Archive of Our Own

Spring was always one of Hyunjin’s favourite times of the year. Not just because of the pleasant weather, but because it was when the boys would get to go on a short break. Most of them were going to their parent’s houses, but Hyunjin’s family had left for a trip to Japan and he wasn’t able to join them, as sad as it was. It would be okay though, because he was going to go to Changbin’s place. 

It had been a while since he’d been there, only ever having slept over a couple times during their trainee days. All he did remember was that Changbin had a really luxurious home and a very loving family. His parents would treat Hyunjin like he was their own son, and his sister was always so friendly. 

“Stop, it hurts!”

Currently, Hyunjin was sitting on the couch getting his beautiful golden hair brushed (ripped out) by Minho. Bad idea, he knew, but the others were eating and Hyunjin hated doing it himself since his hair got so tangly. 

“Pretend I’m Soomie, be a bit more gentle,” Hyunjin complained. 

“Soonie isn’t this hard to groom,” Minho corrected him, a slightly bitter tone to his voice, as he tossed the brush into Hyunjin’s lap. “Sorry, this is impossible. I’m gonna go pack.” 

Hyunjin whined, trying to do it himself but the brush just got stuck in his hair. He loved it long, he really did, but god sometimes he was so tempted to cut it short again. A lot of Stays probably wouldn’t like that though, so he decided to keep it at least until their next comeback. 

Hyunjin kept struggling, until he felt a warm hand on his, slowly taking the hairbrush from him. Without having to look, he knew it was Changbin. He was the one who always volunteered to brush Hyunjin’s hair for him when nobody else wanted to. He never understood why, but he was grateful regardless. 

And the best part was, Changbin was good at it. He was both gentle and quick, it never hurt. Either Changbin had lots of practice from brushing his sister’s hair, or it was his secret superpower. 

“Does it still hurt?” Changbin was genuinely concerned. “You should’ve just waited for me.”

“But hyung, you were eating. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You are never a bother. To me, at least.”

Hyunjin felt his heart tighten at those words, but he didn’t know why. 

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning, right?” 

“Mhm, make sure you’re all packed before bed,” Changbin reminded him. 

“I know.”

~ * ~

The next morning was loud and messy, a typical day at the dorms. 

Everyone’s bags and other belongings were scattered all over the floor, as they sat having breakfast together for the last time. Well, not really the last. But they were all laughing and having a fun conversation, something they’d miss for the next two weeks. 

Chan and Felix left early, hurrying so they could catch their flight to Australia. Then the others left too, one by one, until Changbin and Hyunjin remained, cleaning up the table together. Eventually, their car arrived as well, and the manager would drive them to Yongin, about a half-hour drive away. 

Hyunjin was staring out the window at the buildings passing by, playing with the daisy necklace he often wore. He wondered if his parents were having a good time in Japan. He missed them. 

“What are you thinking about?” Changbin’s warm voice broke the pondering silence. 

“Kkami,” Hyunjin turned to him and laughed softly. “Family friends are taking care of him right now, I wonder if he’s doing okay.”

“He’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Changbin assured him.

Hyunjin smiled, though it soon turned into a panicked frown when the daisy necklace he was tugging on broke and fell into his lap. Wordlessly, Changbin reached out and took it, taking a couple minutes to fix the clasp. Hyunjin watched him bite down on the metal to close the ends, holding it back out for him. 

“Wah, thank you,” Hyunjin reached to take it, then paused, turning the other way instead. He pulled his hair to the side. “Hyung, can you put it on?”

Hyunjin wasn’t sure why, but when Changbin’s gentle fingers grazed the skin on his neck, it made a shiver crawl down his spine. The kind that felt good. 

Within no time, they arrived, and Hyunjin was given a warm welcome. Changbin’s mother made her son carry all the bags while she ushered Hyunjin inside, leading him down the shiny-floored hallway towards the dining room. A delicate chandelier hung from the high ceiling, and Hyunjin was slowly starting to remember things as he saw them. Changbin was totally rich.

“Is there anything you’d like to eat, Hyunjin?” she asked. 

“Don’t be shy, son. Make yourself at home,” Changbin’s dad added. 

“Tell me what you’d like for dinner.”

“Do you want to watch tv?”

Hyunjin nervously smiled at both of them, trying to think of what to say, but then Changbin tossed him his bag and pulled him away by his arm, telling his parents to stop bothering their guest. They entered Changbin’s bedroom, and it was a lot emptier than it used to be during their trainee days. It was because he'd brought a lot of his belongings to the dorms, even the useless stuff that took up an unnecessary amount of space.

