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“At first there was nothing. Then, there was Blaisdell. Blaisdell was alone, a being bored in the endless void. No one knows how long he waited until the big bang came and Blaisdell was alone no longer. Millennia passed and the universe had planets, organisms, and baguettes. Blaisdell was only alone in spirit. What a painful existence it was, to have the universe at your command, to have any companionship you wanted, but never to feel a lover’s touch.
Then, Blaisdell discovered earth, and along with it, the most beautiful piece of land. They fell in love; Blaisdell had infinite power to go anywhere, do anything, but he stayed with that piece of land, never straying from its borders. He loved it too much to part. As years turned to centuries, Blaisdell knew that he needed to connect with this piece of land on a more intimate level.
“Tell me your name” He whispered to the dirt.
“France” It replied, voice so silky smooth Blaisdell was sure he was going to melt. With that, Blaisdell sacrificed his godly powers and he and France became one.
On the coronation day, the Sun King took a sip of tea. The second his saliva mixed with the hot leaf juice, a new Blaisdell sprung fully formed from the liquid! This new Blaisdell held his predecessors raw passionate love for France, and swore allegiance to the throne. Every time a king of France dies, Blaisdell sheds his earthly form and from the ashes becomes anew. His former skin sinks into the earth, back into glorious France, to join the skins of Blaisdell’s before. To join his one true love.
And that, Your Majesty, is how babies are made.”
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“Marie, get the fly swatter; Blaisdell’s on the ceiling again.”