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Gabriel’s Monkey Business
Marinette sat in her room, reflecting on what she’d learned after the latest akuma attack. It’d been part of her plan to follow a de-evilized butterfly back to Hawk Moth. To be honest, she felt stupid having not thought of this before.
But now she wished she hadn’t.
The first time she followed one, it led her back to the Agreste Mansion. The next four all returned to the same location. The sixth one led to her witnessing Nathalie opening a window to let the butterfly in. And it fluttered right into the hands of Gabriel Agreste. Then he disappeared into a hole in the floor of his office.
Marinette didn’t want to jump to conclusions about what she saw. Nathalie had opened window...and Gabriel had disappeared. Maybe it was a coincidence? No, she needed more evidence.
After that, she started camping just outside the Agreste Mansion in the hopes of getting more. Then she watched three separate akumas leave out a window in the back. And after peering through the window and seeing Hawk Moth inside, there was no longer any doubt in her mind. Gabriel Agreste was Hawk Moth.
Poor Adrien. He would be devastated if he found out. No...when he found out. There was no way to avoid it.
She couldn’t bring the other heroes because they’d been compromised after Chloe’s stint as Miracle Queen. And she couldn’t bring Chat Noir into her plan. It was out of the question. Not when memories came to her of the Chat Blanc timeline. She had no idea what precipitated those events, only that it would be safer if he weren't involved. There was only one solution that she could see. But she knew it would drain her. Take everything out of her.
But as the Guardian of the Miraculous, she had a duty. She opened her Miracle Box and picked out her Miraculous carefully: the fox, the mouse, the monkey, and the horse.
Tikki asked, “What are you planning, Marinette?”
Marinette just winked at her.
Gabriel stepped away from his computer after another long and busy day working on his newest designs. He always liked these moments when he could just channel his creative energies towards something other than coming up with new akumas. And after this recent string of defeats, he really needed just a moment to step away and not worry about getting the Miraculous right now.
He made his way towards the door and failed to notice an errant banana peel waiting for him just behind it. And once he stepped on it, he went sliding forwards towards the stairs.
The slide turned into a roll as he tumbled down them towards the entryway. That was perhaps the first and only time he thought his staircase was too long. But renovations for his home could wait because now he had a greater concern: who the hell left a banana peel by his door?
As Gabriel sat himself up, he saw unfamiliar brown boots and what appeared to be a tail waiting for him.
It took him a second to register what appeared to be...a monkey? No...the monkey had blue hair styled into a bun in the back of her head. A monkey themed superheroine. A new one. Gabriel needed to play this carefully. No need to arouse suspicion or anything of the sort. He stood up and dusted himself off.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“Ain’t I a stinker?” she replied. It’s amazing how little that answered his question.
“What is the meaning of this!?” he demanded.
“The meaning is you’re late for your interview, Monsieur Agreste! Hurry up!” She turned him around and started pushing him towards the dining room of all places. Now he was just lost.
“Interview?” he stammered. “I didn’t agree to an interview! Where’s Nathalie? She handles all my appointments.”
“She’s the one who set this up! Didn’t she tell you?” the monkey hero replied as they pushed through the door into what should’ve been his dining room. But when they passed through, there was a bright light and they found themselves in what appeared to be a backstage makeup room. He was shoved into a chair where a team readily began applying makeup to his face and to his hair.
Gabriel had never been so confused or lost in his life. No, that wasn’t the right word. Annoyed. That was the word. This was all obviously a sham. A ruse. He had no explanation for how it was but this was obviously some kind of set up. He pushed the makeup crew away and turned towards the heroine, “Don’t touch me! You! I demand to know what you’re after here. What is going on?”
“What’s happening is you’re on in twenty. Let’s go!” the monkey girl said again, dragging him out of the chair and ushering him to the edge of a curtain where he could see what appeared to be Nadja Chamack sitting in a chair in front of a camera crew. Opposite her was an empty chair he was sure he was expected to sit in.
Well, not if he had anything to say about it. He turned to leave and found himself facing a large man wearing a security shirt. In fact, he was so tall that he made Gorilla appear small. It seemed he would not be allowed to leave if he wanted to. But now more questions were going through his mind: was this his house? If it was, who let these people in. And if it wasn’t, how the hell did he get here?
