Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bakugou already regret using the bathroom and taking his sweet ass time. It was a typical Thursday, nothing out of the ordinary with Mathematics, Hero Studies, and Homeroom, followed by a lunch break, Health and Safety, and Training. He took his seat carefully scanning the room, the shocked faces, and the sense that someone was going to explode with nerves.

His first clue should’ve been the faint shit-eating grin on Aizawa’s face. The next clue had to be the baby Recovery Girl was holding while she explained their next assignment. 

Come to think of it, the more Bakugou looked at it the less real the baby felt. It didn’t move as it was jostled around like a rag doll, only made slight cooing noises when Recovery Girl pat it’s back.

“Any questions?” She asked without a care in the world.

Just one, Bakugou thought to himself. What the fuck was going on?

Thank god for Kaminari, who’s cluelessness was helpful for once in his life.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious,” Recovery Girl said, she turned the baby over and showed it to the class. “This is your next assignment so you better take it seriously.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes and fought the urge to stuff his notes into his ears to drown out Kaminari and Mina’s complaints. They knew this project was a longtime coming, and even though he didn’t like it either there was no use whining about something that they needed to do in order to pass the grade.

The rest of the class talked in hushed voices before Aizawa silenced them all with a stare.

“You will each receive a baby and report directly to Recovery Girl. No excuses. If you come to me I will specifically ignore you, so don’t.”

With that simple statement everyone was silent, and the floor was handed back to Recovery Girl, who was way too small for the podium so she didn’t use one. Bakugou tried not to roll his eyes in any way she could see. Consequences for giving the old lady any kind of sass could result in detention, failure, and sometimes broken bones.

“This is to test your maternal and paternal skills whether it be on the battlefield or in a home environment,” Recovery Girl explained. “I expect to have a full report every few days of your findings and strategies. I’ve developed a point system for each of you to see what you are doing right and wrong. Any questions?”

Momo raised her hand. “But what exactly are we doing here? Is there a particular reason why we’re taking care of babies and not training our quirks?”

“There are many different tests you’ll encounter as heroes,” Recovery Girl said with a shrug. “This is all but one.”

“I get it,” Deku said next. Bakugou could feel his stupid green hair bobbing up and down behind him. “So we’re training to take care of children in real time to gauge their responses to stressful situations. Depending on the environment and stimulus is how the child will react, just like in a life threatening emergency.”

Recovery Girl nodded. “That’s right.”

“And we’ll be graded individually based on how well we take care of the child, assuming the point system and all that.”

“I was just about to get to that. Since you’ll still be attending school and training to become heroes, there is an option to do this project in pairs. Heroes don’t always work alone.”

Bakugou tsked under his breath. When he became the number one hero he’d never need other people to do his job for him.

Recovery Girl pulled out a stack of papers to pass out to the class. They were thick and color coded based on sections. Bakugou took his and skimmed it immediately, already grimacing on the first page. Baby food, baby diets, baby shit. It was all about whiny annoying toddlers who wouldn’t shut up. He fought the urge to toss it aside, but instead stuffed it into his bag.

“Hey, Sero?” Kaminari whispered too loudly. “You wanna co-parent with me? You probably got this in the bag since you’re great with kids.”

“Right on! I’ll totally be your co-parent as long as you can be the mommy.”

“Yeah right.” Kaminari’s grin grew wider. “Tell that to Bakugou. Let’s see what he thinks.”

“THE FUCK DID YOU SAY, PIKACHU?”

If it wasn’t for his perfect scores and behavioral checks on his report card, Bakugou would’ve flipped the table in anger and prepared to throw it at Kaminari’s fucking face. Instead, he could feel small explosions brewing at the tips of his fingers, his quirk itching to be activated. Fucking charging station was so dead when they got out of this class.

“Settle down class,” Recovery Girl addressed them all. “Make sure to read those pamphlets and pick your partners. We’ll be starting right when you do.”

Aizawa poked his head from under his sleeping bag. “You have 10 minutes starting now.”

The room became a tornado of emotions as students practically dove to pick their partners. Bakugou looked at them all in disgust. This class was pointless. He wasn’t about to take a stupid plastic doll seriously when no way in hell he would ever take care of a real fucking child.

He caught sight of Jiro, the earphone jackass, talking to at least three other people wanting to pair up with her because of her supposed knack for children. Next to her, YayaMomo whatever the fuck was in the same situation. Bakugou couldn’t relate to why they’d want to pick up snot and shit in their volunteer job anyways, but whatever kept them off his back was good enough.

He had forced himself to learn all his classmates names in order to get as much dirt and expose their weaknesses, but he’d never tell them that. For now, it was better that no one could test him, even if certain people really tried his patience.

“And what’re you looking at, shit nerd?” He yelled at Deku across the room (Deku hadn’t looked in his direction, but it was still funny to see his wide expression of panic that made Bakugou’s world a little brighter).

“Hey,” Kirishima exclaimed when he headed over. He looped his arm around Bakuguo’s shoulder, a wide grin on his face. “So what’d ya think of the project? You wanna be my partner?”

“I think it’s shit,” Bakugou said through gritted teeth. He didn’t answer the partner question, already knowing Kirishima had probably signed them up as a team so he didn’t bother. Lately they were always a team.

