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Chapter Text

Tea of soot and pine-tree root. Tea of soot and pine-tree root.

I almost laughed as I rushed up the stairs, taking the sodden, wooden steps two at a time. I would have slipped if I hadn’t been in such a rush. As I sprinted, I asked myself in what world would a man treat his wife with tea of soot and pine-tree root if he believed she suffered from diphtheria. In what world would a man not take his wife to a doctor, to get medicine.

I ran into the bedroom, it was dark and smelled like phlegm and rot, with the faint scent of her perfume trapped in it. I could not tell if it was the lump in my throat or the stench that choked me. Beyond the thin drapes, the shape of a woman, the shape of her, was lying still on the bed. I wondered if the pain would be greater if I carried on, or if I could somehow save my heart from shattering like ice if I turned around and left.

I took small steps towards her, terrified. Her skin was mottled and the colour of rainclouds. I did not need to touch her to know that she was cold. I sat on the bed and put a hand on her dress, stroking the fabric between my fingers. My mouth hung open and tears pricked the corners of my eyes like thorns.

I remembered the bridge that Dyer and I had crossed on our three-day trip here, and wondered if the rapids below it would kill me quickly or slowly. Either way, it would not matter.

I heard Dyer climbing the steps, calm and collected as he always was. I almost turned to him, but a faint, rattling sound of breath pulled me to her.

‘Tallie?’ The voice was mine, but I wasn’t aware of it. ‘Tallie?’

Her fingers flickered, and a cough rose from the depths of her lungs and shook her all over.

‘Dyer!’ I screamed for him, and he was behind me. ‘She’s- she is alive, her chest is moving.’

‘Moving, but it is slow.’ Dyer’s eyes were creased with concentration. ‘She needs medicine.’ With swift ease, he carefully slid his arms under Tallie and lifted her. ‘Bring the blankets,  there is a town six miles west of here, we can find a physician there.’

Tallie continued to shake in his arms, a constant tremor. She tried to speak, but I held her face. ‘You are safe now.’ I whispered. ‘You are safe.’ Her eyelids flickered open, the whites were oddly yellow. When she saw me, her eyes closed and she sunk into Dyer’s arms with a shiver.

I picked up all the blankets that my arms could carry, but before following Dyer to the cart, I went to the kitchen. I opened all the cupboards, feeling the perspiration in my palms and the back of my neck. I picked up a jar of honey, rosemary, dehydrated mint leaves and terracotta pots. I opened the pantry door, my eyes whipped around so fast I thought I might faint. Then I found it, as I had suspected. A bunch of bracken fern was atop the shelf. My stomach knotted like a rope. I could have crushed them all into a fine powder and sprinkled it onto Finney’s pillow, into his ale cup, even mixed it in with his butter. Oh, how we would have suffered. How delightful to make him clamour for the life that he had stolen from Tallie time and time again.

But I didn’t have time. I turned and ran to the cart.

Finney and Dyer were still talking in raised voices when I swept past them. I put the herbs and honey onto the back of the cart, where Tallie was now laying. She looked even worse in the daylight. She was shivering, but her forehead was shining with sweat. I layered her with the blankets and jumped in next to her, holding her head.

‘Dyer.’ I pleaded. ‘Let us go.’

‘That is my wife you are stealing.’ Finney’s brow was furrowed, he looked as though he might attack all of us.

‘Brother, we will return her.’ Dyer said. ‘Once she is well, and you also.’

Finney’s jaw was clenched. He sunk the last dregs of whatever foul liquid he was drinking and threw the glass onto the stones, sending shards flying everywhere. The sound of it made Tallie tremble.

Finney had climbed the steps to his porch and grabbed his gun. Dyer had already started to run back to the cart and smacked the horses with his whip. We hurtled into a bumpy speed and one of Finney’s bullets flew right past us like an angry bee. I ducked down, bringing my body in front of Tallie’s.

As Finney reloaded, the cart started turning a corner into the mountains. I saw him run after us but we were faster than he was, and soon enough we were out of the woods.

