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Sitting on the bench in the practice room, Aya waits for the rest of Pastel Palettes to arrive. While she is looking at her phone, she sighs anxiously, “What am I going to do…?”
“My, that was quite a sigh for so early in the morning from my girlfriend. Something wrong, Aya-chan?” Chisato asks with a hint of teasing, standing in front of the door besides the bench.
Aya panics and nearly drops her phone, but frantically catches it, “CHISATO-CHAN?!?! How long have you been there?” Aya asks, trying to calm down.
“When I arrived you were already lost in thought looking at your phone, so I thought best not to disturb you til you sighed like that. Besides I was enjoying watching you focus so intently, fufu.” Chisato says with a smirk.
“Uuu…” Aya groans, “Next time say something sooner.”
“Sorry I just couldn’t pass up the chance to see you like that. So what’s bothering you Aya-chan?” Chisato asks softly.
“Lately I’ve been going shopping with Lisa-chan more frequently, but…” Aya hesitates and glaces away.
“Why the but? Isn’t spending more time with your friends a good thing? Fufu~” Chisato asks, in a reassuring tone.
“Of course it is!” Aya answers, “It’s just… I keep feeling guilty…”
“Guilty? Why ever would you feel guilty for this?” Chisato asks in a confused tone.
Aya stands up and moves besideo Chisato to whisper to her in a quiet voice.
“Ah… I see someone who knew you from before you were Aya-chan for a short time, but you think she doesn’t realize it... What are you wanting to do, Aya-chan?” Chisato asks.
“Well… um, uh… though I am a bit nervous and worried to tell her… but I want to be honest since we get along well again… But wouldn’t that be irresponsible of me as an idol? What if it starts rumors? What if that gets us in trouble? What if it leads to Pastel Palettes going on hiatus, or even worse disbanding?! How would I live with myself then Chisato-chan?!” Aya says panic more with each word than the last on the verge of tears.
“Aya-chan calm down first, take a deep breath. Everything will be alright, I’ll be here to support you. So I promise you nothing like that will happen.” Chisato hugs Aya.
Aya hugs Chisato back, and takes three deep breaths inhaling and exhaling.
“Better?” Chisato asks, pulling away from the hug.
Aya nods. “Thank you, Chisato-chan, I am still a bit worried, but I feel better. And you’re always calming me down at times like these… and I love that.” Aya says in an affectionate tone.
“You’re welcome Aya-chan, though it’s the least I can do for you. So first if you’re still worried about it, why don’t we talk to the staff about it to try to get their permission? Though did you ask them before you told me? And I think if you want to be honest to her then you should be, Lisa-chan is a good person after all, fufu.” Chisato says reassuringly.
Aya shakes her head, “Ah… I didn’t think to ask them, I told you without asking… but I thought it was fine since we’re in the same band and we were… uh dating... But… I am still nervous to tell her… would you come with me for it, Chisato-chan?” Aya asks sheepishly.
“Of course, I can’t just ignore my girlfriend when she is so distressed after all. Though are you really fine with me possibly learning more about your past?” Chisato asks slightly teasingly once more.
“Uuu…” Aya groans, “I-it might be embarrassing, but I’d prefer that to being alone.”
“Then I’ll gladly accompany you, Aya-chan.” Chisato says with a smile.
Aya and Chisato end their conversation as the practice room’s clock shows it’s nearly time for the rest of the Pastel Palettes members to arrive with practice set to begin in a few minutes.
After practice ends and it’s just Chisato and Aya once more, Chisato takes Aya’s hand after leaving the practice room. She leads them to the staff member she knew to direct questions about their contracts.
Chisato had been there alone numerous times in the past since she always took it on herself to make sure the contracts were never unfavorable to herself or the other members of Pastel Palettes. it was thanks to her prior negotiating tactics the agency had no choice but to accept herself and Aya dating after all. Though this is the first time she’s actually taken any of the other members there with her.
