Archive of Our Own

“What was life like in Tokyo, Dad?”

Fushiguro Toji glances at his pink-haired son, who’s sitting in the passenger seat beside him, with a neutral look, an eyebrow only raising slightly to the question. It’s just him and Toji today, his other two children in school right now—his son with him, Yuuji, had had a doctor’s appointment, and the two of them were leaving to go get lunch now that they were through with it, the rest of the day until they had to get Yuuji’s siblings for the two of them alone.

“What part of it, Yuuji?” Toji asks him, returning his eyes to the road as the light ahead of him changes colours. “Like, with the Clan, or when I’d left?”

“Hmm… More when you left.” His son hums, still looking at Toji with his wide tawny eyes. “That’s technically where we’re all from, right? And Tokyo’s way bigger than Minakami, I know that. What was it like?”

Toji let the question bounce around in his mind for a moment, pressing the gas as the light turned green again and he had to go. Life hadn’t been cherry blossoms and sparkles galore, like many tended to assume Tokyo was, but once Toji had left the Zenin’s, he supposes not everything had been bleak and weary for him. Most of it, sure, but not entirely.

Still, he holds no love for the city, and he won’t lie to his son.

“I hated it.” Toji laments, a hand reaching up to rub at his scarred lip—a habit of his, one of being deep in thought. “The lights were bright, and the streets were always crowded, and Curses were on practically every corner. Even when I wasn’t working, I had to keep an eye open and watching behind myself, making sure no one was ever tailing me.

“Not everything sucked, though. For one, I met Megs’ mom there, and then I met Miki’s a bit later. Obviously, I got to meet the two of them, too; well, more create Megs than meet them, I suppose.”

“Urgh, gross, Dad.”

Toji grinned, but continued, “Then, a little later than even that, I met you.”

At that, Toji smirks a bit more and reaches over to pinch Yuuji’s cheek, causing the boy to laugh even as he tries to move out of the hold. Toji lets his hand fall when he gets himself out of it, bringing it back to the wheel before he shrugs. “Other than that, there isn’t much else about Tokyo I really cared for. Why’d ya bring it up?”

Rather than answer him, Yuuji takes a moment to look out the window, eyes following a plane that’s flying some ways away from them in the sky before he turns back to his father almost sheepishly. Toji has to resist raising an eyebrow again; what’s got his son nervous?

“What were they like?” He asked almost in a whisper, his hands fumbling in the tails of his shirt. “Miki and Megs’ moms, I mean. You… You don’t talk about them a lot.”

Toji had to blink in surprise, not having expected the question—not from Yuuji, at least. “That’s… I—I miss’em, Yuuji.”

Before he can continue on with anything else, Toji cuts himself off and turns to his son completely, confusion heavy in his eyes. “Why’re you asking? I’m not mad, but they… You know that neither one of them is your mom. I never really expected interest in them from you. Did Tsumiki and Megumi ask you to ask me?”

“No, it’s not that,” Yuuji replied almost frantically, shaking his head. “I mean, they have no problem asking you about them themselves, the both of them, I just… I don’t know, I was…”

Casting his gaze down, Yuuji again fumbles with his hands, trying to find his words. Maybe Toji should park for this, his son seems a bit distraught over whatever’s on his mind.

“I was thinking the other day, and, well… I know why, obviously, I don’t have a mom, since you told me all about how you found me that day, but I was thinking about how I really didn’t get to meet mine. Megumi, they—their mom died of sickness, yeah, when they were hardly a month old, I remember you telling us about her forever ago. And I know Tsumiki’s… Well, yanno, I always assumed Miki’s mom was sick too, since you never get too detailed with how she died. But Miki, she knew her mom; Megs knew their mom, even for just that month.”

His head falling against his chest, Yuuji’s voice was little more than a mumble as he said, “I… Didn’t get that, did I?”

Toji had to fight the ball that was beginning to formulate in his throat; six months ago, when he, Megumi (or Megs, his other son, and the only one who shared any sort of blood with Toji, whom the four inhabitants of the Fushiguro family called Yuuji’s twin, and vice versa), and Tsumiki (or Miki, his only daughter, the eldest of the three children) had dyed their hair pink to match with Yuuji’s natural hair colour, Toji had cried for the first time in over two decades, and ever since then, he’d been getting choked up way easier than ever before, and now was no exception. He had to swallow harshly to get the ball to go down some, getting rid of it even more as he cleared his throat. He began to scan the streets around them, looking for a place to park—this was a conversation best had when not distracted.

