Archive of Our Own

“Seriously Jisung, what the hell was that?!”

Jisung actually doesn’t know what it was.

“Maybe…really, could you at least explain yourself?!”

Jisung averts Chenle’s gaze. There’s something unbearable in it that makes him burn. He hates it when Chenle’s mad, but it wasn’t until this day that he’d ever been that mad at him.

“Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to…” he curls up on the couch which, considering his height, must look pretty ridiculous and is, in fact, quite uncomfortable. He only hears Chenle’s grunt in response.

“Jisung-ah, it’s not an explanation.”

There’s disappointment in his voice, which hurts Jisung on a level he hasn’t expected to hurt. Yes, Chenle’s right, Jisung overreacted. Acted too silly—no, acted like a jerk to his hyungs. He made a huge fuss about what seemed literally nothing, especially for Chenle. He’s not a little kid anymore to throw a tantrum and be forgiven just like that and it irritates him now that he thinks of it—actually no, that’s not what he thinks… oh now he doesn’t really know what to think, it all seems like a huge unsolvable bundle stuck in his head. He can’t even make a proper sentence, all weird unexplainable emotions trying to speak for him at once. His stupid pride is hurt, stopping him from sincerely apologizing to everyone he’s offended, and the weirdest thing is, Jisung actually doesn’t understand why he’s doing it to himself. He knows he did something dumb and he has no idea why it’s so hard to say he’s sorry even though he knows he’s the one guilty.

“Stop acting like a kid, look at me.”

Jisung hesitates. Something in him tells him that looking at Chenle will only worsen the situation, reviving the memories from mere half an hour ago. He can however feel the tension rise up in the room, his shared room with Renjun, actually, the only place he should feel comfortable right now…
Wait, where’s Renjun? The one that could always find the way to comfort him when… ah yes. He’s probably with Haechan right now. Seeking comfort after what Jisung has told him.

God, the fans will be gossiping for no one knows how long… shit, what has he done. This is so not like him.
He sighs, finally gaining enough courage to look up and regretting it right away, seeing fire in Chenle’s eyes. Just as he presumed; everything comes back to him with doubled force.

It was supposed to be a typical vlive from Dreamies’ practice room. Jisung was splayed against the mirror wall, half-sitting next to Chenle.
It started as a minor pang of envy, when Chenle and Renjun were talking about others’ improvements in Chinese. Chenle kept praising Jeno over and over again. As if it wasn’t Jisung who studied way more than him. Maybe his pronunciation isn’t that great as the great Jeno, but Jisung can bet Jeno knows way less than him.
But Chenle didn’t even bother to mention Jisung’s name to the extent that he ignored it when Jisung actually asked him about his own improvements; he only received a slap in the thigh as a response.

Only Jaemin must have noticed something change in Jisung’s stare, cause Jisung remembers the meaningful wink Jaemin sent him. It’s just a joke Jisungie.
On one hand Jisung knows it’s just teasing. On the other hand – it became absolutely unbearable at that moment.
Anyways, Jisung took a deep breath and shut his mouth, waiting for another topic to appear.
But another topic was even worse.

“Everyone, you know Chenle is the one to laugh the most.” Renjun poked at Chenle, who also happened to sit next to him. Chenle looked at his extended fingers with surprise.

“Me?” He stared cockily “that’s so not true!” he pretended to get offended by Renjun’s remark. “I bet you won’t make me laugh here during this live, not even once.” His face became a poker one.

Haechan suddenly seemed pretty interested in the idea, so he crouched from his seat next to Jeno towards them, his hand imitating a microphone. Jaemin remained on his place in between Renjun and Jeno, head rested on Jeno’s chest.

“Hello, this is Haechan camera with 37.5% viewer ratings and today we’re going to test Chenle’s ability of not laughing. Jissung-ssi, can you make Chenle-ssi laugh?”

Jisung gave him a nod and smiled, because of course he could.

Suddenly Chenle faced him and Jisung could swear that his face expression was not a joke. It was more of a disappointment? Disgust, even.

“He? Never.” He smirked.

Something rearranged in Jisung’s guts. His face expression got stern, eyes darkened.

Of course Jisung knows now that it really was a joke, as it always is, and he has absolutely no damn idea why in that particular moment he thought otherwise. Like, what took over him, really.

So, as everyone can imagine, Chenle took Jisung’s frown as a joke as well.

“Oh Jisungie, don’t get mad” he said giddily as usual, “but you have to admit that your sense of humor is poor.”

The tone of these words only deepened Jisung’s bad mood.

“Oh, so that’s what you think…” he muttered, not as loud to get it recorded, but loud enough for Chenle and Haechan to hear. Chenle only shrugged it off, Haechan however tilted his head, clearly not understanding. Something was off.

“Okay…” he started over. “Now, Chenle-ssi, how about Jeno-ssi?”

Chenle closed his eyes, humming along as if he was thinking hard about it. “I would say… mediocre.”

Jeno gushed in response, pretending to get offended.

“Ah yes,” Haechan retorted, “Jeno is a no-jam, he cannot make anybody laugh, indeed. How about Renjun-ssi, what do you think?”

Jisung remembers that he somehow felt left alone. Like, everyone had great fun without him even participating. Something ridiculously threatening started emerging in him. Still, he kept his mouth shut.

“I think Chenle’s going to laugh in the next five seconds.” He gave Haechan an encouraging grin. The latter understood Renjun with no words needed and began to count.

“Five…”

“What?” Jisung and Chenle sighed almost in unison. Jeno and Jaemin observed the situation silently.

“Four…”

Renjun pulled away from the wall and turned to face astonished Chenle directly.

“Three…”

Renjun stretched his arms and fingers. A mischievous smirk appeared on his face.

Chenle started panicking, but his back was still slammed against the wall. The practice room filled with his surprised screams.

“Two…”

“Have mercy! No!” Chenle squeezed his eyes shut, expecting what seemed to be absolutely clear. Renjun was going to tickle him to death.

Chenle tried to make a poker face again, but Renjun’s laughter made it pretty hard to maintain.

“One…”

Chenle tried to move, but suddenly Haechan was by his side, gripping his wrist so that there’s no escape.

