Archive of Our Own

I think I have a crush on Dina.   I mean, I’m pretty sure I do.

I have a crush on Dina.

Argh, this is so stupid.  She doesn’t even like girls She doesn’t like me and I know it.  Plus, Cat broke up with me three weeks ago.  That feels way too fast to get over someone.  Is that normal?  I’ve never had an ex before.  What the fuck am I even supposed to do?

We were just hanging out today.  We had this stupid action movie on and we were smoking and she started getting all weird.  She kept touching my arm… when Cat did that, it meant she was flirting with me.  I’m just so confused.  She also kept looking at me?

Great, that doesn’t sound fucking obsessed at all.

I liked it.

Anyway, I looked over at her and… god, she’s so fucking pretty.  The sun was hitting her face and she was taking a drag and she just looked so perfect.  There was this dumb storybook in the orphanage back in Boston that had a picture of an angel in it, and I swear she looked just like that.  The light even gave her a fucking halo .

Sometimes it just feels like the universe is trying to kill me on the spot.  I survived a fucking clicker bite, but Dina is gonna give me a heart attack.

So after the movie I had to try and act normal, except I couldn’t because how the hell am I supposed to act normal after that?  I just kind of said goodbye and ran home.

I don’t even know why I like her.  She’s Dina , that’s all.

Things I like about Dina:

1. She’s fun to be around

“He’s down!” Ellie cheers quietly, making wild fist pumps as she enters the kitchen.  “It is officially break time for Mom and Mama.”

Dina groans in sympathy, sinking into the couch.  “Who was gonna tell me that babies never fucking sleep?  This is torture, Ellie.  I’m dying .”

Ellie flops onto the couch, slinging an arm around her wife’s shoulders and pressing a few kisses to her cheek.  “Would you feel less like dying if I give you a shoulder rub?”

“Maybe a little bit.”  Dina shuffles so that her back is turned towards her girlfriend.  She looks up sternly at Ellie.  “No funny business today, I have work to do.”

“Understood.”  Ellie holds her hands up in surrender, shifts and starts pressing her knuckles into her shoulders.  Dina sighs and relaxes visibly, leaning back into her hands a little.

“So, what else do you have to do today?”  Already, Ellie is mentally planning how much of Dina’s work she could take on.  She’s got her own chores, sure, but there’s no way she won’t have some extra time to help out.

“Laundry and cooking,” Dina sighs.  “I know it doesn’t sound like much, it just feels like a lot.”

“I’ll help,” Ellie tells her before kissing the back of her neck, right where it joins with her spine.  “What can I do?”

“If it’s not too much trouble-”

“It isn’t.”

“Could you peel the carrots?”

Ellie hates peeling carrots.

“Sure.”

When she’s stuck at the kitchen table doing her least favourite chore, Dina puts on music that she knows Dina doesn’t particularly like- way more punk than her taste usually leans- with the volume on quiet so as not to wake their son.  Somewhere around half of a bag of carrots, she starts using a wooden spoon as a microphone in what may be the worst lip-synch performance Ellie has seen in her entire life.  She makes ridiculously dramatic facial expressions, she struts around the kitchen and does dance moves that… well, actually, her dance moves are pretty great.  The second the song’s over, she holds the ‘microphone’ out to Ellie.

It’s embarrassing.  It’s so much fun.  Ellie knows every word to this song and has since she was sixteen and angsting alone in her bedroom.

She takes the spoon with a grin, determined to show her up.

2. She is nice to me when I don’t really deserve it

Ellie stares at the papers on Maria’s table, then at the glass dish next to it.  With shaking hands, she picks up the first paper and starts to read Dina’s looping hand.

Ellie-

Heard you’re back in town.  Glad to know you’re not dead.  You could've let me know, though.  I had to find out from fucking Vicky- you remember how she was always telling everyone’s business when we were kids?  Well, she’s still kicking.  You’d think a bitter old hag like her wouldn’t last past fifty, but… apparently not.

Where do I start?  I really don’t want to do this without seeing you face to face.  What you did was really, really fucked up.  Honestly, I’m still mad.  I probably will be for a really long time.

The thing is, I’m sad, too.  I don’t want to, but I miss you.  JJ does too.  He cried a lot after you left, and nothing I did would make him happy.  He wanted his mom, Ellie, and you weren’t there.  I hope you didn’t forget what you promised us.