“Thanks,” Hyunjin laughed awkwardly. “I just… haven’t seen your parents in so long.”

“They’re like that because they really like you,” a new voice, light and pretty. Hyunjin turned around to see Changbin’s sister leaning against the door frame. “Sorry if they make you uncomfortable.” 

“O-Oh, no it’s nothing like that-”

“Noona!” Changbin rushed over to give her a tight hug, and Hyunjin watched with a sad smile. He always wished he had a sibling. The members were like his brothers, yes, but he hadn’t grown up with them.

After his sister left, Changbin must’ve noticed Hyunjin’s solemn expression, because he pulled him into a tender embrace. Changbin’s hugs were always like that, full of comfort and warmth. Hyunjin felt so safe and loved in his arms, but he’d never admit it for some reason. 

There were lots of things he wouldn’t admit to Changbin. 

~ * ~

Slowly, night approached. They’d spent most of the day watching dramas and youtube videos together, like their performances. Changbin kept going quiet whenever they played one of Hyunjin’s fancams, but the latter didn't question it. 

When it was time to sleep, Changbin left to bring a little roll-out mattress. They didn’t have a spare room, Hyunjin remembered that now too. Whenever he used to sleep over, he’d always sleep on the mattress on the floor of Changbin’s room. 

But this time, he told Hyunjin to sleep on the bed. So now he was showing hospitality?

“But it’s your room,” Hyunjin refused.

“And you’re my guest,” Changbin pointed out. Before Hyunjin could say anything, he quickly laid down on the mattress. “You can use the bathroom in here or the one that's down the hall on the right, close the lights before you sleep.”

Hyunjin chuckled quietly to himself, doing as he was told. He knew things clearly weren’t the same as they used to be three years ago, but he still hadn’t realized how much it all changed. The boys were so close now, they cared about each other deeply. It was also obvious that certain members had a special, unexplainable bond, like Jisung and Minho.

Hyunjin felt like maybe… he had that bond with Changbin. 

~ * ~

The next morning, Hyunjin woke up to the smell of something delicious wafting through the air. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, before he heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the room. For no reason at all, he quickly laid back down, closing his eyes to pretend he was sleeping. 

“Pretty…” he heard Changbin’s raspy morning voice whisper. 

A couple steps closer, and he was by the bedside. Hyunjin felt the covers being brought up to his neck, and the faint touch of a finger on his forehead, carefully moving the hair out of his face. He tried to slow his breathing down, but it was hard when Changbin stayed standing there for a few more minutes. What was he doing? Was he just staring at him? 

Finally, he heard Changbin leave the room, and his eyes shot open. The flustered expression he was holding back all that time appeared. Why did Hyunjin have a weird feeling in his stomach? Changbin was always like that, with everyone. Right? He’d said Hyunjin was pretty to his face, he’d touched him like that before, and always looked after him. So why did what just happened feel so different? 

Hyunjin shook his head roughly, not understanding it at all. He rolled out of bed, washing up before padding into the kitchen and seeing Changbin eating breakfast with his sister. It was a weekday, so his parents must’ve gone to work already, and his sister was all dressed up, also probably heading out soon. 

“Hyunjinah,” Changbin pulled out the chair beside him. “What do you want to eat?” 

He sat down, just as Changbin’s sister got up to go, telling the boys not to get into trouble. 

“I’ll eat anything,” Hyunjin shrugged. Then he noticed Changbin was holding a camera. 

“Oh, uhm, the manager gave me this and told me before he left that we have to make a vlog for Stays,” Changbin explained, sounding a bit unsure for some reason.

That was weird. If they were supposed to make vlogs, then the whole group would have all been told together, but Hyunjin decided not to question it. He also knew Changbin would barely want to show his face in the vlog, so most of it would be Hyunjin and likely Changbin filming him. He was doing it already, zooming in on Hyunjin’s bare legs in the little shorts he was wearing.

“Hey!” Hyunjin snatched the camera, filming Changbin’s bare face to get back at him. 

“Stop,” Changbin covered the lens with his hand, pulling the camera away from him, laughing. It went on like that for a couple minutes, they almost dropped the camera too. That’s when Changbin set it on the table and neither of them touched it. It was the company’s, they’d be scolded if it broke. 

“Is there anything in particular you want to do today?” Changbin asked. 