Jisung finally connected the dots. Something irrational made him internally snap.

As now Jisung thinks of it, it was pure jealousy. Of the fact that he didn’t come up with the idea, of the fact that Renjun was the one tickling Chenle and it so should be him, right? Finally, of the fact that Renjun was about to touch his Chenle… wait wait wait. He didn’t think about Chenle that way, did he?

Oh shit he did.

He couldn’t stand the sight of Renjun tickling Chenle as if there’s no tomorrow, laughing hard along with Haechan. And Chenle was also laughing, not only because of being tickled. He was having so much fun, whereas Jisung only sat there, sad and grumpy and…

Jisung could hold his stupid anger until Renjun by accident rolled Chenle’s shirt up. Jisung gulped, horrifying himself, because the sight caused a feeling in him he’s never felt before.

Jaemin caught a glimpse of Jisung’s stare and immediately changed his position so that he was closer to the camera, ready to cover things that fans should not see.
Haechan, on the other hand, randomly started to fight with Renjun over the pile of laughter that was considered to be Chenle. Renjun, too focused on making Chenle laugh even harder, was caught by surprise. His balance got screwed up resulting in him bashfully landing on Chenle, which didn’t stop him from tickling the younger even more.

“Stop! Aaargghh ahahah Guys! G-hihahahaha, s-stop!!” Chenle blabbed something out shakily.

Jisung doesn’t exactly remember his words. One thing for sure. He got mad. He called Renjun ‘an idiot’ and ordered them to stop playing like this. At first they thought that Jisung wasn’t taking it seriously, so they simply laughed it off. But Jisung, to their surprise, meant it.

“Listen dumbass” the harsh tone smashed Renjun “Get off him, understood?!”

Renjun stopped halfway. Haechan froze.

“Jisung, what did you just say?” Renjun muttered in disbelief. Chenle’s confused stare wandered all over all three.

“I said..” Something in Jisung’s voice alarmed Jaemin, who looked back at them with worry. Jeno’s body tensed “Get off him, stupid.”

Renjun was so shocked that he didn’t move. So Jisung moved him, clutching his arm in a too-strong grip, literally ripping him off Chenle.

“Can’t you suddenly understand Korean?! I said something so you’d better—“

God, why did he say it.

As if Jaemin and Haechan had shared brains, they leaped to the camera, babbling out some nonsense to muffle the fight, fully covering the screen with their silhouettes. Jisung couldn’t care less about it.

“Jisung-ah-- ?” Renjun’s airy voice froze mid-sentence, a mixture of shock and hurt appearing on his face. Jisung didn’t even bother to answer.
He casted a furious glance over Chenle, who seemed absolutely bumfuzzled, blinking several times with his mouth agape.

“Jisung, what did you—“

Jisung already stood up and turned his feet towards the exit.

“Nothing that you care about.” He muttered, tone dangerously low. Renjun and Chenle remained frozen in their actions, while Jeno finally managed to stand up, catching Jisung’s sleeve just as he was about to leave.

“Listen up, Jisung, I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you should at least apolo—“ He whispered, but Jisung cut him off.

“Leave. Me.” he spoke through gritted teeth, ripping away from Jeno’s grip.

He stormed out of the practice room; the last thing he heard was Jeno apologizing fans by saying that they forgot about a practice that’s about to start in a minute. Jisung only sped up after hearing this. He didn’t want to bump into any of them.

Next thing he remembers was slamming the door to his dorm shut, then crouching on the bed and letting all his emotions escape his mind along with taking deep breaths.

That’s how it was until Chenle showed up. Probably the door must’ve not closed, apparently slammed too harsh. Stupid door.

Now Chenle’s here, demanding a profound explanation of something Jisung can’t even comprehend. That’s so nonsense. The whole situation is absolutely insane.

“Look; screw me, but you have to apologize to Jeno and Renjun hyungs. Especially Renjun-hyung. What has gotten into you, man? I know you can be a bit envious for my attention, but… What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting so strange for no reason—“

Chenle suddenly stops his monologue and tilts his head.

“Are you even listening to me?” The question snaps Jisung out of whatever state he’s just been in, and he suddenly realizes that Chenle’s gaze examines him from head to toe, finally stopping on his face.

“Are you sick?” He doesn’t even let Jisung answer him, his palm reaching to Jisung’s forehead. In a blink of an eye Jisung grabs his forearm and rebuffs it.

“I’m not sick, stop it.” Chenle’s visibly confused with his statement. Confused an something else… is it hurt? Oh damn, did he hurt Chenle again? God, he didn’t even mean to…

“Then what is it, huh? Why are you acting like this around me? You can be a bit jealous but I always found it —“

Jisung’s had enough. Whatever is speaking through him, it’s too late to stop it.

“Because lately I’m madly jealous of you and I don’t even know why, OKAY?!” He yells, suddenly feeling oddly exasperated.

Jisung doesn’t know when and where it started, but he’s been having 'symptoms' for about a month. At first there were these weird random pangs of anxiety, joy and envy. Then it turned to something else, prolonged thoughts suddenly attacking his mind, which soon escalated into pure jealousy, and a sort of… a need to be close to him, to touch him and never let go, to… well, Jisung found it weird and felt ashamed of having that feeling in him, that shame only resulting in him being angrier than before.

“Don’t shout at m-- what…?” Chenle stops, unsure of how to react.

“I don’t know!” Jisung curls up even more “It drives me nuts! I’ve been trying to put an end to it but… I can’t? I just snap and… Ahh, it’s too much for me.” He rubs his forehead, concealing his face in his hands. God bless they’re so huge, huh.

“Wait wait wait. What do you mean, ‘you don’t even know’?” Chenle cuts the distance, placing himself on the floor in front of Jisung’s bed.

“It seems like everything is suddenly… different.” Jisung gulps. “And I can’t even define the difference.”

Chenle uses the opportunity to entangle his hands with Jisung’s.

“B-but why?”

“I started to feel… abandoned? You always give me so much attention, but I feel like it’s not enough and it’s sick? And awful. When I see you so close with others, something in me suddenly… and I just can’t control it. I mean… I don’t even know why it’s happening and I don’t want that feeling;”

Suddenly Jisung cannot breathe. His cheeks burn and he’s awfully aware that he looks like an idiot. He untangles his palms from Chenle’s and awkwardly embraces himself.