“Aya-chan, just leave the talking to me since I know how to handle things better than anyone when it comes to our contracts. So just follow my lead if you have any questions or concerns ok?” Chisato says reassuringly.
“Thanks Chisato-chan, I haven't really needed to deal with them much.” Aya says slightly nervously.
They arrive in the room, Aya notices it is rather plain besides the several file cabinets and two sets of desks, chairs, and computers. First Chisato pulls Aya’s contract from a cabinet labelled “Pastel Palettes” on top and places it on the unused deck, and she reads over a few different sections of the contract before speaking to the staff.
“So according to this section, it says that though it requests Aya to keep certain aspects of her identity away from the public for the time being, however it does allow her the discretion to disclose it privately to individuals, correct?” Chisato asks with a fim expression looking towards the only occupied desk.
“Yes, Shirasagi-san, that’s correct as long it’s handled responsibly.” The staff clerk answers.
“Thank you, then just to confirm who would handle the risks or responsibility if things ended up getting out inadvertently from her choice?” Chisato asks in a serious tone.
The staff clerk looks at something on their computer and then answers, “As long as Maruyama-san didn’t believe those individuals or circumstances would lead to it being leaked or revealed to the public then the agency will take full responsibility for the risks and Maruyama-san would face no consequences from how her contract is written.”
“Thank you very much you were very helpful, I think that should be all we need today. Well, that’s good news isn’t it Aya-chan?” Chisato says in a lighter tone, looking back at Aya.
Aya nods, “Thank you so much Chisato-chan, I wouldn’t know to handle things like this aahh.” she says on the verge of tears.
“Don’t worry, Aya-chan, I’d do this hundreds of times for you.” Chisato says with a smile patting Aya’s head gently.
Chisato hadn’t minded doing things like this to protect the rest of Pastel Palettes for a long time, but especially for Aya-chan it had become part of her love and support for her ever since she was the first one trusted with Aya’s secret.
A few days later, on evening at home in her room, Chisato receives a text from Aya, “Chisato-chan, I think I am about ready to talk to Lisa-chan about it and she’s free this weekend, but do you think Tsugumi-chan’s cafe is too public for something like this?” it reads.
Chisato sits on the edge of her bed and types her response, “I think that cafe works as long as we get a booth in the back away from the entrance, but is there any reason you don’t want to have it at her place or yours?” She was slightly concerned about talking about sensitive information so publicly, even if that cafe was small and not frequently busy.
Her phone buzzes again quickly.
“Uh, um… I haven’t actually been to Lisa-chan’s place since back then and I am not sure we’re quite close enough to invite her to mine, so I’d rather somewhere else that’s all…” Aya’s reply reads.
“Ah, I understand then, we’ll do the cafe then. Just ask Tsugumi-chan for a bit extra privacy.” Chisato replies understanding Aya’s circumstances a bit better now.
“Ok then I’ll invite her out this sunday and mention you’re coming along and that I have something important to talk about.”
“Sounds good to me Aya-chan.”
With the day fast approaching, Aya at home one day couldn’t help, but recall how she felt when she first met Lisa back then…
She recalls how much she was struggling with the test of resolve her parents had set for her… though they had taken care of everything Aya needed to get into Hanasakigawa Girls’ Middle School for the coming semester… which she was really grateful for...
But if she wanted them to accept her trying to be an idol and a girl at home, then she had to prove to them she was capable, and show them how much she wanted it. She had been given some money from her parents to buy an outfit and accessories to show them the girlness that Aya craved to express and be accepted for…
So she found herself at the mall all alone on one weekend nervously trying to look around… she was at least relieved she had her new Hanasakigawa uniform to wear… even if it felt a little strange to be wearing before she actually started there… but she had been quite unsuccessful at getting the courage she needed to buy anything she wanted for this. She sighed as she sat at a bench by the large pink entrance to a clothing store. She was trying to collect herself to try once more, as she looked at the slight dimming sunlight from the large overhead windows showing she had been trying without success for a while already today.