I held Tallie in my arms, holding her head to my chest and crying with both fear and relief. It was a strange and unsettling experience seeing the strongest person I’d ever known to be so still and limp. I fed her little bits of honey and tried to crush the herbs with my fingers and drop them onto her tongue, which had gone a disturbing shade of purple.

‘How much longer?’ I called to Dyer over the sound of the rattling cart.

‘A quarter of an hour.’ Dyer said back. ‘I have doubts about the claim she suffers from diphtheria.’

‘Bracken fern.’ I replied, stroking Tallie’s wrists.

‘How much?’

‘I know not.’

‘She is still alive.’ Dyer said. ‘We may have arrived just in time.’

I kept holding Tallie. I believed her to be sleeping but she would still occasionally let out crackling exhales and thick coughs. When we levelled out onto smoother ground, and the cart stopped shaking, I pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

‘You did not mean it when you told Finney we would bring her back, did you?’ I asked Dyer, who let out a small laugh.

‘No, I lied.’ He paused. ‘But for the grace of God, I do not regret it.’

We pulled onto a smooth road, the sort of road that led you into a town. Where you could find food, board and medicine. I prayed for Tallie, in a way I’d only prayed once before.

‘Excuse me.’ I heard Dyer call to someone that I could not see. ‘Which way to the physician?’

‘Are you asking for Dr O’Malley or Dr Hedges?’ A man responded. I could just see him over the top of the cart. His voice was gruff and impatient, but also comforting to hear, as though we were no longer stuck in the wilderness alone.

‘Whichever is more likely to save a life.’ I shouted back to him.

The man nodded. ‘You’ll be wanting Dr Hedges then.’ He smiled at us. ‘End of the road, on the left. The building with a pale roof. Godspeed.’

Dyer tipped his hat and we rode onto the doctor’s house.

Chapter Text

There was a sign outside of the building with a pale roof, which gave me some indication of where we were.

Surgery of Hedges & Co

Waynesboro, VA

I still meant to ask Dyer how he knew about the town, but that didn’t matter at this time. Nothing mattered except Tallie.

The physician, Dr Hedges, was a tall man with wiry, black hair. He spoke only to Dyer, which I didn’t mind because it meant I could offer all my attention to Tallie.

Hedges told Dyer to carry her through to the very back of the building. The air inside smelled like vinegar, so much so that it stung my eyes as I followed them through.

In the last room, there were four empty beds lining the walls, metal trays with all manner of tools on top and a cabinet filled with labelled various vials and bottles.

‘Any bed.’ Dr Hedges said. ‘You say you found her?’

‘We were travelling along the Three Notch’d Road from Richmond. We found her collapsed in the mud.’ After Dyer had carefully placed Tallie on the nearest bed, he removed his hat and wiped his brow. ‘My wife has family in Staunton, it was lucky we knew the roads to reach you.’

‘Mighty lucky for her.’ The doctor responded. ‘Was there any evidence of violence when you found her? Blood, shells?’

‘She’s been poisoned.’ I spoke without restraint. Every second we stood idle was a second that was vital to Tallie’s survival. ‘If you look, you can see her eyes are the colour of bile and her tongue sits like a plum in her mouth.’

Dr Hedges glanced at me, then returned his focus to Dyer. ‘If she has been poisoned, her treatment will differ depending on what is the caus-’

‘Bracken fern.’ I spoke again, growing ever frustrated. ‘Bracken fern, over the matter of weeks, perhaps months. Nothing else in the world would cause this appearance.’

Hedges let out a long sigh.

‘I believe my wife is right.’ Dyer followed up. ‘If you study her eyes, and the manner of her breath, I should think you will realise the symptoms.’

‘Bracken fern.’ Hedges approached Tallie and touched her forehead. ‘She will need leeching to withdraw the toxins. Then she should be flushed through with a pale tincture and opioids for the pain. This will not be an inexpensive treatment. I trust as you brought her in, I will be billing you for this.’

Dyer offered a solemn nod.

*

We had to stay in Waynesboro. Dyer rented a room at an inn, though I didn’t stay with him. Each night I would sit with Tallie until I could no longer keep my head up as it filled with a heavy desire to close my eyes.

