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I never knew
That you like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like makin' love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape
Remus shoved a pillow over his head trying to drown out the rustling and banging coming from the other side of the room. James always decided to get up way too early to practice for Quidditch. Remus heard Sirius groan from the other side of the room out of annoyance.
“Prongs, will you fuck off please.”
“Sorry,” James whispered back.
“Sure you are,” Sirius yawned.
Remus really wanted to be able to sleep in an extra hour, but after James slammed the door shut while leaving the dorm, sleep was not forthcoming. He knew Sirius was going to be able to fall right back to sleep, but once awake, Remus was met with restlessness. After tossing and turning for a bit longer, he gave up and walked to the bathroom to shower and change.
After his shower he crept back into the room where Sirius and Peter were still asleep with their curtains drawn shut to block out the morning light. He quietly opened and shut the door to head downstairs.
The common room was fairly quiet due to it being so early, and Remus decided to head to the library before breakfast.
“Where have you been?” Sirius asked as Remus sat down at the Gryffindor table slightly late.
“Library,” Remus said shortly. He had got caught up with a particular book he was looking for that he couldn't find. With NEWTS only one year away, he was making sure that he stayed ahead in all his classes. Sirius would always roll his eyes when he saw that Remus was doing extra reading, which was almost all of the time now, and he would remind Remus that he is already top of all his classes.
“That’s not even true,” Remus would reply. “Lily is beating me in Potions and Charms, Pete is beating me in Astronomy, and you are beating me in Transfiguration.”
“Oh of course, because being top of the class in Arithmancy, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and History isn't enough.”
“Care of Magical Creatures.”
“What?”
“I’m also leading in Care of Magical Creatures.”
Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes again only for Remus to go back to studying.
“I never see your pretty face anymore,” Sirius said. “It’s always buried in a book.”
“Piss off,” Remus said blushing.
Remus thought a lot about that comment afterwards. Not about how he was always reading, but how Sirius had called him pretty. And maybe he didn't mean it that way, but it still haunted Remus’s thoughts. He made a list of possible meanings in his head.
1. He thinks I’m pretty, as a friend.
2. It's just a saying, and he was trying to be funny.
3. He wants to snog me.
As usual, Remus knew that the last one was completely unrealistic, but he felt the need to put it there for scientific purposes.
“Are you all ready for Potions today?” Lily said excitedly.
“What is there to be ready for?” James responded.
“We are finishing brewing the love potion today!” She said. “Come on, we've been working on this for weeks.”
Remus and Sirius were partners for this particular assignment, and it had not been going well. While Sirius was naturally gifted at almost everything and Remus worked harder than anyone at Hogwarts, they both were still not good at potions. Remus was sure they had messed up somewhere. Whether it was stirring clockwise instead of counter-clockwise, or putting a dash instead of a pinch of something, Remus wouldn't be surprised if they made a mistake.
“Our potion has been brewing beautifully, and we will get top marks for sure. Won't we Remu?”
Typical.
“Yeah.” Remus said. “Yeah, sure.”
“Well you have some competition Black,” Lily said. “Despite being paired with Potter here, our potion is practically perfect.”
“Hey!” James said offensively. “What’s wrong with me?”
“What isn't?”
“Well I’m glad you all are having an easy time, but we definitely can't say the same,” Marlene said.
“Yeah,” Mary added laughing. “We definitely fucked up”
“I’m sure you did fine,” Lily said.
Marlene laughed. “Yeah, I almost hope we brewed it wrong.”
“Why?”
“Cause then it wont work when we have to try it.”
Remus choked on the pumpkin juice he was drinking.
“Try it?” Sirius exclaimed.
“Well how else are we supposed to know that it works?” Marlene said.
“Can't Slughorn just tell?” James asked.
“Yeah, but where's the fun in that?” Mary wiggled her eyebrows.
“This is ridiculous.” Lily huffed in annoyance.
“Now I hope ours works,” Mary said, blowing kisses in Marlene's direction. Marlene blushed and quickly looked away from her.
“Well this isn't bad for me,” Peter said. “I’m with Dorcas after all.”
“That might not be an advantage Peter,” Lily said. “The potion won't work if you are already in love with the person.”
“Who said anything about love,” Peter said sarcastically, still with a smile on his face.
“Such a player Petey,” Sirius teased.
“Moony is still the Casanova though,” James said laughing. “All the girls are swooning over him.”
“I know I am,” Mary winked. “Is it too late to change partners?” she asked sarcastically.
“Whatever,” Remus bit into the section of his toast that was spread with lemon curd. This running joke of being the ‘Casanova of Hogwarts’ didn't bother him anymore, but he still brushed it off not wanting to add fuel to the flames.
“I’m sure we are not actually going to have to try it though,” Lily frowned, uncertainly.
Lily was indeed wrong, and the rest of the class was met with shock when Slughorn asked everyone to decide which partner would have to take it. Remus and Sirius looked at each other awkwardly and then back at the potion.
“I’m not taking it,” Lily said firmly to James. They were sitting at the table in front of Remus and Sirius. “If I was in love with you for even a minute, your ego would grow a dangerous amount.”
“That’s not true Lily Flower,” James said.
“You’re right,” she replied. “I don’t think your ego could grow any more, but I’m still not taking it.”
“I can take it,” Sirius said looking up at Remus.
“Are you sure?”
Remus was very conflicted. On one hand, he knew it would be terribly embarrassing if he took the potion. He didn't know how strong it would be, but he did know that trying to kiss Sirius would be enough embarrassment for a lifetime. On the other hand, if Sirius took it then he would have to deal with Sirius trying to snog him. He didn't know if he would be able to handle that. Would he give in and snog him back?
“Yeah, it’s okay,” Sirius said.