I know you wouldn’t have done this without a damn good reason.  If you have one, meet me in two days at Robin and Jamie’s.  That’s where we’re staying for now.

Ellie, I want to believe you learned something from this.  Come prove it to me.  Maybe we can figure something out.

There’s a treat for you in the dish.  I hope you’re eating okay.

- Dina

P.S.- JJ wanted you to have this, too.  Check the other paper.

There’s a heart after her name, almost completely scratched out.  It makes something in Ellie’s throat catch, and as she blinks back tears, she opens the container to see a couple pastries nestled inside.  Sufganiyot- one of her favourites.  God, she’d eaten so many of those with Dina that she’d gotten sick some years.  Her stomach rumbles.  When was the last time she’d eaten again?

She doesn’t quite remember.

Carefully, she presses the lid back on and reaches for the last piece of paper.  She turns it over in her hands- construction paper, yellowed at the edges.

It’s a drawing, she realizes.  It’s completely unintelligible, of course, just crayon streaks in rainbow colours that don’t look much like anything- JJ would only be a year or so old, he’s got a while to develop his talents- but to her it’s maybe the best art she’s ever been given.

She lets the tears come at this, presses the paper to her chest and has to sit down on the nearest chair.

She doesn’t deserve this second chance at all.  This is more than she could have ever asked for, more than she would hope for from even Dina and her forgiving heart.

She will be there tomorrow, and she is going to fucking prove herself again.

3. She’s really, really pretty

“Well, you sure clean up nice.”  Dina smooths her hands against the front of Ellie’s newest shirt, looking up at her.

“Could say the same about you, babe,” Ellie grins.  She grabs Dina abruptly, picking her up, and she squeaks and grabs hold of her for balance.

“You look very nice,” Ellie tells her, eyes wandering from each part of her.

“I’ll look nicer on the ground,” Dina laughs, pushing her chest playfully.  “Come on, you’re gonna make my dress wrinkle.”  With a dramatic sigh, Ellie sets her down again.  She’s enjoyed getting to do things like this again, showing off the strength Dina likes so much.  It’s taken work, but after Santa Barbara, she’s put in her time to gain it all back again.

She truly does look amazing.  Dina’s tied her hair up in a ponytail that swings around her freckled shoulders, bare under the thin straps of her green dress.  Ellie loves that dress on her- always has.

Dina seems to notice Ellie watching her, and moves her hips a bit so that the skirt swings out around her.  “I kind of wish we had nice shoes, too, though.”

“What’s wrong with our shoes?”  Ellie looks down at her own feet.  Black and white Converse match her white shirt and black pants- what’s the problem?  Dina’s ankle boots look nice enough, too.  Brown goes with green.

Dina just snorts and shakes her head.  “Forget I said anything.  I forgot you don’t know what fashion is, El.”

“I do so-”

“Ellie, if you try to convince me any other person in Jackson wears flannels as frequently as you, I’ll- I will stay home.”

Now it’s Ellie's turn to snort.  “You won’t.”

“Try me.”

She decides it’s better not to.  Dina grins triumphantly, smugly, and Ellie pulls her in by the waist to kiss that look right off of her.

When she pulls back, she sways gently with Dina still in her arms.

“We should probably go,” Dina mumbles with a soft smile.  “We’ll be more than fashionably late.”

“One last thing.”  Ellie feels the sudden dampness of her palms acutely and wipes them off on her pants before reaching into her pocket.  “Thought you might like something new to go with your outfit.  If you can trust my sense of fashion, of course.”  As Dina laughs, she carefully reaches up behind her neck and clasps the necklace she’d been saving around her neck.

“Thank you, Ellie,” Dina murmurs.  She lifts the necklace to look at it- a simple recycled Firefly tag chain that Ellie had picked up with a silver ring threaded onto it.  The ring had been what she was really proud of- a chance find on a trip outside the walls, stuck in an open safe in an abandoned house.  Whoever had opened the safe had left it behind as if just for her.

“Why not just get me a ring, then?” Dina jokes.

“It's way too big.  I thought you'd like this one best, though, so I figured this would work.”  Ellie rolls her eyes, hands still shaking a little.  For once, it’s not with fear.  “Thought you’d like to actually wear it.”

Okay, maybe it was with a little fear.  Good fear, though.