I would retire to a bed next to her and watch her until I fell asleep. I would wake at her every turn, every feverish mumble and every cough. A nurse would come along each day to clean her and change the bed sheets and her nightgown, that was the only time I left her alone. I was there when Dr Hedges gave her medicine in the evenings, and when he returned in the morning.

‘She will need bathing today.’ He said one morning, washing his hands in the basin. ‘Martha doesn’t work on Sundays.’

‘I can do it.’ My voice croaked. ‘I don’t mind.’

‘Very well.’ He went to a cabinet and pulled clean, starched sheets from it. ‘There are clean cloths and towels on the line outside. I am retiring for the afternoon, but I will be back this evening to dispense further tonic.’

As he put his coat on and fixed the collar, the doctor took a slow look at me.

‘I have every reason to believe that if you had found her a day, perhaps even several hours later, she would be dead.’

I nodded and stroked Tallie’s hair.

‘Your consideration for a stranger is commendable.’ He said.

‘We are all God-fearing people, are we not?’ I replied.

‘It is interesting, and I haven’t been able to forget it, but your husband said you found her in the mud, that is correct?’

I nodded, feeling a burn in my cheeks.

‘Odd that there was no mud on her dress.’ He said finally, before leaving us alone.

*

Dyer dropped in at some point that day, he brought me a basket of fruit pies, cold cuts and a few apples. He told me he was trying to find work locally, though it was scarce. Then he suggested going back to the farm.

‘I can collect whatever money is owed us from the produce we have sold. I will pick up more provisions, our savings, your ledger.’ He looked from me to Tallie. ‘I don’t want to leave you both, though I have explained to Dr Hedges my plan.’

‘Whatever say you. You know best.’

‘I will return in several days. With more funds for her treatment, so that her recovery is not stunted.’

I broke my gaze from Tallie and looked up at him. ‘Thank you, Dyer.’

He pursed his lips together into a smile, he then kissed my forehead. ‘Look after her.’ He said, then he departed.

I wandered out of the surgery, I watched Dyer mount his horse, leaving my horse and the cart parked in a bay we were renting for a penny a week. Heeling the horse, Dyer reared off, into the distance.

Before going back inside, I pulled the towels and rags from the line and carried the bundle in my arms. I pumped some water into a bucket in order to heat it on the stove. It was a slow process, but soon enough it was filled with hot, steaming water.

I lifted Tallie up to remove her nightgown. She had shrunk over the last week, I could feel her bones sticking out of her skin and felt her ribs jutting. I was relieved to see that where her skin had been the colour of a winter moon before, it was turning a light pink, like a summer dawn.

I dipped the soft cloth into the water and rubbed a bar of soap over it, it smelled like rose petals. I dabbed her face and neck, her arms and her chest. I cleaned her feet and legs, and to the space between them, I washed tenderly.

I dried and dressed her quickly, tucking her back into bed so she wouldn’t catch the cold. I went outside to drain the water and hang the towels up. When I returned, I glanced over at her, and immediately dropped the bucket, the clatter echoed against the walls.

‘Tallie?’ I asked.

Her eyes were open. No longer a sickly shade of yellow, but brighter. She looked dazed, her brow was knitted together. ‘Where-’ Her deep voice sounded gruff. I ran to her.

‘You’re safe, Tallie.’ I assured her, stroking her hair back.

‘Where is Finney?’

‘We took you away from him. You were so ill, he-’

‘I don’t- I don’t remember anything.’ She shifted in her bed and retched. ‘I am so hungry.’

I ran to the basket of food that Dyer had brought and pulled an apple from it. With one of Dr Hedges’ tools, I cut small chunks off and offered them to her. Her trembling hands would take them, and she would only nibble them and sip water, but after an hour some of her strength had returned.

‘Is there anything else?’ She asked, laying back on her pillows with her eyes closed.

‘There are cold cuts, and fruit pies.’ I said, again taking the sharp knife and cutting pieces of meat and feeding them to her.

As I fed her, I told her of everything. Starting with my and Dyer’s journey from Schoharie County, Finney shooting at us, the trip to Waynesboro and the story we had told the sceptical doctor.

‘Dyer has gone back to the farm.’ I said, stroking her cheek after she had finished eating and drinking. ‘Though, when he returns, he should have brought enough money for all of us. At least until he can find work.’