“Yuuji, I… I can’t answer that, son.” Toji said a bit awkwardly, running a hand over his mouth. In the same moment, he turned into a parking lot for a public park, settling the car into a spot before he took a deep breath, unsure of if he should face Yuuji or not. What was the protocol for this situation? Toji’s not really good at this sort of thing.

“I honestly don’t know—I mean, I had to assume you were still a newborn when I found you. I have to assume that still, because I, I don’t know. Yanno? I don’t know a thing about why you were left there, or who for, or even if you were left there for someone else. It’s possible I intercepted some kinda deal or something, but it’s also possible that you were left there just… Just because, I guess.”

Turning to look at Yuuji head-on now, Toji was a bit startled to see a look of hurt on his son’s face, and faster than he could stop himself, Toji had a hand on his cheek, cradling it as gently as was possible for him.

“Yuuji, I—”

“—I know it isn’t your fault!” Yuuji interrupted his father quickly, blurting out what he was thinking. Honestly, Toji hadn’t even been about to apologize—not right at the moment, at least—but he’s glad to know before he does that his boy isn’t thinking that. “You can’t have known, I know that, but I just—I see all these families with moms, and most of my friends have moms even if they only have their moms, and I can’t help but wonder what it’s like.

“I tried asking Miki about her mom, but she got a little terse, and I understand why,” he continued on with a small sniffle, and placatingly, Toji ran his thumb under his eye, “but I can’t really ask Megs about their mom, so I didn’t know what else to do but ask you about them after that. I—I don’t even know if I wanna know my mom, specifically, or even my biological dad, at that, I just… I just wanna know what one is like, I guess.”

Toji had no way to respond for a moment, simply studying his son closely as he tried to form something to say back. Yuuji’s hand came up to swipe across the eye opposite to the one close to Toji’s hand, which he hadn’t taken from his cheek still. After several minutes of silence, Yuuji began to say—

“If you can’t talk about them, Dad, it’s okay, I… I know you must miss them a lot, I can always ask one of my friends—”

—but Toji would have none of that. He hadn’t meant for his silence to be taken as hesitance on the subject, for even as sad as remembering his wives made the man, he wasn’t ever made so sad that he wouldn’t talk about them, especially not when one of his own kids was asking.

“—It isn’t that, son,” he interrupted Yuuji now, shaking his own head. “I do miss them, yes, but I can tell you about them. I, I didn’t mean to sound upset with you for asking me, I’m sorry. I’m really not, I just—I seriously expected a conversation about them with your brother or your sister, not you. It caught me off-guard, is all.”

“I’m sorry I sprang it on you,” Yuuji apologized himself, a sad smile on his features. “I just—It came to my mind again a little earlier, and I didn’t know how to bring it up. I knew if I didn’t, though, then I’d probably never ask again.”

Toji smiled back at him, patting his face before he took his hand back, shifting a bit in his seat as he tried to get comfortable.

“I understand you, Yuuji, I do. It was sudden, yeah, but… I’ve always had a hunch you’d wonder. Especially now that you know your past, too—what little is known of it, anyway.”

Sighing deeply, Toji ran a hand along the nape of his neck, taking a moment to compose himself—his wives got him teary eyed even when they were alive, so he may as well try and brace himself now for the tears sure to prick his eyes here soon—before he spoke again.

“Megumi’s mother’s name was Himawari.” Toji’s voice was little more than a whisper. His eyes were focused on the horizon, beyond the park in front of them and away from his son. He couldn’t help it, not as he was recalling his first real love. “She wasn’t very different from Megumi themself; seemingly quiet and calm, but really showing her true self when around those she trusted. There wasn’t a violent bone in her body, however; she was one of three women who ever showed me that strength did not have to come from a physical sense of it. She and I hardly ever fought, though, anyway, despite her having every right to have whooped my ass more than a few times; I’m not saying I ever cheated on her or anything, I was faithful in all of my relationships,” he added when he noticed the peculiar look Yuuji was giving him at the implication, “but she thought I was more than once. Considering I’d leave for weeks at a time with no phone call home, I don’t blame her. I didn’t tell her what I was doing back then until the day she died, afraid I’d push her away if I did before then. I regret not being as good to her as I could have been.”

“Was she happy with Megumi?” Yuuji asked, making Toji smile; always looking out for his brother.

“Of course she was, Yuuji. She loved them with every fiber of her being, even before their birth. Hell, she was so excited for them, she’d spend most of her days just laying down and talking to them; I liked to lay with her a lot and listen to her speak. Her voice was beautiful.