“Ah, it can’t be that bad.” Kirishima’s smile was almost infectious. It made Bakugou want to hurl. “Look at their cute little faces. If you squint they kinda look like baby potatoes.”

Bakugou did squint at the doll Recovery Girl was still holding and it most certainly didn’t look like a potato. It was more like one of those gremlins in haunted houses, it’s beady little eyes following him around with its mechanical head turned to the side. If he’d have to hold one that thing’s head was definitely turning into a baby firework.

“Do you want a girl or boy?” Kirishima said as he perched on top of Bakugou’s desk. “I want you to pick before I grab one.”

“I don’t want shit,” Bakugou snarled. It was bad enough Kirishima looked like this was going to be fun. This whole class was turning into a walking nightmare, toddler addition. “Get whichever you want.”

Teams were decided quickly and people settled down in order to properly grab their children, but not everyone wanted to work with each other. Iida settled on doing the project alone while Mineta was stuck without anyone taking interest to his obnoxious asking. Bakugou stopped paying attention at the fifth team, only really following some of the heavy hitters that definitely looked like they knew what they were doing.

Icyhot and Momo were a serious power duo even though the half n’ half bastard kept looking over to shitty Deku and the gravity girl Uraraka. Ojiro and the invisible girl Hagakure looked comfortable receiving their gremlin doll; it floated pathetically in the air like it was swimming. Even Kaminari looked giddy when he almost held his baby upside down.

That left Kirishima to grab the little bastard while Bakugou stayed seated. He barely glanced at the thing when Aizawa cleared his throat to speak.

“You’ll be taking care of these children for two weeks. There’s a point system recorded on your doll’s belly so make sure it stays happy because that determines your grade.” Recovery Girl held up her own doll as an example. The center glowed like it was a monitor and when she tapped it twice it showed a full 100 points. “If you lose points you can gain them back by taking care of your child. Lose too many points and it’ll cry. Any questions?”

Aoyama’s eyes shined when he asked, “Does this mean we can dress them up? Mine needs a sparkle to his look.”

Recovery Girl laughed. “You can do whatever you want, Aoyama, as long as you don’t lose too many points. You and your partner receive the same grade in the end.”

Bakugou grimaced. Great, so if the thing’s life count hit below 60 he was toast.

“Excuse me,” Mina raised her hand politely. Next to her, Jiro cradled their baby. “What about food? We can’t feed them regular food like we eat, right?”

“All of the baby products you need are included in the baby duffles, and new food and diapers will be distributed to your dorms periodically. It is your jobs to make sure your babies are truly cared for.”

There were more questions, comments, and concerns, but Bakugou was already not listening. For some reason his baby wouldn’t stop staring at him, the little bastard. According to Kirishima it was a girl with a wisp of tiny black hair that barely covered her head and piercing blue eyes. With each passing word Bakugou narrowed his eyes to see what the baby would do, but she remained silent.

“Off you go,” Recovery girl said with a smile. “If you have any questions please find me in my office. Be good boys and girls because these children are counting on you.”

XXXXX

Bakugou immediately wanted to drop the child as they walked back to their dorms in the large group of their class. He didn’t touch the thing, letting Kirishima cradle it and whatnot, but there was already talk about names and toys and other baby things. Apparently even though the little shits were mechanical and not real, they still had sensors which meant they needed careful attention and soft handling.

That was figured out when Kaminari lost his grip and dropped his baby on the sidewalk. The scream that tore from the devil’s throat was enough to make Bakugou already want to make baby stew.

“Stupid!” Jiro yelled at him. It was Shoji who scraped the screaming mass off the sidewalk, rocking it so quickly the thing fell silent in an instant because of the zero gravity inducing speeds.

Everyone sighed in relief until someone else’s baby started crying too. Ojiro cradled it in his arms even though it screamed in his ear. Hagakure started singing softly in order to try and calm it down. 

Pretty soon the babies became more and more active, some even making other noises besides the typical crying fest. Mina almost fumbled her bundle of joy when it began to make soft cooing noises. Mineta looked to the point of tears when his baby smelled so bad he held his nose, it’s soft whimpering enough to make anyone’s skin crawl.

This was a disaster. Bakugou was going to exchange more than words when he got his hands on whoever thought this was a good idea. Kirishima bumped his shoulder to get his attention.

“This is shit,” Bakugou said through his plugged nose. “Ours better not shit.”

“At least ours is still quiet, am I right?” Kirishima said with a chuckle. “It’s pretty cute sleeping soundly.”

Turns out it was a jinx because immediately their baby started to cry almost as loudly as Kaminari’s. Bakugou’s quirk went off in a popping noise with how sweating his palms got, scaring the remaining children. Uraraka shrieked and her baby stared floating away.

This was hell. This was what hell really felt like.

It took some ingenuity, screaming, and Momo’s creation quirk to get most of them settled enough to get back to the dorms. It was impossibly bright when Bakugou turned on the light to his room and slammed the door shut. The baby’s started crying immediately.

“The fuck does it want now?” He screamed. It was barely an hour and he was ready to go on a murder spree.

Kirishima didn’t react so violently, only rocked the demon back and forth in his wide arms. “Maybe it’s hungry?”