“Hey, Dina?”

“Ellie?”  She raises an eyebrow.

Ellie takes a deep breath.  “I don’t have a big fancy speech.  I’d fuck it up anyways.”
“Speech… speech for what?”

“Dina, I’ve loved you since we were seventeen.  You’re the best part of my life- well, maybe tied, but that’s only with JJ-”

“Okay, fair-”

“Let me finish!” She laughs.  “You’re the best part of my life, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I am so, so fucking thankful that you continue to choose me every day.  So I’m hoping you’ll choose me again for even longer.”  She looks down, steeling herself.  Somehow, this scares her more than any fight, any struggle for her life that she’s ever been in.  Dina was wrong- people should be terrified of her .

She looks back up and meets her eyes again, confused and content at once.  “Do you want to get married?”

Dina's mouth is open in complete shock, and for a moment Ellie is ready to pass out as her eyes become clouded with tears.  “Oh my god, Ellie-”

“It’s okay if-”

“Shut up, oh my god-” Dina kisses her fiercely, pulling her in by her face.  “Yes,” she tells her before kissing her again.

“Oh, thank fuck,” Ellie mumbles, dropping her forehead onto Dina’s shoulder in relief.  She feels Dina’s laughter rumble through, loud and genuine and relieved.

Dina steps back, wiping her face.  “Oh, fuck you, now I’m gonna have to wash my face again before we go.”  Her voice is still trembling a little, thick with emotion.

“You still look fine,” Ellie tells her truthfully.  She would think Dina was beautiful if she had been standing in her underwear with red eyes and a bird’s nest for hair.  Honestly, that’s one of her favourite versions of Dina every morning.

“Are my eyes red?”

“They’ve been worse…?”

Dina glances at the clock and shakes her head, wiping her cheeks one last time.  “Whatever, we don’t have time anyways, let’s get going.”

“Okay,” Ellie grins.

“Besides, I’ve got something to show off tonight.”  Dina grins as she slips on her jacket, fixing the necklace so that it hangs out over her dress, sparkling and obvious.

“You’ll be the shiniest woman in Jackson.  I think those are probably real diamonds.  Cool, right?”

“It is,” Dina agrees, taking her hand to pull her through the door.  The sunset is pink and peach, and it feels to Ellie as if the world had conspired to make everything perfect for one single day as repayment for the disaster of her life.  “I meant you, though.”

“Oh.”  Ellie’s face feels like it’s on fire, and Dina, as usual when she manages to embarrass her, throws her head back and laughs.

“Come on, handsome.  Let’s get dancing.”

4. She’s so smart and it’s kind of really hot

The room goes silent.  Someone “ooh”s quietly, and Ellie watches her girlfriend’s eyes turn to steel as she slams down her empty cup, glaring at the girl who’d been dumb enough to challenge her.

Silently, Dina stalks to the table, plunks herself down and folds her arms.  “Let’s hurry it up,” she calls casually, and the stunned girl shrugs, heads over to the table opposite her and sits right across from her, mustering up her own game face.

Ellie doesn’t really remember when they started being friends with the kind of adults who do trivia at parties, but she does know that watching Dina kick ass is always a fun show.

“Alright, let’s get it started,” someone- Brandon?  Brady?- announces with a flourish.  “I’m Bram-” oh, right- “and this is the third annual Jackson trivia night!”  Sparse, half hearted cheers erupt around the room.  Ellie claps politely, and Dina shoots her a smirk.

“Alright, let’s get started.  On the right we have Team Red-” Bram gestures to Dina’s side of the room- “and on the left is Team Blue.  We’ll start with a face-off, then go in turns.  Team leaders, please stand up to start the game!”

Blue team wins and answers their first question correctly and, to Dina’s credit, she holds back any eye-rolling or snide remarks.

“Red team, same rules.  I’ll ask, you’ve got ten seconds to come up with an answer.  Your first question: many of us believe that the average human has 5 senses, but that’s not actually true. What two other senses do we have?”

Dina doesn’t wait a second before raising her hand.  “Vestibular and proprioceptive, both having to do with spatial awareness.”  She smiles sweetly the same way she did at Cat when they were younger.  Ellie almost feels bad for her challenger- almost .

Blue gets their next answer as well- something about American history, Ellie couldn’t care less anyways.  JJ starts to fuss in her arms, and she bounces him on her knee, which seems to amuse him enough.