When she heard a voice call out to her, “Hey you, Pink Hanasakigawa-chan, do you need help?” the voice asks.
She looked towards the voice, “Um… do you mean me?” she asked pointing to herself.
“Who else could I mean, not many people here today are wearing a Hanasakigawa uniform after all. I couldn’t help, but notice you seemed to be struggling, so do you need some help?” the other girl replied with a concerned look.
She looked at the girl with long smooth brown hair who clearly understood fashion better than she did with a bit of envy before she answered, “A-are you sure it wouldn’t be too much of a bother?” she asks.
“Of course not! If anything, I’d feel bad if I left a girl looking so distressed as you by herself. What’s your name?” she asked.
She couldn’t help but realize how nice it felt to be called ‘girl’ by someone, she still wasn’t really used to that yet. “Uh… I’m Maruyama. What about you?”
“Ok, Maruyama-san, I’m Lisa, but all the girls I help call me Onee-chan! So you call me that if you want.” Lisa said with a smile and wink.
“Uwha.. I couldn’t do that Lisa-san!” Aya said anxiously.
“Don’t force yourself, if you can’t it’s fine! Anyways, what do you need help with Maruyama-san?” Lisa asked softly as she joined on the same bench.
“I’m trying to pick out a few clothes and accessories for myself… but I’ve never done it before so I am a bit anxious.” Aya said fidgeting with her school bag.
“Ah, that’s no trouble to help with at all. It’ll be fun even! I bet you’re one of those sheltered kids.” Lisa said.
Aya weakly nodded, “Yeah… something like that. Thank you.” She said, felt a bit relieved that Lisa jumped to some other idea rather than pressing her for explanation.
Lisa led her through the store, while she gathered info on what she’s looking for, Lisa pulled out at least a dozen outfits from different racks of the large store that Aya had to turn down… It’s not that she didn’t dislike them, but most of them were too big of a jump for her in cuteness or revealed a bit too much for her to be comfortable with yet.
Lisa said they’d take a break from outfits and Aya found herself browsing a large row of tables filled with more accessories than she could possibly choose from. Aya looked and looked at them, many of them were wonderful… yet she couldn’t decide.
“Ohoho, I see.” Lisa said confidently.
“See what? I haven’t been able to decide at all.” Aya said with a frown.
“Just from watching you, I can tell. Maruyama-san, I realized even if you don’t, you’re pretty fond of flowerful designs and colorful ribbons aren’t you? Maybe I was misjudging your tastes a bit, since that’s a bit more cutesy preference than I was expecting from you, but nothing wrong with that!” Lisa said proudly.
Aya couldn’t believe that Lisa noticed the pattern in her preference without a word before she realized it herself… she was caught totally off guard “EH, is that so?...” Aya said blinking and taking a few steps back struggling to process the fact yet unable to deny it.
“Mmh, Definitely. You just get this soft smile and sparkle in your eyes when you were looking at them, and you spend a bit longer looking at those ones usually. So I can totally tell that you love those ones, no need to be shy about it.” Lisa said, nodding to herself with certainty.
“Uuu… Maybe you’re right Lisa-san, that I do really like those ones. Thanks.” Aya said, flustered and struggling to keep eye contact with Lisa.
“Then you definitely should pick one of them, I have an idea for the outfit now. So stay here and pick one out, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Lisa says with a wink and wave.
Aya stared at those two types of accessories before one stood out to her. It was a pair of smaller white ribbons with golden yellow stripes, just something about them charmed her, even if she thought it might be a bit much for normal wear. And she picked out a simple chained pink purse for herself she thought was cute yet simple enough for everyday use.
“I’m back, finish picking something out?” Lisa asked, clearly hiding something behind her.
“Yeah, I did look.” Aya said, showing the purse and ribbons.
