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Remus made his tea as he had a thousand times before, too much cream- too little sugar. He sat next to his favorite window and read his favorite book, as he always did. He knew today wouldn’t really be any different from all the other days he’d lived. When he blew out the candle at the end of it, he knew nothing would come of it.
His mother had always called it a “wasted wish,” at least when she thought he couldn’t hear her. He used to wish on candles, eyelashes, shooting stars, dandelions, all for the wolf inside him to die. It was something he kept up even as his wish changed, and he started wishing for someone instead.
At some point, he stopped all that silliness, his mother's words echoing in his head. Although he still let himself have one wish a year, an attempt at preserving some part of who he used to be, he couldn’t stop berating himself for the futility of wishing.
With this in mind he woke up earlier than usual on his birthday, and despite being half asleep he trudged out the dorm and out the portrait hole. Birthdays for him carried too much weight, too much worry. They just made him think about what he couldn’t have. They made him think about his lycanthropy and how short the lifespan of werewolves actually was. There was nothing for him to celebrate.
And so Remus Lupin hid himself away before any of the other boys could wake and wish him a happy birthday. He knew he couldn’t hide forever, he was just hoping to get away with most of the day. He didn’t want to spend his free time making birthday small talk, or girls small talk, or anything else of that sort.
Of course, by now Remus really should’ve known better. Just as he found a comfortable position on the stone window sill and had thought all those thoughts, he heard a quiet “Moony.”
Remus sighed, sometimes he thought Sirius had to be a mind reader with the way he never failed to pop up right when Remus felt down on himself.
The noise repeated, “Moony.”
Just as expected, Sirius was standing there, looking smaller and quieter than usual. Remus sighed inwardly, and then responded, “Padfoot.”
Sirius blinked as though he hadn’t thought he’d get this far, as though he’d expected to be ignored. Neither of them spoke, but then Remus let out a big heaving sigh and scooted, minutely, over. Sirius took the invitation, immediately sitting right next to Remus, scooting closer until they were pressed next to one another.
Remus looked out the window, watching birds fly off from the forbidden forest and the whomping willow sway.
“Moony,” Sirius said again. Remus wanted to quip back, he wanted to ask Sirius if he knew any other words, but instead, he just nodded. “Moony, why are you hiding out? It’s your birthday you know.”
“Funnily enough I do know that.”
“Oh haha. Moony, you’re not answering my question.”
“You know I don’t like my birthday.”
“Yeah,” Sirius said slowly, “but you still normally celebrate with us.”
“And if I have nothing to celebrate?”
Sirius seemed shocked for a minute, as though unsure how to take Remus’ words. Remus expected him to make a joke, or maybe even be sincere, what he didn’t expect was for Sirius to reach over and hug him. Sirius had apparently picked up on what was lost to most, that words wouldn’t change anything.
He held Remus tightly, burying his face in Remus’ neck, and just held on until Remus didn’t feel like he was standing precariously on a ledge where a gust of wind would bring him down.
Once again, somehow Sirius just knew. When Remus began to feel better he pulled back, but let his hand drop to Remus’, keeping them connected.
“C’mon Moons,” Sirius tugged at their intertwined hands, pulling Remus up, “you look exhausted. Let’s just go back to the dorm, you can take a nice nap, and I’ll make sure the others don’t bother you.”
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can, it’s your day. Now c’mon, I can tell you’re about to fall asleep standing up.” Sirius pulled Remus back to the dorm and had even taken Remus’ tea for him. When they made it into the dorm Sirius set Remus’ tea down and glanced around for the others. They were nowhere to be seen. He then started to unbutton Remus’ shirt.
Immediately, Remus felt a blush crawl up his neck, “um, Pads, you know I can do that myself, right?”
Sirius quickly took a step back, “right, yeah. Sorry.”
The distance between them, though only a foot, felt like an uncrossable chasm. Scared by this sudden change Remus did the first thing he could think of. He reached for Sirius, drawing him closer. While trying not to think about Sirius’ close proximity, Remus quickly pulled off his shirt and jeans, leaving him in a white undershirt and boxers. He watched Sirius watch him for a moment and then slipped into bed.
“Thanks Sirius, you always know what I need.”
Sirius smiled at him warmly, and all Remus could think was Sirius fucking Black: brightest star in the sky. Then, for some reason, Remus’ mind drifted to how he used to wish on shooting stars. Remus only realized he was staring when Sirius glanced toward the door. He almost seemed to be hesitating, as though he didn’t want to go.