“Red, next up: what ancient author wrote the Iliad?”  Oh, easy .

“Homer,” Dina calls.

“Look at Mama go,” Ellie whispers to JJ.  He looks up at her, cooing a nonsense phrase that Ellie takes to mean he agrees.  “I know!  She’s so smart!”

Dina seems to hear this conversation and, stifling a laugh, waves to her son.  JJ’s face lights up as he sees this and he yells a little too loud- “Mama!”- waving his arms happily.  Ellie’s face reddens when some partygoers turn to look at her, but she grins at both her son and her girlfriend anyway, smoothing back his wildly curly hair under her hand.

It’s a tight game.  Just as one team seems to be taking the lead, the other steps in and beats them by a hair.  It might not be the most exciting thing Ellie’s ever seen, but it’s certainly competitive.  Or maybe that’s just Dina, she isn’t sure.  She can be like that when she wants to win.

Really, Ellie would be lying if she said she didn’t love that about her.

The game ends with a tie, and both teams seem to agree that that is completely unacceptable.  The other girl’s face has soured throughout the game, glaring at Dina, who still has her sickly sweet smile on, as the (host? referee? moderator?) asks for two volunteers for a tiebreaker match.

Both women’s hands shoot up.

“Alright, let’s have Dina, let’s have Becca, come on up for our last question.”  More cheers now than before- a small (very small) crowd has gathered to watch the showdown.  JJ squeals quietly, too.

“You excited, buddy?”  He doesn’t respond, too distracted by the people around them.  She kisses the top of his head anyways and turns her focus back to the game.

“Our last theme is…”  Bram drums on his thighs.  She’s gotta hand it to him, he’s making a very un-fun game to watch way more enjoyable.  Not that she hasn’t greatly enjoyed watching Dina show off.  “... Space!”

Dina snorts at the same time Ellie does.  Then she turns to Ellie, looks her up and down (almost subtly, but not quite) and fucking winks .  The opponent makes little effort to hide her discomfort.

Ellie’s mouth goes dry.  She looks down quickly, trying to hide her huge grin by entertaining their kid.  “Mama’s gonna win,” she tells him firmly.  Well, now she kind of has to .

“We’ll have you write down your answer and show them at the same time, just to be fair, and we want to be fair because this is a hard one!  Ready?”  Both women nod.  “Alright, here is your question.  What is the term for post-flight changes in blood pressure that can leave astronauts dealing with lightheadedness and fainting?  You have twenty seconds.”

Ellie knows this- of fucking course she knows this.  Dina should too, she’s talked about this stuff enough with her.  At her.  Whatever, Dina told her it was okay to ramble and she isn't about to pass up the chance to talk about space.

“Time’s up!  Show your cards, please.”

Dina and Becca flip their papers around.

Becca got it wrong- Ellie knows before they even announce it.

“Becca, you wrote ‘syncope’- hm… technically not incorrect but unfortunately not the answer we were looking for.  Dina, what’s yours-”

“Post-flight orthostatic intolerance,” she replies coolly.

Bram shrugs and grins.  “That’s what’s on my answer sheet.  Congrats, Red team, you win!”

Dina takes a moment to congratulate her teammates before walking over and shaking hands with her rival, still with that same smile on her face.  She raises her eyebrows innocently as she informs Becca of something that makes her look like she had just sucked a lemon, then walks off towards Ellie.

The minute she gets to her, Ellie pulls her into a hug as best she can around JJ.  He does his best to join in, too- he’s really getting into the concept of hugs recently, and he puts his little hands on both their shoulders with a gummy grin.  “Congrats, babe,” Ellie smiles.

“You know I had to.”  Dina rolls her eyes.  “You want to fuck with us?  I’ll play that game.”

“What were you saying to her after?”

“Oh, nothing,” she says nonchalantly.  “Just letting her know that if she wants, I can teach her kid basic biology too.  You know, since I’ve just empirically proven that us queers are better at it anyways.”

“You’re so hot when you get angry,” Ellie mutters.

“You know it, babe.  Pass him?”  Ellie wrangles JJ into Dina’s arms, where he reaches out for Ellie again obstinately.

“Ma.”