‘Abigail.’ Tallie’s voice cracked, and for the first time, she smiled. ‘Dyer cannot support two wives.’

I laughed and held her hand. ‘No, but we will find a way. We will.’

There was a short pause, while my thumb stroked the back of her hand.

‘I will never be able to express my gratitude for saving my life.’ Though she was weak, her fingers wrapped around mine. ‘Neither words nor actions will ever be enough.’

I shook my head. ‘Your being is enough. Each breath you feel in your lungs, and every time your heart beats, that is enough.’

Tallie smiled at me, she tried to raise her hand to touch my face but her arm fell.

‘If you had wandered into the darkness, Tallie,’ I continued, feeling tears swell in my eyes. ‘I would have followed you.’

We stared deeply into one another’s eyes for a moment. Then Tallie’s face broke into another smile. ‘I should put that in my poem.’

Chapter Text

Doctor Hedges returned that evening, long after the pink had flushed Tallie’s cheeks. We were laughing when he entered the bay. Our hands flew apart.

‘Ah.’ He exclaimed, red-faced, removing his hat. ‘You are awake.’

‘Tell me doctor, did you become a physician due to your intensive observation skills?’ Tallie responded quickly, as she always had done. I stifled a laugh behind my hand.

Hedges grunted. ‘Well, that is good timing.’ He said, ignoring her. ‘A coalmine has collapsed, three miles south of here in Greenwood. Carts are being sent to collect the ones who have survived. I need all the beds I can spare.’

‘She cannot leave yet.’ I protested. ‘She has only just started recovery.’

Hedges strode to Tallie, I almost leapt in front of her. He lifted her eyelids roughly and looked inside her mouth. He held two fingers to her slender neck and waited several seconds. ‘She is well enough to be discharged.’

Suddenly I was aware of how I wish Dyer hadn’t left us.

‘I’ll prescribe two more bottles of tincture. Ensure you take a measure in the mornings and before bed.’ Doctor Hedges was scribbling something on a sheet of paper. He pulled two brown bottles from his cabinet and put them into my hands. ‘Now please, I must change the sheets.’

‘Where are we to go?’ I asked, suddenly panicking.

‘There are several inns, I’m sure one will take pity on you.’

I stared at Tallie, who had gone quiet. I believed the sudden surge of energy and demand of her was draining her energy.

I worried for her if we left too soon. Oh, why had Dyer gone? How would I pay for a room so that she could continue resting and recovering? I wasn’t going to rely on the uncertainty of an innkeeper’s pity and drag her all over town. Then, an idea struck me like lightning.

‘Do you require additional nurses?’ I asked.

The doctor had a pen in his mouth as he unloaded piles of sheets from a cupboard.

‘What?’

‘Do you require nurses?’ I repeated. ‘You said yourself that only have yourself and Martha, and I do not see Martha here. I am trained in essential first aid, for cuts, burns and fractures. Ailments that may very well arise from a collapsed mine. I will offer my service in return for pay, so that we may stay at an inn.’

Hedges considered me. I could see him considering his options. ‘Very well.’

‘I would need an advance.’ I said, staying strong in my voice. I glimpsed at Tallie, she was smiling at me.

Hedges didn’t look happy with me. ‘I will give you $2 now. A further $1 when you return later after a shift. I believe that to be fair.’

‘Thank you.’ I said, holding out my hand to receive the bills. ‘We will stay at the inn across the way. I will ask for a south-facing window, and keep an eye on the traffic. I will return when I see the patients arrive.’

*

Tallie and I left Hedges’ surgery together. The air was dry and breezy. I supported her as she stumbled towards the inn with a weakened step.

‘I feel like death on two legs.’ Tallie groaned as we reached the inn.

I attempted to open the door while holding onto her and the picnic basket, which clinked with her medicine bottles. Once inside, I sat her on a stool as I arranged our board.

It was cheaper than I had expected. Only 15 cents for a small room, south-facing as I had promised the doctor. The innkeeper helped us climb the stairs, taking one of Tallie’s arms as I took the other.

He departed once we were inside. Tallie collapsed onto the bed. The frame squeaked beneath her.