“Those are both cute! Good picks Maruyama-san, see you can do it!” Lisa said reassuringly.
“Thank you.” Aya said with a slight smile and pink cheeks.
“Here, I have something I think you’ll like!” Lisa said, revealing a simple sleeveless off-white one piece dress with a pink flower print pattern.
“I mean… I do like it, but Is it really ok for me to wear something like that?” Aya said with cheeks nearly as pink as her hair.
“What are you talking about! Of course it is. I am sure it will look cute on you, just try it on.” Lisa said.
“Then… I’ll take your word for it.” Aya said.
So Aya found herself struggling in the changing room… was a bit more cramped than she expected… but was private enough and had a mirror and chair. It took her a few minutes to be able to put on the dress properly and for her to carefully set her uniform on the chair. Lisa had asked if she needed help, but she refused and thankfully Lisa respected that.
After putting the dress on, Aya looked in the mirror and thought that... just maybe she actually looked cute in this. She also felt glad that the skirt part of the dress is just long enough to be comfortable for her, so she didn’t feel self-consciousness.
She finally felt confident enough to show Lisa, she nervously opened the door and slowly stepped out, “So uh, what do you think Lisa-san?”
“You look even better in it than I imagined, you’re adorable Maruyama-san! Is it okay if we take a picture together?” Lisa asked, she squealed at Aya’s cuteness.
“Thanks, Lisa-san You really think so?… Uh, um. I guess just one is fine?” Aya asked nervously.
“Really! Then smile!” Lisa said
Aya smiled as best she can for the photo with Lisa, though she forgot to ever ask Lisa to send her a copy of it.
Aya paid for the items without issues, she didn’t feel too nervous at the cashier with Lisa there, but Lisa had to go not too long afterwards, but agreed to help her a bit more.
After that, Aya only saw Lisa twice more before her term at Hanasakigawa started, but she provided her with some valuable guidance and magazines on fashion and hair care with those things she was able to show her resolve to her parents and have their support for her dreams.
And after the school term started… Aya got so focused and busy with her preparations and practice for her idol qualifiers that she missed the third date for when she was supposed to hang out with Lisa again, she didn’t even realize until months later when she already passed and became an idol trainee… she felt bad especially since she had even worn the hair ribbons she brought that day when she tried out as an idol.
But she didn’t have a clue where to meet her now, she scrolled through her contacts only to realize there was no ‘Lisa’... she had never actually gotten her information and couldn’t remember exactly where her place was… she only went there once with Lisa guiding her. So she had to accept it and move forward to not disappoint the support she was given.
On the morning of, Chisato is the first to arrive at the cafe. She decides to ask Tsugumi in advance for Aya’s sake while she waits, “Good Morning, Tsugumi-chan.”
“Ah, Welcome, Chisato-san, Do you want the usual seat?” Tsugumi asks.
“Actually Tsugumi-chan, I’d like the back more private one in the back today, Aya-chan and I have something delicate to discuss with another friend. Is that alright?” Chisato asks politely.
“Of course, Chisato-san it’s no trouble for a friend and regular like you! Just give me 5 minutes to clear that area for you.” Tsugumi says cheerfully.
“Thank you very much.” Chisato says.
Not long after the booth is ready, Aya arrives, “Chisato-chan! I didn’t make you wait too long did I?” she asks.
“Not long at all, you’re still here before Lisa-chan. And Tsugumi-chan just prepared our booth, so let’s go.” Chisato says.
Aya walks slower and more awkwardly to her seat, so Chisato takes her hand to pull her along, and asks “Nervous, Aya-chan?”
Aya glances away before sitting on the same side of the booth as Chisato furthest from the cafe’s entrance. “Uhh…. of course I am… what if Lisa-chan hates me for hiding it?” she asks nervously.
“Don’t worry Aya-chan, if myself and the rest of Pastel Palettes didn’t hold it against you, why would she?” Chisato asks in a gentle tone as she looks softly at her nervous girlfriend.