“How can it be hungry? It’s a fucking machine.”

“I don’t know, dude. I’m just as clueless as you are right now.”

Bakugou pulled out the pamphlets Recovery Girl has given them and skimmed it so fast he felt whiplash. There were a few simple steps they could try, but this one was the quickest and fastest way to silence it.

“It says to give in a few taps on the back and burp it. Try that.”

Kirishima tapped the baby twice and it immediately let out a gut wrenching sound only a heathen could ever think of. Bakugou was sure to hear it reoccurring in his nightmares.

But the crying stopped. There was silence as the point system on the baby’s chest rose back up to 100—somewhere along the way they had lost points but that didn’t matter. Bakugou could finally hear himself breathe again.

“Okay,” he said as quietly as he could. “Okay, I think that’s good.”

Kirishima balanced the silent baby on his shoulder, still giving it light taps here and there just in case. It was a calm and soothing gesture that someone also made Bakugou exhale a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“Do you want to grab the stuff downstairs while I stay with It—her!” Kirishima slapped a hand over his mouth at his too loud voice. “If we’re lucky she’ll sleep the rest of the day.”

If they were lucky the thing would short circuit and die.

Bakugou crept slowly down the stairs just in case someone else was having baby issues. The few rooms he passed were either completely silent or had a screaming child as well as crying teenager in their midst. At the last floor he found Todoroki slowly going up the stairs carrying a stroller, a crib, and a bag of diapers. They stared at each other.

Bakugou was the first to break the ice. “Where’d you get those, Icyhot?”

Todoroki spit out the diaper bag he was carrying with his teeth to motion to the common room. “Over there. There’s one for each of us.”

Bakugou nodded to the crib. “Didn’t think a kid would need all of this.”

“Actually this is pretty simple compared to what my other siblings had. I remember—“

“I didn’t ask for your life story,” Bakugou growled out. He shoved the half and half bastard aside and left him on the steps, a newfound fire returning to his senses.

True to his word, there were designated strollers, cribs, baby bottles, and other necessities for each of them. Bakugou tossed aside the name tag that held both his and Kirishima’s last names to the side and picked up everything they would need.

It only took one trip and a lot of short steps, but finally Bakugou made it far enough to push his room door open with his foot. It shut very quietly behind him.

Kirishima was still rocking baby cries-a-lot back and forth, but he had changed his position. Instead of standing, he was sitting at Bakugou’s desk, making small movements that looked like he was out at see, swaying in the wind. He had taken off his shoes and jacket and his hair was starting to lose some of the gel to keep it from spiking. In a weird way the scene looked almost domestic.

Bakugou cleared his throat to grab his best friend’s attention. “I brought the shit. Where do you want me to put it?”

It turned out the crib fit better in Bakugou’s room even though they could also wheel it next to Kirishima’s weight station. The stroller would be left to the side until they needed it, but right now what they both needed was sleep. Bakugou took a long look at the clock on the wall, already knowing it was way past 7pm with the darkness outside cool and crisp.

Through all the excitement neither of them were hungry and suggested to turn in for the night.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to have a sleepover—right before a test Bakugou would study for hours with Kirishima drooling on his shoulder—and even now it was comfortable sharing the room like they normally did. The silence was peaceful and serene when Kirishima came back from his room, duffel bag in hand and sleeping supplies in the other. Bakugou waited for him to get up and use the bathrooms. If that baby woke up and Kirishima wasn’t there, he’d scream.

Just for tonight, Bakugou told himself. It wasn’t that he liked to share his room, but tonight he made the exception; there was no telling what that thing laying “asleep” in the crib had in store for them.

Bakugou showered, brushed his teeth, and dressed in light sweatpants and a tank top before padding back to his room barefoot. He locked the door behind him, already crawling to pull himself into bed. Kirishima’s pillow and blanket were in his way so he knocked them aside.

He found his best friend staring into the crib with half lidded eyes. He was ready for sleep too, bare chested, wearing his prized Crimson Riot sleep pants.

Bakugou yawned. “If you don’t hurry up Ima take the whole bed, shitty hair.”    

Kirishima didn’t move.

“Oi! Did you hear me, Kirishima? You deaf or something?”

Kirishima made a clicking noise with his tongue. “Whaddya think we should name her, Kats? I’ve been thinking about it.”

Bakugou stifled a groan. Kirishima only pulled out that nickname when he really wanted something, and right now Bakugou really wanted to sleep so it wasn’t going to work.

“Call it shitty hair number two, I don’t know.” Bakugou pressed himself deeper into the covers. “I don’t care.”

Kirishima hummed something under his breath. “You wanna name her after someone we know? Like, maybe your mom?”

The thought was both fitting and traumatizing at the same time. Bakugou took a deep breath to still his quick from exploding.

“Just because the bitch whines a lot doesn’t mean I want her name in my mouth. Disgusting.”

“Alright. What about something for fire? Like your quirk.”

His quirk wasn’t just fire, and Kirishima knew this, but Bakugou was too fucking tired to care. Sleep was calling to him and he was gonna answer that call by wrenching the door open and running in there.

“Call it whatever.” Another yawn. “I don’t care.”

“Hm...” Kirishima seemed thoughtful for a moment. “What about Kaki? Homura? Or Kazuya, you know that main character from ‘Tekken’?”