“Let’s go to the beach!”

~ * ~

As soon as the two arrived, it began to rain. Heavily.

They were starting to regret not checking the forecast beforehand. They didn’t have umbrellas, and both of them were in t-shirts and shorts. Changbin took off his bucket hat, reaching up to put it on Hyunjin’s head. 

“Wait there by the bus stop, I’ll go buy us some umbrellas,” Changbin patted his arm, before running off.

Hyunjin smiled as he watched him go, pulling Changbin’s bucket hat on more snugly. He crossed the road to take what little cover the bus shelter was able to provide, waiting for his hyung. And almost as soon as he left, Changbin was dashing back, umbrella in his hands.

“They only had one left, we’ll have to sha-” Changbin didn’t get to finish his sentence.

A car zoomed past them a little too close to the curb, splashing a fountain of water in their direction. Hyunjin had quickly darted in front of Changbin, gripping his shoulders and covering his shorter frame with his body, taking the spray of water to his back. 

As soon as Changbin could comprehend what had happened, he gasped, staring at the completely drenched boy in front of him. 

“Hyunjin!” he immediately pulled the umbrella out, holding it over the boy so he wouldn’t get wet any further. 

“I’m fine,” Hyunjin assured him, even though he was gripping his arms, clearly shivering with the cold wind hitting his soaked clothes and skin. “At least you weren’t splashed. Better it was just one of us rather than both, right?” 

Changbin sighed, throwing an arm around Hyunjin and pulling him close. “Let’s just get home quickly, before you catch a cold.”

Hyunjin nodded, leaning more into Changbin and his warmth, as they hurried back. Once they got there, Changbin tossed the umbrella onto the floor, running off down the hallway. Hyunjin pulled off the bucket hat and slipped off his sopping wet shoes. Changbin returned with a warm towel, wrapping it around Hyunjin and taking him to his bedroom. 

“Hey, hyung?” Hyunjin called out, as Changbin started to fill the bathtub with hot water. 

“Yeah?” he came back into the room, looking at Hyunjin with concern. 

“Thanks but, you don’t have to worry so much, I’m fine.”

“I’m not worried,” were Changbin’s words, but his actions said otherwise. He sat Hyunjin down on the edge of the bed and knelt down in front of him, pulling the towel tighter around his body and using the tip of it to carefully wipe the dirty water off Hyunjin’s face. 

All Hyunjin could do was silently watch how focused Changbin was in drying him up. His heart was slowly starting to pick up pace, but he willed it away. He didn’t want that strange feeling to come back again, the one he didn’t understand. Instead, he drew his attention elsewhere.

“Hey, your shoulder is all wet,” Hyunjin noticed, pointing it out. It was honestly more than just his shoulder, Changbin’s whole left side was drenched. Then he realized, Changbin must’ve leaned the umbrella more on Hyunjin’s side, despite getting rained on. That fact made the strange feeling return.

“It’s nothing,” Changbin shrugged, heading back into the bathroom. “The bathtub is full of hot water. Come wash up.” 

Hyunjin did as he was told, heading inside and closing the door. 

“Don’t lock it!” Changbin called. 

“Why?” Hyunjin asked from the other side of the door. 

“Incase something happens.” 

Hyunjin chuckled quietly to himself. Changbin was the member that took care of Hyunjin the most. Watching his diet, making sure he was eating healthy, reminding him not to push himself too hard, giving him massages, and even offering him his favourite haribo jellies that he wouldn’t give to any other member but Hyunjin. Changbin clearly had his own bias in the group. 

That was why Hyunjin thought they had a special bond. He felt like he also had a bit of a bias towards his Changbin hyung. They didn’t tend to show it a lot on camera in front of Stays, but at home, the two were often always together.

Hyunjin relaxed into the water, all of the cold instantly leaving his body. He leaned his head back to wet his hair too, the silence peaceful. Not long after, he climbed out of the tub, looking around for a towel. And inevitably, he was slowly coming to the realization that there was no towel. Of course. Of course neither of them had thought about that. Hyunjin even forgot to take clothes in with him, he had nothing to wear. 

He went to the door, creaking it open a bit and calling out to Changbin. “Hyung. Give me a towel. Changbinnie hyung!”

No response. 

