Work Text:
"𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘸𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘧? 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!"
Bakugou wanders around the dingy building of Aldera junior high, book in hand. Said book was currently burnt in places and wet all over. Deku, having left it behind on his desk. Bakugou taking it for the sake of not just anyone getting their hands on his information.
He weighs it in his palms and gives in to the loud whispering in his head saying that he should read it.
Izuku Midoriya
Hero analysis for the future
No. 13
He opens the page and flips through it. Eventually, he finds a page with his face drawn on it. It has his outdated measurements and a bunch of other crap he misses. He focuses his attention on the little notes surrounding the pretty drawing of himself. The letters sound dorky even on a page. He can’t help but feel embarrassed about Deku’s far too focused detailing.
He stays there, outside his school, for some time. Flipping over to the other heroes listed after him. The book was put together so lovingly, he almost feels bad for blowing it up.
Completely enraptured by the flying words he jumps visibly by a guy and two girls screeching at the top of their lungs.
The group runs to the other side of the building where they’re still screaming. They seem to have alerted other kids still on school grounds. The sun is nearly setting and there are not many students. Bakugou being one of them, follows.
There are over ten students a few strides away all looking to the sky and yelling. Before Bakugou himself could look up, he was heavily pushed away by two boys running towards the entrance. Bakugou, about to give them a piece of his mind, stops. Everything stops
The students at the ground gasp and some choke out horrible sobbing gasps. It’s only them when he gets to see towards the sky.
Izuku Midoriya
Being lit up by the setting sun, he looks like he’s glowing. Like he’s flying. It’s not a lazy fall, not in the slightest. Bakugou sees the running start and a small jump upwards before gravity initially follows him.
He doesn’t realize what he’s doing until it’s happening. He pushes everyone out the way and yells.
“DEKU!”
He yells louder and more desperately than anyone. He yells with all his might and at the end of it, his explosions weren’t going to help anyone this time.
He pushes and fights and even tries to catch him in the sky. He doesn’t even move, he can’t. He tries his hardest to move and do the saving he’s doing inside of his mind but he can’t even blink. He doesn’t look away from the boy that’s no longer glowing in the sky, but burning through it.
Everyone disappears around the blond boy as he watches a body splat in front of him, knocking the book he’s holding down to the ground. Covering both of them in blood, Izuku Midoriya dies in front of him.
"𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘸𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘧? 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!"
They always started like this.
Bakugou knew from the moment he opened his eyes that morning from a nasty nightmare that it would end like this.
He spent the entirety of today snapping at anyone that would get too close, yelling at just about anyone that bothered him. Today he had his worst fears make themselves known in his sleep. normally it would be written out as his usual explosive and harsh behavior but not today.
no, not today.
He thought that he could get through the day like he usually does when this certain mood pops up. He could've made it. Trust his so-called friends to push it too far. He knew they were only trying to help but sometimes he wishes that they'd be afraid of him so he can handle his weak emotions himself. It would've been all fine if they just hadn't pushed him off the edge.
He would've made it to lock himself in his dorm and scream and cry as loud as he wants with his music blasting. But no, all it took was Kirishima's firm hand on his shoulder and that god damn puppy look in his eyes and a soft 'you okay, Buddy?' for him to burst into tears that he couldn't stop. His friend’s eyes grew wide and the rest of the group looked at him in what he’d call pity. He ran out of there as fast as he could, he'd let Kiri tell Aizawa why he wasn't there.
It had taken him getting too comfortable with his friends for him to break. So damn weak! All it had served was for him to speed along the process that would eventually fall on him at the end of the day when all eyes and ears were away from him. So yeah, he knew from the moment he opened his eyes that this day would lead him to where he is now, him huddled on the floor by the foot of his bed, blanket secure and suffocating him from everywhere.
Usually, these days weren't so bad, It would always be a nightmare that would haunt him throughout the day. Nightmares about All might, Nightmares about Dabi and Shigaraki. These were things that scared him most, things he'd never fully admit. But today was different. This nightmare had happened long before he tried on his hero suit. This happened when he was young and so utterly stupid.