“She was heartbroken, obviously, when we discovered just how sick she really was; it was a sudden discovery, but there was nothing we could do by the time it appeared. She had looked forward to Megs’ future…”

The ball in his throat has appeared again, so Toji has to take a moment to clear his throat again before he can continue. Lovingly, Yuuji places a hand on top of the one Toji had previously taken back from his cheek, and Toji can’t help but to squeeze it in thanks.

“She left with no regrets, though. She… She was confident I’d do well with Megumi.”

“And you did. Do.” Yuuji cut in, no room for argument in his voice. Toji smiles, and he makes sure to remember to treat Yuuji to a trip to his favourite store for it.

“I like to think she thinks so, too. Originally, I wouldn’t have, but… Well, bringing you into our lives changed a lot more than you realize it did.” Toji tells him, giving him a grin directly. “I’ll tell you about that another time, though.

“Tsumiki’s mom, on the other hand, was a little different; whereas Himawari demanded your attention only after you noticed her—her quiet demeanor ensured she was noticed only after she approached you herself, and she preferred it that way, said it was handy when she wanted to know gossip or something—Tsumiki’s mom demanded your attention before you noticed her. She was loud, outspoken, and fiery; and yet, still one of the kindest people you’d ever meet. She was kind without the niceness, most of the time. People thought she was a real bitch, and I can’t say I didn’t think the same at first, but that didn’t last all that long. She approached me, after all.”

“Wow, Dad, and here I thought you were some kinda lady killer or something,” Yuuji teased him, laughing heartily. “Did Miss Himawari approach you too?”

“Surprisingly, yeah; I met Himawari in passing, actually. She was out on the town on her own, and she told me half a year into our relationship that she had to psyche herself up to come up to me.”

Toji chuckled at the memory, his cheeks heating up with a blush. “Tsumiki’s mom, though, I met in a bar. Her name was Suzume. She looked pretty much like Tsumiki; or, really, that’s the other way around, I guess, but you know what I mean. And Megs takes after Himawari most, at that, save the eyes; they inherited that and most of their personality from me, as you know.”

“Uh, yeah,” Yuuji again teased, but he only quieted as Toji continued on, a dream-like smile to his features.

“In any case, Suzume was really a force to be reckoned with; she lived by the credo ‘take no shit,’ and that credo alone. She and I fought quite a bit, but never around Tsumiki or Megumi. We always exited the apartment or made sure to wait until we were alone. She never faulted me for having had a child with another woman, she didn’t believe in that kinda thing. Hell, she cut off some of her family members that tried to insinuate that she didn’t have to care for Megumi because they weren’t hers; trust me when I say I never cared much for her family.”

“I don’t either,” Yuuji said rather matter-of-factly, his eyebrows furrowing. “I don’t know them, but if they were like that, then they aren’t good people. It’s no wonder you and Miki are the way you are, though, with me. If Miss Suzume believed in that sort of thing, it’s no wonder you two get pretty fierce when people try to insinuate that to you, or when Tsumiki says very loudly that family is who you choose it to be, not always who you’re related to by blood.”

Toji couldn’t help but to chuckle at that, recalling a recent incident in a store when one of the bullies from his sons school had caught sight of the family and made a quick little comment, and before Toji or Megumi could respond—because either one would be damned before they and their own are disrespected by some stupid twerp in the middle of a fucking hardware store—Tsumiki had announced, so loud that it could have echoed, that family was whomever she wanted it to be and that she would choose Yuuji and Megumi and Toji a thousand times over before she ever entertained the idea of having another family. What had made the situation funnier is that she hadn’t been the one addressed, and as many assumed Tsumiki was Toji’s blood, she had metaphorically shat all over whatever the kid said (not that Toji remembers now, though, it had become unimportant the moment Tsumiki had handled the situation).

“Yeah, Suzume was real big on not caring for someone’s background; that was evident enough to me when I informed her outright what I did for a living. In her words, she found it ‘hot’, though between the two of us, I think she thought I was full of shit. It was whatever, it’s not like I’d go and kill someone in front of her just to prove I was really an assassin.”

“Wouldn’t that have been better, too? I’d think telling someone you’re an assassin is like, a big red flag for most people.”

“I was mostly concerned for her safety,” Toji shrugged indifferently. “Personally, I couldn’t care less, still, if she believed it was a lie even now; I was just intent on telling her the truth. Made a lotta our arguments pointless, since she always thought I was lying even though I wasn’t, but it was her prerogative. I think she just didn’t want to believe it, though, too, considering she was a Sorcerer herself. Not a good look to be dating a guy named the Sorcerer Killer.”