‘Are you well?’ I went to her, removing her shoes and covering her with blankets.

‘That was exhausting.’ She replied, rolling onto her back. She looked pale again. I made a note to get more food for her, preferably a hot meal. ’Thank you.’ She said quietly.

‘Do not thank me.’

‘But I mean it. You have done so much for me. And then you take up a paid job for me, to pay for my stay at a hotel.’ She smiled, showing me her teeth. ‘What a good husband you are.’

I shared the laughter with her. ’You have done more for me than you will ever know, Tallie.’ I pulled the blankets up to her neck to ensure she stayed warm.

‘Would you lay with me?’ Tallie asked.

It occurred to me then, we were entirely alone, with no fear of being interrupted.

‘Of course.’ I replied.

The bed was wide enough for the two of us to sleep comfortably. We lay facing each other, I placed an arm over her waist and drew her to me gently.

‘Can I tell you what thought is most comforting to me?’ Tallie spoke, almost breathlessly.

I nodded, watching her lips.

‘No one knows we are here.’ She smiled and brought her face close to mine, so that I felt her lips brush mine. Her breath smelled like sweet apples from the pie we had eaten together in her sick bay. A rush ran through me, warming my thighs. She continued whispering. ‘We are nameless, homeless, and husband-less at this very moment. And I’ve never felt safer.’

A pang of guilt twinged inside me, guilt for Dyer. He had gone back to the farm for more money. He had brought us to Doctor Hedges, he was paying for Tallie’s care. I owed him a debt. I owed him everything.

‘You should keep resting.’ I said, stroking her red hair back over her ear.

She slowly pushed her mouth against mine, her lips slightly parted. We shared an embrace. I felt her tongue in my mouth, the sense between my legs throbbed. She gasped then pulled away from me.

’That made the room spin.’ She said, laughing though her brow was creased.

‘Come.’ I said, sitting back and holding my arm up. ‘Rest your head here, sleep.’

She agreed and laid upon my chest. Within minutes, her breathing steadied into a gentle rhythm and I knew she was asleep. I continued stroking her hair, and smelling the sweet floral meadow of her skin, until I heard the thud of hooves on the ground outside, and men shouting. The rescue mission from the mine had arrived.

I rose without disturbing her, she was in a deep slumber.

‘I am taking leave for the surgery, Tallie.’ I whispered and stroked her cheek. ‘I will return soon.’

She didn’t stir. Using a piece of charcoal in my pocket, I wrote a short note on the back of the doctor’s prescription and left it on the bed next to her, so that she would not panic upon waking. I left the room, taking one final look at her before locking it behind me.

‘Good evening sir.’ I called to the innkeeper as I reached the lobby of the inn. ‘I am going to Hedges’ surgery, to help with the effort for the collapsed mine in Greenwood. Please deliver a hot meal to my friend when you are preparing dinner.’ I took several coins and placed them on his desk. ‘She is recovering from illness, as you can probably see. Some warming food would do her well.’

‘Of course.’ The innkeeper responded, leaving the coins on the side. ‘I do believe we have pea soup, and a joint of roast beef with carrots tonight. Would you have us save some for you?’

‘If you could.’ I replied, my mouth salivating.

The innkeeper finally took the money and went back to his office. I turned and went outside, making my way to the surgery. Soon enough, I was walking towards the screams of men crying out for their mothers.

Chapter Text

Every bone ached, each tendon stretched taut and every muscle throbbed. My legs could barely carry me, and my hands were stained with coal, mud and blood, yet finally there was peace. All of the injured men were sleeping, soaking up the opioids that Hedges had distributed to them. Occasionally, they would cough, a thick, phlegmy cough, but then they would settle.

My hands were shaking when Hedges put the rest of my pay into my hands.

‘You did well this evening.’ He said, washing his nails with a scouring pad. ‘I should think you would make a good nurse.’

‘Thank you.’ I replied.

‘Come back tomorrow morning,’ The doctor dried his hands until they were raw. ‘There’ll be more wages in it for you. These men will need consistent care.’

I only nodded.

‘Go and get some rest.’ Hedges said. I nodded again and left.