Often he'd get this nightmare, the one where Deku listened to him in middle school. Hed completely broke down the kid he knew back then, but sometimes he wondered what it would have taken. He wonders if it would’ve happened if he pushed him just once more-
he shudders
He hates thinking about these things, but it's something he can’t help. Every time he looks into that nerd's green eyes he remembers how they looked when he bullied him. How hurt and scared his eyes seemed. That look was always clouded over with the adoration that Katsuki focused on. The mere fact that he could be this awful to someone and still have them adore every step you took was a major lift in his ego. Looking back now, all Katsuki wants to do is go back and kick his younger self's ass. The person that he was did not only hurt Deku but it hurts himself now.
So after all the time that passed, he still sits still and alone in his room sobbing over the things that he could've said and done, things that he should've said and done. He likes this part, it's almost bittersweet.
“You don’t need a quirk when you've got me to take care of your nerdy ass, Deku!”
“Who cares if you don't have a quirk? That means no villains are ever going to come to attack you”
“You can live a safe and normal life and not give your mom a heart attack”
Everything could've been said sweeter but that was just who he was, or who he wanted to be. Overall the sentiment was there and that is what he wants to get across.
The tears that run down his face and leave red streaks in their place don't taste so bitter when he thinks about it like this. Then does he let his mind wander. No more fear and terror in those eyes that he desperately tried to ignore, but just the admiration that he knew was there despite it all. He lets these fantasies and hopes fester his weakened mind and as much as he knows that it won't happen and that it isn't healthy for him to continue, he lets it.
“Ok, Kacchan! I'll stick with you and never leave your side”
“Kacchan is so wonderful and amazing! As long as you're here to protect me I don't think I'd ever need a quirk of my own! ”
“Kacchan, I love you! ”
Yes, it's bittersweet and harsh, the things that could've been and the things they've never said.
"I love you too, Izuku"
Not a minute later there was a small knock at the door, too quiet to be Mina or Kirishima's obnoxious pounding and far too shy to be Kaminari or Sero's annoying ass patter code knock. He waited a moment to see if the knock would come back. ‘Maybe Rock face lost his pet again Or maybe it's Aux cord chick coming to borrow some CDs again’
Another knock, this time louder and more confident. Whoever it was, He sure didn't want them to see him like this. He wiped his nose and sniffled, he rubbed his eyes to rid himself of any tears in case it was one of his annoying ass friends and they wanted to see him. Glancing at the mirror by his desk, he hopes that the darkness of the room will hide his red cheeks and nose from the unwanted visitor.
“What- what is it?” Not good, His voice trembled and cracked from disuse. He could only wish that it was one of his friends by the door and not anyone else that could hear him. He doesn't doubt they heard him croak out his teary response.
“...Kacchan, are you okay? it’s Deku! I Uh Aizawa sensei wanted Kirishima to send you today’s work but he had to run out for something, so here I am, I uh volunteered! Here to...give you the uh...work hah.”
Of course the world sends him Deku, the subject of his tears and heartache. Who else would they send? Certainly not one of his friends or hell, he’d expect Mineta or Monoma before he’d expect Deku to show up at his door.
“uh -Kacchan?”
“I’m here, yeah” His voice managed to keep itself together for that oh so intelligent response, what an achievement, Katsuki.
“Oh good! Are you uh- are you feeling okay? You kinda left in the middle of the day so I guess I was kinda worried. I mean you never miss school. Like at all. Not even that time when you had a fever so high that you almost fainted in the playground when we were 11! You just walked it off after the nurse tried to send you home- Kacchan! Uh hhi heh”
He doesn't remember opening the door, he doesn't even remember getting up and pressing his ear to the door to try and hear what the nerd was saying. Reckless thinking, but he was tired from crying and all he wanted to do was see the nerds face after avoiding it all day.
He's out of uniform and wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon all might on the center and a pair of gym shorts, keeping those stupid red shoes too. He’s holding a small stack of papers in his hands, gripping it tightly as he stares intensely at Katsuki.
He holds his hand out to grab the papers but Deku doesn't make a move to actually hand them over. He continues to stare at bakugou and then does he realize what the nerd is looking at. Excited to hear Deku he forgets that his face looks like a mess and that he’s swaddled into a not so intimidating burrito with his blanket.
“Ka-Kacchan” It sounds so soft and warm, he almost starts crying again. Instead, he scrunches up his nose and yanks the papers from Deku's hands. Quickly he turns around and slams his door. Only it doesn't close, because there's a fucking red shoe blocking it from closing. It almost made him mad but then Deku was launching himself onto Katsuki, squeezing him tightly, and this time he did cry.