“Wait, she was a Sorcerer? Seriously?” Yuuji asked incredulously, and Toji nodded, taking a moment to recall his late wife’s grade in Sorcery.

“If I remember right, she was a Grade 3, though this was only because she had been kicked out of the Kyoto Jujutsu school pretty soon after she was graded. She got kicked out because she refused to go on a mission meant to promote her, and the person who was sent to accompany her, who ended up going solo, wound up severely injured. In all reality, by my meeting her, she was likely Semi-Grade 1. We sparred often, again out of sight of your brother and sister, so I knew her strength was more than she was said to be.”

“That’s so cool, but does Miki know any of that?” Yuuji asked again, leaning forward in his seat. “That’s somethin’ that seems unfair for me to know and not her.”

Toji smiled once more, reaching over to ruffle Yuuji’s hair. “Don’t worry, son, Miki knows now. It’s what inspired her to start looking into Cursed Energy and that herself, and ultimately how we learned, definitively, that Miki was a lot like me in that she doesn’t have quite a lot of Energy herself. I’m just glad she can see Curses, it’s a bitch to try and learn to see Curses the way I do.

“Suzume and Himawari had no way to know that you’d be in our lives, Yuuji, but I know they would love you.” Toji continued on, his smile gentling even more. Yuuji looked at him in almost disbelief; well, Toji couldn’t have that, now could he? His son would not doubt anyone’s love for him!

“Like I said, Suzume wasn’t one to care about a person’s background. Himawari, herself, wouldn’t care for your past; if my situation was reversed in that I was Tsumiki’s parent, I have no doubt she’d love her. Even if the situation wasn’t reversed and I’d have ended up with Suzume by breaking up with Himawari, I’m still sure Himawari would love Miki, she… She was just like that. Suzume loved kids, anyway, so if she’d have been alive when I brought you home, I have zero doubt that she would have fawned over you.”

“How did she die?” Yuuji cut in, an eyebrow raising. “Miss Himawari was sickness, but what took Miss Suzume? It seems like you hardly even got to be with her before she died.”

Toji had to sigh, fighting the bile that rose in his chest. “That’s because I didn’t get a lot of time with her; our wedding night, she was killed by a Curse.”

“Dad, I… That’s… Holy shit.” Yuuji breathed out quietly, his expression falling into sorrow for his father. He had no other words to express it, but he was shocked to hear the explanation.

Toji, for his part, simply sighed again, trying to reign in his own emotions. His eyes were burning with tears that threatened to fall.

“I used to think I was a Curse myself, you know. To the Zenin’s, I was; that Clan values nothing but power in the form of Innate Techniques and abundance of Cursed Energy. For them to have me, a person with literally no Cursed Energy, it was like I was a Curse upon them.”

Toji scowled at remembering the way he was treated as a child, his teeth clenching for a moment before he relaxed. “So, when both of my wives died, with hardly any time to our relationships… Well, I thought again, ‘Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am a Curse.’ I know it’s not like that, though; for Himawari, she had a disease that mutated far too fast. For Suzume, she fell to a fate that meets most Sorcerers. Hell, all four of us share that fate just for knowing what Curses are. Even non-Sorcerers have a chance at dying at the hands of a Curse, so it’s not like that sort of death is unbelievable.”

“But that’s still so sad!” Yuuji exclaimed, his hand smacking against the dashboard as he tried to extend his hand out. He winced in pain, but continued on despite it.

“I’m not trying to say their deaths were your fault, but that’s… That’s so unfair!”

Yuuji sniffled once more before he could continue on, and Toji hastily grabbed his son’s face, shushing him in a placating manner; Yuuji was so sympathetic, and Toji sometimes forgot that. Maybe I should have left out the part that it had been our wedding day, when Suzume had died…

“Hey, Yuuji, don’t worry—I know it’s unfair, son, but it’s alright,” Toji told him gently, brushing Yuuji’s hair from his face. A tear escaped one of his eyes, rolling down onto Toji’s other hand, but he didn’t care, instead just wiping it away.

“It’s unfair, yes, but there’s… There’s just no way to fight it.” Toji sighed with a shake of his head. “It was a strong Curse, stronger than her. I wasn’t there to help her, either—she had gone out of our room at the hotel we were staying at, and it happened so suddenly that, by the time I heard her cry out, all I could do was hold her as she died. I killed the Curse, too, later on, but that was mostly in part to her asking me to.”

