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Joshua hears a door click open and feet shuffle to the kitchen. The sound of someone rummaging through the pots and pans brings his attention forward from his daydreaming. The stove flickers on and reminds him that he hasn’t eaten since lunch the day before. After hours of lying motionless, the act of sitting upright on the couch felt like a journey. He feels the world spin around him, and a sudden clamminess washes over his whole body. His headache as strong as blaring speakers in an empty auditorium.
“Joshua? Why aren’t you in bed?” Seungcheol stands at the archway of the kitchen, looking confused. Joshua doesn’t have an answer right away, so he smiles sadly at him and shrugs his heavy shoulders instead.
Seungcheol goes back into the kitchen, turns off the stove for now and fills a glass with cold water. He doesn’t know what was going on, but he knew what to do. He’s been in similar situations with the others, being the one to find them and offer his company. This wasn’t the first time it’s been Joshua.
“You look like you’re gonna be sick…” Seungcheol speaks softly as he forces the glass into Joshua’s hands, sitting beside him on the edge of the couch. Joshua chuckles wryly and holds the cold glass to his cheeks, humming at the pleasant chill before drinking.
“Have you showered since practice yesterday?” Genuine concern was woven with Seungcheol’s words as he carefully touches Joshua’s tangled and dirty hair. Josh shakes his head, a bit embarrassed and staring blankly at the floor between his feet with his toes curl in his socks. The glass was held firmly between both his palms, fingers laced around it. The refreshing chill of the water was gone too quickly.
“What’s going on, Josh?” Seungcheol asks directly, patting Joshua’s thigh roughly, partially to get his attention and partially to give Joshua’s senses something to focus on. It didn’t happen often, but he knew dissociation when he saw it, and something to get his senses to act like they usually do helped him, so he hopes it could help Joshua too.
Joshua chuckles again at the action, but it dies quickly. How was he supposed to answer that? The thought of lying and saying he was fine brought another wave of chilly heat to his skin.
“I miss my parents.” His voice cracks as he admits it, covering his mouth with his left hand as tears well up in his eyes. He’s been thinking about them all night, why did saying it out loud spark such a reaction in him? “I’m in my mid 20’s dammit, why am I acting like this?” he thought to himself.
Seungcheol hums with understanding, moving the hand that was on Josh’s thigh to go around his shoulders, pulling him into his side and falling back onto the couch. Josh couldn’t help it, he felt like he was choking, and that crying was the only way to breathe again. They sit like this for a few minutes, as he tries to be quiet. Seungcheol’s arms are tight around him, shaking him and patting his back a bit too roughly, just like Josh’s dad used to do.
“Why don’t you call them after you have a shower? I’ll make breakfast for you if you do.” They sit in silence for a while Joshua’s cries stopped. It wasn’t until he sat up that Seungcheol felt comfortable breaking that stillness.
“I’d appreciate it.” His voice sounds strained, like a string pulled taught, but he smiles warmly over his shoulder to his leader like he was as cheery as ever. Seungcheol smiles back and gives an affirmative nod.
“Great, now go, before the others wake up and take all the hot water.” Seungcheol pats Joshua’s back as he stands and strides into the kitchen to resume his plan of making breakfast with a new objective.
“Was his mom and dad thinking about him too?” Josh thinks this as he goes to his bedroom to find a clean pair of pjs to wear after his shower, planning to sleep the day away after he finishes breakfast. The idea of his mom’s bright smile after getting a call from her son brings a bit of his usual warmth back, and his headache begins to fade.
It’s a beautiful day out on both their sides of the world, Josh learns. They both laugh jokingly, with a melancholic tint, at how they wish they could’ve hung out on the porch eating fruits and gossiping about her coworkers and his company. Dad is out, but Mom promises to tell him Josh called and says he misses him.
Joshua falls asleep that morning with a soft smile on his lips, tear stains over the bridge of his nose and his temple. He hugs himself beneath his blanket with lofi playing in the background, soothing him to sleep. He dreams of a barbecue picnic in his backyard, with all 12 of his brothers and his parents all together, and he wakes up at 4 am the next day having lived a weekend in his head.