Bakugou didn’t respond so Kirishima kept talking.

“Rekka? Re-Re? Rebecca?”

“What a shitty name,” Bakugou groaned out. He hated Americans. He hated most Japanese too.

“You’re right. I like Ama personally. It quick and to the point.”

“Yeah sure, whatever. You coming or not, shitty hair? I’m sleeping.”

With a leap, Kirishima jumped and landed on his designated sign of the bed. The foundation rattled but held firm. They each knew how to test the limits of a regular wooden bed since Kirishima had broken his months ago. Stainless steel beds were now the safest bet.

“Go to sleep or I’ll kill you,” Bakugou murmured. His eyes were closed shut and all he could see was darkness.

“Night, Bakugou,” Kirishima said faintly. There was a pillow wall in between them.

Here in the darkness, a warm body right beside him and silence, taking care of the kid—the new baby Ama—wasn’t so bad. With that last thought Bakugou let himself drift into a perfect, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

Bakugou didn’t sleep that night and it really showed. It had only been one night and his distain for children was growing bigger by the hour.

He snapped at Kirishima when he was offered coffee, brushed his teeth so hard the toothbrush cracked in half, and on his way to class he almost blew up a nest of birds singing their fucking insufferable morning song.

Shitty hair did everything he could to make Bakugou comfortable, even going as far as taking out baby Ama at 4 am. Bakugou didn’t know what to make of that, but he didn’t care as long as he got the amount of sleep he needed. 

Or he tried to at least. From above his room he could hear fresh wails as more children woke up to alert their designated parents. The shit heads were shit when it came to taking care of each other, much less a room full of screaming, wannabe babies.

Sun poured through the UA class windows like it was on the hunt for the kill when they neared the building. Kirishima kept pace even though Bakugou purposely shuffled in front of him just in case the baby decided to pee or puke or do anything.

Kirishima gave a toothy smile. “Do you wanna feed her?” he asked, pressing the fake baby bottle to Ama’s open mouth. The stuff looked like milk but smelled a lot like rotten cheese. Bakugou watched with an angry glare. The image of Kirishima coughing through a fit of gags when he had ‘accidentally’ tried the fake baby food this morning didn’t make him feel any better.

“Does it look like I wanna feed it, shitty hair?” The blond snapped. He sipped at his coffee with such a scowl it’d be permanent later on in life. “The little shit fucked up my sleep schedule. We better get an A or someone’s gonna die!”

Kirishima laughed loudly, probably thinking it was a joke.

Right now their baby had 80 points because of a few nightly fuckups. When they were supposed to feed it, Kirishima had changed Ama’s diaper instead which was apparently something she didn’t want. Then feeding her was a stretch because Bakugou’s screaming had left her crying and unhappy. Now, she was happily sucking on a baby bottle, their points slowly going up digit by digit. 

Class was silent when they arrived, the babies either in people’s laps, on empty chairs of students who still hadn’t arrived, or in Hagakure’s case floating in the air. Kirishima took Ama to his seat when Bakugou barely gave her a glance. He still wouldn’t touch the doll, the gremlin hadn’t proved itself. Kirishima didn’t seem to mind.

“Oi, Sero?” Bakugou heard Kirishima say from his seat. “Where’s your baby?”

“I left him with Denki, but I don’t know man, it was really giving me trouble last night.” Sero gave a halfhearted shrug, his signature grin slightly lopsided. “That thing sure can pee. You should’ve seen Denk’s face when he found out.”

As if on cue, Kaminari shuffled into class, his eyes slowly closing from exhaustion. He held a large coffee in one hand and Recovery Girl’s stack of papers in the other. His shirt was also inside out.

“Did you guys know these babies do everything we do?” Kaminari exclaimed with a huff. He sunk into his seat, almost spilling his coffee on the floor. Bakugou prepared himself to laugh once it hit the floor, but Kirishima caught it in midair.

“Uh yeah,” Sero said like it was obvious. “That’s the whole point.”

“I didn’t think it’d be so hard to take care of a plastic doll, but I spoke too soon.” Kaminari groaned, his head falling to his desk. “Baby Raichun peed on me on the way here and I had to go back to change his diaper. Ruined my whole morning.”

Kaminari started to doze off and Kirishima poked his shoulder to get his attention. “Speaking of which, where is your baby?”

Sero’s smile turned into a frown in an instant. He turned to the side so fast Kaminari screamed and fell out of his chair. The only baby remotely around them was Ama.

Sero looked beyond pissed. “You left our BABY!”

Kaminari gave a laugh as he climbed back to his seat. He motioned to his bag and stack of papers. “No I didn’t. He’s right over th...”

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, even as Sero’s tape wrapped around to throttle him. Kirishima covered baby Ama’s eyes as the fight broke out, soon to be joined by other students piling in. Through it all, Bakugou stayed silent in his seat. They were all so fucking stupid.

“Go get him back!” Sero’s screams made Hagakure’s baby fussy and he immediately quieted with her invisible glare. “Denki, you moron, go get our baby.”

“But if I do I’ll be late for class.” Kaminari yelped as a roll of tape slapped his arm, leaving it bright red. “Okay okay, fine. I’ll go get him back. Cover for me?”