“Places, people!” one of the production team said, checking his watch. “Monsieur Agreste. You’re looking good. Nadja will introduce the show and call you in. We’re live in five...four…”
He mouthed the last few numbers in the count down before signalling at the crew. Nadja turned towards the camera and said, “Welcome back to Side by Side with me, Nadja Chamack! Our next guest is Paris’ most famous and most reclusive fashion designer, making a rare public appearance here to talk about his newest fashion. Everyone, please welcome Gabriel Agreste.”
“I’m not going out there,” Gabriel protested, turning to the crew member with a scowl. He was sure the crew member with cower under his glare but the crew member seemed more annoyed than anything.
Then someone kicked Gabriel from behind. “Just get out there already!”
Gabriel stumbled forward out from behind the curtain and onto the set where he was met with applause and a few laughs. He turned to walk back off stage only to find a wall where he had been a moment ago. Now that...was not what he expected.
“Uh...Gabriel...the chair’s over here,” Nadja said from behind him.
He was not in the mood to play these games...he was leaving and that was all there was to it. He turned and started walking towards the opposite side of the stage. There had to be an exit around here somewhere. He continued on past Nadja, who extended a hand for a handshake, towards the other end of the set where he found no door or exit out of here.
“Uh...Gabriel. I’m over here,” Nadja said again, gesturing for him to come join her.
He continued on towards the back of the set, past the camera crew and...found no doors or windows. Surely, the crew had to have noticed that there was no way out? Why were they so calm about this? And where was the audience? He’d heard applause and cheers a minute ago. Maybe it was a recording? No, questions for later. There was a more important question that he needed answered right now.
“How do I get out of here?” he demanded angrily.
“We need to start the interview,” Nadja said in complete disregard of his question.
“I did not agree to this interview,” Gabriel stated, teeth clenching in increasing frustration.
“Gabriel...if you would? Our viewers are really eager to meet you. The real you,” Nadja said sweetly.
“I do not consent to this. Tell me where the exit is! NOW!” his voice getting louder.
“Monsieur Agreste. Really now. If you’re done, we really should be starting this interview,” Nadja finally sounded frustrated, at least showing some kind of reaction that confirmed she was no robot.
“FINE!” he snapped. If he had no choice but to play this game, he would play this damn game. But he was taking the first chance he had to leave and not come back. True, he hadn’t made very many public appearances since what happened to Emilie. But he was always a very private person to begin with. In fact, if it weren't for Emilie, he’d probably never leave the privacy of his home in the first place.
Nadja was smiling sweetly as she began, “Thank you, Gabriel. It really is a pleasure to have you here with us. How is Paris’ number one fashion designer doing today?”
“I’d be doing better if I didn’t have to be here,” he answered bitterly, his nails digging into the fabric of his seat. Nadja just laughed, “And quite the jokester, too. Now! May I ask why you decided to wear that specific make up?”
“Excuse me?” Gabriel turned his head towards one of the screens where he could see quite plainly that his face had been painted and done up to look like a clown. How did he miss this!? And his blood began to boil. He was being made a fool of and turned back to Nadja. “Is this a game to you? I will not be mocked in my own home!”
“Home? Gabriel, we’re in the studio,” Nadja answered flatly. Gabriel began trying to wipe the makeup off when a stagehand offered him a towel. He took it, cautious to make sure there was nothing on it before wiping his face clean. He couldn’t believe this. Just what kind of joke did he stumble into? Who were they to think they could mock him like this? He looked up from the towel after he’d cleaned his face, and saw the top of a cream pie just as it hit him in the face.
He had no idea what he’d expected and proceeded to wipe that off as well, looking for the culprit angrily. And he saw her - that monkey girl standing against an open door waving. He had no idea what kind of trick this was but he was not going to fall for it. He would get his hands on her, and her miraculous, and make her suffer for it! But now another question came to mind. Where the hell did this door come from? He’d just walked the entire room and didn’t see it.
He threw down the towel and the chase began, through the door and back into the entryway of his home. She dashed through an open door into the kitchen and he followed her. Only to slam hard into some invisible force that knocked him back down onto the ground.
Stars and birds danced around his vision as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling of his home. He looked back at the doorway into the kitchen and noticed something off about it. It was the perspective...it was almost like it was...painted on. He stretched out a hand to touch it and felt only the wall.