Hyunjin tried to peek through, then sticking his whole head out. Nobody was in the room. His eyes landed on the towel he used earlier, but that was dirty. He glanced over to the corner, spotting his suitcase. No, he wouldn’t have the time for that. Someone could walk in on him. Hyunjin closed the door again, turning around to scan the bathroom. Droplets of water were rolling off his body and wetting the bath mat beneath him as he searched for something, anything. He couldn’t just walk out naked. Changbin’s sister, or even his parents could’ve come home. 

Then, thank god, he opened the bathroom window to find that the balcony was right there, clothes drying on a rack at arm’s reach. He slipped an arm out, grabbing the nearest thing. A shirt, black shirt. He immediately recognized it as one of Changbin’s. Good. Hyunjin tried to shake some of the water off his body before pulling the shirt over his head, but it still got a bit soaked, sticking to his skin. It was loose and big on him, but barely long enough. Hyunjin was the tallest member, and Changbin was the shortest. The shirt reached down just a bit above mid-thigh on Hyunjin. 

Well, there was nothing else he could do now. He just hoped the room was still empty, and that he’d have enough time to grab his own clothes, possibly a clean towel if he could find one. So he slowly pushed the door open again, glancing around. Nobody was there. Hyunjin slipped out, deciding to first close the bedroom door before anything else. But as he got closer, reaching for the handle, Changbin walked in at the same moment, running right into Hyunjin and causing the both of them to tumble to the ground. 

Changbin had instinctively pulled him into his arms, spinning them around so he’d take the fall, landing on his back with Hyunjin on top of him. When the latter slowly lifted himself up, he was met with Changbin’s dazed expression. His hands were tightly gripping Hyunjin’s waist, as he sat up. Hyunjin was forced to sit up with him, but his legs were on either side of Changbin’s hips, straddling him. He immediately gripped the ends of his shirt to cover his lower body. He had never been comfortable enough to ever let any of his members see him naked. 

“Are you okay?” Changbin’s voice was full of concern again, but then he glanced down. 

Hyunjin swore he saw Changbin gulp, a blush blooming across his cheeks. 

“That’s m-my shirt,” he stuttered, barely able to speak. He was staring right at Hyunjin’s wet and, very bare, thighs. The shirt Hyunjin was clutching so desperately to cover himself was all bunched up between his legs, hiding his peeper. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t take anything inside!” Hyunjin babbled an explanation. “That’s also why I’m wet… there was no towel. And you weren’t in the room, either. Then luckily I found your shirt.” 

Changbin mumbled incoherent words in response, glancing away with an unreadable expression on his face. Hyunjin scrambled to get out of his lap while he wasn’t looking, but the movement seemed to have made Changbin groan, which he immediately cut off by biting his lower lip. He sounded like he was in some sort of pain, Hyunjin thought it was probably because of the fall. 

(It wasn’t.)

Hyunjin felt bad, moving to stand in the corner of the room and pulling the shirt down to his knees, stretching it all out. Yeah, he really was sorry...

Changbin got up stiffly, clearing his throat. Both of them looked down at his lap, which was all wet because of the water from Hyunjin’s body. That made things really awkward. Changbin wordlessly left, quickly bringing a towel back for him and closing the door. 

“Come to the kitchen when you’re dressed,” he told Hyunjin from the other side, voice all weird and gruff. 

Hyunjin could not believe he was basically just sitting in Changbin’s lap, wet and naked!

To Hyunjin, that sort of thing, especially between two guys, was pretty embarrassing. He felt an unfamiliar warmth pool in his stomach. It made him feel tingly all over, but he decided not to think about it too much and focus on getting his clothes from the suitcase. 

After finally drying up, getting dressed in his own clothes, and somehow brushing his tangled hair (no way was he going to ask Changbin), he quietly padded into the kitchen, finding his hyung at the stove. That wasn’t normal. Changbin couldn’t cook, he barely knew how to make anything. Hyunjin even had to cut his pears for him.

Suddenly, “Achoo!”

Changbin spun around at the sound, face full of concern once again. He made his way towards Hyunjin, his little legs moving so fast it was actually a bit scary, and Hyunjin found himself staggering back. But all Changbin did was reach out and press the back of his hand against the younger boy’s forehead.

“You’re burning up,” Changbin frowned. “I had a feeling you might get sick.”

“I’m not sick, stop worrying abou- a- A- ACHOO!”

Changbin reached for a tissue, pinching Hyunjin’s little nose with it. Just when he thought things couldn’t get any more embarrassing, now he was getting his snot wiped. 