“Aw, you don’t even wanna sit with me?  I just kicked ass for you, bubba, c’mon.”  He starts to whine, and Dina passes him back to her with a sigh.  “Nine hours trying to bring him into the world, and he still likes you better.  That’s just unfair.”

“I like you,” Ellie grins.  JJ yanks on her shirt collar, which she tries to pry out of his hands gently.  Dina untangles him for her, kissing her softly.

“You’d better.  I’m clearly the brains of the operation-”

“Hey!”

“- you’d just die without me-”

Ellie kisses her again through a smile.

5. Her voice when she talks

She’s not sure if Dina knows she’s there yet, standing in the doorway, because she doesn’t move from her spot on the bed.  JJ is in her arms getting his breakfast, and even though they’ve been with him for a couple weeks now, Ellie still doesn’t think she’s over exactly how tiny he is.  His hand barely reaches all the way around Dina’s thumb.  He might be the cutest thing she’s ever seen- besides Dina, of course.

Dina is whispering something to him as she holds him close.  Ellie makes sure to knock so she doesn’t startle Dina before coming in, and as she does, Dina immediately turns with a soft, tired smile.

“Hey,” she smiles back, shuffling into bed next to them.

“Hey.”  Dina’s voice is a little rough from sleep, and it’s lately become Ellie’s favourite sound.  She’s always liked her voice, sure, but this version of Dina, so early in the morning- it’s like a secret, a version of her that she only shares with Ellie.  It’s like a gift, and Ellie absolutely savours it.

“Potato’s all ready to start his day early, I see.”  She touches his little cheek gently with her thumb, watching as his dark eyes focus on her.

“You know it.  Y’know, I think we should all get up at four a.m.  We’d be so productive.” Dina rolls her eyes, and Ellie laughs quietly.  JJ decides he’s done feeding and turns his head away.  He looks up at Ellie and smiles, and god, she’s enamoured with everything he does but she thinks her heart might’ve just exploded.

And then he farts, and the moment is totally ruined.

Dina groans loudly and falls back against the pillow, pulling her shirt back up.

“Why does he keep doing that,” Ellie laughs, more a complaint than a question.

“I think he thinks it’s funny,” Dina mutters into her pillow.

JJ yawns in response and stretches his arms out to both sides.

“I’ll change him, c’mere.” Ellie carefully picks him up from where Dina has him cradled.  “You’re so stinky,” she tells him affectionately.  “Silly stinky boy.”  Where she picked up the baby voice she does for him, she’s not sure- it’s not as if she’d been that familiar with it.  It just feels like the right thing to do.  She’s relying a lot on instinct lately.

“Thank you,” Dina calls as she heads to the changing table.

The feeling that she has no idea what the fuck she’s doing has become a constant lately.  Nobody seems to actually have solid advice about how to raise a kid, let alone her and Dina.  Hell, she’d never seen an actual baby until she was like fifteen, until she’d come to Jackson and seen the families milling about the daycare.  Some days, it’s worse than others, though.

Some days, she’s outright terrified that someday she’ll do something wrong.  What if he grows up all fucked up and scared of everything because of her paranoia?  What if he becomes angry and mistrustful because they pushed survival skills too hard?  What if he gets himself killed by some sick fuck because they didn’t push them hard enough?  Worst of all, what if she hurts him physically, drops him in a panic attack, forgets who he is during a flashback?

She’s capable of that.

She’s capable, and it fucking terrifies her.

As she brings him back into the room she holds him a little tighter, a little more careful.  She doesn’t know whether to hold him close to protect him from the world or to hold him far from her and protect him from herself.  Her shoulders feel tense, her eyes flicking around the shadows and- fucking hell, please no, not now .

She focuses on Dina, lying back in bed with her eyes closed.  She’s probably not asleep yet, she always takes a little while before her breaths slow fully.  Ellie’s watched her sleep a few too many times when she herself can’t.  She tries to match her breaths, and it makes her feel a little better.  Small victories.

“Is he clean?” Dina mumbles.

“Yeah,” Ellie breathes.  “‘M gonna bring him in bed with us, heads up.”

Dina stretches her arms out sleepily, and Ellie cuddles him a bit tighter, turning away slightly.  “Nuh-uh, you got your bonding time already.  It’s Ellie and Potato time now.”

“Are you really gonna nickname our kid after a root vegetable?” Dina laughs.