The sky was black as death but ablaze with shining stars, and the moon lit my path back to the inn where a short candle dwindled inside a lamp.

I took each step up to the bedroom as though my legs were filled with wet sand. I could barely bend my knees when I reached the top step.

With weak, trembling arms I unlocked the door and pushed it. The room was dark and quiet. For a moment, fear gripped my chest. I couldn’t hear Tallie breathing. With renewed energy, I strode towards her and put the back of my hand in front of her nose. Her breath warmed me.

I lit a candle and watched her for a moment. She was on her back, her eyes were closed and her mouth sat slightly open. She looked peaceful, rested, safe. I thought back to when we’d found her, so close to death, and I shivered. I would never let that happen to her again.

A plate of cold beef and carrots sat on the small table in the corner of the room, next to it was an empty plate. I sighed with relief, knowing Tallie had eaten. The beef, though cold, was tender and the roasted carrots were drizzled with sweet honey. I ate all of it and swallowed the cup of ale next to it in one gulp.

Afterwards, I dressed into my nightgown which hadn’t yet been worn since we’d arrived in Waynesboro. Pain clung to my limbs. I chewed some mint leaves that had been in my satchel, then I climbed into the bed and slowly lowered my head to the crook of Tallie’s arm, letting my hand rest on her stomach. A low, content moan grumbled in her throat as she pushed her arm underneath me and drew me closer.

‘I love you.’ She whispered, still half-asleep.

‘I love you too.’ I whispered back, before falling into a deep slumber.

The morning sun crept up on us. I always believed the moment of dawn to be medicinal. In those seconds before life, when you would drift somewhere beyond comprehension and consciousness, a space in time when everything is right. You are untouchable, life hasn’t found it’s way to you yet.

‘Good morning.’ A familiar, deep voice spoke, bringing a smile to my face. I was still laying in her arm, neither of us moved the entire night.

‘Good morning.’ I replied, my eyes remained closed with lingering sleep, but I felt her lips on mine, her shadow blocking the sun. I cradled her face with my hand and felt her tongue on mine. Her body shifted and pushed against me.

I opened my eyes and she was there. We were breathless, our mouths touching. She smiled so I could see her teeth. ‘I missed you.’ I felt her fingers in my hair, her eyes scanned my face.

I kissed her again, and though the pain in my joints stung, I rolled on top of her. It had been so long since we had been intimate, I didn’t realise how desperate I had been for her. Her body responded in kind, I felt her pulling the nightgown up and her hands running up my legs and back.

I pushed against her thigh and stifled a moan. One of her warm hands dipped and my back arched as I felt her inside me. I was pain and pleasure wrapped in the silk lace of Tallie’s touch. I felt her mouth on me, her teeth grazing my shoulder and my neck. I gasped for air and she moaned my name in my ear.

I faltered and tensed. Tallie knew what my body was telling her. I felt her fingers curl, she held them here, and I finally felt the storm in my entire body. The sudden gale of immense satisfaction that I had only every experienced with her. It took all my energy not to call out her name.

My mouth went straight to hers. I moved down her body, pushing her gown up and over her stomach. Again, I saw how thin she was and took pause, feeling selfish.

‘Are you sure you’re ready? You feel rested enough?’ I asked her. She was nodding, biting her bottom lip.

‘Please, Abigail.’ She whimpered.

Hearing my name drip from her mouth set a fire in my abdomen. Her hips rose expectantly. I was ravenous for her, I couldn’t remember the last time I had freely tasted her. We were never afforded privacy in our old lives, though now we were two women, alone and free to do whatever we pleased.

I took her in my mouth. She gasped and she buried her fingers in my hair. I moved my mouth over her, flicking and rolling my tongue. I slowed to relish the moment, realising yet again that we did not need to rush this.

No longer would our love be a hurried kiss behind a bedroom door, or a hastened slip of a hand, while constantly watching over our shoulders. No more would we flinch when we heard the snap of a twig or the shifting of leaves in the wind.

Tallie’s hips were bucking, I brought her to the edge and allowed gratification to roll down her like rainwater. She spoke my name again and again until she urged me up to kiss her. We laid together, in perfect bliss as the sun warmed us.

