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It had been exactly 3 weeks and 6 days since they properly spoke. He hadn't meant it to be that long he tried to get the other boys attention multiple times but there was no doubt about it, he was avoiding him. He didn't know why, he wasn't the one who had found out his boyfriend had taken the dark mark. He was now sat on his bed opposite Remus, Sirius had detention and Peter was playing a random fourth year at chess. He was meeting Reggie in a hour. He closed his eyes, replaying their last conversation, hoping their next one would be calmer.
-
"HOW COULD YOU?"
"I TOLD YOU, I COULDN'T STOP IT, SHE MADE ME, YOU KNOW I DON'T WANT THIS,"
"AND I TOLD YOU TO COME TO ME, YOU COULD OF STAYED AT MINE, I'VE TOLD YOU THAT LOADS,"
"SHE WOULD OF KILLED ME IF I TRIED TO GET OUT. SHE WOULDN'T LOOSE TWO SONS,"
-
"Prongs," he was snapped out of his thought at the sound of Remus' voice, he opened his eyes to find a confused and worried looking Remus. "You alright?" he asked casually, "Umm yeah," he replied in a timid voice as he begun playing with the edge of him pillow case. "Could I borrow your arm?" Remus turned him head around to look at him "Prongs I trust you but I don't want whatever it is you've been charming on and off yourself for the past week,". "Please Moony, I've never done it on someone else yet," Remus gave him a challenging look before talking again "Why is it you need to do it on someone else?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow, "No reason," he mumbled looking around the room at anything but the boy in front of him.
"That's it, Colloportus," Remus waved his wand at the door, locking them in and looked at James. "What happened with you two? I can tell you've been thinking about him all day," 'Of course' he thought to himself, Remus was smart you couldn't hide something from him. "First off how did you know I was thinking about him?" he thought he had become quite good at hiding it, especially as it's his best friends brother. Remus grabbed James' book bag and pulled out the parchment he'd been working on in lessons that day, he placed them on the bed and begun pointing at the little doodles, one had the initials RAB another had Reggie Potter scrawled on it and one had the Leo constellation drawn with a heart around the Regulus star.
"I don't know how Sirius and Pete didn't see them, you should be glad they didn't though," he looked back up to Remus, "I didn't even realise I did this," he felt embarrassed as he looked through them stopping as he traced a RB+JP. "I'm like a lovesick teen girl," he mumbled "Nah but a lovesick teen boy on the other hand, that seems fitting," Remus teased him. "Oi I have seen the words 'Pads+Moons' on your work too any times to count," he retorted "Yes but my best friend wouldn't kill me if he saw them, seriously though everything okay with you two?"
He retuned to playing with the edge of his pillow case "Argument," he said wishing Remus didn't ask for more details, he knew his and Reggie's relationship was hard for him to keep from his boyfriend and he didn't know if he would be able to keep what is on Reggie's arm from him as well. Remus gave him a nod of understanding "Angry?" he shook his head "Was at first now sorta disappointed but I just feel helpless, I want to be able to help him, save him," his voice was no more than a whisper now and he could feel his eyes steaming up, he wouldn't let himself cry though.
Remus placed a hand on his shoulder "Prongs listen I know you love him but it's not your job to save him, you've told me how many times you've begged him to stay at yours to get away from all that but... but if he's done what I think he's done isn't it possible he might not want saving. I know you try to play the rolls of a lost boy and a rescuer but it isn't impossible that he wasn't lost to begin with. Maybe... maybe it's time to let him go," The words did nothing but enrage him, how could someone say something like that about Reggie, about his Reggie. He pushed Remus' hand off his shoulder, stood up and stormed out the room.
-
He was supposed to met Reggie in 5 minutes, there was still a lot of time between storming out of the dorm and meeting him so he had been wandering around the castle Remus' words going around in his mind "not want saving, lost boy and rescuer, let him go" he got angry again and kicked a wall, which he immediately regretted. He wouldn't let him go say easily, he couldn't. So he put he anger aside and made his way to the astronomy tower focussing his thoughts on what he'd managed to make for his boyfriend.
-
He got to the tower to find him already there, "Hey," Reggie said in a timid voice that James had never heard him use before "No point wasting time, might as well just get it over with, do it," he stepped closer to him and saw the unshed tears in his eyes before the other boy turned away. "Do what?" he asked trying to figure out what the younger boy was on about, "Break up with me, you obviously hate me, that why you asked me here wasn't it?". He looked him directly in the eyes for the first time that evening and the sight broke his heart, they were free of the happiness and playfulness James was used to and replaced with loneliness and upset. He almost looked lost.
