Chapter Text
you woke up groggily, sunlight splintering into your half open eyes. you wondered for a moment what you had been dreaming about. staring blankly up at the ceiling you searched for the hardly distant moment you had just experienced. then it hit you, you had been male, physically. it seemed like a surprise to you, even as much as you thought about it, it seemed too good to be true. you could reach back moments into the past, into the seconds your hourglass figure had been straightened, fixed. the moments where your high pitched voiced sounded right. where your mind didnt scream through every step. it wasnt wrong. it finally wasnt wrong.
but as your eyes adjusted to your room, the dream faded into obscurity. the joyous feeling being replaced with cold and sharp pain. this wasnt a dream. your hips were still too wide. your voice was still too high. you sat up slowly, trying to ignore every part of your brain that screamed. it screamed at you for covering your hand as you yawned. the slight feminine gesture hung over your head. it slithered its way into your mind and coiled itself around your brain. even if it were two seconds, you hated it. you hated the way you moved your hand, the way your yawn was just... too girly.
you swallowed thickly, not wanting to listen to your head anymore, not wanting to hear it ever again. that stupid thing never offered you anything but pain, you didnt want to believe it. you did. you heard every word and believed every second. each passing moment obsession with how you walk or how you stand. it was all wrong. you couldnt stand it. you had to make it stop, you wanted it to so bad, you didnt want to live like that. you tried to make it stop once, you had reached for help, reached for someone, begging for them to take your hand and pull you out of the pool of thoughts that threatened to drown you for every motion you made. you tried, and it didnt work. they simply left you.
you never imagined they would leave, they had been your greatest friend. each moment you had spent with them was amazing, every second that passed was better than the last. it was all going well until your feelings starting swelling. you were happy together, smiling with them. then your body changed. your hips got too large, your shoulders didnt get large enough. your chest grew to be unbearable, changing was a hassle. you didnt want to be with your body, and as your best friend they said they supported you no matter what. what a moron you had been. you had told them everything, and the look on their face when you did haunted you. their face had fallen, and they told you a word you grew to hate. you hated being that word, you hated having to think about it.
'transgender' thats what they had said. seething hatred slipped out of their mouth. you wanted to forget, you wanted to wish that moment away. but this was the real world, it was bitter and you hated it. you longed for it to be different. still, you knew, deep down, things wouldnt change. you still missed your best friend. you found yourself thinking about them a lot, knowing they werent your best friend anymore but also knowing they couldnt just be no one. they could never be no one. everything ended so fast you werent even sure it happened. but you didnt mind. you knew it would be awhile before you forgot your first best friend.
"Gloria!" your mother called, ripping you from whatever line of thoughts you had been following. you groaned softly at the sound of a name you hated. letters rang a certain song of a name you didnt know. a name that wasnt yours.
"Yes, Mom?" you called back. almost immediately your mind raced with thoughts. they tore through your brain and criticized the voice you never wanted. that stupid sound didnt belong to you, not the real you.
"Can you come downstairs?"
"One minute!" slowly you slid off your bed, your movements slow. waking up so early was never particularly fun for you, and you were so tired today, you hardly wanted to do anything then crawl back in to bed and sleep. still, you got up anyway. you looked to your closet, filled with frilly dresses that never pleased you in the slightest. you strode past the closet and opted to grab the sweatshirt that hung lazily on your chair. sliding it over your head, you looked to the mirror. the sweatshirt was two sizes too large so it hid what you hated the best it could have. whatever curves were there before had disappeared. you let a soft smile climb your features before staring in dismay at your hair. there wasnt much you could do about it, there was no way your mother would let you cut it that short.
grabbing a small band you pulled your hair back, letting it fall into a ponytail behind your head so maybe you could forget it was there. you sighed softly and began to descend the stairs. your hands rested in your pockets and your posture was slouched.
furfrou noticed you first, it stood up and it strided over to you, sticking its head under your hand. its fur was still beautiful, you absentmindedly began stroking its head.