Sero’s death stare made Kaminari run out of his seat almost as fast as Iida. When he was gone, Mina came over and gave Sero a quick hug to show her support. She was always one to notice a situation, even if it could sometimes be irksome and overbearing (in Bakugou’s opinion of course).

Mina pat Sero’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s fine. I doubt the sensors know if we’re gone too long. You can always get the points back if need be.”

“Yeah but I really need a good grade in this class.” Sero held his head in his hands.  “I should’ve asked you to be my partner instead, Mina. You’re like totally awesome.”

The hair flip Mina gave was accentuated with with a wink. “‘Course I’m awesome. Don’t you forget it.”

Bakugou took out his books as he tuned out the rest of their conversation. Some might say spying on their friends was unethical, but Bakugou didn’t care. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to the only people in class he remotely tolerated, it was that—actually that was exactly why! Why would he waste his breath with pointless conversations if these fucktards didn’t get their lives straight? It served Flex Tape and Defective Pikachu right if they got a shitty grade at the end of this. Even Bakugou hadn’t purposely forgotten his baby when Kirishima reminded him about it. Sucking it up was part of the hero job.

Then again shitty haired Kirishima had done most of the work without complaint. The guy must really like kids if he was taking this so seriously. Bakugou was slightly proud, even if he’d never tell him that.

Almost everyone was already in their seats, including latecomers like balls for brains, headphone jackass, and that one cake dude no one bothered to remember. Bakugou could tell some of his classmates looked like shit when they arrived dead on their feet like zombies. Mineta had puke falling from his shirt while his baby cried on his shoulder.

The last to join were stupid Deku and Uraraka, whose baby looked so happy the center screen had a smile emoji and a whopping 120 points. Bakugou zeroed in on the score and tried to burn it with his eyes. How was it possible fucking Deku was good at this too? This was absolute GARBAGE! Shit!

Kirishima turned towards Bakugou and gave a slight frown. It was as if he could feel his partner’s glare from across the room. Bakugou gave him the middle finger.

“How did you possibly acquire so many points in one night?” Iida asked Deku the shit nerd with wide eyes. Everyone else gathered around the pair too.

“How do I get it to stop puking?”

“Please teach me your ways!”

Deku scratched the back of his head looking completely nervous to be the center of attention. “I just did what the pamphlets Recovery Girl gave us said. We got points for feeding him throughout the night and in the morning, changing his diaper, and genuinely just being there.

“Actually,” he continued. “I can thank Uraraka for all the points. She’s the one that stayed up all night. I just came by early as moral support.”

All eyes snapped to Uraraka who immediately gave a loud EEP. More questions flew at her while Deku took the moment to slink away to his seat. Before he got there, however, he stopped directly in front of Kirishima.

If it wasn’t for his pencil breaking in between a tight fist, Bakugou would’ve rocket launched himself across the room. Instead he stayed seated and shouldered his anger.

“Hey,” Deku’s simple smile was back in full force when he addressed Kirishima. It was fucking disgusting. “How are you guys doing? I saw you go out super early this morning, but Kacchan wasn’t with you. Is everything okay?”

Damn Deku for being so nosy. Bakugou was going to teach him a lesson later on the training grounds. Recovery Girl would need to scrape the floor with a spatula once he finished with the wannabe hero.

Kirishima’s voice came out light. “Oh yeah. I was already up so I decided to let Bakugou sleep a little longer. This is a partnership after all so I’m gonna do my best to make sure my partner is good too.”

Kirishima gave a thumbs up in Bakugou’s direction only to receive a loud growl and another angry glare. What was shitty hair doing, fraternizing with the enemy?

Kirishima said something else Bakugou couldn’t quite catch. Aizawa was already walking to his desk.

Deku looked up for a moment before leaning down and whispered in Kirishima’s right ear. Bakugou felt a twinge of...something stirring in his belly. He didn’t know what it as, but at that moment he sure wanted to punch something, anything, into oblivion.

With that, Deku gave another big smile and headed towards his seat, a pair of glowing red eyes following him so intently they could burn through the sun.

XXXXX

Aizawa Sensei looked like he was also taking care of a batch of children (technically he always was) with how slow he talked throughout the day. Lectures were long, notes were boring, and though Kirishima tried his hardest to pay attention Ama was starting to get really fussy. She kept making slight noises even as he rocked her to quiet down. Aizawa gave up halfway through his lesson when Tokoyami and Shoji’s baby gave out a roaring screech, scaring Dark Shadow so much the quirk flew up and knocked down a light fixture.

From now to the end of the fake baby project there were new rules posted at the door when they came back from lunch. They included, but weren’t limited to: no pee in their seats, no pee on their desks, if the babies puked and they didn’t take care of it immediately there would be detention, no feeding the babies in the classroom, and all babies had to be accounted for at all times (that last one was Kaminari’s fault).

“Dang it,” Kaminari whined when he skimmed the extensive list. “If it poops in class we have to clean it up? That’s so unfair.”

“Don’t you wanna pass this class, Jamming Way?” Jiro asked with a smirk. “Don’t tell me you’ve never shoveled poop before. I’d get used to it if I were you.” Kaminari’s narrowed eyes made her burst out laughing.