“Argh, it’s so ridiculous!”

“Jisung-ah…” Chenle starts off but clearly has no idea what to say. “I- I don’t know what’s going on but I’m worried. Maybe --, can I ask hyungs, maybe they could help you?”

Jisung only shakes his head in response, eyes automatically closing when he exhales.

“No, please don’t tell them. I can’t even describe it myself. Please let me figure it out alone, okay?”

Jisung can’t see him right now, but judging by the prolonged sigh, Chenle’s not happy with his decision.

“Wait; maybe you could at least try to explain me more? Like, why do you feel so abandoned? I could spend more time with you if you feel alone, so…”

Now it’s Jisung’s time to sigh.

“Oh, I don’t know how to--, Look, it’s like, sometimes, I want to say, I want…I want you for myself—no, wait; not really—I mean, I w-want…you…”

Jisung suddenly opens his eyes, surprised with his own confession, but it gets even more awkward once he notices Chenle’s eyes round as doughnuts.

“I MEAN NO, I--” although he’s never been drunk before, Jisung can swear this is how sobering up feels like.

Chenle tries to make a move but he’s glued to the floor, the lump in his throat stopping him from saying anything.

“Aaargh , I shouldn’t have said that, I…aaa, sorry, really, I’m sorry Chenle-yah.” His hands clutch something invisible in the air, eyes squeezed shut, face crimson-red. Surprisingly, he feels the bed mattress bump next to him.

“Can I?” Chenle finally regains his courage and climbs on the bed beside Jisung, poking at his back so that Jisung would move. Instead of simply placing his head on the crack of Jisung’s neck, as he usually does, he spreads his legs, then wraps them around Jisung’s waist, slim arms thrown around his neck.

“I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just hug you, okay?” Chenle finally settles his head on Jisung’s arm.

Jisung likes cuddles, not gonna lie. He loves warm bear hugs, especially when Chenle is the other one to hug. But this one seems different. Looks like a regular hug, but something is off. Because otherwise, why would Jisung suddenly feel so uneasy, so uncomfortably warm to the point that his palms are starting to sweat. It feels like it’s too much; another weird feeling takes over his mind, it’s like an unprotected explosive; split into two parts – one wanting to be as close to Chenle as possible, and Jisung doesn’t really know it himself what ‘as close as possible’ exactly means; the other one being a mixture of anxiety and fear and… what else is there? Well, it doesn’t really matter – it just urges Jisung to move; do literally anything else except for staying clutched to Chenle.
So Jisung takes a deep breath.

“I- Chenle, ey, I-, I’m sorry, I need to think about it.”

“What--?” Chenle’s eyes are open wide, hair a bit messy after clinging tight to Jisung’s side, mouth agape.

“I –“ Jisung breaks the hug and stands up, fixing his sweatpants.

“W-where are you going…?”

“I need to be alone;”

Chenle gathers himself up to leave but Jisung stops him with a gesture of his hand.

“No, no, you can stay here. I just have to leave… somewhere.” He gives Chenle the best smile he can muster in this situation, but it must be mediocre because Chenle becomes even sadder after receiving it.

“And don’t worry; I’ll apologize everyone. Including you. I’m really sorry, Chenle-ya. Forgive me?” He musters a shy smile.

Chenle nods. He lifts himself off the bed, rapidly approaching Jisung. Before the other can react, he’s dragged into a tight hug once again.

“Of course I forgive you, Jisung-ah. And I’m worried about you. I’ll try to think about it on my own.”

Suddenly Jisung feels like melting, his body taking in all the warmth Chenle has to offer. He submits to it, heavy eyelids falling immediately when his forehead touches the nape of Chenle’s neck. Why does his mood change so rapidly?

“You know, I can go to hyungs with you, if you want?” Chenle offers, playing with Jisung’s hair, but Jisung shakes his head.

“Um, no, I just; I’ll have to do this alone.”

“Oh. Okay, sure.” Not only does Jisung hear Chenle gulp in the silence; he feels it.

“I.. I gotta go, so…”

Chenle doesn’t say anything afterwards, neither while parting away from the hug, nor while leaving Jisung. Everything seems suddenly so awkward it’s suffocating.
It’s just the glance that Chenle casts Jisung just as he’s about to step outside, that makes his heart squeeze painfully.
Jisung has never seen Chenle so down-beaten.

***

A sharp knock on the door snaps Jungwoo out of the haze. He isn’t actually expecting anyone to come at the moment; in fact it’s the first real late afternoon nap time in two weeks since the promotions have started, and he’s already made plans for the evening, so the sudden intruder makes him both surprised and just a tiny bit annoyed.

“Yes? Who’s there?” He says half-yawing and fixes his hair just before opening the door.

On the other side of the door there is one of the last people Jungwoo would ever expect to appear at this time, and, what is worse, he’s absolutely awfully sad.
Jungwoo doesn’t like the sight. He needs to fix it.

“Oh. Chenle-yah”

Chenle nods, both hands fidgeting in the air.

“Yes, hyung. Can I come in?”

“Yeah..yea, sure, you’re welcome” Jungwoo hesitates a bit, looking back at his messy room, but eventually lets him in.

Chenle feels rigid. Tense. Uneasy. Stressed, but not in the “stressed-before-the-comeback” way. Jungwoo has to know the truth behind this behavior, so not like Chenle usually is.

“So, what brings you here, Chenle-yah?” Oh, that’s another question. Out of all people, why him? Jungwoo is absolutely certain that Jaehyun is the one Chenle’s closest to. Then why did he come to him instead? Maybe he can’t reach Jaehyun, and as far as Jungwoo recalls, Chenle knows that Jaehyun and him are roommates again.

“Are you looking for Jaehyun, by chance?”

Chenle shakes his head rapidly. Oh, that’s strange.

“No. I came here to ask you for an advice. I guess you’ll help me better than Jaehyun-hyung, so…”

“Better than him? Well, I’m flattered.” Jungwoo makes the cutest smile he can muster, making Chenle’s face expression light up for a second before it’s back to its worried state.

