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it felt like yesterday when jean sneaks into the girl's dorm just to have her in his arms while sleeping.
she wanted to believe it was yesterday.
please, let it be just yesterday.
it felt like yesterday when jean runs towards her when he sees her, and gives her the tightest hug ever.
oh my, how much she loved that feeling.
those feelings when she didn't have to worry that much about dying, those feelings when she knew she had him by her side.
those feelings when they could step up anytime and save each other from danger.
unfortunately, all good things always come to an end.
just like how she hugged him close while sobbing into his chest as loud as she can.
"(y/n)...." jean whispered calmly into her ears, trying to make her stand up with her own feet.
it wasn't fair at all. it wasn't fair that she was holding onto him like this, during the most chaotic and scared moments people would have experienced in their life.
but she can't accept it.
"no!" she screamed into his chest, while he tried his best to push her so he could look into her eyes, for the last time.
"hey..." jean whispered again, calmly. and his words made her sob even louder. how can he be this calm in such crucial moments? did he know what will happen to him next? did he know why is she mourning over this already?
"no...." she cried as loud as she can, and jean hugged her close this time.
"why are you crying?..." jean smiled into her hair.
"im still here."
she shook her head quickly, as she grabbed onto him even tighter. why would he say such things right now? why would he act as if this thing is a good end?
because it wasn't.
"please... please..." she had lost her words. the only thing she could do was sob, and sob, and sob.
"hey... hey..." he gently grabbed her face, pulling it up so he can look at her. and during that moment, she cried even louder.
"look at me." he leaned closer, so that she didn't have to hear the screams and cries from other people.
just his voice. just him.
he smiled, his thumb slowly caressing her cuts on her cheek, before he exhaled slowly.
"i've fought until the bitter end, as a soldier, i'm going to pass my duty to you."
"no!"
"hey, look at me."
he was calm. so calm.
his hand moved at the back of her head and her back, his eyes glued onto hers as his lips curled a bitter smile that hurted her so much.
"we've talked about this, right?" he whispered.
"yes, (y/n). we've talked about this."
FLASHBACK
it was a normal day.
totally a normal day for jean to bring her up onto a random rooftop and lay down together, staring at the starts.
with his hand linked with hers, he pulled her into his embrace lovingly as both of them started talking about their days, sharing their problems and concerns, ranting... totally a normal thing that they do every single day.
"sasha stole my snacks today, but i-"
"AGAIN?"
(y/n) and jean laughed, talked, kissed, cuddled and held each other as if they won't do the same thing anymore tomorrow.
and as she started to close her eyes and take a short nap on his chest, he opened his mouth.
"what if one day you have to leave me and continue your job saving the world?"
(y/n) immediately raised her head, before she looked at his eyes who were already staring at her. she blinked for a while, taking out a hand to caress his cheek.
"why would i? i would save you, you know..."
jean smiles, pulling you closer so he could kiss your head.
"yeah, i know that. but... you're a titan shifter and you have 10 years left-"
"i told you i dont wanna talk about that." she sighed, before she rested her head on top of his chest. she could close her eyes and listen to his heartbeat all day. every single day.
"yeah, but listen to me first." he moved his hand and landed it on her back, rubbing it gently.
"of course i would do my best to save you, and you are strong enough to save me. but, what if the situation turned out to be something unforgiving? what if we're in a situation where one of us totally can't be saved."
she hated this conversation so much.
still leaning her head on his chest, he continued talking as he caressed her hair.
"if the one of us were happened to be me-"
"NO IT WON'T!"
jean widened his eyes at her sudden yell, as he could feel tears started hitting his chest. he sighed, before he slowly grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, so he could look at her.
"i can protect you. i can do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe. its our promise, right?" she said, before jean gently wipe away her tears with his thumb.
"you don't have to worry! we are just going to protect each other until our last breath! if you're dying, i'll die too." she looked at him, shaking her head repeatedly to show him that what he said will never be true.
jean smiled, before he pulled her closer and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"yeah, im thinking too much. im sorry." he whispered into her ear.
"you can't leave me, you can't." she said, before he pulled her even closer.
"shhh, let's end this conversation here. now, stop crying and just sleep." he wiped her last few tears falling from her eyes before he gave her a short kiss on the lips.
"whatever happens, i will be there with you."
END OF FLASHBACK
"remember?" jean asked.
"unfortunately... it happened for real." he chuckled nervously. he hated it when he's always right.
looking at her sad teary eyes, of course it broke his heart as well. he never wanted to make her leave him like this. in fact, he wanted to believe that this was all a bad nightmare, where the moment he woke up he could feel her arms wrapped safe around him.
but right now, there was no choice.
so he pulled her face up so they can look at each other, eyes staring lovingly together, arms holding tightly together, feelings stayed permanently together.
"please, jean... you can't leave me like this" she cried, shaking her head again and again.
"you can't just abandon our promise like this!"
he couldn't turn back. there was nothing he could do to make it right. the time ticked quicker than he thought, the screams and cries became louder in his ears, but his only focus was the love of his life in his arms.
"then let's make a new promise."
again, he leaned closer to her, pressing his forehead against hers before he closed his eyes calmly.
"promise me that you'll end this war for me."
and before she could protest, before she could say 'no' again, before she screamed about this bitter fate again,
he leaned closer and kissed her.
the kiss was full of desperate, but loving.
the kiss that both of them wanted to have longer than this.
he could feel her tears hitting his cheek as he kissed her. again, he had to be strong. he had to show her that he have done his duty. it's her turn now, she and the others need to end it for him, for connie, for all the fallen soldiers.
just she thought they had a long kiss, it just took less than 10 seconds before he pulled away slowly.
"i love you. and i always do."
"jean... please dont..."
"now go."
"jean..."
"fight for me."
she shook her head when he slowly pushed her away, giving her the last smile he could ever give.
"no..."
"(y/n), we have no time left!" levi yelled as he pulled her away from jean. again, there was nothing he could do. only titan shifters and the ackermans are exceptions. there was totally nothing he could do.
"no! let me go! no!" she screamed when jean's hand slowly left hers.
"NO!" she yelled as loud as her can. she looked into jean's eyes, and she couldn't believe he just gave him a smile.
that smile.
the exact same smile he gave her when he confessed to her under the stars.
the exact same smile when he brought her back to his mother's home and when he proudly introduced her to his mom.
the exact same smile when he was ready to give his all to you that night, claming you as his first.
the exact same smile when you survived each expeditions.
she always loved that smile,
that it hurted her so bad to know this will be her last time seeing it.
"please.... no!" she screamed as she realized that this bad fate, distanced him from her.
she just wanted to hold him until the end.
and jean, he just wanted to make sure she's alive until the end.
how unfortunate.
he wanted to talk about how much he loved her, how much he cherished her, how much he wanted her to stay with him, how much he wanted to spend all his days and nights with her, as if the world isn't going to end.
he even practiced on proposing to her, where he planned to do it after everything ends.
how foolish of him for not telling her sooner.
and now, she's gone.
but still, he knew.
until the bitter end, his love for her will never end. same goes as her love for him.
he loved her so much.
and he had to let her leave him and finish this war.
so, holding onto connie's shoulder, they talked about during their 104th graduation day. they chose to be here. and they never regretted it. they had fought until the end. they had done their job. they knew they had done it.
"i wish i could marry her." jean chuckled.
and before he could recall his first memory of meeting her,
his mind went blank.