“I’m sure we can do it,” Momo encouraged, cradling her baby close. Like her, it too had a lump of black hair on her head, sporting a cute grin on its open mouth. “Baby Pangu has been pretty calm so far.”

Kaminari gave a short laugh. “You named your baby after an arctic animal? That’s hilarious!”

“Pangu is the goddess of creation in Chinese cosmology,” Momo recited like she was a living textbook. “I named her after my quirk. Todoroki agreed it was the best name between the both of us.”

“Yeah! Try reading a book next time, Kaminari.” Jiro continued to shriek with laughter even as Kaminari folded his arms together and tried to look intimidating. He must’ve noticed Kirishima staring too because the electro hero gave him an amused look.

“And what’s baby Kiribaku’s name, huh? Lord Dynamite Murder Goddess?”

Kiri—what?

Kirishima opened his mouth to ask what that was all about, but Bakugou beat him to it. Kaminari was sent flying through the air so fast he practically trembled with the force. Bakugou’s eyes were red with murder, his mouth a cross between a snarl and manic grin as he held down Kaminari with a fist to his stomach. Somewhere in the distance someone was crying and it wasn’t a baby.

“SAY THAT AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT CHARGING STATION AND I’LL KILL YOU!”

Kaminari turned as white as a ghost as he thrashed around. Bakugou’s grip was too strong so after a few seconds he gave up. “Okay okay!” Kaminari put his hands up. “You win. Sorry, man. Please don’t kill me.”

After that, no one questioned what their baby’s name was. Some complimented her—even before Kirishima could open his mouth—and others steered clear altogether. Pretty soon the only ones still left outside the class door were Kirishima and Bakugou, who was still seething with so much rage his hands were creating mini firecrackers. Kirishima gave him an unimpressed frown.

“That wasn’t very manly of you, Bakubro. Denki didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t call me that,” Bakugou seethed, even though it was with a little less anger. He let his quirk fall away entirely and pocketed his hands. “Mind your own damn business.”

Kirishima held Ama with his hip. “Why’re you so angry all of a sudden? Did something happen?”

Something twisted in Bakugou’s face that looked a lot like forced agony. Instead of pushing past Kirishima to go back to class, the blond shuffled from foot to foot.

“What’d the shitty nerd tell you in class?”

Kirishima blinked. Shitty nerd? OH.

“You mean Midoriya?” Bakugou nodded like it was obvious, which it totally was. “We were just talking, dude. Nothing bad happened. All good things.”

“I better not find out he’s been talking shit about me or I’ll kill him.” Bakugou bumped Kirishima’s shoulder. “If you ain’t gonna tell me I’m going back inside. Stay out here if you want, hair for brains, but make sure the baby is fed. I ain’t picking up any fake puke.”

“I mean...” Kirishima scratched his neck. “I can tell you if you want but you’ll probably flip and scare the baby. I don’t want to lose anymore points.”

Bakugou huffed out a “Fine. Whatever the fuck you want,” turned the corner and went to sit in his seat to prepare for their next class. Kirishima could only stare at the window looking out onto campus. Ama made slight cooing noises in his arms in order to tell him her diaper needed changing.

He pretended she was saying something else.

“I know, little one. I’m in deep this time.”

Midoriya’s words came back into his mind like a floating thought bubble in one of those cartoon movies.

“You can let Kacchan take care of the baby too if that’s what you’re afraid of. He’ll never tell you but he’s secretly really good with kids.”

Kirishima couldn’t contain the smile on his face as he made his way to the bathrooms to take care of their baby.

Chapter Text

The walk back was quieter this time. Half the class split, some to study for their upcoming finals while others trekked to the dorms. Bakugou was only half listening as Dunce-head, Soy Sauce Face, and Raccoon Eyes droned on and on about their failed marks, talking about the lectures and assignments due the following day. It was a miracle he still tolerated them, even when they got incredibly close. It was getting really hard not to blast their faces because for some reason they were always around.

“I can’t believe we have Midnight’s paper and new vocabulary to get through this week,” Kaminari whined. “Being a student sucks.”

“You’re totally going to leave it for the last minute aren’t you?” Sero asked with a knowing smile. He rocked his baby back and forth before passing the sleeping thing to his partner. “Remember we all gotta at least try and do good on our midterms or someone’s gonna have our head.”

Kaminari produced a bottle from his pocket. “I’ll say. I can’t believe Aizawa threatened to call my mom, can you believe that?”

“Coming from you, sweetie, it ain’t a stretch. No offense but you’re not the brightest bulb in the six pack.” Ashido yawned only for Sero to burst out laughing.

“HA! Who said it was only a six pack? I vote it’s at least a pack of twelve, or thirty.”

“At least I’m not the one who thought my name was a play on octopus today!” Kaminari retorted with a pout. “I do not sound like calamari.”

“Yeah, Denks. You kinda do.” Sero held up his index finger to twirl it around in a magical ring. “They totally look like baby onion rings which are conveniently something you also like to eat.”

“Just because I like to eat it doesn’t mean I actually am it. That’s not how biology works.” Kaminari blinked a few times before he chewed on his lower lip. “Right?”

Ashido shrugged. “Isn’t that saying your are what you eat’?”

“Yeah but I can’t be a freaking squid! Where are my extra arms? Where is my one eye?”