“Oh, have a seat…” Jungwoo points all around anywhere in his room “Wherever you want…” He scratches his head, the awkwardness suddenly starting to fill him up.

“Y-yeah.” Chenle sits on the ground, his hands occupied with the sleeves of his hoodie. Jungwoo follows, placing himself next to him, his palm gently falling on Chenle’s back. This boy emanates anxiety and Jungwoo feels the need to help him with all his willpower.

“So, what bothers you, Chenle-yah?” Jungwoo tilts his head to face him directly.

“Has anyone hurt you?”

Chenle snaps out of the thoughts which started to cloud his mind.

“No!” he shakes his hands to emphasize what he’s saying “I mean, it’s like, I’m more worried for a friend… best friend, actually. He started to behave, um… very odd. But it’s like…”

Chenle makes an unknown gesture in the air, as if to help him collect himself.

“…he knows he’s acting weird but he can’t help it..? I don’t know, I don’t feel well about it…”

Jungwoo’s lips make a thing line; he frowns.

“Sounds weird. You’re talking about Jisung, aren’t you?”

Chenle nods eagerly, gulping, but on the other hand he’s quite shocked that Jungwoo figured it out that quickly.

“He’s never been so… angry. And anxious. And…jealous? Of me, I mean. I mean--, yeah, that’s what he yelled at me. I guess…?” Chenle faces Jungwoo, vivid astonishment on his face.

“I don’t even know how to put it!” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Jungwoo’s face lights up a bit. A spark of an idea ignites in his mind.

“Jealous, you say… hmm, I think I know what might be happening, but I need more details.”

Chenle’s mouth falls agape as his eyes sparkle with joy.

“Oh, you do? I knew it, hyung!” He giggles in his high note, before he comes back to his senses and clears his throat.

“So..” he starts with a serious tone “How to begin…”

For approximately next half an hour Jungwoo listens to Chenle struggling with explaining all the details he’s managed to remember from the past events of that day. The more he tells him about Jisung’s behavior, the clearer picture appears in his imagination. Jungwoo can’t help but smile with a hint of a smirk, when Chenle finally finishes.

“So… hyung, can you understand any of it? Sorry, it’s very chaotic, I know…” Chenle trails off, impatiently expecting Jungwoo’s reaction.
Jungwoo clutches his hands.

“Chenle-yah, I think I’m pretty sure what’s happening… listen carefully.”

Chenle focuses on Jungwoo, stare glued to his face, a tinge of uncertainty visible.

“I think the reason Jisung reacts like that is that he… well, he’s fallen for you. And he either doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit it.”

Chenle shakes his head.

“Like, we’re best friends, we are always there for—“ the realization of the meaning of Jungwoo’s words hits him suddenly. Chenle unconsciously moves away, shocked, his heart pounding hard and fast.

“Y-you.. he… really?”

Jungwoo can’t hold laughter seeing Chenle like this. Looking at him with a comforting smile, he nods.

“B-but what do I do?!” Chenle scream is high pitched, pupils blown. He rapidly stands up, stumbling and Jungwoo has to help him gain his balance.

“Honey, look; you don’t have to confront him now;” he scales Chenle from the bottom to the top. “You actually shouldn’t.” he adds, laughing, with a frown on his face. Chenle’s shocked once again.

“S-so I should do nothing about it?”

Jungwoo shakes his head, disbelieving.

“Chenle-yah, you’re too dumbstruck right now, relax. It happens.” He gestures Chenle to the bed and seats him so that he could rest and collect himself.

“You’ll have to talk to him eventually.” He says before he turns to his desk. He takes a bottle of water, then grabs the nearest cup standing on the shelf and pours it almost to the brim.

“Here” he handles Chenle the glass. Chenle accepts it, murmuring a quick “thank you” before he starts sipping, his stare following Jungwoo wherever he’s moving.

“Take your time, Chenle- yah” Jungwoo squats in front of him, fixing a loose strand off Chenle’s forehead. "You see, Jisung isn’t probably aware. I mean—he partly is, but it’s not gotten into him wholly. And the thing is, I think, you’re not aware of your feelings either, are you?”

“N-no…” Chenle gulps, “I have no idea what’s going on… I mean; you know what I mean, right?”

Jungwoo nods reassuringly, patting Chenle on the head.

“My advice is – now drink the whole water and rest until you calm down. Then take some rest in your room. And wait for a good moment. You two need to talk about it.”

Jungwoo looks at the phone for a brief moment, but his eyes go round.

“It’s that late already?! Sorry, I’ll have to go, Johnny and Yuta are probably waiting for me. Well—“ he bites on his lip “maybe not Yuta…”

Chenle zeroes the glass in one fair shot and jumps off the bed.

“I’ll go now, hyung, don’t worry.” He makes a beeline to the door, but he stops right before exiting.

“Thank you.” He almost leaps to Jungwoo, pulling him into a strong hug, almost breaking his slim figure. “And, please, don’t tell anyone, okay?” he adds shyly.

“I’ll keep my mouth shut, sweetie.” He hears a half-whispered answer and he’s gone in a second.

Jungwoo sighs deeply. He did not expect to hear any of this. Ah, it would be such a great topic to discuss if only Chenle let him, but…
Still, why was he a better choice than Jaehyun? Or Kun? As far as Jungwoo recalls, they’re the two closest to Chenle apart from Dreamies; they treat him like a treasure, an angel even. If they’re like real older brothers to him, then why him? He should’ve asked Chenle about it.

That’s definitely going to bother him this evening.

In the same moment Jungwoo makes up his mind to get to know Chenle better.

***

“I don’t understand!” Renjun falls on Haechan’s messy bed.

“Renjun, it’s already been a week. Jisung apologized. Forget about it, maybe it was temporary.”

Renjun looks at Haechan as if the other has just killed a member of his family. Relax?! How could he forget about it, when it’s about his Jisungie, the innocent, the youngest of them all; the one always calm, shy and a bit awkward. And now everything seemed off and fake after his big outburst, so not like him; Renjun stopped hanging out in their room that often. And it absolutely wasn’t just a childish tantrum – Renjun swears he’s seen it in his eyes, the ultimate fire and anger only someone mature enough is capable of developing. Someone who has experienced… things.

