Chapter Text
Living next to the beach was supposed to be a relaxing experience. Steven found that every day when it was warm, he could find at least someone laying in the sun. They would have their eyes closed as they simply felt the heat on their skin. Steven, however, felt less than relaxed at the moment.
The crashing of the waves was just making him anxious, laying on the beach trying to copy the way he saw normal people doing it. It didn’t seem to be working and he was frustrated. No matter how hard he was trying, he just /couldn’t/ relax, moving an arm to cover his eyes with a soft groan. Maybe he just wasn’t breathing correctly? Maybe it was his position, though he wasn’t too sure that was it either. Maybe nothing he could ever do would seem normal.
Steven wasn’t even sure how long he’d even been laying out there in the sun. Maybe he should’ve worried about sunscreen, but being half gem, he wasn’t worried too much about it. He had just wanted to get out of the house, feeling unsure of how else to spend his time.
He opened his eyes to spare a glance at the sky. There weren’t many facts that Steven did know at the moment, but what he did know was that the last time he’d opened his eyes the sun was high in the sky, and now glancing in that direction, it was starting to caress over the horizon.
He sighed as he laid back down with a flop, sand flying up gently getting all over him. He hadn’t planned to take a shower that night, simply because he just felt too tired to do anything. What was the point of it anyway? It wasn’t like the Gems, his dad, or Connie would care if he smelled a little, right? Besides, Connie was too busy studying and his dad wasn’t even in town, touring with Sadie.
Steven groaned again, covering his eyes once more as he sighed. He didn’t want to think about the fact that everyone he knew and loved was either moving away or were too busy for him, but the thought of not wanting to think about that was just making him think about it more. He had this pit in the bottom of his stomach which felt like it was never-ending and growing larger and larger by the moment.
Finally, it got to the point where he couldn’t just lay there on the sand anymore, feeling like his brain was just too loud. Every second he laid there, the louder and louder his brain got and the more irritated his entire body felt as the gritty sand on his skin was burning through him, penetrating every part of him, finding his most inner secrets and whispering them to the waves coming onto the shore.
He pushed himself to stand up and dusting himself off, wanting nothing to do with sand anymore as he glared at it. He felt kind of stupid for doing so, glancing towards the temple. He wasn’t ready to go home yet, but he wasn’t sure where else to go either, glancing towards town.
Everything felt too unfamiliar without his friends in town being there, and everything was changing in a way he wasn’t sure he enjoyed. He knew change was good, right? So why was everything so hard? Why did he feel like it was the end of the world? Why did it feel like everything would always be horrible?
Steven hadn’t really even noticed that he started walking, not wanting to stand in one place anymore, shoving his hands into his pockets. He frowned deeply as his fingers connected with something cold and hard before he pulled out the keys to his car. His eyes lingered on them for a long time before he decided that maybe driving and listening to the radio would help him feel a bit more in place.
Before he even knew it, his legs were moving swiftly to the Dondai Supremo, staring down at the steering wheel for what felt like a long time before he cranked the car, putting it into drive and turning on music that he was sure would make him feel better. Music had always made him feel better, right?
Steven didn’t really end up listening to it though, despite the fact he was sure that was what he had wanted. Instead, he was staring miles ahead as he drove, lost somewhere between thought and blankness, gripping the wheel as if his life depended on it.
Steven sure how long he was driving and where he was even going, but when he snapped back into reality, he had no idea where he was, pulling over to the side of the road, glancing around himself. At least he was around people, right? Even if he didn’t know them. Maybe his goal was to get lost anyway. Maybe it would’ve been easier to start over somewhere new, right? Where nobody could compare him to his mother.
Before Steven had even realized he was doing it, he was crying and when he realized he was crying, that simply made him cry harder. He felt like such an idiot and he wasn’t sure why. He cried all the time, right? So why was this crying so much different. Why did he feel so ashamed of crying now? Why did it feel like he couldn’t breathe?
Everything in Steven’s life from the time he was young had always been a mystery and all Steven had ever wanted was normalcy, and despite that, he had never been able to have that. He would never be able to have that, so why did he still want that more than anything? Why did he want his family to be there with him constantly?