“You wouldn’t have taken revenge for her?” Yuuji asked in surprise—his father seemed such a ruthless man, especially back then, when it came to his loved ones being hurt.

“Oh, definitely.” Toji said with no hesitation. “I was already planning on it. I just went after it almost immediately after I found her because she knew I wouldn’t let her family—which was full of Sorcerers already—help me, so she asked me to get revenge for her on my own. That’s about the only time her family saw eye-to-eye with me on much; they were a bit more willing to outwardly believe I was the Sorcerer Killer. It was mostly because they didn’t like me, but, again, what they believed wasn’t my business, especially since it wasn’t a lie. Hell, the only reason I still had contact with them after Suzume’s death was because they did believe in the love between Suzume and I in the end, not that I really cared. That and, of course, Miki, whom I did care about. Our deal when she was younger was that she’d go to see her grandmother, Suzume’s mother—one of the few people in the family that had given me a chance from the beginning, and also liked Megs a lot herself, so I didn’t mind that—until Miki got old enough to decide if she wanted to go over.”

“I was wondering why she suddenly stopped leaving every other weekend, when she turned thirteen two years ago,” Yuuji muttered in understanding, again wiping at his eyes. His mood was now back to normal again, his sorrow not as overwhelming. “Still, that’s… Gods. It’s not like I hate Curses, but…”

“You can understand how others can.” Toji finished for him, a sympathetic smile growing on his lips. “I know. But, that’s neither here nor there for me. I couldn’t care less about Curses as a large group. They’re dangerous, yes, for the most part, and it’s probable we’ll all die at the hands of one, and that would be especially true if we were in Tokyo, which is crawling with Curses as we speak, but otherwise, how you feel about them is up to you. I won’t influence ya on that.”

Yuuji gave him a small smile at that, but it was obvious to Toji that his mind was going a million miles an hour. He just wasn’t sure how to slow his son down; should he try to ask him if he wanted to know who his biological parents were, and offer to him what his own acquaintances had offered him all those years ago that he found him? Or should he just stay silent, let Yuuji tell or ask him whatever he needed to on his own? How could he help his son in this situation? Did he even need help?

“How’d it end up that you married Miss Himawari and Miss Suzume?” Yuuji suddenly asked, his head tilting to the left a little. “You and Megs have Fushiguro as a last name, after all, but you’ve told us that you got it from Miss Suzume. But if you hardly even had any time to be with her…”

Toji chuckled a bit, not surprised by the question. “You’re confused about it, right? It’s a little odd, actually; with Himawari, we married a little before Megumi came into the picture. With Suzume, it ended up that, as she asked me to go on a date, she overheard me ask a friend not to call me by my surname, which was still Zenin at the time, and she asked me why I hated it; most Sorcerers know just how much the Zenin name can mean, and saying you’re related to them is no short claim. Never had the chance to tell her the full story, but I did tell her that I hated the Clan for how they treated me, so she decided that, instead of asking me on a date, she’d ask me to marry her so I could take her surname. I agreed.”

“The night you met her?!” Yuuji cried in shock, making Toji laugh at the look he sent his way.

“Hey, getting the opportunity to change my name fast wasn’t a bad idea to me! Besides, I liked that Suzume had the guts to ask me for marriage, so I said yes for that, too. We actually got married in court before we had a whole reception and all that, though; she was that serious about letting me take her name, and she even helped me change Megs’ surname on their birth certificate. It meant a lot more to me than I ever told her. It wasn’t a shock to me that I fell in love with her so quickly.”

“I can see that.” Yuuji nodded sagely, but he again had a bit of a far away look in his eyes, his smile fading slowly as he succumbed to his thoughts. Toji decided to wait once more for him to figure out what he was going to say, as it had worked the last time.

“…They seem like they were great moms.” He said with a small smile at last, his tone genuine. “Great women, great people. You really love them still, too.”

“I do.” Toji agreed with his own small smile, but he again moved to ruffle his son’s hair. “However, I love my children even more. They’d kill me themselves if I didn’t, but I genuinely love you three the most; y’all’re everything to me, Yuuji, don’t ever forget that.”

Yuuji’s nose flushed pink, but he gave a lopsided grin to Toji before he went on.

“I know we are; we don’t ever doubt that,” he reassured his father, “and don’t you ever forget that we love you the most. I didn’t mean for my asking about Megs and Miki’s moms to make it seem like I want to know about my own. I mean, I do, but not to leave you guys behind or anything. And not soon, either, I can always wait to learn about her or anything like that. I don’t particularly care about finding her, really. I guess, in a way, I’m just jealous of people who have known their moms. I guess it’s just… I wonder what it’s like?”