He grips onto dekus shirt and cries on him. Not once did Deku make a move to stop him or pry him off. He didn't move at all. No comforting touches or words but that was fine. He didn't think that he’d be able to handle it if the nerd were whispering soft words in his ear.
After a few short minutes, they started to sway together. It was almost like rocking a baby to sleep. It was a small sign of comfort, it was appreciated but he’d never say that. He remembers his mother doing this to him when he was a brat. She’d rock him back and forth until he got sleepy, and she’d do it without him noticing.
That's when Katsuki pulled away from Deku’s neck, detaching himself completely and taking a few steps back. Not yet brave enough to look into those green eyes after he’d made a scene.
“You don't have to look at me, that's fine, Kacchan” Deku’s voice still sounded gentle and warm. It didn't sound like pity and it didn't sound like fear and terror. He sounded like a regular old gorgeous and loving Deku. He hardly got to see this Deku talking to him.
‘It's not fine. Nothings ever been fine.” he shook his head side to side and pressed his palms to his eyes. Don’t cry again don't cry don’t cry-
“It’s okay to cry, Kacchan” This time he does look at Deku, the nerd is looking right at him with those beautiful eyes so full of worry and admiration. Now looking a bit sheepish he says “I didn't know that you mumbled like me too heh.” He didn't either, apparently.
“It’s okay to cry if you really need to. I cry all the time and I know it doesn't mean much coming from me but if you need to cry, then do it. I won’t say anything ever again about this if that’s what you want but if you need to let something out, do it. It doesn't make you weak, Kacchan. You're already the strongest person I know, in and out.”
“Zuku” It was quiet and yet so fucking loud. He say Deku's eyes widen and tear up slightly and Katsuki decided that the world shoved Deku in his arms this moment so he could finally rest that night. The man that Bakugou sees before him is not the same boy that died in his dreams. That was Deku, lowercase and trying its hardest to shove itself far into the dark corners of the closet. This is Izuku Midoriya; hero name: Deku, beloved friend, and family member.
“Zuku, I'm so fucking sorry. I want to say so fucking much to you and I don't want to curse in this so please ignore that, I’m trying my best.” His voice cracked in some words but that was fine, that wasn't going to stop him right now. Not when this was his chance, Deku was right in front of him and ready to at least listen so he was going to take the chance he was graciously given.
“I was a bad person and I'm not that much better now. I treated you like crap and bullied you for nearly all my life and for what? Being quirkless? Sure you were different and I was a child that didn't know any better than to ridicule something I didn't understand. I've realized that I don't care. I don't care if you're Deku the hero or Deku the quirkless guy from my childhood. To me, you're always going to be Deku no matter if you have a quirk or not. I should've been protecting you instead of fighting you. You were someone that couldn't fight for themselves and I took advantage of that and to this day it remains something that I regret terribly, and it's always going to be something that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. You deserved a happier childhood and you deserved a better friend than what I was. I'm so sorry Midoriya Izuku.”
Katsukis hands found themselves clasping both of dekus and bringing them to his bowed head.
“I can understand if you can’t, but please, accept my apology. It won't make up for it but if you accept it, I will work harder to prove to you that I am sorry for- for everything, Deku”
Silence followed after a moment. Then another, after a much longer moment of silence, katsuki looked up to see exactly what he’d expected.
Deku was flat out crying his eyes out. It wasn’t until katsuki made eye contact with him that he started to sob and choke out little noises that he tried to hold back. In katsuki’s head he never looked more himself, this is the Deku he’s used to seeing in front of him, and so he prepares himself for incoming rejection. He even expects to be slapped or hit or something, whatever the nerd throws at him, he’d deserve.
“Y-you we’re h-holed up here b-because because of me?!” The green-eyed boy pulls his hands out of Katsuki’s grasp to rub his sniffling nose. “You were c-crying and alone b-because of me?!”
Katsuki went into a small panic. Because what? Why-is he really crying because he’s blaming himself? Really right now? Yet when katsuki goes to voice as much, none of that comes out. His brain responds to seeing Deku cry because of him once more and this time he answers the urge to comfort the nerd.