“No, it isn’t temporary, and I know that.” Renjun shakes his head, making space for Haechan who joins him on the bed. They lay like this, splayed on the bedsheets, eyes closed, bodies worn out after an absolutely horrendous training for the upcoming comeback.

Haechan furrows his eyebrows, sudden realization hitting him.

“Hey…” he says in between the tired yawns. “You…” he claps on Renjun’s thigh as if to emphasize his statement “told me the exact same words in the summer of 2017.”

Renjun opens his eyes, the memories resurfacing.

“Wasn’t it… when you and Mark…?”

Haechan nods.

“So, I was right!” Renjun is suddenly so into it, he even manages to half-sit on the bed. “But, actually… if they are the same, it’s gonna be a disaster. And what if it’s about the same thing you two had with Mark…”

Now Haechan’s hand reaches blindly for Renjun’s mouth, causing him to lay back down.

“Can we not talk about me and Mark now? Focus on Jisung, please.”

Renjun sighs. “Okay, but you were the one who brought this up.”

“Oh shut up.” A huge yawn escapes Haechan’s mouth. “Still, our fight was in fact temporary, so theirs will be like that too, right?”

“Temporary?! It was a nightmare.” Renjun hisses, bringing up his hand to rub on his fatigued eyes. “If it’s going to be like that, we need to stop them and we need to do it now.”

“Okay, but now sleep. We have two hours for the vlive.” Haechan reaches for the pillow, successfully, and offers Renjun to share it, which the other accepts. They turn to face each other side to side, both suddenly feeling cold after their bodies lost the warmth coming from the training routine. Cold sweat and a cool shower afterwards took their toll.

“Oh, but we need to come up with a plan, Haech—“ Renjun doesn’t finish the sentence, Haechan’s palm pressed against his mouth effectively blocking any sound.

“Just sleep!” He hears Haechan’s squeaky plea and mumbles an “Okay…” in response.

But he isn’t going to back up from his plan once started.

***

Chenle is again wrapped in an embrace, and again it is not Jisung’s arms embracing him.

This basically drives him crazy at this point. If he could, he’d simply grab Chenle over and wouldn’t let him go. The obvious thing is, he can’t do this, and the need is literally eating him alive. But wait, there’s more. Because, however Jisung thinks about it, he has no idea – why the hell is his mind so occupied with his best friend; why is he acting like this; why is he so damn anxious whenever he thinks about Chenle… and the thoughts themselves are way different than usual.

However this time Jisung feels someone is keeping an eye on him. He looks around the room, where they are all seated for the broadcast, finally spotting the source of the curious gaze upon him.

Renjun. Maybe it’s good that he is the one to notice Jisung’s sudden mood-swings.

Feeling all tensed, he stretches out his now sweaty fingers, reminding himself not to look on his right, where Chenle is sitting on a lap – no other than Mark’s lap, which is even more exciting for Chenle, since Mark is rejoining Dream… argh. He can’t help but look at his face, a bright smile from ear to ear, jet-black pupils glimmering with joy as he laughs at Mark’s cringy remark.

Jisung closes his eyes, his irritating mind already imagining that it’s him Chenle’s seated on, but yeah, it bugs him even more because Jisung is in fact younger than Chenle… only three months younger, even less, but unfortunately, it’s already past the New Year.

So despite a ridiculously small age gap, the situation technically bans him from having someone older sit on him. Like, imagine Yuta-hyung sitting on Jaehyun-hyung. It would seem odd for many fans, wouldn’t it? Why can’t he be older, really… being a maknae sucks.

But the daydream doesn’t let him go, it intoxicates him instead. Jisung spaces out, even though he knows he shouldn’t do that during a live broadcast, because everyone will notice. Unconsciously, his hand slowly reaches underneath the table to at least touch Chenle’s hand, because sitting so close, literally next to him… it seems like a torture not to get a hold of him.

The mission fails miserably. Jisung’s hand nudges someone’s finger, but it turns out to be Mark, who, a bit confused, turns his head to him, eyebrows furrowed.

“What?”

The faint question is the last thing Jisung wants – because it gets his business public – so he awkwardly dismisses it.

Nah, he isn’t going to stand this anymore. Well; it’s not even close to be as bad as the last time, fortunately, but—

But Jisung knows it might escalate quicker than expected.

Having made up his mind to take up the “safety measures”, he pushes his chair back, stare focusing on Renjun, who locks his gaze with him immediately, but it still seems like it took him eternity to realize that Jisung’s peering at him.

Jisung makes a curt nod towards his side, and in a blink of an eye Renjun understands everything. Jisung has no idea why he chose Renjun and vice versa – why Renjun chose to observe him – but it gives him a sort of comfort.

Without saying a word, Renjun stands up, secretly gesturing Jisung to do the same. Then he nudges Jisung to the side, kind of leading him to the place where they’re out of frame.

“What is bothering you this time, Jisungie?” Renjun whispers, looking Jisung directly in the eyes, as if trying to read something from their stare.

“I- I don’t know—“ he gulps “but I am starting to feel just the same as that time.”

Renjun furrows, pressing a fist to his lips in wonder.

“Will you be able to control it or—“ he cuts mid-sentence, reconsidering. Jisung wouldn’t call him if he could endure it. “Never mind. Just leave to our room and take a rest; I’ll come after we finish, okay?”

Jisung sighs with relief, muttering a “thank you”, before he disappears. While closing the door to the broadcast room, he can hear Renjun telling the fans that he doesn’t feel well, which causes Mark to exhale a sound of confusion, so typical of him. The other guys’ reaction however is pretty much collected, but it’s nothing shocking either, now that he thinks about it.

Even though it all looks very obvious, Jisung thrives on the stupid hope that Chenle didn’t notice anything.

***

A quick glance at his lockscreen tells Jisung that 30 minutes have passed already. Since the broadcast was meant to last about two hours, he still had at least forty minutes for himself.

Now that he’s all calmed down, all he plans to do is either read a comic book or sleep. After a quick consideration, he choses the second option.
Since it’s only going to be a slumber, Jisung doesn’t bother to change his clothes. He tucks his head in the hood of his comfy hoodie, the one he got from Jeno, and slowly drift away on his bed, eyelids suddenly so heavy…

“Did it happen again?”