Changbin sat Hyunjin at the table, grabbing a blanket from the sofa and wrapping him in it, slightly against his will. Then he left momentarily to bring back a thermometer, which Hyunjin kept stubbornly refusing and pushing away, so Changbin adamantly had to grab his face and gently press his cheeks so his mouth would open. 

“Behave,” Changbin mildly scolded him. “You’re acting like a child.”

Behave.

Why did the command make Hyunjin squirm in his seat? And yet, he instantly complied.

“I knew it. Fever,” Changbin sighed. “You know you have a weak immunity.”

“I don’t regret anything,” Hyunjin crossed his arms in response, to which Changbin shook his head disappointingly. 

“Well, hopefully it’ll be gone in a few days.”

Changbin went back into the kitchen to grab Advil, a glass of water, and whatever he was making, setting them on the table. It looked like some sort of stew, but Hyunjin didn’t want to admit that he couldn’t even recognize what it was. 

“You never go in the kitchen,” Hyunjin said instead. “Well, unless it’s to do the dishes but…”

“I know,” Changbin looked hesitant to say something. He stared down at the table, a blush dusting his cheeks. “But today I decided to try… for you…”

Huh?

“I wanted to make you something,” Changbin continued shyly. “So, while you were in the shower, I attempted one of eomma’s recipes…”

Hyunjin looked down at his bowl, then back up at Changbin’s hopeful expression. He really did that, just for him? 

“Wow, thank you,” Hyunjin was sincere. He almost wanted to say ‘how cute’ or ‘how sweet’ but that would be cheesy. It was the truth though. The gesture made him feel warm and cared for. Honestly, everything Changbin did for him made him feel that way. 

“Well, give it a try. I’ll only accept your thanks if it actually turned out alright,” Changbin looked nervous. 

It made Hyunjin nervous too. What if he didn’t like it? All of the work, the effort Changbin had put in just for him… 

Hyunjin brought the spoon to his mouth, and Changbin watched intently. The taste was the first thing that struck him. It was so, so salty, Hyunjin tried not to cringe. Then, when he attempted to chew, he bit down on something hard, some unknown substance. He pretended to swallow, shooting a fake smile at Changbin and a thumbs up.

“You hate it,” Changbin could see right through his act, quickly leaning across the table to hold his hand under Hyunjin's mouth. “Please don't swallow, spit it out.”

Hyunjin felt so bad, looking at him apologetically as he did what he was told. “I’m sorry but, I don’t think this is even edible.”

“Yeah...” Changbin laughed at that. “Let’s just order from outside.”

“Good idea.”

~ * ~

That night, Changbin wrapped Hyunjin up in a blanket burrito, surrounding him with his favourite plushies and waiting by his side until he’d fall asleep. But that was precisely why Hyunjin couldn’t sleep. Not with Changbin watching him. Especially not after what happened. He’d rather hide.

So Hyunjin pretended to be asleep, waiting to open his eyes until he heard Changbin lie down. Slowly and quietly, and with difficulty, he got out of the tight wrap of the blanket, finally feeling like he could breathe again. He glanced over the side of the bed at Changbin, already dead asleep. 

What a day it was. But despite all that happened, despite him wanting to hide, it was still a good day. Changbin had proven many times that he genuinely cared about Hyunjin. And without other things distracting him, like his idol life, Hyunjin was starting to understand just how deeply Changbin actually cared. 

Why though? Why him, from all their members? It couldn’t be a silly reason like, Hyunjin was his favourite or something. He had a feeling there was more to it, but what? He wanted to find out. 

Eventually, Hyunjin drifted off as well, his thoughts all over the place, like they often were. It was caused by the very fact that he was an idol. Always worrying, drowning in the stress, feeling anxious about everything. It sometimes led him to darker thoughts, which further led to nightmares. 

He hated getting nightmares, because he’d always wake up with a pale face, sweating like he’d just run a marathon, feeling like his insides had been twisted and pulled out. 

And that was happening now, of course it was. Just when he decided it had been a good day.

Hyunjin woke up abruptly, trying to slow down his breathing. He usually never went to another member after having a nightmare, not wanting to burden them. But then he glanced down at the floor, where Changbin was sleeping peacefully on the roll-out mattress. 

Without thinking about it too much, he quietly climbed out of bed, crawling towards his hyung and snuggling up beside him. He was a heavy sleeper, so he likely wouldn’t wake up. But if he did, he’d probably be surprised since it was the first time Hyunjin came to him at night and not vice versa. It was often Changbin coming to Hyunjin’s bed, either to sleep with him or to cuddle, always stuck to his side like glue. And Hyunjin could never bring himself to push Changbin away, even when he’d get hot and sweaty.

