,” Chloe whispers, genuine regret squeezing her heart.
Chicago inhales deeply before lifting his head back up to meet Chloe’s gaze. His eyes are still sad, still hurt, but Chloe thinks she sees something close to understanding in them. He flips his hand around on the table until he can grip hers loosely. “I don’t think I’ll find another girl like you, Chloe Beale,” he says “You are truly one of a kind. But if this is what makes you happy, I have to let you go.”
Chloe gives his hand one last squeeze before taking hers back. “Thank you for understanding,” she says sincerely. They share one last tearful smile before Chloe rises from the table, gathering her coat and purse.
“I think I’ll always love you,” Chicago tells her before she can go, and Chloe freezes at the words, so familiar to her yet so foreign coming from his mouth. And her response is right there on the tip of her tongue, ready to be said. It would a fitting goodbye for a breakup.
Chloe looks over her shoulder to look at Chicago. “Goodbye, Chicago,” she says kindly, giving him one last small smile before walking out of the restaurant and into the cold evening air.
* * *
The next couple weeks pass by without much excitement. Chloe makes one trip to Chicago’s apartment to retrieve all the things she’s left there over the past year, and luckily Chicago is just as kind and understanding about it then as he was at the restaurant. And it’s weird, Chloe thinks. It’s weird that she doesn’t feel like she just went through a breakup. Of course she’s sad that it ended, but she thinks she’s mostly sad for the loss of Chicago’s companionship and all the thoughts of what could have been, but ultimately Chloe isn’t sad.
Chloe buys a tub of ice cream and spends a whole night watching chick flicks anyways, just so she can say she did.
Beca announcing the release of her first album almost makes Chloe call her up just to congratulate her. She’s so close to doing it, too, getting as far as opening up Beca’s contact information in her phone and hovering her thumb above the call button.
But then she stares at Beca’s contact picture for a moment too long and her nerves get the best of her.
Her nerves become even more apparent when it’s announced that Beca will be on Jimmy Fallon that week to promote her new album.
Jimmy Fallon is in New York.
Chloe is in New York.
And soon enough, Beca will be in New York too.
Chloe spends the days leading up to Beca arriving in New York debating with herself on what she should do. Send her a text telling her they should grab a coffee? Call her and apologize for not speaking to her for a year and then ask to get food? Do absolutely nothing and see if Beca contacts her?
In the end Chloe decides not to decide until after the show airs, just in case Beca has to jet back to LA as soon as they’re done taping.
Even having made that decision, seeing conformation that Beca is in New York via an Instagram story captioned “good to be back” still sends Chloe’s body buzzing. She’s glad she has work to distract her; it gives her something to channel all of her nervous energy into. When she gets home for the night she attempts to finish her homework, TV on in the background before she eventually gives up, shoving her textbooks aside and opening a bottle of wine instead.
A couple hours and a half a bottle of wine later, Beca finally appears on screen, walking confidently across the stage to Jimmy Fallon’s desk in a little black dress that makes Chloe take a large gulp from her drink.
The interview is simple enough at first, Jimmy asking Beca various questions to become acquainted with her. Beca answers them all charmingly, yet Chloe can still sense some of that familiar Beca-awkwardness that’s always been apparent anytime Beca is in the spotlight.
Eventually the conversation is shifted to Beca’s album, and Chloe leans forward in her seat, setting her wine glass down on the coffee table in front of her as she pays careful attention.
“So the name of your album is Tacenda?” Jimmy asks. “I’ve got to say, I have absolutely no idea what that means.”
The audience laughs and Beca gives a good-hearted chuckle as well. “Yeah, it’s kind of an obnoxiously prestigious album name, I know, but my producer thought that it would help me to ‘stand out’ or something like that.”
Jimmy and the audience laugh, and Chloe can’t help but smile at how Beca basically has everyone in the palm of her hand with her endearing personality.
“So what is this album about to you?” Jimmy asks next.
And this is when Chloe can tell that Beca gets nervous, because Beca has never been great at talking about her feelings or what things mean to her. Chloe half expects her to shrug and say something along the lines of “I don’t know, I just thought the songs were bops” and be done with it, but once again Beca surprises her.
“The whole album is kind of a contradiction of itself, because tacenda basically means things better left unsaid, but the songs are all about actually saying those things that you didn’t say.” Beca looks out at the audience, seemingly staring right into the camera, and Chloe feels her breath catch in her throat. “I’m not great at saying what I mean most of the time, but sometimes you just have to take that leap, you know?”
It feels like Chloe is suspended in time for one glorious moment, staring at her TV screen and feeling like Beca is staring right back at her. Her heart begins to race and her emotions are overwhelming her as Jimmy continues on with the interview like nothing ever happened, and Chloe turns it off as her thoughts swirl in her mind.
What was Beca playing at? Was all that meant for Chloe, or was Chloe just a little drunk and projecting? What did Beca mean by taking that leap?
“Do you think we could have loved each other?”
And suddenly all Chloe can feel is rage. Rage because some things are better left unsaid, and some things should have been left unsaid.
“I love you. I think I’ll always love you.”
If Beca had never said those cursed words to her in the airport that day, if she had just let them continue to never be spoken, Chloe wouldn’t be feeling the way she is right now. If they had been left unsaid, Chloe might be living with Chicago right now, living her best life- a life not full of so much regret.
Chloe is moving before she can think through her actions. She starts putting on her shoes and slipping on her jacket as a mix of alcohol and anger cloud her judgement. Her thumb is pressing on the call button on her phone before she can even remember pulling the number up.