Jisung doesn’t respond to that one, thinking that maybe he’s already dreaming it, but when he hears it for a second time, more firm and louder than before, he startles, eyes blinking several times. He did not expect anyone to come for him. The voice already tells him who is asking the question, but Jisung doesn’t want to believe it. Still, he turns around hoping he’s being decieved by his tired mind, but only sees noone other than Chenle leaning against the door frame.

“So? Is it a ‘yes’?”

Jisung nods, fixing his hair.

“Um…yeah…”

Encouraged, Chenle makes his way towards him, his movement causing Jisung to abruptly stand up, which, by the way, isn’t the best idea provided that he’s laying on the lower part of his bunk bed.

“Ouch!” a blunt thump echoes inside the room, followed by Jisung yanking and rubbing his head. Chenle can’t help but laugh.

“God, you’re so goofy, really…You really don’t think, do you?” the dolphin-like laugh resonates through Jisung’s hurting head.

“Come here, you all right?” Chenle asks as soon as he manages to hold back his laughter. He stretches out his hand, which Jisung accepts willingly. Chenle pats his head on the part which hit the bunk bed.

“You’re too tall for your own good.” He states with fake seriousness, then places both his hands on Jisung’s arms.

“Has the broadcast already finished?” Jisung frowns, because the time doesn’t add up. Chenle shakes his head.

“No, they’re still filming…” O h. So Chenle came here for him. During te broadcast. To make sure he’s all right. Jisung doesn’t know whether he feels anxiety, joy or frustration right now. Or maybe it’s all three combined. Damn.

“Listen up, Ji—“ Chenle sighs “I don’t know how to help you and I won’t know untill you explain it to me better, okay? So…”
He averts Jisung’s curious-yet-astonished gaze to collect his thoughts.
„so from now on you tell me everything you feel about me, okay? I don’t want the situations from..” he rolls his eyes “from earlier to repeat.”

Jisung feels dumbstruck and kind of out of his own self. As if he was the third person observing, like… he doesn’t really think it’s the best idea and…he doesn’t feel like telling Chenle everything because… he doesn’t even know why, exactly, but the thing is— the very first thought he’s had already was:

Damn, it’s going to be too intimidating.

And honestly, not only is he intimidated right now; he’s absolutely petrified.

“I—“ Jisung clears his throat, having absolutely no idea where the sudden lump came from, “I, uh… d-don’t think i-it’s, ekhem, a good idea.”

Chenle lowers his head, then backs it.

“Then I won’t know how to help you—“ he whispers, unintentionally worsening the situation, because, argh, since when does Chenle sound so out of this world when he whispers. It’s insane. Jisung takes a deep breath and decides to say something, anything, just to cut the uneven silence, just to make Chenle less—ugh, he can’t even express it.

“Chenle…” Jisung gulps, seeing Chenle’s gaze dart up at the mere mention of his name, a hint of hope glistening in his irises.

“Yea?”

Jisung looks at hit best friend’s hands, both placed on his own arms. “You’re… you’re too close.”

As fast as it has appeared, the hope in Chenles eyes dissipates, his arms falling to his sides with a loud clap.

“Oh, but… I thought you said…” He hesitates for a moment before his voice raises, becoming more impatient and dumbfounded at the same time.

“You said you wanted me for yourself. That you’re jealous… of me. M e ! Then..wh- what now?... I’m suddenly too close? I- I don’t understand…”

It’s hopeless, Chenle thinks, absolutely hopeless. Jungwoo’s advice wasn’t as good as he thought; in fact—it somehow made it worse. Damn… He wishes Jungwoo were here with him, maybe he’d detect something that Chenle clearly misses.

Jisung knows he’s fucked up this one. In no scenario has he thought that he may actually hurt Chenle with only one sentence, yet again. Chenle turns his back on Jisung, hands brushing against his head in frustration, then covers his head in his palms.

“No! Stop, it’s- it’s not like that!” Jisung doesn’t want to watch his best friend struggle so hard with a problem only Jisung should worry about. One second and he’s not going to stand it.

He abruptly reaches his hand on to Chenle’s arm and forcefully drags him back to himself. Chenle trips while turning around, bumping into Jisung’s chest.
Okay, this was too strong. Waayyy too strong.

“Okay, Jisung-ah, you’d better tell me everything and tell me now because if you’re going to continue this—“

Chenle regains his balance but he’s still in Jisung’s tight embrace, and apparently Jisung either doesn’t want to part away or doesn’t realise he’s holding him… anyway, Chenle’s not going to pay attention to that detail, perceiving that if he says anything off topic, Jisung is going to back away again.

“Oh, okay, then, um, I—“

“Yes…” Chenle’s gaze is piercing him through, or, more like, hypnotizing him. His face is close enough to see every detail, including the way a tiny blush of irritation appears on his cheeks. It’s—It’s something Jisung hasn’t expected to have impacted him so much.

He can’t help it.

Slowly - milimeter by milimeter, that’s how slow it really is – he’s moving closer, getting to the point where he has to close his eyes.

“I—“ he tries to breathe out, but he cuts mid-sentence.

Chenle feels Jisung’s lips on the corner of his own.

“Jisung…?!” Instinctively, Jisung parts a bit, hearing Chenle’s airy murmur… or more like a silent squeal, but it doesn’t matter. Jisung is somehow blinded by something Chenle’s not aware of. He hears Chenle gulp as Jisung looks at his lips…well, he’s so close and the whole world seems so distant that he can’t focus on anything much, the only thing on his mind being Chenle.

“I’m sorry for this, Chenle--…”

Jisung closes his eyes, this time his mouth not only brushing past the corner… actually fully touching Chenle’s own. Chenle is dumbfounded, shocked, his hands awkwardly hanging by his sides, but he just stays there, too many things happening at once to react to even one of it.

Jisung’s warm hands cup his cheeks and Chenle doesn’t know where he is anymore; closing his eyes, he freezes in the moment… a second passes, maybe more, Jisung doesn’t make a move, his lips only press against Chenle’s but there is so much passion and so much tension…

Chenle hears a sigh but it isn’t neither his nor Jisung’s voice. He breaks the kiss and instinctively looks into the place he thinks the sound came from.
Too his horror, the doors are open.