“Uhh you’re right… but this is different… since she knew me before some, and I couldn’t tell her it was me when we met again…” Aya says in a pleading tone.
“Lisa-chan is a kind person, I am sure she’ll understand your circumstances.” Chisato says reassuringly as she pats Aya’s head gently.
“Thank you…” Aya says in a lower tone.
Aya’s phone vibrates with a new text message from Lisa saying she’s running a little behind and will be there in a few minutes.
“Well, I suppose that means you should stop being needy, unless you want Lisa-chan to see that too? Not that I would mind, Fufu.” Chisato says playfully.
“Uhh, I am fine now! Chisato-chan.” Aya protests, giving Chisato brief yet sharp glare.
Chisato simply nods, while Aya prepares herself just a little more for this.
Tsugumi, noticing the silence, peaks around from the wooden partition separating them from the rest cafe, “So you two? Three? Would like to be left alone for a while before you order today, right Chisato-san?”
“If that’s not too much trouble, I would like to leave the ordering for a little bit later. That’s good with you right, Aya-chan?” Chisato asks.
“Yeah, I’d prefer that too.” Aya says with a nod, noticing how she can see most of the cafe from her corner, but wouldn’t be easily seen herself from here.
“It’s no trouble at all for you two!” Tsugumi says, waving them off before returning to the cafe.
Not long after Lisa finally arrives, “Sorry did I make you two wait?” she asks.
“Not all, right Aya-chan? Chisato asks.
“Yeah we only just got seated a few minutes ago.” Aya says.
“I see that’s good then. So, Aya, what do you invite me out for today? This is pretty different from our normal hangouts lately.” Lisa asks with a hint of suspicion, as she takes her seat on the opposite side of the table from the pair.
Aya is caught off, by how straight to the point Lisa could be, “Eh… that’s uh… um...” she struggles to get her words out.
“Don’t rush her too much Lisa-chan, I am sure Aya-chan will explain when she’s ready.” Chisato says calmly.
Aya shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath, “It’s ok, Chisato-chan, I am prepared to start now.” Aya says as she exhales deeply and opens her eyes.
“Oh! Aya looks so serious, this definitely is different. Well I am here to listen to whatever you have to say.” Lisa says in a friendly tone with a wink.
“Don’t take this wrong way, Lisa, like I really enjoy our fashion browsing together. I learn a lot from it every time… But I’ve been starting to feel guilty more lately as we’ve been doing it more often.” Aya says nervously holding one arm with the other.
“Eh, why would you feel guilty for that Aya, when I enjoy talking fashion with you too!” Lisa says in surprise slamming one hand onto the table.
“Lisa-chan, let her finish, she has a good reason for why she feels that way.” Chisato says.
“Well um… Lisa-chan, there is something I haven’t been entirely honest about to you…” Aya says, looking away in shame.
“Huh, what might that be?” Lisa says, looking perplexed at Aya still confused by the direction of the conversation.
“Cause I pretended like it was the first time we met, but I actually knew you before we met at Circle and recognized you at first sight.” Aya says looking away in guilt gripping the edges of her chair.
“Hmmm…. Really?... I am pretty sure I’d known if I had met an idol before. Nor do I remember any ‘Aya’s either… ” Lisa says with uncertainty leaning back slightly in her seat.
“Well t-that’s because… I wasn’t quite an idol or even Aya when I met you back then when you helped me.” Aya says awkwardly, moving her hands frantically.
“Hmm… is that so? I used to help a lot of kids and girls before I joined Roselia, so I can’t be sure that you’re wrong… Wait what do you mean by not Aya though? Who else could you have been?“ Lisa says crossing her arms, pondering in uncertainty.
“Um… uuuuh… that’s complicated...” Aya says, swaying shakely.
“Aya-chan you can take it slowly, we aren’t going anywhere.” Chisato says softly.