“Hey, no no, I’m saying all this is my fault, Deku. Please stop crying, please.” Katsuki pulls away dekus hands and wipes his tear-streaked face himself. “If you wanna hit me you can hit me, or yell at me. Hell, you can use one for all if you really wanna. Just stop crying.”
He does get hit this time, but not more beyond the tiny slap that Deku throws at his chest. Feeling hurt even if he did ask for it and more.
“Stupid Kacchan! I don’t wanna hurt you! And I would never hurt you with my quirk! Not like this- no not-”
The rest of his sentence is choked out with a sob. Deku curls his arms towards himself and cries harder. Unsure of what to do now, Bakugou stares. Stares at the boy that haunts the moments of awareness he has before he slips into sleep and every second of the morning when all he knows is Deku's name and the brightness outside.
Bakugou wants to comfort him, more than anything. He wants to hold the boy he’s known his entire life and never let him go. He wants to hold him close and whisper things that he’s only thought alone in his head.
“...Deku” he couldn’t have said it any softer, it was impossible. Though it seemed to make Izuku jump upright and stare directly at him. And it shouldn’t have shocked Bakugou so much as it did but all that went through his head was that his eyes were so green. So beautiful and bare to the world.
“ …Kacchan, you stupid boy. I forgave you a long time ago… you don’t have to be sorry for anything, not to me at least.” He breaks off to sniffle and hiccup a few more sobs. “ I- it breaks my heart that you’d think I’d want to hurt you, especially after you’d bared your heart to me. Gods Kacchan, I thought you knew I never held it against you.”
“ I’ve admired you for my entire life a-and what happened in middle school was terrible, that I won’t lie about. B-but it never made me hate you. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”
Then he smiles.
It’s terrible and oh so gorgeous. His cheeks are tear-stained and red, his eyes are puffy and still crying silent tears and his smile is crooked and awkward. Bakugou thinks this is the most beautiful he’s seen him. And this is from the man that’s seen him in his full cowl and in all his soaring glory.
Bakugou smiles back.
That manages to get the smaller boy to laugh, and Bakugou swears his heart stutters in his chest. Soon enough they’re both laughing half-heartedly and Katsuki’s never been happier than he was at that moment. Both of them giggling and crying and happy.
Deku moves first and Bakugou doesn’t have a second before he’s returning the bear hug that the green boys trapped him in.
“Thank you, Iz-Midoriya” Deku nuzzles closer into the blinds neck and giggles.
“You can use my name Kacchan. U-unless you still wanna call me Deku. Which is fine, I mean it’s what we’re used to even now. It’d be a weird transition. W-well, not weird b-but like-“
Kacchan lets out a chuckle through Izuku's rambling, a welcome interruption.
“Can I really call you Izuku?” Bakugou lets out a breathy sigh.
“Yeah…”
Katsuki takes a deep breath and Izuku stares at him, breathing a little fast and both just as nervous.
“ Izuku… I have something else I wanna say to you.”
The green boy just nods encouragingly towards the blonde. Katsuki takes another breath and gathers more courage than he’s ever had.
“When I was little and stupid I had a friend…” he points a look at Deku.
“We used to do everything together. We ate all might themed snacks and wore these stupid matching onesies while we watched our favorite movies.”
They both make a move to slowly sit on the edge of Katsuki’s bed. Deku eager to listen and Katsuki forcing himself to speak instead of run away.
“Eventually I came to a very strange realization… I realized that I cared for this friend more than I let on. I cared for them so much that one day I came home to the hag and told her that I wanted to stay with this friend forever. She thought that I had developed some crush on this girl in our class and told me that I could always marry her if that’s what I wanted”
Katsuki avoids eye contain as he prepares himself for the final blow. Deku doesn’t move, doesn’t speak and Katsuki swears that he can’t hear him breathe.
“In my head, it made perfect sense. That’s what my parents did. They’re going to be together forever because they got married. My dad always put up with mom forever because he loves her and married her. So I told her if that’s what it would take then I’ll marry my friend”
The blond grabs a fistful of his pants and looks down. His heart is racing faster than it’s ever been. This isn’t normal, the only time this happens is when he’s training; out being a hero. It doesn’t help that Deku, the usual chatterbox, is being way too quiet. Maybe he could fool himself into thinking he wasn’t even there.