Changbin also used to come to Hyunjin’s bed to touch his lips because he was fascinated by them, thought they were so pretty. It was weird to Hyunjin back then, but now that he was thinking about it, it made him blush. He wondered why Changbin didn’t do it anymore. Yet another question to add to the list of things Seo Changbin did that Hwang Hyunjin didn’t fully understand. 

To put it short, Changbin was the sole cause of his constant confusion. 

Hyunjin tried to go back to sleep, but that same nightmare kept replaying in his head. Each time, it was getting darker and more difficult to pull away from. He must’ve woken Changbin up from all his tossing and turning, because he gently grabbed onto Hyunjin beside him.

“Hey,” he sounded a bit alarmed, and also alert, as if all his sleep had run away. “Are you alright? What are you doing here with me? Is the bed uncomfortable?”

Hyunjin suddenly felt overwhelmed by his emotions, because he started to cry, his body shaking, his breathing heavy. Changbin went into panic mode, immediately pulling Hyunjin close, holding his head softly against his chest and rubbing his back soothingly. 

“Hyunjin, it’s okay. You’re okay,” he kept repeating, holding him tighter. “I’m right here.”

Hyunjin’s sobs slowly died down, until he was sniffling, moving his head back to look up at Changbin. 

He didn’t care how ugly he looked at that moment, how red and puffy his eyes must be, face full of snot and tears. He just wanted Changbin to look at him, needed Changbin to look at him. The older’s gaze was always so warm and comforting. It never failed to make Hyunjin instantly feel better, feel safe, feel protected, feel cared for.

Feel loved. 

And Changbin did look at him, just the way Hyunjin knew he would. Their faces were so close, Hyunjin leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes to focus on the silence in the room. All he could hear was their heartbeats, resonating as one. 

When his eyes opened, Changbin was looking down.

At his lips.

Hyunjin reached for his hand, placing Changbin's finger where he hadn’t touched in so long. His eyes widened a bit, and he glanced up to see the wonder on Hyunjin’s face. Wonder that reflected everything he wanted to understand. More than anything, he wanted to know what it all meant, and only Changbin could give him an answer. 

But Changbin just tapped the boy’s lip, moving his hands up to cup Hyunjin’s face instead, carefully wiping the tears away. The touch was so soft, Hyunjin found himself leaning into the older boy’s hold, gently pressing his cheeks against Changbin’s palms. 

And that was how they had fallen asleep. Arms threaded carelessly, finding comfort in one another’s embrace. 

When Hyunjin woke up the next morning, his face was tucked snugly in the crook of Changbin’s neck, pressed against his smooth skin. The position was so warm and inviting, Hyunjin found himself not wanting to leave. Not to mention, Changbin smelled so good. He took a big inhale of that naturally sweet, musky scent, before finally (and reluctantly) pulling away to get up. 

And of course, Changbin was awake. 

Hyunjin jumped to his feet, stumbling a bit until he fell backward onto the bed behind him. 

“I-I was- I…” Hyunjin stammered, face turning red. How was he supposed to explain the huge sniff he just took of his hyung?

Changbin looked equally embarrassed though, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “I uhm, I didn’t want to wake you…”

“It’s fine,” Hyunjin said quickly, rushing into the bathroom to avoid the conversation.   

He stared at himself in the mirror, suddenly tilting his head in question. 

When did things get so… weird? 

He thought about it-- really thought about it-- and he realized everything that happened between them the past few days were things that they'd done before, things they shouldn't be getting so worked up over, so why? Why would Changbin get all shy and stumble over his words? Why would Hyunjin feel fuzzy inside, his heart racing? What changed?

For some reason, a moment from last night suddenly popped into his head. When he had put Changbin’s finger on his lip. That’s what he thought his hyung wanted, when he was staring at Hyunjin’s mouth so intently. 

But thinking about it now, Changbin’s gaze was more hopelessly curious than it was observational. Did that mean he wanted something else? Did he maybe want…

No, it couldn’t be that. If it was that, Hyunjin would only have even more questions. 

Not just for Changbin, but for himself. 

~ * ~

Two days went by like that; the unexplored, unresolved tension between them only getting worse. 

But that was about to change.

