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It was cold, and the night sky was blank with the lights of the city blurring most the stars from view. If I looked straight up, I could catch a few twinkles of them watching me silently. The chirp of cicadas and the faint hum of traffic seemed to blur too, only coming back into focus when my attention was brought down above.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I turned and looked over my shoulder to find Soonyoung wrapped in a fluffy blue blanket with cartoon clouds. He looked drowsy, like he’d just woken up, but his hands were on his hips in feigned anger. I’d hoped I hadn’t disturbed him when I got out of bed, but I clearly had.
“I couldn’t relax enough to sleep.” I muttered as I stared at the stars, moving my arms around myself tightly in a self-soothing hug. I could hear the gentle crunch of the grass beneath his feet as he came to stand behind me.
Soonyoung put his hand on my waist gently, carefully bringing his arms around my torso and wrapping me up in the blanket with him. The pressure of him against my back was grounding, bringing my thoughts down to earth for a moment as I enjoyed his warmth. He rested his chin on my shoulder and I assumed he was pouting, as he tended to do when I got like this. Too often had he woken up to find me on the porch or at the dinner table, nursing a coffee with bags under by eyes and staring at nothing like I was in a trance.
“I’m sorry I woke you.” I said softly, leaving his arms to take his hand instead and leading him to the gazebo that was at the edge of our property. It sat atop a small cliff, which overlooked the city and gave a magnificent view of the bustling life our home sat just outside of.
It always comforted me to be out here, under the wooden roof of this gazebo, where you can feel the distinction between city life and country life. Our own lives were much the same; I worked in the city, pushing papers and organizing files while he was managing the information sector of the same company. It was through his salaries that we were able to find a home outside the city, though at the time I’m sure it was to butter me up for his proposal.
“It was colder in bed without you than it is out here.” Soonyoung spoke quietly, as not to disturb the serenity of the dark. I sensed a childlike sadness to his voice, like my leaving as an insult to him personally. I chose not to reply, so instead we leaned against the white painted railing in silence and faced the skyline in silence. He draped the blanket over both our shoulders, and firmly clasped our hands together, and for the first time in my entire life, I was able to look at the moon and not feel alone.
The feeling of the band around his ring finger made my chest feel like it was full of feathers, and I wondered if it felt the same for him. He must’ve felt my gaze move to him because he turned to look back at me. I watched his eyes wander from the gentle upturn of my lips to my love struck eyes. Making eye contact with him was enough to wash away the uneasy feelings I had and replace them with wishful ones - for now at least.
“I really love you, you know that?” He spoke up before I could, the same words dying on my tongue. I laughed suddenly, out of surprise and nervousness, but reigned it in quickly to nod and affirm him.
“I know, and I love you too, so much.” My voice tapered off into a whisper as he continued to look at me and I averted my eyes back to the night sky. The gentleness and affection was smothering me, and yet happiness bloomed in my heart. Even now, after almost a year together, he could do this to me and not even realize. I wouldn’t want him to change even if he did.
It could have been longer, but it felt like only minutes before a breeze began to pick up, bringing a shiver down both our spines. I let go of his hand to instead hug his torso, nearly burring my face into his shoulder. He hummed softly; a sweet vibration of his chest that made my entire body sing.
“Come on, you don’t have to sleep but will you at least come lay with me?” He offered kindly, pulling me along with him once I nodded. He turned off the porch light and I shut the door behind us, but our hands didn’t part until we got to the bedroom.
Once we’d shuffled comfortably under the covers, Soonyoung brought his hand to my face and brushed the fly away hairs from it while caressing my cheek. He surely could feel the warmth build from beneath his already warm palm. HIs eyes were full of a tenderness and fondness that I never tire of seeing.
Internally, Soonyoung cheered that he could make her feel that youthful love that never faded in his own heart, not yet knowing she had the same feelings and fears. Despite the unscrupulous circumstances of their marriage, they were happily locked in the honeymoon phase.
He felt like all his handwork was being rewarded when their wedding finally came. Seeing his wife's’ face at home and at work filled him with an intense joy and pride. He’d do anything to make things stay that way.
As they closed their eyes and tried to rest, his hand might’ve moved from her face, but he never let go of her. This was like an angel blessing her with sweet dreams, and that night she relived memories of their wedding under that same gazebo, when fairy lights and tea candles replaced the stars.