It was a solid wall painted to look like a door into the kitchen.
But how? He’d watched her run through it into the next room. How? When? What kind of optical illusion or perspective trick bullshit was this? Then he watched the painting peel off like a poster, falling flat onto the floor.
“Um...Father...are you alright?”
Gabriel turned his head to see Adrien staring at him from the top of the stairs. Adrien hurried down to help his father up and asked, “What happened? Why did you run into the wall?”
“I was chasing an intruder. Did you see where she went?” he asked, taking a moment to straighten out his clothes. Then a thought occurred to him. This may very well not be Adrien. This may be another trick by this...devious trickster making a fool out of him. He narrowed his eyes at his son and asked, “Adrien...why aren’t you in school?”
His son stared at him. “Because it’s Saturday? There is no school.”
Was it Saturday? He’d been so caught up in his work and being Hawk Moth that he really hadn’t been paying attention to the world around him.
“Are you alright?” Adrien asked. “Do you need to lie down? I can get you some water or something if you need it.”
That certainly sounded like something his son would say. But Gabriel had absolutely no reason to believe it. But if he started throwing out accusations at his actual son...no, Gabriel wouldn’t do that to Adrien. Gabriel couldn’t. He massaged his ever growing headache and remarked, “No, that will be fine. I’ll just...get some aspirin and lie down.”
He made his way into the kitchen where he opened a cupboard to get a glass. Thankfully, the monkey girl was already sitting inside and extending one out to him. One he accepted before filling it with water and trying to track down an aspirin. It wasn’t until he’d opened the third cabinet that it registered that monkey girl was in the cupboard with the glasses. He ran back to the cupboard and was greeted by another cream pie slamming into his face.
“Ain’t I a stinker?” she cackled.
Gabriel began wiping off the pastry from his glasses in time to see her dashing back out the door. He’d had enough of this and gave chase., “COME BACK HERE!”
Of course, he slipped in his pursuit after her. Once again, he’d missed a banana peel on the ground until it was too late and found himself sliding out the door and back into the main hall where he crashed into the opposite wall and landed flat on his back. Again.
“Father?” Adrien asked as he heard a door open. “I heard a crash! Is everything...wait...who are you?”
“Oh! Hello, Adrien!” the monkey girl chirped happily.
Gabriel stood up and began dusting himself off. “Adrien! Call the police! We have an intruder in our home!”
Adrien looked between his father and monkey girl, eyes wide with confusion and obviously completely lost on what was happening. He calmly walked down the stairs towards them and stopped to ask, “Okay. First? I thought the security system was designed to stop intruders. Second, what exactly is going on? Who are you?”
“Me...I’m...well, Ladybug but I’m using the monkey miraculous right now. So I guess you can call me...Monkey Business?” she asked more than said, finally introducing herself, "Actually, just Ladybug will do."
So it was Ladybug. Ladybug was the one who’d been screwing with him all day. All these hijinks and shenanigans. Gabriel was going to make her life miserable with his next akuma. But why? She couldn’t have possibly figured out he was Hawk Moth. How?
Then he looked at Adrien who just stood there staring between the two of them, still at a loss for what was happening. After a moment, his son asked, “I don’t understand, Ladybug. Why are you harassing my father?”
“Uh...look Adrien. I know this will be hard for you to believe but there’s a good reason. I’m doing this because he’s Hawk Moth,” she deadpanned. “I decided to have some fun with him before I caught him. Y’know, for all the trouble he caused me, Chat Noir, and the rest of Paris as an akuma.”
Okay, line crossed. Gabriel turned on the girl immediately. “How dare you direct such a baseless accusation at me. I am not Hawk Moth!”
“Yeah, I think I would know if my father was Hawk Moth,” Adrien added.
She just winked. “Yes, he is. Watch this.”
“I am not!” Gabriel protested.
“You are Hawk Moth!” she insisted.
“No, I’m not Hawk Moth!” he countered.
“Yes, you are Hawk Moth!” she went on.
“I’m not!” he grumbled.
“You are!” she said yet again with that same smug smile.
“I am not!” he said, no longer hiding the frustration or anger in his voice.
“You are!” she said again.
“I’m not!” he countered.