“ and to be fair I think my exact words were ‘I’m going to marry Zuku then! He’s not leaving my side and I’ll protect him like you protect dad!’ And after that, my parents were so confused as to why I kept pulling your metaphorical pigtails. It’s cuz I liked you so much it scared me that you were going to find a better hero or boy to protect you and love you. I thought that if I made you stronger like this, you’d only want to be with the best. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be the best for you. I treated you like a sidekick that I could whip into shape that I forgot that it hurt you. Eventually, middle school came and that aggression made itself known. It made me feel so ugly that I tormented you and you still came crawling back. I felt as if I’ve ruined your innocence instead of helping you become stronger. It was even worse because I was still in love with you and all you did was sing me praises.”
Audible sniffling was heard from both parties. But not once did Katsuki make a move to lift his head, and Izuku didn’t make a move to stop him from talking.
“I hated myself and gave myself a god complex to cover it up. I hurt the person I love. And now that you’ve forgiven me it helps but it doesn’t!.. it makes me feel like I’m a shorty person and a shorty hero. How could a heart like yours- how could you forgive me? I’m so so fucking terrible and I don’t deserve your kindness, Zuku. All I wanted was to hold you in my arms and tell you that you don’t need a quirk to be the best. And you didn’t! You proved that more than once and it even got All Mights attention!”
Katsuki drops to the ground on his knees and sobs for the hundredth time that day. He pressed his palms to his eyes hard enough to leave him disoriented.
“I don’t deserve to be in love with you after all these years. I don’t deserve to want to hold you, I don’t deserve to want to touch you with the hands that hurt you over and over again!”
By now, Izuku Midoriya has heard enough.
The green-haired boy sinks to his knees in front of Bakugou and crushed him to his chest again.
“I don’t think you’re shitty, Kacchan! I sing your praise s because it’s what you deserve! You make me sound like I’m an angel and that you’re destined to damnation because you’ve bullied me. Well, that’s not true. I knew you were a jerk as a kid and I never held it against you. Some kids beat me up much worse because I somehow got your attention. I knew you didn’t mean all that stuff! I followed you even then because I knew Kacchan would always protect me even if he does push me around a bit. Kacchan has always been and will continue to be my hero…And maybe I was a little strange for following him but I was a child who fell in love with their best friend, a best friend who was amazing even before sparks came out of his hand… I just wanted to be close to him… I wanted to hold his hand despite the warning…and I still do.”
Midoriya reaches out and takes Bakugous palm from his eyes slowly before reaching out to do the same with the other. They both look into each other's eyes. Warm and alive, they stare. Slowly as if calling their attention, both their eyes drift to their hands, softly clasped together.
Midoriya moves his hand to tread their fingers together before bringing it up to his lips to plant a soft kiss on the blond’s knuckles.
Katsuki lets out a ragged gasp and Izuku presses a more firm kiss on Katsuki’s other open palm.
“Katsuki, I’ve been in love with you since before I knew what it was…”
Bakugou just stares at the boy and the scene he makes in front of him. It’s so bizarre to have your childhood friend turned crush turned victim turned rival in from of you kissing your hands and confessing their love to you after you broke down in front of them. Bakugou thinks that nothing has ever been more right in the world.
“...and that still hasn’t changed...Katsuki, stay with me. Stay with me forever again.”
He’s reminded that if there’s a higher power beyond quirks and the goodness in people, that he is very likely their worst experiment and their favorite child
Katsuki doesn’t speak, he doesn’t think his voice could manage it. So instead he leans forward and grabs Deku to himself.
Their kiss doesn’t have the decency to be sweet like most first kisses are. Their kiss was fueled by childhood crushes and teen love and friendly rivalry. It didn’t waste time misleading its reason for being.
Bakugou's hands grip the back of Midoriya’s hair and he’s never felt more alive than he is now kissing the boy of his childhood. His hands don’t make any more shy moves, now knowing that he’s very much allowed to touch the green boy in front of him.
They stay there on the floor crying, whispering, kissing, and laughing for who knows how long. It’s not until Kirishima barrels into the room claiming that no one heard from either of them for hours. The red-haired boy blushes and makes his way out the dorm room after catching them on the floor, faces red and lips swollen.
Deku and Kacchan look at each other sheepishly, knowing for a fact that the entire class is going to know about this by tomorrow morning. But that was fine, they suppose. Looking down at their hands close together, they know they’ll get through this how they’ve always done everything else;
Together.