Remus tried not to think about how he’d kick James and Peter out in a heartbeat if they were here, as he told Sirius, “you can stay if you want.”
Sirius glowed at Remus’ words, his smile widening. Remus had meant he could stay in the room, do work on his own bed, but when Sirius sat down on Remus’ bed, right next to him and tugged Remus closer, he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. Feeling safe and loved, he fell asleep quickly.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when he heard shuffling feet and muffled voices. The door creaked open, closed loudly, and then it was silent. He cracked one eye open ever so slightly and caught James and Peter’s gawking faces.
Before he could figure out what was going on James nudged Peter, “we’d better leave them.”
Peter’s eyebrows were scrunched together, “wha-”
“I’ll explain later. Let’s just- let’s just let them be.” James’ eyes turned soft, and he quietly pulled Peter out of the room.
It was only after the two boys had left, and Remus had become less groggy, that he realized just how entangled he and Sirius had become. At some point, Sirius must’ve fallen asleep too. Remus could hear Sirius’ heartbeat beneath his head, he could feel the warmth radiating from Sirius’ body.
For a moment Remus felt safe, for the first time that day he wasn’t thinking about his birthday or worrying about the future, but that disappeared quickly. He might love this, but Sirius would feel very differently.
Remus managed to slip out of the bed without waking Sirius, and he breathed a sigh of relief at that. He dressed quickly and left Sirius asleep as he hurried through the common room. By the time he thought about what would happen if he ran into James or Peter he was already halfway down the stairs. Luckily his fear was unfounded, the common room was empty.
Remus found himself in the library. Instead of sitting at a desk he set his things down between two bookshelves and dropped to the floor. This was what he needed: books, quiet, and no one to ask him what was on his mind.
Remus decided, as Sirius had said, that it was his birthday and so he could do what he wanted, and if he wanted to spend his entire afternoon in the library he would do just that.
It was only after dinner, with just a few hours of his birthday left, that Remus decided to head back to the dorms, foolishly hoping the others would be asleep.
He opened the door expecting quiet, but instead found a mini feast spread across the floor. James, Peter, and Sirius were all sitting there looking at him expectantly.
“What- you guys?” Remus felt like he was seeing a mirage. His brain told him this couldn’t be real, that even after all the years and all his friends had done for him, they wouldn’t do this; but, all three of them just kept smiling at him.
Eventually, Sirius rolled his eyes, “Moony, come sit.”
In a daze Remus moved into the room, dropping his bag and slipping off his shoes before sitting down. The others began chatting like it was any other day. Remus joined in quickly, eating all his favorite foods as he laughed at one of James’ stories.
When they’d demolished most of the food and spelled away the remains James stood and pulled Peter up with him, “um- we’re gonna go grab your- um-” James paused and Remus could practically see him thinking, “- present!” He shouted as though he was making up the words as he spoke. They disappeared before Remus could get a word in edgewise, but not before James shot Sirius a loaded glance.
Remus swiveled back to Sirius, “do you know what that was about?”
Sirius gave a noncommittal shrug, but wouldn’t meet his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again.
Nearing a whisper, but voice heavy with love, Sirius finally said, “um happy birthday Moony.”
From behind his back, Sirius pulled out a small lopsided cake with those exact words and a single lit candle.
“Sirius, did you make this yourself?”
Sirius gave a shy nod, “it’s chocolate chocolate, your favorite.”
Remus felt like he was maybe finally starting to understand, to see, and suddenly, despite the candle melting fast, he wanted to explain everything.
“Sirius- I, ever since I was bitten I always wished for the same thing. I wished for the wolf to just leave me be, I wished to be someone else, and my mom, who always believed in wishes, would call it a “wasted wish”. I don’t think she knows I know that, but I do. That stuck with me and even- even when my wish changed, when I-” his eyes met Sirius’, “when I wished for something- someone else, I could never shake that.”
The candle was melting faster and Remus just wanted Sirius to get it. For some reason, Sirius knowing whatever it was Remus was trying to relay before he made his wish was of the utmost importance, but he didn’t have any more words. Sirius looked at him, looked into him.
Quietly as could be he said, “I know Moons. Make a wish, okay?”
Remus blew out the candle and barely had time to think his wish before Sirius’ lips crashed into his. The kiss was soft and slow, passionate and deep, all at the same time. Sirius pulled back carefully, as though making sure this was alright. All Remus could do was follow his lips and try to keep them connected.
“Moony?” Sirius whispered into his lips.
“Mmhmm?”
“Did your wish come true?”
Remus let out a light laugh, “exactly what I wished for. Best birthday ever Padfoot.”