“Not my fault he looks like one,” she retorts, then turns to him as she climbs into bed again.  “No offense, buddy, you’re a cute li’l spud.”  JJ makes a small gurgling noise in response, and her heart melts as she settles him on her chest, lying them both down together.

Dina turns and wraps an arm around her, still burying half of her face in the pillow as she snuggles into them, all three warm in their bed.

“Man, he just likes you so much,” Dina whispers, her voice still low with sleep.  “It’s amazing.”

“What?”

“Look, he’s so calm.  I don’t know what it is about you, but… I’ve seen it.  Every time you sing, he perks right up.  He always looks so happy to be with you.”

Ellie blinks back sudden tears.  It’s probably just the early morning and the way Dina’s voice sounds, but that means so much to her that it almost makes her cry.  Somehow the fear in her chest subsides for a minute, almost like magic.  Maybe she can’t do this.

Maybe she can, though.  And if she can’t, well… JJ has two parents.  They’ll figure it out.

She turns to Dina, straining her neck at a slightly awkward angle, and Dina kisses her before falling back to the blankets and starting to move her hand up and down Ellie’s side slowly, soothingly.

They get a few more hours of sleep before JJ decides it’s really time to get up for the day.

I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here, but I know Ellie always writes to work through things and it seems like it works out well enough for her, so I think it’s worth the paper to try.

I don’t know what to do.  She’s so funny and sweet, and sometimes when she smiles at me on patrol I stop paying attention to everything around me.  It's gotten us in a few scrapes already.

What am I supposed to say?  I can't just tell her.  Besides, she's still with Cat, which I still don't get because she really isn't that great.  I don't know what she sees in her.

I think the thing I like most, though, is her fire.  She's so fucking passionate.  Sometimes I ask her questions about her games or comics or space on purpose just so I can watch her get excited about them.  Her eyes just light up- she's never usually like that, and it's adorable.

Yeah, her fire.  That's my favourite thing about her.

“Mom!” JJ yells as he barrels through the door, dropping his bag with a loud thud.  “I need a story!”

“You need what?” Ellie wrinkles her brow.  She’s sitting next to Dina in the armchair, each reading a different book.  Dina turns to her as best as the space will allow and shrugs.

“A story,” he insists as he runs up and leaps onto Ellie’s lap, making her grunt in slight pain.  “Sorry.”

“Why do you need a story?” Dina asks.

“It’s for school.  We’re talking about family history an’ so I need a story and I want it to be way cooler than everyone else’s stories.”  He exaggerates with his hands when he talks as if this will demonstrate the magnitude of the story he needs.  “Did you guys ever do anything cool?”

“Did we ever-” Ellie splutters indignantly.

“Are we not cool now?” Dina asks, eyes wide.

“Not really.”  His reply is simple and honest, and Dina breaks into giggles as Ellie rolls her eyes.

“Brutally honest as always, Potato.  Dina, what did we do when we were kids?”

“Hmm…”  She trails off.  JJ starts wiggling in his seat, which makes Ellie grimace again and subtly shift him to one leg.  “Well, we did some travelling.”

“To where?”

“We came here.  I came from New Mexico and Mom came from Boston.”

“Those sound boring.”  He catches himself this time.  “Sorry.”

“Something less boring than New Mexico and Boston,” Ellie ponders.  Over his head, she gives Dina a cautious look.  Seattle?

Dina considers it for a moment, then shakes her head, making her own face.  Not yet .  He's only seven.  There's still plenty of time before he has to know.

It is, however, a nice change that Ellie actually brings up the idea of talking about  it.  She’s been doing so much better, and it’s taken so long to get here.  Dina is still so proud.

“We did plenty of patrols,” Ellie offers.  Dina watches her carefully, but her face betrays no discomfort.

“Everyone's done patrols."

"Not everyone's taken out, like, fifteen infected in a couple hours," Dina grins.  JJ's eyes light up.

"Really?"

"It was mostly your mama," Ellie shrugs.  "Saved my life a couple times."

"You know, no biggie."  Dina pretends to look nonchalant.

"I want to hear about that," he cries, shuffling in his seat.  Ellie cracks her knuckles and leans forward, and Dina can almost see her mind going into storytime mode.

"It was a cold March day, and spring hadn’t started yet," she starts.  "Actually, it was right after your mom and I had our first kiss-"

"Gross!-"

" Very romantic, babe-"

Ellie gives them both a warning look.  "It was the day after we had our first kiss.  Your dad was there- you remember his name?"