Yuuji looked up at Toji so innocently, making the father’s chest tight. “Do you get what I’m saying here, Dad?” He asked him, almost pleading with him. “I just… I don’t wanna find her, specifically.”

Yuuji paused at that, and in that span of time, a thought so terrifying (yet a bit hilarious, he would think later on) came to Toji’s mind, and faster than he could filter his mouth to keep from saying it aloud, he asked, “Wait, Yuuji, are you—are you trying to find a way to say that you want me to—to find a girlfriend? So she can be y’all’s mom?”

“Huh?!” His son cried in surprise, looking up to Toji so suddenly that it startled the older man, not at all having expected the question. Toji mistook his surprise, though, for guilt, and Toji quickly looked to amend his son’s feelings, raising his hands.

“Hey, hey, I’m, I’m not saying I won’t look!” Toji nearly stammered over his words, which was uncharacteristic for him, but hey, he was trying here! “I mean, if it’s what you want, I’m willing to at least try, you know! I, I wasn’t really planning on ever looking again, but—”

“—Woah, Dad, hold on, that’s, that’s not what I meant!” Yuuji cut into whatever Toji was going to say, quickly shaking his head. How had this conversation turned so quickly out of control?! “I mean, I support you if you wanna look for that again, don’t get me wrong, but please don’t just look for someone just so we can have a mom, okay?” Yuuji continued on, placing a hand on Toji’s shoulder. “That’s seriously not what I meant. And I, I’m not sure how Megs and Miki would feel about that, yanno, so I’m definitely just gonna say something like that!”

“Oh… Oh. Okay. Good. Yeah, of course, I just—Right.”

Toji had to clear his throat again, his heart feeling as though it was going to beat out of his chest. The idea that Yuuji had been about to suggest that he find someone new to bring into the family, whether it was for the sake of being a mother or not, had been heart-wrenchingly fucking terrifying for those few seconds he believed that that’s what this was, ultimately, about. As much as Toji was serious when he had said that he would at least try to look for someone he felt compatible with if that’s what Yuuji wanted him to do, it was still a territory Toji was not entirely sure he was ready to peruse and enter into. His relationships before Himawari and Suzume had been almost all seduction, both on his end and the end of the people he had been with, and having lost both Himawari and Suzume as he had, he wasn’t sure if he was completely over the fear that their deaths had left him with. Could he enter a relationship like that, where he was constantly worried that his partner would die soon after they became truly serious?

…Did he even want a relationship?

(He’s sure he doesn’t need one—he feels fulfilled enough in life with the kids. He knows he’s won everything in his life that he needs to; he’s really only left to fill his wants by this point, but his wants aren’t exactly numerous. There’s really not even a list! Toji has everything, if he really thinks on it!

So… Is a romantic relationship even in the cards for him?

I… Could not care less if it is or not.)

“Besides, Dad, if you don’t wanna be with anyone else, you don’t have to be,” Yuuji was saying, bringing Toji from his thoughts. “I’m not saying that, either. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, no matter the reasons for it, if anything it’d be understandable.”

Toji has to pause for a moment, letting his thoughts organize and his heart calm down before he speaks again.

“I… I can say that I don’t know if I want one right now.” Toji chooses to say, finally. “I can say, too, that I couldn’t care less if love in the form of romance comes up for me ever again. It’s… It’s a sort of if it happens, it happens situation. So…”

Straightening himself up a bit (he’d been slouching for a little while now, and it was beginning to hurt), Toji solidifies his resolve with a shrug of his shoulders, looking his son in the eye as he says, “I’m not going to worry about it right now. Right now, what I do care about is you kids, and I will worry about that right now.”

With the misunderstanding taken care of, Yuuji visibly relaxes a bit and smiles once more at his father, causing Toji to smile back at him. Yuuji continues on, now, too, with what he was trying to say earlier.

“I don’t want to find my mom, and I don’t want to find a mom, at that. I just want to try and understand, as much as I can, what having one is—or was—like. That’s what I’m jealous of, I think, of the experience.”

Ah, so that’s what it is. Toji thought to himself with a nod, finally beginning to understand. “That makes sense, son; you’ve got no experience with it, and with Miki and Megs not having their moms, either, you can’t even ask them, really.”