He rushed forward and wrapped the younger boy in a hug, one arm around his waist and the other cradling his head. "I'm not breaking up with you, I'm not going anywhere, I don't hate you alright. I love you Reggie," he held him in the embrace for a minute or two before a muffled voice came from his chest. "I love you too," the four words echoed through his head replacing the ones Remus had said a half hour ago, he felt comfort in them, they made him feel at home.
A split second after that the tears begun. He felt them first dripping onto his shirt then came the whimpers. He rocked back and forward on the balls of his feet whilst stroking his hair. It was just as soft as he had remembered. "I-I don't deserve you," Regulus said in a shy voice "Well that's not true," James responded almost immediately "If anything I don't deserve you, your the smartest person I've ever met, your completely selfless. Hell you'd properly sacrifice yourself if you knew it would save at least one person. Your-" he was cut of by the familiar lips on his. He kissed back, it was slow and gentle. Unlike the many wild and hungry ones they had shared over the months. He pulled back first and could see that Reggie had stopped crying, his cheeks had tear tracks down them but he was smiled and his eyes had gotten rid of the loneliness and upset.
"I've got something for you," he spoke, eager to give it to him. "You didn't have to," Regulus insisted as his smile begun to fade, James was well aware his boyfriend had mixed feelings about presents but he couldn't resist with this. "Trust me, okay," he voiced before reached out for Regulus' left arm and wrapped his hand around it gently. He pulled back the sleeve and saw the black snake starring up at him. It still sent shivers down his spine when he saw the contrast of such a dark, evil marking on his boyfriend's pale soft skin.
He placed his wand on it, Regulus shot him a confused look as if to say 'you can't spell them off,' and he was fully away he couldn't but you could change them. He had quizzed Remus for hours about all the different spells he had used on the map and the way he got the incantations to work, he had countless sleepless nights but it was worth it. He hadn't know what words Regulus would of wanted so he went for ones that meant something to them "November 3rd 1975" the day they got together.
The snake twisted and turned and the face of it was now showing a very unpleasant face. It continued to squirm about for a few seconds before it started to change. The tail went first, then the body and then very slowly the face of the snake. Instead of the dark mark there was now a tattoo that James had designed engraved on his boyfriend's arm. He had spent a week choosing between designs but he thought he had landed on the right one. It was of the Leo constellation with a crown where the Regulus star would of been. It was gold and had many small intricate detailing's with two gem stones, one a deep hazel colour and the other a cold pale grey.
Regulus wore an expression on his face that James had never seen before, he was just staring at his arm. He didn't blink and he didn't say anything. James was beginning to panic thinking he didn't like it "You can change it back if that's what your worried about all you have to do is say the date and yeah. If it's the actually thing that's wrong well my name relates to some muggle crap about royalty and yours well yeah you know.. sorry I just I thought you'd like it and-" if Regulus hadn't cut him off he probably would of keep talking for hours.
He threw himself at James once again locking their lips together, it was more hungry this time. It had a sense of urgency of need for the other. Eventually they pulled apart gasping for air Regulus opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. He looked at James with such an expression of comfort, safety and love James thought his heart might just explode right there. He started crying again but this time they were happy tears, James wiped them away and caressed Regulus' cheek.
"It's perfect," Regulus mumbled as he rested his head on James' shoulder, "Missed you," Regulus wrapped his arms around James' waist "Missed you too," he replied. It wasn't a lie, he had been missing him a lot but for some reason he felt strange saying these words. "Seriously, thank you. I was so scared I'd lost you forever and.. and that you'd given up on saving me," the words left him with a funny feeling, he expected to feel put out that Reggie would think this but he couldn't describe what he was currently feeling. It was one thing for Moony to think that, he wasn't part of the relationship, he hadn't seen them together -other than the time he walked in on them- but Reggie, that was different. "I'd never give up on you Reggie," he replied softly trying his best to hide his current emotion from Regulus.
-
They had stayed their for a few hours before heading down at curfew. The funny feeling hadn't left him and Remus' words were once again floating through his head, 'might not want saving' it was absolutely ridiculous. He knew Reggie, the real him, not the one he pretended to be for his family, not the one Sirius thought he was, not the one everyone at school thought he was. He knew the real him, the one that was just for him. Yet looking the other way down the corridor watching Regulus catch up with his friends, watching how easily he could mingle with low life slytherin's -even though he knew it was fake- he could of sworn he saw an actual smile on his face. The words from earlier that night rung through his head 'let him go'.