Then I thought, perhaps now, every day would be like the first touch of dawn.

Chapter Text

The days that followed were peaceful.

I would work the daylight hours in Hedges’ surgery, tending to the men who were becoming lucid. Some of them were grumpy, some were friendly, a small few were overly familiar with their hands. I asked Hedges if he would care for them.

As Tallie’s strength grew, she would go on little walks around the town. I would leave her some money in the morning, and she would buy Folgers coffee, herb-roasted peanuts and sweet sugar plums, which she would save for me when I returned from work.

Hedges would visit Tallie in the evenings and administer medicine, taking a portion of the cost of them from my wages, which I instructed him to do. Then Tallie and I would sit out on the porch, watching the sunset and eating our supper together. Once or twice, the innkeeper would bring us cups of his homemade hooch, it tasted like lemonade and we would drink it until we were giggling over nothing.

I could see that Tallie was healthier. Good colour resided on her cheeks, her hair was rich, shiny and bright. She looked happy.

After supper, we would lay together in our shared bed, stroking, holding, pleasuring each other. It was like a dream that I didn’t want to wake from. I didn’t want to close my eyes at the end of the day, terrified I would wake in a world different to this one.

‘What will you do,’ Tallie asked me one morning, ‘when Dyer returns?’

‘I had not given it much thought.’ I replied, allowing my fingers to stroke along her chest. I could no longer see her ribs sticking out.

It was Sunday. We were entwined in bed. I had no work left at the surgery, all of the men had been discharged. The day was ours.

‘You have not thought about your husband?’ Tallie laughed lightly, I felt her fingers run through my hair.

‘You consume the majority of my thoughts.’ I smiled and kissed her stomach. ‘It is the fault of you and how delightful you are, that I cannot seem to offer time to anything else.’

Tallie laughed again, she pulled me towards her and our lips met.

‘I have been thinking.’ She said, when we broke apart.

‘I wish you wouldn’t.’

‘I cannot go back to Schoharie.’

The words sat in the room with us. They exposed an uncomfortable truth that we were both aware of but only Tallie had the bravery within her to say it out loud.

‘I know.’ I replied.

‘If Finney ever-’

‘I know, Tallie.’

‘But I cannot imagine a world without you in it, Abigail.’

‘Nor I, you.’ I stroked her cheek, my thumb held her chin.

‘I believe Dyer will expect you to go back with him.’

‘I will handle Dyer’s expectations.’ I shifted so that I was on my front, leaning on my elbows and facing her. ‘Tallie, my heart understands what it feels like to almost lose you.’ I took her hand and kissed her fingers, one at a time. ‘I made a vow to myself and to God, that I would not let it happen again.’

I saw Tallie’s eyes fill, she blinked away tears. ‘Would that I could marry you myself.’ Her hand rested on the top of my head.

I didn’t respond with words, but I kissed her again. A slow, telling kiss. It was fascinating, the way our mouths could say so much without uttering a sound. In the light of the morning sun, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

We stayed in bed the entire day.

*

Dyer returned on a fall evening several weeks after he had left us. The ground was scattered with Aspen leaves, the weak sun sat behind light clouds that speckled the sky.

I watched him approach from our window, I watched him tie up his horse and pat her down. He fed her some sugar cubes and put a pail of water in a trough for her. He was a good man.

‘What is it?’ Tallie asked. I felt her standing behind me, one of her hands rested on my hip.

‘Dyer.’ I replied.

I felt Tallie’s lips on my nape. ‘You will be strong.’ She said.

I nodded.

‘I can be there, if you wish it.’

‘No.’ I turned to her and kissed her forehead. ‘I must do this alone. It is only right and fair to him.’

We embraced a final time, and I pulled my coat on to go and greet him. I was glad the weather had turned, Tallie had left several marks on my neck and chest, which I was able to hide under my scarf.

When Dyer saw me, he did not smile. His skin was sallow, it looked like he had bruises under his eyes.

‘Good evening.’ I said.

‘How is Tallie?’

‘She is well. Very well.’ I said. ‘We’re staying at the Prospector’s Inn.’ I pointed behind me.