Yuuji shook his head in agreement. “Exactly. So… I guess it really kinda does go back to that I might have to ask my friends. I just gotta figure out which ones will let me ask…”

His son looked oddly determined just then, but Toji raised an eyebrow in confusion at him; why doesn’t he just ask…

Oh, fuck you, Toji, of course he won’t ask me! Toji suddenly inwardly curses himself in the third person, spiritually smacking the hell out of his own forehead. This entire time, Yuuji hasn’t thought to ask him because he knows that the Zenin’s, the Clan Toji unfortunately had come from, hated him! He doesn’t know about her!

“Son, you… You can ask me, you know.”

Yuuji looked up at Toji in understandable confusion, his own eyebrow raised once again. “Huh? You, Dad? But didn’t…?”

Toji waved his hand dismissively. “My biological mother wasn’t fond of me, yes. The Zenin’s treated all women like shit, but my biological mother willingly had me with that bastard for one reason or the other. After a while, she just stopped coming by the Estate, not at all concerned with me. Nobody ever thought to summon her back.

“I did, however, have an unofficial surrogate mother.”

Yuuji’s eyes glittered in delight, leaning forward in excitement once again as he heard this. “Are you serious?! Why didn’t you ever tell us about her, Dad, what the heck?!”

Toji gave a small laugh, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to his son’s forehead—making him laugh, too—before he answered. “Well, you kids never asked. You seemed to just denounce the whole damn Clan when I told you how they were, I never had the opportunity to talk about her.”

“Well, tell me now!” Yuuji exclaimed in excitement, grabbing one of Toji’s arms and shaking it. “C’mon, Dad, start talking! What was she like? What did she look like? C’mon, c’mon, say somethin’!”

Toji just had to laugh again; seeing his son so excited to learn about something—someone—was endearing, and it was a great opportunity for himself to revisit the one thing that had been good about that cursed Estate, so really, this was a win for the two of them.

“Alright, alright, don’t take my arm off, Yuuji, I’ll tell ya.” He promised his son with another chuckle, waiting until his son calmed himself down before he began to explain. A fond smile, as gentle as the one he’d been wearing when he had been talking about his wives, appeared once more on Toji’s lips.

“There were actually a lot of non-Zenin women living on the Estate; I won’t say, exactly, why, but I’m sure you can take a guess.” Toji began, his nose crinkling a bit. He hated how the Clan had operated, how all of the Clans operated. “For the children who were born with little to no powers, though, we each either had our biological mothers stay with us—for it was very rare that anyone completely left the Clan like I did—or were assigned to a surrogate. The Clan liked to say they were treated better, but really, it was still shit for those women. In any case, since they hardly got rid of us, we had to have someone watch over us, but when I was born, only one of the surrogate women wanted to take me in. I don’t blame them, not entirely; to be handed me was like being handed a death sentence, even if they didn’t believe the Clan’s dogshit about me. It still sucked, though. But that one, the only one who agreed, she actually volunteered to take me, she wasn’t even forced to take me; shocked the shit out of everyone, from what I know.”

“Did she ever say why she volunteered?” Yuuji asked, but Toji shook his head.

“No. I asked her often, and I asked her before I left, but she refused to tell me. All she did say was that, when she realized even her fellow mothers wouldn’t take me in, she became so angry that she was tired—tired of seeing children, wanted or not, be mistreated by the Clan and those under its influence. It hit me, though, at some point that there didn’t have to be a reason.”

Toji glanced out the window, briefly watching a couple walk by with their child—how fitting, honestly—before he turned back to Yuuji.

“It was done out of kindness, son. She saved me, took me, because she was kind.

“I mentioned, earlier, when talking about Himawari, that there were only three people in my life that taught me, and even showed me, strength was not all physical. Himawari, as I said, was one; Suzume was the other.”

“Your surrogate mother was the third.” Yuuji parsed out for himself, his eyes once again bright with rapt attention.

“Yup; I still believe her to be the strongest out of the three of them—forgive me, Himawari, Suzume—because of her voluntarily taking me in. In a room, in an Estate, full of people who hated me and could not care less if I died or not, she made sure, for nineteen fucking years, that I was able to survive. She survived, too; survived so much, so much more than she ever deserved to experience. She’s a saint, an angel sent by the fucking gods themselves.”

“Gods, Dad, what was her name, what did she look like; tell me, tell me!” Yuuji got excited again, almost jumping in his seat before he remembered that they were in a car.

“I’m gettin’ there, son, just give me a minute!” Toji laughed again, not at all irritated or mad with the way his son was acting. Honestly, this woman deserved this sort of reaction from someone learning about her, Toji felt, so he wouldn’t even think of stopping his son.