“Where is your brain? The possibilities are endless.” Sero ducked out of the way just in time for a charged hand to miss him entirely. “Ya missed.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes at the whole display. Frankly they were all idiots and he was going to say something, but why bother when they were just going to be even more annoying later on. No matter how much he snapped at them, they still continued talking like he hadn’t said a word.

He was actually going to scream at Kaminari for coming really close to his face when another hand tapped his shoulder lightly. Bakugou narrowed his eyes to see Kirishima’s head cocked to the side, watching him closely.

“Hey, man. You feeling okay? You’re not as talkative as usual.”

“Fucking fine,” Bakugou gritted out through clenched teeth. Leave it to Kirishima to add to his growing headache. “You all jus’ won’t fucking shut up. I can’t think.”

“Aw, Blasty,” Ashido practically cooed the nickname. “You actually are paying attention to us.”

“One more WORD and I’ll rip your fucking THROAT out! You hear me?”

Bakugou hadn’t meant to be so loud but the sound of crying babies had him stilling midstep. Even when he didn’t move the crying continued as if to show him that this was all his fault.

This really was a nightmare.

Kirishima went to automatically shush their bundle of joy, rocking it back and forth until it was slowly sniffling instead of wailing. Fat, artificial tears stained Baby Ama’s cheeks and more rained down to drip past Kirishima’s arm but still he didn’t stop rocking. Bakugou looked on in disgust, making sure his next words were quieter than his normal voice. The UA dorms stood tall in front of them.

“We’re studying tonight once we figure out what to do with the damn kid,” Bakugou said harshly. He tried not to grit his teeth when Kirishima’s smile fell.

“Aw, man, but why? It’s Taco Tuesday somewhere right? Not study Tuesday.”

“I don’t know what the fuck a taco is but you’re studying until you can tell me the letters of the alphabet backwards! Ya hear me?”

Bakugou didn’t wait for an answer, only busted through the doors to get to the elevators before anyone else could follow him. He smashed his fist against the up button, fully aware of the rest of the group calling for him to wait up. Kirishima was the first and only one to be able to slip through the doors as they closed shut.

“That wasn’t very manly, bro.” The redhead bit his bottom lip with a sharp tooth. “Why’d you close the door on everyone else? Now they gotta take the stares.”

“They could use the cardio.” And to leave him alone. “They’re fine, shitty hair.”

The elevator doors shut and the UA anthem started to play like elevator music in the background. Kirishima continued to rock Ama back and forth like he was in some kind of one man baby waltz. With every ding of each floor Bakugou’s headache grew in irritation.

”You got an hour before we study, Kirishima,” he said when the doors opened, spilling them both out onto their floor. “You’re late, I start without you.”

”Dude! B-but—“

Bakugou rounded on him, glaring like the sun trying to dry out the most persistent of weeds. Kirishima might be dumb but he wasn’t stupid (or dumb actually he just needed the extra tutoring) so the hard headed asshole knew when to shut up and follow Bakugou’s lead.

He also wasn’t an asshole, just Bakugou didn’t want him to know that. Too many compliments might make his big heart even bigger.

He went to slam the door in Kirishima’s face, pausing only when he noticed his partner stretching out his arms in an offering.

“No.”

”But the crib is in your room.”

Fuck. He’d totally forgotten.

“You can take it back to your room and bring it later.”

”Really, man, I’d have to lug it to my room, wait, and then bring it back later? ‘Cause that seems super smart coming from one of the top students in our school.”

Leave it to shitty hair to state the obvious, but yeah that plan was dumb.

”It’s just for a bit while I go give Denki his game back,” Kirishima pleaded and damn if those big, red puppy dog eyes didn’t do something to Bakugou’s head.

”Fffine.” It was drawn out yet also to the point. “You got 5 minutes. Anymore and I’m tossing the brat on your bed, points be damned.” He wouldn’t for the sake of their grade but the principle was still there.

”Right. I’ll be quick, trust me.”

Kirishima gingerly tiptoed inside, a sleeping baby now resting in his arms, and slowly but surely placed Ama into her crib, making sure to swaddle her with layers of blankets as if the thing could get cold. Bakugou managed to stare without his eye twitching too hard.

”Okay. I’ll be back,” the redhead whispered. With a final pat on the back that Bakugou tried to fight off the door clicked silently.

Great. He was trapped in his room with a sleeping baby.

“Okay, kid,” he talked to the wind because no one else was listening. “It’s just you and me. You stay in your little area and I’ll stay in mine.”

Baby Ama didn’t move because why would she. If it wasn’t for the continuous hum of electricity moving through her core, Bakugou would’ve assumed she was dead. The ethereal silence was just what he needed.

Good All Might what time was it? It was only a little after 4 and yet Bakugou felt his bones already melting into his comforter. If this was how parents felt 24/7 why the fuck did they even have kids? Two more weeks like this was gonna seriously mess with his head, and he’d been kidnapped by the league!

No. Finals were coming up soon and so help him he wasn’t falling behind because of a stupid doll and her inability to keep quiet. He’d been around enough kids to know what to do in situations of crisis, but never an actual kid ! Like, a baby wasn’t a kid kid and oh he was just like Deku now wasn’t he?!