‘A fine establishment.’ Dyer pulled a satchel from his horse. ‘Have you tried the keeper’s hooch?’

I laughed. ‘We have.’

‘It is dangerously easy to drink.’

I nodded, still smiling. ‘I must speak with you, Dyer.’

‘And I you.’ Dyer swung his satchel over his shoulder and tipped his hat. ‘Where do you suggest?’

‘If you are tired from your journey, we can speak tomorrow.’

‘No, we can wander to the stream over the hill and sit. I have pie from home.’

Home.

With a boulder in my stomach, we walked.

He told me of his journey east. The house was in a good state despite the last of the summer gales, only a few windows required repairs.

He told me that the cows were ready to burst. ‘Mr Leonard seemed to think milking them twice a week would suffice.’

‘Twice a week? Oh, the poor girls.’

‘They are fine.’ Dyer reassured me as he split open a cheese pie with his hands. He handed me half and I rested it on my lap, unable to eat. ‘How have you been?’

‘We have been… well. Tallie is, she is healthy again. Her old self.’

‘I am glad to hear it.’

There was a pause.

‘You said you wished to speak with me.’ Dyer said. ‘First, if you’d allow me, I have news that I should share.’

‘Please.’

‘Finney had been there. In Schoharie.’

Bile rose in my throat. ‘He- did you speak with him?’

Dyer shook his head. ‘He had been to our farm, Mr Leonard informed me. Apparently, he was asking everyone all over town about Tallie. He had spun mistruths about how she came to be ill. He claimed we had taken her from her sickbed where he had been caring for her, holding him at gunpoint in the process.’

‘He is lying to them, he is lying to all of them. Did they believe him?’

‘I think our past can speak in our favour when present circumstances disagree.’ Dyer took a swig from his hip flask. ‘Fortunately, not many people believed him, though I think some harboured doubts.’

‘Dyer-’

‘Most people just wished to know if Tallie was safe and happy.’ He turned to look at me. ‘And I told them that I think from now on, she would be both of those things.’

I held my jaw tight, feeling the pressure in my cheeks. ‘Dyer, she cannot go back there.’

His face softened. ‘I know.’

‘And… I want to be where she is…’ I paused. ‘So I cannot return either.’

Dyer was calm, he wiped his hands on his trousers and leaned back, admiring the sunset against the hills. ‘I know.’

‘You… do?’ My hands shook.

He nodded. ‘I have understood for a while. From the moment I saw your face shine when she appeared on our porch… I understood. Witnessing your diligence when she was in her surgery bed… I understood.’

‘She means very much to me.’

'I know that. I have made my peace with it.'

'I am sorry, Dyer.' 

‘It matters not to me now, Abigail.’ He looked up at me and smiled for the first time. ‘We were permitted our time, and for what it’s worth, I enjoyed it.’

I struggled to find words. ‘I enjoyed it as well.’ He reached over and we held hands for a moment.

‘We will always have our memories, the good and the bad.’ He said, looking back towards the sunset. ‘What will you do?’

‘We have not discussed plans.’ I admitted. ‘This came before any planning and I must admit, I imagined this talk going differently.'

He sniffed.

'We may go south.’ I said.

‘South would be a safer passage than west. Unless you wanted to mine for gold.’

‘I do not think I will go into that line of work.’ We shared a chuckle. ‘I have been working at the local surgery. The physician thinks I am a natural.’

‘You always have been of a caring nature. I cannot say I am surprised.’

‘I may write, also. I have always wanted to sell my work, but there was little time for that on the farm.’

‘With word of the farm on our lips,’ Dyer sat up and pulled a brown envelope from his inside pocket. ‘This is yours.’

‘What is this?’

‘It is yours.’ Dyer repeated. ‘Before I left, I sold the farm. That is why I took so long. Half of it is yours, it’s only fair.’

He handed me the hefty packet, it was filled with notes. ‘Dyer, there- there must be at least a hundred dollars here.’

‘95 dollars and 18 cents.’ Dyer said. ‘Both of us received the same amount.’

‘You… came here with this. You knew that I...?’

‘I have already told you,’ he took a long look at me before laying his head on the ground. 'I knew.'