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The night before Mark is set to go back to his hometown to meet his childhood friends in person after over two years, he dreamt of Kang Seulgi, his middle school crush (like everybody else back then), and Lee Donghyuck ("Your other crush?" Renjun jokes. Mark stammers a contradiction). In his dream, Seulgi was wearing a red scarf, her back to his. He raised a hand to reach out to her, but when she turned around, it was Donghyuck who faced him.
Renjun cackles from the other end of the line.
Mark is telling Renjun about his dream over the phone as he rides a bus to his hometown. He stares outside the window as he talks, watching familiar, fleeting images of scrawny trees, a group of pedestrians waiting by the crosswalk, people hugged by their coat sitting alone on bus stops. It's like rewinding a movie because you failed to catch what a character has just said, or to look for a scene you must have missed because your focus is somewhere else.
"You know that red scarf Seulgi noona always wears? Donghyuck was wearing that too when he turned around," Mark says, hugging his old Jansport backpack closer to his chest. "When I saw his face I was like, wait what?"
"I don't know that red scarf you're talking about. I only know Donghyuck's," Renjun replies, voice a bit muffled over the phone. "Did you know he still uses the same red scarf until now? Like the one from middle school."
"Really?" Mark wonders if he's having some kind of a memory error at the moment. Donghyuck does own a lot of red: phone case, shoes, wallet, even pants. His favorite color. If it's red, it's Donghyuck.
"Jeno and Jaemin are here now, by the way. Should we order food now?"
"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. It won't take long before I get there, anyway."
Renjun huffs. "You sure? You almost got off at the wrong stop."
Mark laughs. "Dude, I swear. I'm looking at the right side now." He transfers his phone to his other hand, digging his elbow into his bag perched on his lap with his coat. "I'm still wondering why Seulgi noona turned into Donghyuck in my dream, though."
"Hmm. Maybe because it has always been Donghyuck. You just fooled yourself into thinking it's her."
Outside, Mark sees a red car, a woman in a red coat, a sign with red lettering, a red poster on a pole, everything is blushing.
How does Donghyuck look like now, he wonders. He rarely sends photos of him in their group chat, or posts on any social media account he has. They don't do video calls either. Only voice calls, sometimes, where Donghyuck says whatever he wants and Mark laughs most of the time; where Mark tells random stories, while Donghyuck patiently listens.
He is about to ask if Donghyuck has arrived yet, when, through the window, he catches a flash of brown figure in front of an establishment. A cardboard cutout of a bear, inviting people in. "Yo, I feel like I just went past that barbecue resto we used to love," Mark says, leaning his body forward, head turned to take a peek of what's left to see.
"Oh, Seulgi noona's auntie's restaurant?" Renjun replies.
"Donghyuck really really loves pork belly, though. Like, I get tired of eating there sometimes, but he loves it there so much, so."
Mark remembers Donghyuck's rounded cheek filled with rice and pork belly and side dishes wrapped in lettuce, how he chewed with a pout, and how he'd sometimes wrap one for Mark. "Say aaah," Donghyuck would utter, then feed Mark, then giggle at Mark's scowl.
"Seulgi noona was a server there," Renjun says.
"Oh. Yeah, forgot about that." Mark slumps into his seat.
"That bear was supposed to be her, right?"
"It always reminded me of Donghyuck, though."
Renjun hums. "Anything literally reminds you of Donghyuck."
Mark sits upright. "I do not."
"Yes, you do."
"Shut up."
The bus halts at the stop in front of the bookstore Seulgi used to regularly visit with her friend Seungwan. Mark would hang out there a lot too, usually with Donghyuck who would help him find specific books. One time, when Mark pulled a novel from a shelf, Donghyuck's face appeared from the other side.
"Boo!" Donghyuck said.
Mark recalls clutching onto his heart in response.
The bus moves, and Mark leans his head against the window, his head vibrating with the bus's movement. There's a trembling on his chest. He did not tell Renjun this, but in his dream, when he saw Donghyuck, he immediately reached out to him, and pulled him into a hug.
"Where are you now?"
Mark has almost forgotten about the phone against his ear. He straightens up. "Almost there."
"Someone's already there at the bus stop. Waiting for you," Renjun says.
"Who?"
"Who do you think has been waiting for you all this time?"
"Um. All of you? I mean, like, I'm the only one who's attending a university that's like, so far—"
"Duh! But you know what I mean!"
The bus slows down. Mark peers outside, but he's too far at the back of the bus to see the stop clearly. Canopy. Ads. That's it. "Yo, I'm here."
"Well, okay, bye!" Renjun hangs up in a haste.
Mark puts his coat on, then scrambles to get up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He sinks his phone into the pocket of his jeans and walks down the aisle. When he reaches the door, he pauses for a second, breathing in and out, patting his chest. Then he gets out, gently leaping out of the bus.
"Mark Lee!"
Donghyuck rises from the bench.
Mark is glued in his place. Donghyuck's right there in front of him. Dyed brown hair, long brown coat, a red scarf around his neck.
The same red scarf he was wearing the first time they met, middle school. Mark was just walking home then, when he stopped in front of a house, suddenly drawn towards a red scarf gliding in the air. Then Donghyuck came running out of the said house, paused when he stumbled upon Mark standing dumbly in the middle of the road.
"Are you one of Seulgi noona's many admirers?" Donghyuck asked, smug, chin up.
"Yes?" Mark said because he thought that was the right answer.
"You're still a baby."
Mark shrugged.
Then Seulgi came out of the neighboring house, patted their heads and ruffled their hairs when she walked past them, then went on her way, a yellow scarf around her neck.
The bus behind Mark grumbles away.
"Mark Lee," Donghyuck repeats. "I know my presence can leave you speechless. But come on, I've been waiting for you."
Mark shakes his head and eventually takes slow steps forward, while, at the corner of his eyes, he catches everything that is red: traffic light, a beanie, a bag, a trampoline with images of apples.
When they're finally face to face, for a moment, Mark studies Donghyuck. His eyebrows, his eyes, his nose, his lips, his moles. He's still the same, still looks the same. Still Donghyuck. Mark nods and says, "What's up?"
Donghyuck huffs.
Mark lifts a hand and grazes his fingertips at the tip of the scarf hanging over Donghyuck's chest. That same red scarf he was wearing the last time they met, high school graduation.
"Yes, I haven't moved on from this scarf," Donghyuck says. "What about it?"
Mark looks at him straight in the eyes. "It's you," he says.
Donghyuck raises his eyebrows at him, and then feels his own face: his forehead, his cheekbones, his cheek, his nose, his jaw. "Of course, it's me."
Mark chuckles and squeezes Donghyuck's face between his palms. "Of course, it's you."
Donghyuck blinks at him. "What? You missed me so much you wanna kiss me so bad?"
Mark giggles at Donghyuck's squished cheeks and pouted lips when he speaks.
"If you don't let go I'm gonna start thinking you actually wanna kiss me."
Mark shrugs.
Donghyuck puckers his lips and then winks. On the ad behind him, a female model's cheeks bloom in cherry red. Mark lowers his hands, holds onto Donghyuck's shoulders, and crushes him into a hug. His cheek against Donghyuck's scarf.
His phone vibrates in his pocket. Probably Renjun. But he lets it be. Donghyuck hugs him back. The softness of the scarf, the warmth of Donghyuck's body, Donghyuck's voice mumbling, "What the, what the," again and again. This is not a dream.
"It has always been you, Donghyuck," Mark says. "Always you."
Donghyuck tightens his grip around Mark's waist. "Okay, but what sappy shit are you talking about?"