“You’re not!” she said.
“I am!” he was done with this.
“You’re not!” she said, still smiling smugly.
“I AM!” he roared, hands shaking as his voice filled with anger.
“You are NOT HAWK MOTH!” she defiantly.
“LISTEN HERE YOU INSUFFERABLE PAIN IN MY ARTHRITIC NECK! I AM HAWK MOTH AND I WILL PROVE IT!” Gabriel roared, all sense being replaced by a burning rage to shut this girl up. He took out the broach of the Butterfly Miraculous and threw it on as he declared, “NOOROO! DARK WINGS RISE!”
He let the energy flow through him, smiling as he was sure a horrified awe overtook the intruder. But when the transformation was done, all he saw was a cheeky grin. She snapped her fingers, “Gotcha, bondage clown. In front of your son, no less.”
“Father? You’re Hawk Moth!?” Adrien stammered out.
Gabriel paused, looking between the monkey girl and his son as he tried to think of a good explanation. There wasn’t one. The cat was out of the bag now. He threw up his hands. “Adrien, wait. I can explain.”
“I’m sure you can, bondage clown,” the monkey girl mocked, folding her hands behind her back.
“WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT!?” Gabriel snapped, annoyed at her repeated insults.
“Why do you dress that way and expect anything different?” she asked back, “I mean, the mask isn’t doing you any favors.”
He hated that point. It was bad. He held out his cane and raised it. “I’m going to start hitting you now. I’m not sure when I’ll stop.”
She responded by producing a pie from behind her back. “Good luck with that.”
He swung his cane at her, missed, and was answered with another pie to the face. He was getting very tired of this and began swinging his cane wildly, “STOP THAT! IT’S NOT FUNNY!”
“Look out!” Adrien cried out. That’s right. He had to be careful. If not, he might hurt Adrien. He stopped to wipe the remains of the pastry off his face and looked back at his son. “Adrien! Go back to your room! I’ll deal with this.”
“I...uh...wasn’t talking to you, Father,” Adrien mumbled sheepishly.
Gabriel shouldn’t have been surprised by that response. Now that his son knew, he was certain Adrien would turn on him, too. He wanted to feel betrayed. But all he really felt was angered and annoyed by this home invasion. Just as he finished wiping off the remaining pastry, Ladybug grabbed Adrien by the hand and they bolted out the front door. Adrien didn’t even look back. He just kept running with her. It seemed his son had chosen his side. Adrien had chosen to oppose him.
Fine.
It was Gabriel on his own. As it had been for a long time. Since the time before Emilie came into his life. Since the time Emilie disappeared from his life. So be it. He didn’t glower. He didn’t get even more angry. He just stalked after them out the door just in time to see…
...a gathered crowd of press, reporters, cameras, police, news vans, and helicopters waiting outside. What? He hadn’t called a press conference today. And Nathalie would’ve reminded him if he had one scheduled. What was the meaning of this? Wait...he hadn’t transformed back. He was still in his Hawk Moth attire.
“This is Nadja Chamack, reporting live where a monkey-themed superheroine just fled the Agreste Manor with famed model Adrien Agreste. And behind them appears to be...Hawk Moth?”
Every camera was on him now. No!
This was a trick. Just like the last Nadja Chamack had been in the interview room. He wouldn’t fall for this. He stepped forward and declared, “I won’t fall for this trick of yours. I know this is an illusion, just like the last one. I won’t fall for it.”
“There’s nothing to fall for. They’re real,” he heard a voice say from behind him. He looked up to see the girl sitting on the outcropping of one of the windows, Adrien sitting beside her with wide eyed confusion while she ate a banana.
He’d been played. He tried to step back inside, only to step on something squishy. Something slippery. Something that sent him flying upside down. Another damn banana peel. As Gabriel’s world turned topsy turvy, he saw a portal of light appear beneath him. And on the other side of it appeared to be the back of a police van. He hit the ground hard, and was immediately accosted by several officers in full riot gear who placed cuffs on everything they could to detain him. Then they positioned themselves on him to hold him down. Underneath all these officers, Gabriel turned his head to the side to see out the back of the police van. Where...the monkey girl was smiling cheekily.
She laughed as she slammed the door to the van closed, “Ain’t I a stinker?” .