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The kitchen was cold and dark. Hajime was leaning against the cool counter waiting for the water to boil in the kettle. It had happened again. Tōru had overworked himself to the point of having a fever. And as always, Hajime felt responsible. So here he was, silently looking out of the window blaming himself for not forcing Tōru to quit last night.
Last Night
As the Aoba Johsai team was finishing up a late-night practice, Hajime was practicing his spikes with Yahaba until the coach ordered them to start cleaning up. They did their normal routine of picking up any spare volleyballs, sweeping the floor, and taking down the nets. While in the utility closet putting away a broom, he heard the familiar sound of a serve, specifically Tōru’s. It always made this large cracking sound that was similar to thunder.
Slightly annoyed, Hajime walked out of the closet to tell Tōru to hurry and clean up.
“Lazykawa! Hurry your ass up and take down your net!” Hajime stood at the doorway, arms crossed, seemingly unheard.
“Did you hear me Oikawa? I said hurry up and clean!”
Again, it seemed that he wasn’t heard. With a grunt, he stormed over to Tōru. Just as he was going to yell at him again, Tōru looked his way.
“Iwa- chan, I’ll clean once I’m done. Just go home and make sure the rest of the team does the same”. Oikawa was about to continue until a coughing fit took over, making him hunch over in pain.
“You don’t look well, you should get home and rest”. Even though Hajime liked to tease Tōru with nicknames, he really did care about his friend, and seeing him overwork himself made him sick to his stomach.
“Trust me I’m fine, I think I just caught a cold”. Tōru looked at his best friend with a fake smile as he straightened up and reached for another volleyball.
Even though Hajime knew that his smile was forced, it still made him get butterflies. Tōru was truly a king of both talent and beauty. Even though he wanted Tōru to go home and get rest, he also didn’t want to seem too controlling so all he said was “Please don’t overwork yourself Tōru”.
The use of his first name made Tōru blush, but he looked away before he was caught. “I won’t Iwa-chan. Not this time”.
Hajime walked his teammates out of the gym with a final goodbye to Tōru. As he walked alone to his house, he felt the night air bite at his cheeks. He looked up at the moon and paused. Should he turn around and force Tōru to stop? Against his better judgment, he kept walking.
It was 1 am when Hajime was shaken from a nightmare. Tōru was sinking to the ground of the gym and as he reached up to get help, Hajime couldn’t grab his hand in time. He watched as Tōru sunk into the floor and disappeared.
Hajime walked over to his bathroom sink and splashed water over his face to calm down. But, he couldn’t. His heart was beating erratically and his breath was shaky. He decided to walk the 5-minute walk to Tōru’s house, just to make sure he was okay. Something was telling him that he wasn’t. He grabbed his jacket and shoes and walked to the street.
It was even colder than it was when he first walked home after practice, and it made him wonder how late Tōru practiced. As he reached his house he reached into his pocket to grab his spare key to the house. He was given one years ago when both of them were still in middle school. He unlocked the door quietly and walked to Tōru’s room. It was basically muscle memory at this point.
As he opened the door he saw nothing. No Tōru on his bed, no school bag. The realization hit him. Tōru never came home. His heartbeat was faster than ever before as he ran towards his school. He was praying that Tōru was still there, and hadn’t gotten into an incident on his walk home. The answer was given to him as he heard the familiar crack of the ball as he approached the gymnasium.
He stood in the doorway looking at his best friend and long-time crush smacking one ball after the other over the net. Each smack increased his fury until he couldn’t help but yell, “ OIKAWA TŌRU!!”
Tōru flinched and looked at Hajime with bloodshot eyes and dark circles under his eyes. His mind and body were numb. His hand was bright red and his knees felt weak. He couldn’t stop replaying his many losses against Shiratorizawa and the realization that one day, Kageyama Tobio would be a better setter than Tōru ever could be. The tears quickly followed, big tears pouring down his face as he gasped for air.
Hajime ran over to Tōru and wrapped his arm around the setter. He pressed his face against the crook of his neck, as Tōru did the same. Hajime felt the movement of Tōru’s back rise and fall as he wept. Hajime knew that Tōru thought he was an ugly crier, even though Hajime didn’t really mind. He still found him beautiful.
After Tōru’s breathing steadied a bit, Hajime quietly whispered “Why?”