***

“Oh!” Haechan’s hand moves with a speed of light to cover Renjun’s mouth but it is too late. Haechan rubs his temples, annoyed with Renjun’s temporary lack of intelligence.

Jisung stops abruptly, scared with the sound coming from behind the unfortunate crack between the door and the frame. Chenle darts his gaze towards the voice while Jisung immediately hides his face underneath his palms, curling himself into a ball, jumping onto the bed.

“Renjun-ah!” They hear an annoyed scoff, followed by the sound of a hand probably hitting Renjun’s head.

The two broaden the crack between the door and the doorframe and soon their apologetic faces appear through it.

“Take your time sweeties!” Renjun gushes out first “We finished the live earlier because Mark had to go and we didn’t know that—“

“Next time just remember to close the door properly.” Haechan shuts Renjun’s mouth once again, giving them an eye-to-eye smile. “We’re really sorry.”

“What are you so sorry for?” Another muffled voice is heard in the ditance and in less than a minute the doors open wider and Jeno’s silhouette appears. “We don’t hear that often.” He scoffs before facing the scene in front of his eyes.

In the meantime Chenle’s managed to crawl to Jisung, hugging him with his whole body, legs wrapped around Jisung’s waist, head rested in the crook of his neck. Jisung starts shaking.

“Don’t cry Jisung. It’s okay, they’re our hyungs, they understand, right?” Chenle whispers softly into Jisung’s red ear, brushing the boy’s hair with his fingers.

“What’s wrong?” Jeno asks, confused, looking back and forth. “What happened?”

Renjun’s lips make a thin line when he turns his face to Jeno.

“We basically saw them sharing their first kiss… probably.”

Jeno is so stunned with the statement that he leans against the wall. “Really?!” He covers his mouth.

“Yup.” Haechan embraces Renjun from the back, poking at his head. “And this idiot decided to make a sound in the very moment.”

Jeno’s confusion turns into disbelieving laugh “I can’t with you, Renjun-ah. Ay, Jaemin?!” He shouts towards the corridor. “Come here!”

“God, could you please be quiet?!” The three boys startle as they Chenle reminds them that he and Jisung are still in the same room, tangled on Jisung’s bed. They shut up abruptly, so that Jaemin appears in complete silence.

“WHA- what?!” Jaemin’s yell turns into a hiss. Jeno leans closer to whisper him the news.

“You were right. They kissed.”

Jaemin smiles fondly “Yeah, I knew it.”

“Wait. You knew??” Renjun and Haechan turn to Jaemin in unison. Jaemin only brushes the imaginary dust off his hands, leaning onto Jeno.

“Pff. Intuition.”

“You really are something, Na Jaemin.” Haechan raises his eyebrows in admiration. “Now. Could we just leave them alone?” He points at Jisung and Chenle, who remain in the tight embrace, Jisung’s head hidden in the crook of Chenle’s neck.

“Ah, right.” Renjun scratches his head. Jaemin sighs amusedly and leaves first, dragging surprised Jeno along. Haechan’s already turned to get out but he casts an inquiring glance at Renjun, who remains on his place.

What is he up to?

“Look, Chenle-yah… It’s your turn now.” Chenle, still hugging Jisung, tilts his head towards Renjun, confused. What is he talking about?

Haechan shakes his head.

“Renjun, just leave them alone, they need privacy…” He’s already nudging Renjun’s arm but Renjun shushes him with a wave of his hand.

“I know you’re not sure, Chenle. Just take it slow, okay? He-” Renjun points at Jisung, who’s still tugged into Chenle. “He needs to know your final answer.”

Having said this, Renjun nods at Haechan and leaves.

“Man, what was that?” Chenle and Jisung can hear their muffled conversation on the corridor.

“I’ll explain it to you later Haechannie. Now, I’m hungry, let’s grab some ramen. I’d like the one with…”

They’re out of reach.

Chenle is the first to get up, rushing to the door and shutting it with the loud bang.

“God, we really need to learn not to leave it open like that.” He tries a joking tone, but it leaves his mouth more as a nervous snort than he’s expected. “Yeah, so…”

“Chenle?” A small voice reaches Chenle from the bed “I- I’m so sorry, I- I don’t know why I--”

Chenle turns around to face Jisung, who’s now sitting on the bed, feet dangling in the air, eyes glued to the ground. Jisung scrunches his nose.

“Oh, but I know now. For sure.” Chenle laughs at a surprised gaze Jisung darts at him. “Now it all makes sense!”

“What?”

Chenle cuts the distance, sits on the bend, grabs Jisung’s sweaty palm.

“Silly.” He says, streachning his sleeve over the palm and rubbing a tear that’s slowly falling down Jisung’s cheek. He makes up his mind to thank Jungwoo later for the explanation.

“I mean—I didn’t know it at first, but I kept figuring it out on the way and…” Chenle rubbs his head, trying to make a normal sentence – “Actually, I wouldn’t have known for sure if it wasn’t for right now… actually, after you—“ Chenle sighs, frustrated with himself “well, you know!”

Jisung wants to curl more but it’s physically impossible.

“Jisung-ah” He raises Jisung’s face, so that Jisung’s shy gaze has to focus on him.

“You have a crush on me.”

If Jisung’s heart wasn’t galloping before, it’s certain that now it’s sprinting like crazy.

“Wh..wait, I, Ch—“

“Let me finish!” Chenle’s bright laugh fills the clustered room. “Jisung, you know that you’re my best friend, and that won’t change, right?”

Jisung gulps, nodding slowly.

“Y-yes…” Memories and strange feelings crowd Jisung’s mind. Something like a pang of guilt strikes him harder than expected. He suddenly feels the tears building up in his eyes; threatening to roll down any second.

“S-so… you’re telling me t-that you don’t—“

“Shh! I’m still not finished!” Chenle hisses at him, his index finger blocking Jisung’s lips. “You’re so impatient!”

Suddenly all Jisung can think of is Chenle’s finger pressed against his mouth. He tries to occupy his mind with anything else but in the current situation it’s absolutely impossible. The only thing he can do is lower his gaze.