"Jesse, same as me,” he informs her eagerly.  “He's in this one?  Awesome."

Ellie launches into the story of that day, standing up partway and throwing herself around the room dramatically to demonstrate action sequences as JJ cheers.  She makes the worst clicker imitation Dina has ever heard, tries (and fails) to do Jesse’s accent and embellishes a couple of their already-impressive shots just to show off.  Somehow, she even manages to draw Dina in with her energy.

“Finally, the snow started getting so thick I couldn’t see at all,” Ellie tells him.  JJ is leaning forward in his spot, completely lost in the story.  “And the next time I called out to Mama… she didn’t call back.”  He gasps quietly.

“I looked around and I couldn’t find her anywhere.  It was like- like she was so short that the snow finally just built up right over her head-”

“Ellie Williams, don’t think I won’t kick your ass,” Dina scowls.  JJ dissolves into a fit of giggles.

“It took a minute, but I found her again, and that’s where our patrol ended.  We found an old library and decided to stay there until the storm passed.”  Ellie still seems okay, smiling at her son.

“What happened next?” he asks.

Ellie turns slightly red, then mutters, “Nothing.  Just, uh, we took a nap and waited.”  Dina snorts under her breath.

“That was so cool!”  JJ jumps up from his seat and rushes over to hug Ellie, then over to Dina.  He climbs into her lap, a little gentler than he did with Ellie, and hugs her too.

“It was a very cool story, but I’m not really sure you should tell that one to your class,” Dina admits.  JJ opens his mouth to protest before Dina cuts him off.  “It’s… kinda violent.  Let’s pick something nicer.”  He pouts a little, but makes himself comfortable on her lap and shrugs in that exaggerated, adorable little-kid way that makes his shoulders come all the way up to his ears.

“Why didn’t you tell me that before I started rolling around on the floor?” Ellie complains, rubbing her bad knee.

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself,” Dina responds brightly.  Ellie rolls her eyes.

In truth?  It was just nice to see her so… open.  So excited.  It’s cute.  It reminded Dina of the girl she’d known when they were young, the one who’d laughed too loud at her own bad jokes and had started physical fights over comic books.  Ellie was older now, and Dina was too, but the girl she’d fallen in love with was still there shining through every day.  She’d wondered, after that one year from hell, if she’d ever get her back, and somehow she had.  Ellie wasn’t broken anymore, and now they had this life together, one neither had ever seen coming.

It was kind of everything she’d ever hoped for.

“Tell you what,” Dina offers, raising a brow.  “I know you said you don’t want a travel story, but I bet you I can tell you one that will be even cooler than Mom's.”  JJ mimics her expression, and she has to hold back a laugh at how serious he looks with his messy hair and baby fat in his cheeks.

“You can’t,” he tells her stubbornly.

“I can so, and I’ll bet you extra dessert for it.”  His eyes shoot wide open, and he nods eagerly.  Ellie settles back into the chair next to her somewhat awkwardly- it’s only made for one person to begin with, but it’s not like it’s the first time they’ve fit all three into it, and they’ve got the family pictures on the wall to prove it.

“I was about your age when this happened,” Dina starts.  “It was way back in New Mexico, and my mom- your grandma- and your aunt Talia and I were all living there together, and one day Talia and I decided we were gonna have some fun.”

As she speaks, she notices Ellie and JJ with the same captivated look on their faces.  JJ, however, looks fascinated by the story.  Ellie just looks fascinated by her .  When Ellie seems to notice Dina hiding a smile at the sight of her face, she winks at her and grins.  Dina, much to JJ’s protest, stops talking right away to plant a quick, sweet kiss on her lips.

“Mom, story.”

“Sorry, buddy.”

Ellie, now slightly pinker than before, keeps that same dumb, lovestruck look on her face.  If Dina’s honest with herself, she wishes she could always look like that.  It might even be her favourite Ellie expression.

Ughhhhhhhh .  Dina doesn’t like you.  She doesn’t like you !  Just let it go.  It’s never gonna happen.

No matter how bad I want it .

I don’t think she knows, though.  What if I just told her?  Imagine if I just walked up to her and told her “Ellie, I love like you.”

Imagine if I kissed her.  I wonder what it would be like.