Bakugou groaned in malcontent, silencing the sound with the pillow he’d threatened Kirishima with one too many times. It was soft, so soft. The presence alluring like the waves of sleep crashing on a calm beach.

Shit. Fuck! He hit his face by smacking it into the devilish fluff of cotton.

Where even was shitty hair? It’d clearly been gone over five minutes, how hard was it to chuck a Nintendo game at Kaminari’s face and call it a day?

Ugh, Bakugou rubbed his temples. He didn’t need shitty hair to check on a stupid baby. Maybe doing something at least wouldn’t put him to sleep.

He crept up slowly from the bed, gazing into the crib like he expected to find something other than whatever creature Recovery Girl had thrusted into his care.

Ama was kinda cute he supposed. If Kirishima said so at least. Her chubby cheeks didn’t look as artificial as he’d once thought, round with baby fat that wasn’t really there. Her body was small, wrapped in cloth and fleece and other materials of black and red and orange. He’d seriously need to clean the ONE blanket he’d shucked at Kirishima’s face last night when this was over because apparently it didn’t belong to either of them anymore.

As if she sensed him, Ama’s unseeing eyes flew open, settling on his face just as he had done with her. The blue of her pupils were way too wide to be a baby’s unless that’s how they were supposed to be. The unmoving mouth stayed slightly open, meant to coverup whatever feeding tube was hidden inside the mechanism.

”What’re you staring at, you gremlin?”

Big mistake. The next sound in the room was a cry so loud it should’ve been labeled as a glass shattering quirk. This definitely wasn’t part of the baby training pamphlets.

Fan-fucking-tastic! Now he was trapped in his room with a screaming baby.

“Calm down, you little brat,” Bakugou sang from above. Wasn’t that what mothers did with their kids? Uh…

He didn’t know any nursery rhymes off the top of his head and his voice barely fit any tune anyways. He could try think twins on the star or something? Apparently Ama also wasn’t having any of those ideas because the worse smell of his life accosted his nostrils and Bakugou doubled back to pinch his nose.

No. No no no no FUCK no.

“Shit,” he muttered because there was nothing else to say.

The diapers were scattered somewhere in between his closet and Kirishima’s unused sleeping bag. Why the hell would he even bring that thing when they both knew where his shitty head was gonna end up?! Bakugou threw aside some discarded socks, a shirt, the food bag with little packets in pukey colors. He grabbed the first diaper on top, unhooked the pin, and yanked it out so it flew from his sweaty palm to land somewhere closer to the crib.

Okay, good. Step 1 accomplished. Now all he had to do was unfasten the diaper currently growing as more and more nastiness was being pumped into it. Easy.

Except when he went to grab Ama her mechanical arms moved up and down in a tantrum motion, causing Bakugou to fumble her like a football so she fell right back into the crib. Face first. It wasn’t possible but the crying got louder.

It was both a blessing and a curse that Kirishima chose to barge in at that exact moment: Bakugou holding up half a poopy diaper in one hand, his other hand sparkling wildly, baby Ama wailing with her legs thrown wildly like an impressive gymnast.

“Dude!” Kirishima waved his arms around too. “What happened? What did you do, Bakugou?”

”Shitty hair, I swear to god!” He dropped the diaper on the floor. It landed with a heavy thump, making his skin crawl because wtf was in this thing?

”Don’t hold her like that! Wait, Baku—OW!”

Bakugou’s elbow connected with Kirishima’s face, making the later rear back in pain. That didn’t stop Ama from crying however so they both spun around to try and placate her still shrieking form. Kirishima got there first, scooping her up in his big arms to continuously rock her back and forth.

Slowly but surely Ama began to respond to the calming gesture. The doll’s screams cut off in an unnerving matter and her eyelids dropped to a close. Bakugou let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“There we go,” Kirishima whispered without stopping his movements. “That’s it. Who’s a good baby?”

Not her, Bakugou retorted in his mind. He grabbed the forgotten diaper that had most definitely stained his floor and chucked it into the furthest waste bin. When he turned around Kirishima had already wrapped up Ama in a new diaper and was laying her back down in the crib.

“How did you do that?” Bakugou asked.

Kirishima glanced at him before focusing back on Ama. “Do what? She was just startled.”

“No. Not that.” The changing? The soothing? The being so good at this whole situation?

Bakugou gestured vaguely instead of actually elaborating. The redheaded sunshine in front of him apparently took that as a sign to grin, one snaggletooth poking out of his lip.

“That’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever heard, Kats. Thanks!”

Bakugou exhaled through his teeth. Again with that nickname.

“Just shut up and grab your textbook before I hit you with it. Math first then Midnight’s paper because I’m sure you haven’t finished it.”

“I did! I just need the beginning. And a bit of the middle.”

“Show me what you got so far, hair for brains.” Bakugou held up his hand expectantly.

Kirishima’s grin faltered.

“Kirishima.”

“I swear I was working on it all week!”

“THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.”

They both ended up falling asleep after finishing half a worksheet, Midnight’s full paper (which Bakugou ended up almost waking up the whole dorm over the ordeal), and taking out not one but two poopy diapers after dinner, only to be woken up by a wailing Ama begging for whatever babies wanted at 3 in the morning.