Changbin had gone out to briefly meet with a friend, and the rest of his family wasn’t home yet. Hyunjin was alone, sitting cross-legged on Changbin’s bed, bored. He scanned the room for something interesting, something to do, and that’s when he saw the video camera peeking out from under one of Changbin’s hoodies thrown messily on the floor in the corner of the room. 

Hyunjin thought he might as well go through all the weird shit Changbin filmed and delete the recordings they wouldn’t want the staff to see, let alone Stays. 

As he tapped through, it was becoming apparent that the entirety of it was Hyunjin. And he was slowly realizing much of the videos were filmed without his knowledge, when he had no idea he was on camera. Hyunjin brushing his teeth, Hyunjin eating, Hyunjin dancing, even just him smiling or laughing. Candid, all of it. 

There was even a video of their first morning there, when Changbin came and pulled the covers up to Hyunjin's neck, gently moving his hair out of his face and calling him pretty. His eyes were closed then, pretending to sleep. He never knew it was being filmed. 

And watching the video now, he realized Changbin had stood there for a long time, one of his hands hesitantly reaching out to Hyunjin’s face again, but then he stopped himself. What was that about? 

More importantly, why didn’t he just tell Hyunjin he was filming? The vlog would be quite boring, there was no talking in it. And Changbin could’ve at least taken one video of himself. Stays wouldn’t be happy about not getting to see or hear him at all. 

“Hyunjin,” Changbin had a slight edge of panic to his voice, as he stood stiffly in the doorway.

“Oh, you’re home.”

A minute of awkwardly staring at each other. 

“Hyung, can you come here,” Hyunjin broke the silence. 

Changbin seemed to know what was going to be asked, because his steps were slow. A hand reached up to nervously rub his arm. Why was he nervous? 

“Are you not going to be in the vlog at all?” Hyunjin asked. 

“I am,” Changbin’s voice was quiet. “We still have over a week left.”

“Yeah but, seeing the trend here, it doesn’t look like it,” Hyunjin tapped through the proof right there on the camera. “And why were you… filming me in secret?” 

“It wasn’t in secret,” Changbin was clearly making excuses. “I thought you knew.”

“Well I didn’t,” Hyunjin stated, a bit too passive-aggressive than he intended. 

All of the confusion, all the unanswered questions-- it was giving him a headache. 

“I’m sorry,” Changbin said sincerely, almost guiltily, and he avoided eye contact. Was Hyunjin being rude? No, he had a right to be confronting him about it. 

“It’s fine, I’m not really upset about it, I just-” Just what? What exactly did Hyunjin want to hear Changbin say? 

He realized he’d possibly never find out if he just kept waiting around for Changbin to tell him. Hyunjin would have to get the answers to all his questions through his own effort. 

And that was going to happen now. 

“Changbin,” he said firmly, intentionally forgetting to add ‘hyung’ so that he could get the older’s attention. 

It certainly worked, Changbin suddenly looked up with a slight raise to his brow. 

“I know there’s some thing, or perhaps many things you need to tell me, but don’t want to,” Hyunjin spoke with emphasis, desperately. “So I’m begging you now, please tell me. Tell me before I lose my mind.”

Changbin just stared, face void of any emotion, mouth briefly parting as if to say something, but then hesitating. Hyunjin sighed disappointingly. Honestly, what did he expect?

Just as he was about to turn…

“Okay!” Changbin suddenly called, voice small and lacking confidence. “I’ll tell you the truth, the full truth.”

Hyunjin’s stomach tightened at that. So he was finally going to know. That was what he wanted, and yet he was tense.

“I lied,” Changbin revealed slowly, nervously. “We never had to make a vlog. That was my own camera, not the company’s. Those videos I took, they aren’t for Stays.”

“... What?” Hyunjin’s brows drew together. That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. “Then who are they for?”

Changbin’s ears were quickly turning red, and he bit his lip. “Me.”

Hyunjin just blinked, trying to make sense of what he was being told. “You?”

“Yes…”

“Why?”

Changbin shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting left and right, anywhere but Hyunjin. And then he dashed out of the room, clearly embarrassed. 

Hyunjin stood in the silence, staring hard at the wall. Why was Changbin acting like a shy teenage girl with a hopeless crush? And suddenly it was all coming together, all the different pieces of the puzzle fitting perfectly in Hyunjin’s head. 

How could he have been so clueless, thinking Changbin was just trying to be a good hyung? Of course there was more to it. And the more Hyunjin thought about it, the more he wanted to be right. Why? Because he'd stupidly been oblivious to his own feelings all along. The realization struck him hard like a freight train.

