Chapter Text
Remus swore he could feel the warmth of his boyfriend’s head on his chest, but it had to be a dream. He recognized that it was pathetic- even in a fantasy, he didn’t dare kiss or touch the man who lay just across the bed from him- still, there he was.
It used to be a given that he and Sirius would hold each other all night, waking in the morning with their limbs still tangled together. That was before the war had reached its current fever pitch, taking all that they had to give and then some. When they weren’t fighting with the enemy, they were fighting with each other. Having a spy in their midst made this distinction agonizingly blurry, but Remus was not ready to think about that.
Instead, in an effort to savor the moment before reality stole away this dream, he kept his eyes stubbornly shut. He thought he could hear the soft droning of rain outside, though it may have just been the building shifting. Spending so much time away from home, sent on fruitless and exhaustingly secretive missions for the Order, left him unsure of these formerly familiar details.
It was only in this moment of stillness that he heard Sirius breathing, sounding much closer than the far side of the bed. Before he could stop himself, Remus opened his eyes and looked.
Sure enough, there was Sirius, fast asleep and draped halfway over his body. As Remus came fully into consciousness, he noticed all the points of contact that he had missed- Sirius’s chest grazing his side, right arm slung across his waist, touch soft and tentative in a way that he once reserved for Remus alone. His face looked more peaceful than it had in weeks, framed by silky black hair long enough to brush Remus’s shoulder. He was achingly beautiful, as always.
Remus was quite aware that their relationship was dying. In moments like this, he’d do anything to take them back in time. He missed the easy laugh and smile of the boy he met over a decade ago at Hogwarts, the one who held Remus’s shaking hands upon discovering his secret and promised to never say goodbye. Nowadays, he seemed halfway out the door at all times.
Sirius began to stir. Remus wanted to cry, not ready for the moment to end. He watched the other man’s face go through the same process of confusion, seeming to linger in a way that left a flutter of hope in Remus’s chest, before he lifted his head and made eye contact.
“Hi,” Remus said. When did their interactions become so stilted?
“You should have woken me up,” Sirius replied groggily, though he did not move. He continued to study Remus, searching for something in his eyes that both of them knew he could not give.
“I’ve missed you,” was all Remus said. It was the truth.
Sirius continued to stare, so he stared back. They’d been there before a few times- on the precipice of reconciliation, prepared to throw caution to the wind and tell the truth in spite of its consequences.
The moment passed, though, and Sirius simply hummed in reply and laid his head back down. It was nowhere near what the two of them needed, but it was at least something. If he closed his eyes again, Remus could even pretend that they were the same as always.
I’m so sick of fights, I hate them.
Let’s start this again, for real.