This is a mistake. Remus decided he would not be able to handle a lovesick Sirius. But right as he was going to tell Sirius that he should be the one to take it, Slughorn started giving instructions.
“Alright, now that you have hopefully chosen who will take the potion, the person who is not taking it will have to carefully, very carefully, ladle some out of the cauldron and pour it in the glass cup provided,” Slughorn explained. “Now it is very important that you hand the potion directly to your partner, or it will not take effect.”
Remus now started to hope that they actually did their potion wrong. Shit. There’s no going back now.
He could tell Sirius was nervous beside him, but who wasn't at this point. Even Lily looked like she regretted ever being excited for today's lesson.
He carefully picked up the ladle, scooped up the pink colored liquid from the cauldron, and poured it into the cup. He tried to keep his hands steady, but they were shaking from the fear of what was to come. He looked at Sirius nervously.
“I’m going to hand it to you now.”
Sirius didn't say anything, he only nodded and silently took the cup from Remus. He exhaled sharply looking down at the cup, then downed the potion in one go. Remus looked at him nervously, waiting for him to begin to swoon over Remus.
“That was pretty gross,” Sirius deadpanned.
“Do you… feel anything,” Remus asked.
“No?”
“Oh!” Remus exclaimed. “So we did it wrong, I knew we messed up somewhere.”
Remus was far too happy than he would ever admit. Crisis avoided. Thank fuck.
“But we did it perfectly!” Lily exclaimed.
“Maybe we messed up?” James said this unsure, but was now looking slightly flustered.
Suddenly, Slughorn was at their table inspecting the potion.
“It didn't work?”
“No.” Sirius replied.
“And you passed it directly to him?” Slughorn asked.
“Yes Professor.”
“Indeed. It looks as though the potion was brewed correctly.” Slughorn said.
Before they could ask what he meant, he walked over to James and Lily’s table, examining the potion in the same way.
“I understand how we could get it wrong, but I’m surprised Lily made a mistake,” Remus said.
Sirius stayed quiet, watching James and Lily.
A couple tables over, Peter and Dorcas were snogging and Remus wasn’t sure which one had taken the potion. Marlene, who was as red as a tomato, was now fighting off a very handsy Mary.
“I can't believe it!” Lily gasped. “Of course It doesn't work on you! You're already in love with me.”
James blushed and looked away right as something clicked in Remus’s head. Lily had said it earlier too. It doesn't work if you are already in love.
Remus turned his head to face Sirius who stared at James and Lily looking mortified, blushing from the top of his cheeks down to his neck.
“Sirius, d-”
However, Remus wasn't able to finish his sentence as Sirius got up and ran out of the room. Remus sat there frozen. He could feel his own cheeks start to heat up. No way. It can't be. That's impossible.
“Where did Mr. Black just run off to?” Slughorn asked.
“Um, bathroom.” Remus replied. He thought about it for a second and then said, “I should go with him! You know, in case he has a negative reaction to the potion.”
“Yes yes, very well then,” Slughorn waved him off, busy with inspecting other students' potions now.
Remus turned and paced out the door. Luckily, he had the map with him which he pulled out and whispered a quick I solemnly swear I am up to no good. He located Sirius in a nearby corridor and began running to meet him. He didn't know what he would say once he reached him, but he knew he had to do something. Once he entered the empty corridor, he saw Sirius sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his legs and his face buried in his knees.
“Sirius,” Remus called out.
“Go away Moony,” Sirius sighed.
“What’s wrong?” He knew it was a stupid question to ask, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.
“You can't be that thick,” Sirius huffed.
Remus didn't reply. He was too shocked that the boy in front of him loved him. Whether Sirius said it or not, he loved him.
“I’m sorry.” Sirius said, defeated.
“What?” Remus asked.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don't have to be sorry.”
“Well what else am I supposed to be?”
Happy. Safe. Content. Looking effortlessly cool and bloody perfect like you always do. Not having to deal with your terrible family and fucked up history. Not stuck in this fucking war that is waiting for us in 2 years. Mine. You're supposed to be mine. Fuck it.
“It wouldn't have worked for me either,” Remus said. It’s true. He hadn’t thought of it before, being so unaccustomed to the word love, but it was true. He meant it.
“What?”
“The potion. It wouldn't have worked.”
“Slughorn said we brewed it correctly.”
“Who's the thick one now? I mean that it still wouldn't have worked.”
“Oh…” Sirius said sitting up straighter and letting his knees fall.
Remus took a seat next to him.
“Yeah,” Remus said awkwardly.
Sirius turned and faced Remus, with a somewhat shocked look on his face. Remus turned to face him too.
“I-” Remus paused. “Is that not what you want? I’m sorry I shouldn't have assumed that y-”
“Shut up,” Sirius said. He leaned forward and kissed Remus right on the mouth.
Remus froze for a second, forgetting how to make his lips move. He thought of Grant and their summer together, and decided that nothing could compare to the way Sirius’s mouth felt on his right now. He slowly started to kiss back, letting his hands travel to Sirius’s sides as the other boy's hands travelled to his cheeks. They kissed for a minute before pulling away shyly and looking into each others eyes.
“My Moony,” Sirius said.
“Your Moony,” Remus replied.
Remus didn't want to think about how this meant he was in love with Sirius. He was terrified of the word, and hoped that they wouldn't bring it up. All his worried thoughts went away as Sirius leaned in for another kiss.
When they were tucked away in their beds that night, Remus decided that whatever it was between him and Sirius was worth it. It was worth whatever pain and heartbreak that would ever come. It was worth struggling to say I love you. It was worth every fight. It was worth every obstacle and every inconvenience. Because If he got to wake up every morning being Sirius’s Moony, then he would be happy.