Steven stayed parked on the side of the road for a long time after that, slowly but surely coming down from what, down the road, he would learn is a panic attack. He felt like a mess, wiping the tears from their inevitable final resting place on his cheeks, sniffling lightly. He wondered what people passing by him were thinking of him.
To the outside world, Steven pondered, he must’ve looked insane. He was a teenage boy sobbing from where he’d pulled over off the road after having a panic attack. He swallowed thickly as he cleared his throat. He felt his cheeks burning red, burying his face into his hands once more. These things never mattered to him before, so he just wasn’t used to feeling like this.
Steven was tired, sitting back in his seat after a second and just leaning his head back, sinking further and further into his seat, staring at the ceiling of his car. Why was he feeling like this?
He knew partly why and that was the simple fact that everyone was too busy for him, but there had to be more to it, right? Steven wasn’t sure. Steve didn’t really know himself anymore, he realized. He wasn’t even sure what his personality was without helping people.
Before he could get too deep into thought, his stomach decided that it was hungry. He hadn’t eaten at all today, but he hadn’t really noticed that up until now. He glanced around himself to see if there was anywhere nice to eat.
His eyes finally landed on a beach pavilion that must’ve been there for a while. The colors on it were fading, but those normally were the best places to eat. Before he could even decide to eat there, he was pushing himself out of his car and moving towards it.
Standing in front of the place, now he had learned was called Pine Island, which wasn’t the worst name for a place. Steven hummed as he looked over the menu. He wondered for a moment what to order, but decided quickly just to order some fries.
Thankfully, ordering and receiving his food was rather easy. It wasn’t exactly the busiest place in the world, but that was welcomed by him. He quickly chose a spot to sit, staring down at his food.
He might’ve been hungry, but he didn’t want to eat. He didn’t feel like eating. Something inside of Steven twisted as he looked down at the food, frowning deeply. Food was always something he enjoyed. So, why now did everything seem so gross? Steven ended up picking at the fries, trying to get some food into his system so he wasn’t so hungry.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there lost to time. The music playing passed in one ear and out the other without much meaning behind any of it. He felt like time was possibly moving way too quickly.
Just like that though, everything seemed to stop in an instant as he heard the faint sound of a rather beautiful voice. Steven glanced around himself until he found where the voice was coming from, which was from a tall woman with rather long hair, sweeping the deck they were sitting on. She must’ve worked there.
Steven was glad for the distraction, listening to her singing was rather nice. It wasn’t a voice of someone he knew, which had to remind him of the fact that everyone had somewhere else to be.
For the first time all day, Steven smiled as he watched the woman in her own world, singing along to the radio. She seemed like she had no worries at all, smiling as she just felt the music. He didn’t even know her name, but he couldn’t stop watching her.
He wasn’t too sure how long he’d been watching her just sing and sway to the music but she seemed so happy. He really was enjoying watching her. He was enjoying himself for what felt like the first time in a long time. As she sang along to Three Little Birds, she smiled at Steven.
Steven sat there a long longer than he had meant to, glancing at his phone and realizing that it was getting late. He needed to get home, and thankfully he had enough service to use his GPS. Standing up, he tossed away what was left of his fries.
It didn’t take more than thirty minutes to get back home, sitting outside for a bit longer as he stared at the house. He wondered if the Crystal Gems were back yet and if they would’ve noticed he was gone. He paused before he got out of the car, moving to go inside of the house.
Steven was immediately greeted by the three, which made him smile as they asked him where he had been and about his day. Steven wasn’t exactly too sure he wanted to go into detail about it, though he did tell them about getting fries at a little place where he’d never been.
They listened to him for a bit before Steven decided he was ready to go to bed. He was exhausted from the day and all the emotions he’d been feeling. Before he went, the three gems made sure to tell Steven that they loved him. Steven told them as well before he headed up the stairs to his room.
There he was greeted by Lion on his bed, smiling lightly at the big cat before he was crawling onto the bed, pressing his face against his fur and stroking him softly. As he laid there, he thought about the woman singing. He smiled, and without even noticing, slowly drifted off to sleep. It was the first peaceful night’s sleep he’d gotten in a while.
Maybe every little thing is gonna be alright.