“Chisato sure seems like she knows something I don’t…” Lisa says, staring at Chisato.
“Maybe I do, Maybe I don’t, fufu.” Chisato giggles covering her mouth with her hand.
Aya calms herself a little and speaks, “Lisa-chan, I’ll explain that in a second and I think I only referred to myself as Maruyama to you then. Do you remember that?”
Lisa reaches for her phone. “Wait! I do, but no way!” Lisa says unlocking her phone and swiping through her galleries.
“Aya, this timid girl was you?!?” Lisa asks as she sets her phone down on the table and it shows a picture of a younger Aya and Lisa together. In the picture Aya was wearing a simple sleeveless off-white one piece dress with a pink flower print pattern and simple chained pink purse. The most notable difference is that past Aya’s smile was even more awkward and stiff than her worst days, and her hair was only just barely long enough to register as girlish… yet it was also somehow more messy than normal.
“Uuu, You kept that picture?!” Aya protests, spreading her hands on the table in disbelief.
“Of course I did, you looked so cute in the dress and it was a fun day.” Lisa says.
“Fufu, I wouldn’t be able to believe that was actually Aya-chan in the picture if I didn’t have this confirmation. This is truly unexpected. Though you really were cute.” Chisato says giggling happily to herself.
“Not you too Chisato-chan!” Aya pouts.
“But uh… Aya if you don’t mind me asking, why weren’t you Aya then?” Lisa asks, curiously.
“Aya-chan will you be ok handling that question?” Chisato asks, looking at Aya with concern.
“Don’t worry Chisato-chan… compare to you seeing that picture, I’ll be fine.” Aya says confidently.
“Well you see Lisa-chan… that day we first met was actually the first time I’d ever worn my Hanasakigawa uniform… or dressed publicly as a girl.” Aya says.
Something clicks for Lisa, “As a Girl?... Wait, are you the same as Sayo?!” Lisa blurts out impulsive.
“Eh, well… from what I heard from Hina-chan… I think so, since it sounded like that both Sayo-chan and myself are trans girls.” Aya says in slight surprise, answering without thinking.
“I see… things must have been pretty difficult for you back then. Sorry I lost contact and couldn’t help you more then… since all I did was help you buy some things and give you fashion magazines, I should have done more for you, Aya.” Lisa says with a sour expression.
“Well things were difficult then… but you don’t have anything to apologize for… You did more than enough help me back then, even if it seemed like something simple and short to you. It was something I was tremendously grateful for. I was able to overcome that last barrier stopping me from chasing my dreams without worrying because of that help and push you gave me!” Aya says smiling brightly. “And uh... I was really glad to meet you again years later, Lisa-chan. And I am sorry for keeping this from you.”
Chisato smiles seeing Aya being able to proudly say all that.
“AH! Aya you don't need to feel bad for that, it was perfectly reasonable to take your time open up on that, and I am really glad to hear that it meant so much to you. And I am really sorry for losing touch with you...” Lisa says emotionally.
“Eh, wasn’t it me who lost touch with you?” Aya says startled.
“Wait… Did we both... “ Lisa says.
“Miss that day?” Aya says in sync.
Before all three laugh for a few moments at that realization.
After they calm down.
Chisato says smilingly happily, “Though I am really glad things went rather well after how much you worried about this, Aya-chan.”
“Honestly I don’t know what Aya had to worry about when it’s between us. But wow, Aya, you’ve really grown a lot in many ways since back then.” Lisa says in awe.
“I agree Aya-chan is always hard working, and she never stops trying to grow to be better than she used to be. It’s really quite inspiring. I can’t wait to see where she reaches in the future.” Chisato says softly yet affectionately.
“Me too! I want to see that as well for Aya who’s reached heights beyond what she can dream of now!” Lisa says cheerfully.
“It’s a little embarrassing when you both say it like that… but thank you, it makes me glad to know you see me that way.” Aya says smiling in the way only an idol can.