“I can’t lose again. I have to go to Nationals. We have to beat Karasuno, and then Shiratorizawa. After that, maybe I can feel content”.
There was a silent pause and the moon shone through the windows. Hajime held Tōru a little bit tighter and whispered, “I’d rather we lose every single game than have to see you like this. I should’ve never let you stay here, I should have caught on to these bad habits sooner. I’m sorry Tōru, I really am.” Hajime put his head against Tōru’s chest and mumbled “I love you”.
“What?” Oikawa backed up and held Hajime’s shoulders. Taking a good look he could see a faint blush paint Hajime’s cheeks and dark eyes avoiding his like the plague.
Tōru looked down and smiled, this one fully genuine as he straightened up. As he turned around to take down the net, he broke out in a sweat despite the brittle night air and started to cough.
“Tōru, sit down. I’ll clean up for you. Just make sure your bag is packed”. Hajime quickly took down the net and picked up all of the balls. As he locked up the utility closet he sneaked a glance at Tōru. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes were glistening as he was looking out at the open window. It made Hajime feel warm.
They walked together into the night, Tōru having 3 coughing fits along the way. When they reached Tōru’s home, he quickly turned around and said, “Iwa-chan. Stay here with me”.
Hajime simply nodded his head as they went to his bedroom. He had stayed over many times, so he simply grabbed an air mattress and blanket while Tōru headed to the bathroom to shower. It was silent throughout the house, only the faint sounds of the shower filling Hajime’s ears as he laid down, scrolling through his phone and sending his mom a text. “Had to drag Oikawa out of practice. Staying at his house for the night. Sorry.”
Hajime slowly drifted to sleep and as Tōru stumbled in, all he saw was the boy sleeping, his hair falling over his face. Despite his better judgment, he sat down and started playing with his hair. He didn’t know why he was doing it, but he couldn’t stop. A wide smile grew on his face as Hajime started snoring. After about 10 minutes of doing this, Tooru moved over to his bed and fell soundly asleep.
The Next Morning
Hajime’s thoughts were interrupted by the obnoxious hissing of the tea kettle. Thank god there was no school today. At least Tōru could rest. He slowly poured the tea into two separate mugs, watching as the hot water mixed with the tea leaves.
He walked slowly up the stairs and hissed as some tea burned his hand. When he reached Tōru’s door and opened it, he saw Tōru had just woken up.
“Good morning Iwa-chan”. His usually cheery tone had been replaced with a tired and weak voice that made Hajime’s heart break.
“Good morning. Um I made you tea. Thought it might help out with your fever”. He shakily accepted it and tried to gulp it down, but Hajime stopped him. “Stop, it’ll burn your throat. You have to wait a minute”.
Tōru looked at Hajime’s eyes. Dark and caring. They felt like home. Even when he was being yelled at by his best friend, Hajime’s eyes always seemed homey and warm. He blew on his tea before he sipped it, letting the hot water go down his throat. After a few sips, he looked up and said “Thank you Hajime”.
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It had been a few days since Tōru used Hajime’s first name. He luckily had gotten over his fever, but Hajime’s head was still spinning. He liked the way it came out of his mouth. Back in elementary school, Tōru called him Hajime, only to be replaced by his ever clever Iwa-chan when they were about 10 years old. It had been almost 8 years since he heard his first name come out of Tōru’s mouth. He missed it.
There was no practice today, so Hajime took this as a chance to study for an English test he had coming up. The sound of typing and turning pages filled Hajime’s room for an hour until he looked outside. It was pouring rain and as Hajime looked out of his bedroom window, he saw Tōru running down the street towards his front door. He quickly got up and walked downstairs, cursing under his breath. What was he doing?
Before he got to the door, he heard the doorbell ring. Hajime opened it and saw a soaked Tōru looking at him through his eyelashes. Before Hajime could say anything, the other blurted out “Why did come looking for me that night?”
Taken by surprise, Hajime’s eyes widened. “Um… I had this bad dream and I had to make sure you were ok? You weren’t at your house so I ran to the gym”.
They looked at each other, eyes locked until Tōru stepped forward and planted their lips together. Hajime was shocked at first but quickly leaned into it and started kissing back, Tōru’s hands slowly tugging at his hair. When they parted, Tōru quietly whispered “I love you too Hajime”.