“So…I w-want you to know that…” Chenle leans closer to him, something sparkles in his eyes. “I still do not know about… my feelings, okay?” he makes an eye contact with Jisung, making sure that his best friend understands. Jisungs nods slightly in return. Encouraged, Chenle continues, not minding how much his voice cracks.

“B-but I definitely, um, felt something when…”

Chenle’s eyes wander all over Jisung’s face, one hand shakily reaching to cup his cheek. He tries to smirk, but the corner of his lips only quirks, his face muscles too tense to relax into a smile.

Gulping, he fixes his position on the bed, propping himself with the other free hand. His voice turns into a shrugged whisper.

“When y-you did t-this.”

Jisung closes his eyes.

Chenle’s lips slightly brush against his, but he doesn’t need any other impulse to respond. He melts into the kiss, his hand finding its way to gently tug into Chenle’s hair. He has to be closer, he wants more of it; he needs more. His lips move hungrily over Chenle’s, but the tempo doesn’t speed up. Chenle’s hand falls from his cheek, landing on the nape of his neck, pulling him closer.

Jisung also can’t really comprehend what’s happened afterwards, suddenly everything goes black, the only thing he feels is Chenle’s lips against his, and…is it… teeth? Tongue?

Oh shit, it is.

The sensation felt for the first time leaves him absolutely stunned. He doesn’t know how long it’s been happening but eventually there’s no air in his lungs anymore. Breathing heavily, he parts the kiss, in the same time noticing how breathless Chenle is himself.

Jisung acknowledges that he must’ve accidentally unbuttoned one of Chenle’s shirt buttons; his own hoodie rolled up a bit, but not to the extent of looking inapropriate. Chenle’s lips are pink and swollen, hair in total disarray, pupils blown, staring at him dazzily.

And Jisung knows he must look the same.

“G-god…” Chenle pants out, “W-what did we just…”

“I- I don’t know.” Jisung’s voice comes out huskier than expected. He looks away, making sure that this time the doors are closed for real, then looks back at Chenle, who’s still breathing unevenly. What a heavenly sight.

He’s never seen Chenle that way, so he’s double struck with the new feeling it settles in his heart. In no dreams has he expected Chenle to look so…beautiful?

“It was…oh it was great.” Having come up to his senses a bit, Jisung bursts in laugh, lips curving into a perfect smile. Chenle tilts his head, a disbelieving smirk beaming on his face.

They both pull themselves further on the bed, propping their backs against the cold wall. Jisung suddenly feels so tired; his head bangs against the wall while he closes his eyes and silently slides his hand over the bedsheets until it reaches Chenle’s hand. Their fingers clutch on one another in a tight grip.

“I-“ Chenle starts off but never actually finishes, not able to process anything, probably constantly thinking about what has just happened. Jisung doesn’t feel the need to respond either, his own mind running over and over again through the… kiss? Confession? Make-out? All at once? Damn…

Suddenly, above their uneven pants filling the silent space, they hear parts of a conversation.

“Renjun-ah, Imma grab some snacks and see you in five, right?”

“Yup… Haechan?”

The other doesn’t respond, but Renjun’s voice continues the conversation.

“But what if… you know…”

“Nah, Renjun-ah, they’re gone for sure. They wouldn’t last in the same room for that long.”

“Ah, yes, you’re right.”

The footsteps become clearer to hear.

Wait. They? The same room?

“Fuck!”

Jisung doesn’t really swear, but this is the rare moment when it’s actually apropriate.

He almost leaps on the bed, his horrored glance catching Chenle’s mirror reaction, while the footsteps appear closer. Chenle suddenly looks at his still-unbuttoned shirt, tries to button it up but the nervous fingers slide over.

Their reaction is too slow.

The doors open and Renjun comes in. At first he doesn’t notice them, his stare caught on a piece of trash next to the doorway. He picks it up, then looks at the things in front of him.

Jisung is so frozen he can’t even curl up. Chenle makes an apologetic smile, then hides his face in his hands, occasionally peeking from beneath his fingers.
Renjun turns into a stone, mouth agape.

None of them move an inch until they hear another footsteps and Haechan’s not-so-distant voice.

“Renjun-ah, I can’t find it, can you come and help—“ His voice dies out as he sees frozen Renjun.

“Renjun,” Haechan’s tone is playful, “Have you just seen a ghost?” He turns Renjun around, focusing on his absolutely pale face.

“Haechan…?” He speaks faintly.

“What.” Haechan can barely hold laugh.

“Uninstall me. Please.”

“Why…?” Now Haechan is laughing for real, not expecting these words to ever come out of Renjun’s mouth.

But, instead of answering or sharing Haechan’s joy, the other boy silently points his index finger in Jisung’s and Chenle’s direction.

“What?” Haechan smirks, “What do you—“

Haechan startles, having noticed the other two boys just in the very moment. The more he looks at them, more schocked his stare becomes. So much details that he has to cover his mouth.

“OH MY GOD, JISUNG AND CHENLE, WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!”

Chenle clears his thorat.

“We… we’re—“
…Not sure?” Jisung adds up, speaking with him in unison.

Haechan doesn’t know whether to laugh so hard he’d bend his head or stay in his place in awkward silence, there’s nothing in between on his mind. Suddenly though a flicker flashes through his eyes.

“Mark, Jaehyun and Johnny are not going to believe when I tell them.” Haechan’s smirk seems to sober everyone up.

As if he foresaw their actions, Haechan turns on his feet and starts running at his best speed. Jisung is at he door in one step, soon followed by Chenle, who grabs Renjun’s palm and carries him away with him.

“Haechan! YOU ARE SO DEAD!” Chenle shouts before he takes a rapid turn to the elevators, almost knocking Renjun off his feet. There’s no sight of Haechan or Jisung so they probably took the stairs.

Haechan probably has the advantage of actually knowing where either of the mentioned three can be.

“Wh-what is happening?!” Renjun finally sobers up and shakes his head, hands on his temples.

“Yeah, so I made my move and… oh, you know well what happened, don’t you! No time to explain!” Chenle cuts before the elevator door open and Renjun is dragged yet again in the unknown direction.

Top priority is to catch Haechan. Then kill him.