“Her hair was pure white, whiter than even Gojou Satoru’s hair; so white, it looked like it glowed. And her eyes, they were this pretty shade of light purple. She said that, when she was born, a lavender petal from a bouquet her parents had received for her birth fell on her head, and immediately, her eyes opened for everyone to see that the lavender had given her eyes its colour; the petal, after being blown away by the wind not even a second after, was pure white, no purple left in it at all. She was soft-spoken, but it caused many to underestimate her; when there were other kids who tried to mess with me, she’d get after them so fast, and she intimidated even the other surrogate mothers when they tried to reprimand me, themselves. It got to be so bad that she was almost banished from the Estate, but she managed to bargain her way into staying there; it was all so she could make sure that I wouldn’t be neglected.”

Chuckling once again, Toji once more rubbed at his scarred lip. “I don’t remember which Zenin elder it was that gave me this scar, but she saw it happen. She very nearly got killed on the spot for witnessing it, the elder thought she was going to try and attack them. But that was the only time in which she backed down against someone who had hurt me, and I think it’s because she knew that, if she died, I’d have no one else. She patched me up, instead, and I remember her crying so hard about it. Kept apologizing for not intervening, for not being there to take the blow instead. I remember thinking that I was glad that it was me who was hit, instead; for one, it made me want to be stronger, and two, I’d have never forgiven myself if she had been the one to take the blow instead of me. I don’t think she had a Cursed Technique; or, if she did, she just never had the chance to use it, and so I never saw it. I guess I can assume she did, since that elder was afraid she’d attack, but I never did sense any Cursed Energy from her.

“Oh, but, she did have a facial scar like I do,” Toji intercepted himself, suddenly remembering the little detail. “It wasn’t abnormally huge or anything, but it ran a good length down the side of her face. She never did tell me how she got it…”

“She sounds amazing,” Yuuji breathed out, sitting on the edge of his seat. “To be the only person who ever cared about you back then… That’s definitely strength. I can only imagine what she endured before you could even speak or remember.”

“Atrocities is the best way to put it,” Toji said rather darkly. “It’s one of many reasons I will never forgive that Clan. I don’t believe it can be remade; it needs to be dismantled, along with the other two major Jujutsu Clans. None of them are free of that sort of shady shit.

“But…” Toji sighed, shaking his head clear of those sorts of thoughts. He was no one to talk; it’s not like he was a hero or anything. He had left because he knows he is not the one who will change anything. He stays gone because he does not care, anymore, what goes on for those Clans, for those members of the clans. He can’t care, his ability to taken from him long ago.

“She doesn’t deal with any of that anymore. She hasn’t for a long time; she’s free of the Zenin Curse, just like I am.”

“Don’t tell me she’s dead!” Yuuji cried out as Toji finished, sounding deeply hurt. “You haven’t even told me her name, please don’t say she’s dead!”

Toji studied his son for a full minute, watching his emotions desperately try and stay positive and hopeful, before he glanced to the clock; two forty-five. Megs would be getting out of classes soon, and Miki would get out half an hour after them.

Lunch can wait at this point, Toji decides, shifting back to sit properly in his seat before he puts his seatbelt back on and takes the car out of park; Yuuji does the same, but he’s still looking intently at Toji.

Better to take everyone than just Yuuji and I, now. “It’s much more fun that way, when there’s a family to eat with,” as Mother would have said.

“Dad!” Yuuji cries again, and Toji can’t help but to grin; he’ll take mercy on his precious son this time. As he always does.

“She’s not dead, Yuuji.” He tells him, a relieved sigh leaving Yuuji heavily. “I’d have been made aware if she had been. She’s getting on in age, by now, but she isn’t dead. She’s perfectly healthy otherwise.

“Let me tell you this, son; for me, she is the ideal mother. The only mother I’ve ever known for myself. My wives were mothers themselves, yes, but her… Well, she was the epitome of it all. Her willingness to voluntarily live through the equivalent of Hell itself all so a child she, too, voluntarily took in could survive… That, in itself, is what a mother—and really, in my opinion, a parent—is and should be. Ideally, of course. Ideally for me, too; it’s what I strive to be for you kids.”

Turning to look over his shoulder, Toji pulled the car into reverse, a smile back on his features. In fact, he was grinning now, his heart full; talking about his wives, that was reason enough, but telling one of his beloved children about his mother? That was a whole new level of overjoyed.

“Her name, my dear son, was Chiyo; my mother’s name was Chiyo.”