The call is answered within the first two rings. “Chloe?”
“Where are you staying right now?” she asks, not bothering to say hello.
“The Plaza, room 412, but Chloe-”
Chloe hangs up before the thought is finished, exiting her apartment and ignoring the voice in her head telling her she was making a huge mistake.
* * *
No one spares Chloe a second glance as she walks with purpose through The Plaza Hotel, her adrenaline not having died down on the short trip over here in the slightest. Soon enough she’s breezing down the hallway of the fourth floor until she’s standing in front of the door she’s looking for.
She knocks sharply on the wood and waits for the person on the other side to answer.
The door opens to reveal Beca Mitchell, clad in sweatpants and an old Barden t-shirt that Chloe could swear used to be hers.
“Chloe, can you please tell me what going on-”
“How could you say that and then just leave?” Chloe demands, shoving at Beca’s shoulders.
“What are you talking about?” Beca pleads, but Chloe is having none of it.
“Some things are better left unsaid, right?” Chloe questions. “So why didn’t you just leave them unsaid?”
Realization dawns on Beca’s face. “Chloe…” she says softly, trailing off.
Tears rise up in Chloe’s eyes, threatening to spill over. “Damn you, Beca Mitchell,” she whispers, and then they’re crashing into one another.
The tears are flowing freely down Chloe’s cheeks as she pushes her lips harshly against Beca’s, her body pressing into Beca’s until she’s pinned to the door. Beca kisses her back just as passionately, her hands fisting in Chloe’s shirt while Chloe’s frame her face. And Chloe is very aware that they’re in a very nice hotel, in the middle of the hallway where anyone could pass by, but she can’t find it in herself to care. All she can focus on is relieving all the pent-up tension that has been building up for the past year, the pressure finally exploding here in this one moment.
Chloe tilts Beca’s head with a push of her thumbs against the underside of Beca’s jaw, kissing her deeply before biting her bottom lip. Beca groans, her hands shifting along Chloe’s sides as if she can’t decide where they should be. Eventually Chloe has to wrench her mouth away from Beca’s, her chest heaving as she takes in much needed breaths. She opens her eyes to see Beca already watching her, looking just how Chloe feels.
It suddenly occurs to Chloe that Beca is here right in front of her, and not in LA or London or anywhere else. She slides her hands down to the sides of Beca’s neck as her eyes dart across Beca’s flushed face, taking her in as fresh tears spill down her cheeks.
A look appears on Beca’s face, something close to concern or sympathy, and she brings her hands up to Chloe’s face to gently wipe the tears off her cheeks with her thumbs. Chloe’s eyes flutter shut at the feeling, and a small gasp escapes her when she feels Beca’s lips against her own once again, softly this time.
This kiss is sweeter than the last, slower. Both of them taking the time to really process the fact that they’re together again; kissing like the year apart from each other doesn’t matter.
And maybe it doesn’t matter, in the end. Maybe they needed that year to get to exactly where they are right now.
The kiss breaks and Chloe rests her forehead against Beca’s, eyes still closed as she lets her breathing match with Beca’s, feeling more peace in this moment than she has all year. Eventually she opens her eyes, and once again sees that Beca is already looking at her.
“Did you really mean what you said that day?” Chloe asks quietly.
“Every word,” Beca murmurs back. “Did you?”
Chloe leans in to place another short kiss on Beca’s lips. “Every word,” she echoes. “Do you have a flight to catch tomorrow?”
Beca sighs and separates herself from Chloe a little, resting her head against the door behind her instead. “Yes,” she says, voice full of dismay.
Chloe hums. “I’ll drive with you there in the morning,” she says, kissing Beca once more just because she can. “But tonight is for me.”
And that brings the smile that Chloe loves to Beca’s face and she laughs, pushing the door open and kissing Beca again as they stumble into the hotel room.
* * *
The silence between Beca and Chloe in the car is comfortable, which is just how Chloe likes it to be. Their hands are intertwined in the seat between them and Chloe feels a squeeze to hers, prompting her to look over. Beca is smiling at her, a sight that makes Chloe’s heart flip excitedly in her chest, and she smiles back, squeezing Beca’s hand in return.
They walk as slowly as they can through the airport, not wanting to part ways quite yet. Once they reach security they pause, hands still joined as they stare at what’s ahead.
Chloe doesn’t want to admit she’s scared of what’s ahead.
“I’m coming back for you, you know,” Beca tells her, breaking the silence between them. Chloe glances over at her and sees nothing but sincerity in Beca’s eyes. “My label has a branch in New York, so I’m going to do whatever’s necessary to make the switch and live here full-time. Theo probably won’t be too happy about it, but I don’t give a shit about what he thinks.”
Chloe’s breath hitches. “Really?” she asks. “You’re that serious about us?”
“Of course I am,” Beca says with a small smile. “I love you.”
Chloe’s heart skips a beat. “I love you, too,” she says, and no other words have ever felt so right to her before.
The speakers above their heads inform them that Beca’s flight is ready to board, so Beca squeezes Chloe’s hand once before letting go and grabbing her suitcase. They share a parting kiss that’s full of promise and love, and then Beca is walking towards her gate. Chloe watches her go, the knowledge that this wasn’t the end comforting her more than anyone would ever know.
Beca turns around before disappearing behind the corner, sending her one last smile that makes Chloe fall that much more in love with her.
And it’s still scary, the thought of moving forward with all this, with the distance that will be between them once again. But this time feels different than the last, because Chloe knows that they’ve finally figured it out.
This wasn’t the end for them, not even close.