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Trexel Geistman wasn't stupid.
No, seriously, he wasn't.
He knew his parents hated him. He was achingly aware of their hatred for him. The resentment they felt towards their child who showed no aptitude for continuing their legacy was palpable, and Trexel knew it was there. He played dumb, tried to pretend that he didn't feel the bite of their words as they shouted at him, tried to pretend not to feel the weight of their silence as they ignored him. He played the idiot, and they believed him.
“He’s never going to amount to anything. We should just send him away,” his mother said sharply before taking another sip from the drink in her hand. His parents seemed unaware that he was still sitting at the table with him. Or perhaps they knew perfectly well that he was there and just didn’t care. “I mean, seriously, he was befriending a clone for Board’s sake. We can’t have that kind of, of, of softness and idiocy sullying our name in our own home.”
“He’s old enough to send him to school,” his father said roughly. “But he’s far too stupid to get anything out of it. Would likely just embarrass us there as well.”
The words hit Trexel in the chest like sharp claws, digging in and ripping him asunder. He silently got up from the table, once again going unacknowledged, and started packing his bags. Even if his father thought him too stupid for schooling, his mother would win this fight and he would be gone by the next morning.
***
Trexel knew Bathin wasn't plotting against him. He knew that the other boy was offering friendship, was trying to bring Trexel into the fold since it was clear that Trexel had no one. And Trexel knew he had no one, which is why he didn't want to have Bathin either. Trexel saw what happened the last time he had a friend, he wasn't so stupid as to taint another life with his presence.
“Trexel, come on, I don’t understand why you’re being like this!” Bathin cried, clinging onto Trexel’s wrist as he tried to walk away. “Please, Trex, just talk to me.”
“Don’t call me that!” Trexel snarled, ripping his hand away from the boy who had just graced him with his first kiss. “I am Trexel Geistman. A lone wolf. I don’t need friends. I don’t need you .”
Trexel felt the tears before he noticed his vision blurring. He was shaking, trying his best to get out but so, so afraid of leaving. Bathin doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need you. He’s messing with you. This is all a plot. You need to leave .
A warm hand touched his shoulder gently before pulling Trexel into a tight hug. Trexel tried to struggle, but found the fight leaving him. He could have this, just for a moment. “I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you for loving me.”
“I know, Trex. I know.”
***
Trexel knew that he was a murderer. He knew that all those clones that were recycled were directly killed by his action. He was flippant, tried to play it off like he didn't care. Pretending he didn't feel the weight of their losses pressing down against him. He knew, okay? He knew it was wrong to take his anger at his loss of Percy out on all clones, but he was the idiot, remember? So he clearly couldn't know that.
“Trexel, it’s not your fault,” Percy had said the night before he was to be recycled. He snuck into Trexel’s room to say goodbye.
“Yes it is,” Trexel whimpered out, tears already streaming down the young boy’s face. “I-I-I was stupid and reckless and-”
Percy hugged Trexel tightly. This clone was the only comfort, the only friend Trexel had ever known. And he was going to die because of Trexel, because Trexel was foolish enough to care.
The clones that got recycled during Trexel’s consultancy were just as much Trexel’s fault as Percy had been. He was still stupid and reckless and he knew that. He knew it was wrong. But better to keep the clones away than to care again and have them killed anyway.
“I won’t care again, Percy. I promise.”
***
He knew that David-7 was different. They weren't like the other clones, behaving in such a way that directly pushed back against everything Trexel thought he knew. For a moment, Trexel could allow himself to buy into his idiot disguise, allow himself to pretend that he truly was too stupid to recognize the life of this particular clone.
Trexel wasn't stupid, no really he wasn't. He was, however, deeply insecure and deeply aware of how people felt about him.
It was easier, safer, to lash out. To pretend that he didn't know what was happening. To drink himself to oblivion. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew that he should care.
But how can you care after pretending not to for so long?
So he didn't care, not really. Not when David's life was on the line. Not when he was moved from planet designs to sales to expediting. Just make everything about him, and he would be fine, right?
David hated Trexel but that was okay, Trexel hated Trexel too.
But now David hated David and as much as Trexel pretended to, Trexel didn’t hate David. He couldn’t stand to see this clone, his clone, spiralling into defeat. David always had a plan, and seeing them crumble was concerning to Trexel. They had always been so strong and now…
Trexel wasn’t supposed to care. Not about David or their clone revolution or anything else. It was safer that way. Safer to play the fool and pretend not to care and convince himself that he didn’t care, no really he didn’t. He was Trexel Geistman and he apologized to no one and needed no one and he did. Not. Care.
David sat on the floor of their office, staring listlessly at the walls. Hartro was still about there somewhere, setting up a space for herself. She seemed content just to ignore the other two as she situated herself, moving quietly and saying nothing.
“David?” Trexel called out, as quietly as he could. He knelt down beside the little clone who stared impassively at Trexel.
“What now, Trexel?” They sounded tired, but didn’t they always? Trexel shook his head, trying to chase the thought away.
“We’re gonna figure something out, David. You and Hartro and… and me. We’re gonna figure this out.”
He expected laughter. He expected to be called an idiot. He expected David to say they didn’t need his help, didn’t want his help. He expected to be told that he ruins everything he touches and that he would only do the same to this revolution. What he didn’t expect was for David to start crying.
“There’s no other plan, Trexel. There’s nothing else we can do. Why… Why did I have to be like this if the rest of them just aren’t? Why do I have to feel and disobey and, and… Why did it have to be like this?” David had sat up at this point, tearfilled eyes looking wildly at Trexel, trying to find something, anything, in the human’s face. When Trexel remained silent they flopped back down. “You should’ve recycled me sooner.”
“That’s not true!” Trexel exclaimed loudly, starting both himself and David. “David I… I know you don’t like me. And I know I pretend that I don’t like you. But honestly, David, you’re the closest thing to a friend I’ve had in… in Board knows how long. So the first plan failed? So what! All of my plans fail, David! I’ve never once done anything right! But you have to keep trying. Because you have good plans, David. One of them is bound to work. This is… It’s a setback. A bump in the road. A planet crashing into a sun because you forgot how gravity works. It’s not the time to weep over the loss of life on that planet, it’s time to create a new planet to crash into a new sun!”
David stared at Trexel for a long while, tears slowing to a stop. Before Trexel could even think of anything else to say, David started to laugh. Not the ‘mocking Trexel for being stupid’ laugh, but a real, geniune laugh. They sat up and, shocking him once more, pulled Trexel into a tight hug.
Trexel Geistman wasn’t stupid. No seriously, he wasn’t.
“Come on, Trexel. Let’s get planning on our next crash into the sun.”
Sometimes he was just smart enough to make things okay.