But they were two guys. They were idols. Would that be okay?

Hyunjin quickly left the room, glancing around to find Changbin sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He slowly sat down beside him.

“Look at me,” Hyunjin tilted his head, a soft prod of his finger to Changbin’s thigh.

When Changbin did, he looked apologetic. It made Hyunjin feel a bit guilty. 

“I just want to know,” Hyunjin’s voice was gentle. “You see me every day, what do you need videos of me for?”

A few seconds of silence.

“Sometimes when I look at you,” Changbin whispered. “I can’t take my eyes off you.”

Badump.

Hyunjin could clearly hear his heartbeat, thrumming loudly in his ears. 

“That’s why I took those videos,” he explained. “I’m sorry, that was… really creepy of me.”

“No, it’s fine just- tell me what you want then.” 

“I want... more than this.” 

“This?”

“Me and you…” Changbin swallowed hard. “Our relationship.” 

Hyunjin had already figured it out back in the room, but hearing it now from Changbin’s own mouth made it all the more real. 

“I long for more,” Changbin continued with his confession. “But I know I can’t, that I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to say anything because I was worried about what you’d think, that you’d never look at me the same again. And it’s fine, you’re allowed to hate me or think I’m disgusti-”

Changbin was spewing so much nonsense, Hyunjin had to shut him up. So he kissed his cheek. It worked. 

Changbin completely stilled, turning to Hyunjin with wide eyes and mouth agape. 

Hyunjin laughed at how silly he looked. “Hyung, why would I ever hate you? After eomma, appa and Kkami, you’re my favourite in the whole world.” 

“But-” 

“I like you too, hyung,” Hyunjin smiled sweetly, and saying it out loud only confirmed his feelings further.

Changbin looked ecstatic and yet, he was also both shocked and confused, like he’d never imagined the possibility of his feelings being reciprocated. Hyunjin beamed at him.

“S-So, does that mean you can do it again?” he asked boldly. 

“Do what?” Hyunjin teased. 

Changbin tapped his cheek, hopeful. 

“No, you do it this time,” Hyunjin smirked. 

“Me...? Me?”

“Mhm, how about… here?” Hyunjin jutted out his lower lip, making a kissy-face. 

Changbin spluttered.

On the outside, Hyunjin may have seemed confident, but on the inside his heart was running laps. No, a whole marathon. He’d never kissed anyone before. Back then he imagined doing it with some beautiful girl he'd meet one day. Yet here he was, sitting next to a boy. One that was handsome and funny and kind and several other good things. One that possibly loved him more than he loved himself. 

And Hyunjin preferred it that way. Changbin was much better than anything he could imagine.

“I’m serious hyung, kiss me,” Hyunjin assured the boy whose eyes were darting excitedly between Hyunjin’s eyes and his mouth, an unspoken question.

Hearing those words, Changbin wasted no time drawing close, placing a warm and gentle hand on Hyunjin's cheek, leaning in until their noses were touching.

“I really like you,” Changbin whispered breathlessly. He said it once more, just to make it clear, before pressing their lips together in a sweet, chaste kiss. It was one steeped in a love so innocent, so pure. They reached for each other’s hands, intertwining their fingers. 

When they pulled away, Hyunjin giggled, feeling like he was floating. Changbin had such plump, cute lips that fit perfectly with his. He loved it. “How was it?” 

“Soft and delicious... like marshmallows,” Changbin said in a daze, smiling giddily with his eyes still closed. 

Hyunjin grinned, squeezing his hand and leaning forward for one more smooch. 

Yeah, he knew he'd easily get addicted to Changbin's kisses. 

“Hyunjinah,” Changbin suddenly frowned a bit, glancing down at his lap. “Do you think this will be okay?” 

Hyunjin had asked himself that earlier as well, and he sighed as he stated the sad truth. “Only if people don’t find out.” 

“So we’ll have to keep it a secret from everybody…”

“We will, but it’s okay. We’ll make it work, right hyung?”

“Of course,” he replied, a bit more optimistically. 

It would be difficult and frustrating, and even more so, risky. They knew that. But nothing was going to stop them now. Not when what they had was so special, and so important to them. Not when they had already taken the next step. And certainly not when Hyunjin couldn’t even imagine a life without Changbin. 

He then quickly left the room to return with Changbin’s camera.

“Let’s take a new video.”

“Of what?” Changbin asked dumbly. 

All of the videos were of Hyunjin alone. That had to change now. 

“Us.”